Forward… No Backsliding

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused on encouraging reflection upon one’s thought process and how it can create self-fulfilling prophesies.

It used a story known as The Two Wolves as the basis behind the guided meditation, and spoke on how when you focus on the negative, it gives that “wolf” energy and strength.  And the same when you choose to feed the positive “wolf” within as well.

I have always loved this story, although I think sometimes I have a habit of misinterpreting it.  It’s easy to take the moral of the story to mean you should ignore negative things, and that by starving them of attention they will die.   In truth?  You can’t always ignore the bad things.  Yes, sometimes they will starve and die… but other times they will fester.  The trick is in knowing which is which.

Page of Swords - Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is the Page of Swords, which is often a representation of learning from the mistakes and challenges of the past, and moving forward with those lessons in hand to step into the future.

The Page of Swords in today’s draw is a reminder that today is a new step forward. After our talk last night, it would be easy to slip my way back into that fog of fear, but today’s card has stepped in to make sure with a new day that I stay on this new path.  The Page of Swords says, “Don’t fall back into the habits of the past, don’t sink back into the sludge, take care not to return to what came before. You don’t want to go back there. Move forward instead.”


#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
: How can I nurture those seeds? (Build off of yesterday’s reading.)

Textured Tarot

Reading Summary: Gratitude (Ten of Cups) and rest (Four of Swords), and don’t allow for wallowing in uncertainty (Eight of Swords) because that breeds bad things (Nine of Swords).

Take Away:  I need to make sure that I’m taking the time and effort to be grateful for what I have instead of always looking for something more or better, as well as make sure I am resting when I need it instead of constantly pushing myself beyond my limits. Allowing myself to stand stagnant in the sludge of confusion and fear I’ve been trying so hard to ignore the last few months has not helped me in rising above anything, but only creates more stress and more opportunities for bad shit to overtake the good and turn my addictions against me.


#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is something you have never considered doing that would improve your life?

Lost Forest Tarot

Reading Summary: This is about delegating. It’s about when new ideas spark and instead of holding them all to myself to execute on my own, taking them to a helper (once I get a new one) to have them do the “fleshing out” while I oversee the process.

Take Away:  Okay so this idea makes me squirm… just sayin’.  I’m pretty sure it’s the control freak aspect of my make-up that makes it hard for me to be comfortable with the idea.  But, it’s probably a really good one.  

The suggestion here is that when I have an idea for new products and I really want to move on it rather than putting it in my “ideas for later” book, I bring my helper into the design process from the start and have them do more of the physical labor part of my new design ideas while I keep a close watch and guide their hands, rather than pushing myself to do it all on my own.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
: How can I ask for the help I need?

Field Tarot

Reading Summary: Take my head out of my ass and abandon my pride (Six of Wands). Sometimes you just have to do it what needs doing. (The Chariot) Don’t hesitate. Don’t sleep on it. Those things aren’t going to help. (Nine of Swords)

Take Away:  Damnit.  I hate to admit it.  But the truth is that sometimes it really is just pride holding me back.  It’s that assumption that I shouldn’t need help, or forcing myself to say “I can handle it” when I really can’t… or maybe I could, but it would be healthier for me if I didn’t handle it on my own.   At those times, I procrastinate asking for help and it creates a low thread of stress and anxiety in the background that then builds and builds on itself so subtly that I don’t notice until it’s too late.

These cards indicate that the better path is to set my expectations of myself and pride aside and just reach out for help from the start, and I can then circumvent those negative repercussions of not having done so.  They also suggest that in order to motivate myself into reaching out from the beginning, I need to remember just how messy both mentally and emotionally that things can get when I don’t seek out help.


Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?


EarthSeven of Rings and Telescope – I need to focus on taking the long view concerning my business and finances, instead of trying to work out everything right now in this moment. The telescope also indicates that in is area (Pentacles in the position of Earth) it will be important to depend upon the help and expertise of others along the way. This is not a solo journey.

Air – The Moon, Eight of Swords, Knot, The Empty Cup – The message here is about the clouded and confused thinking and self restraint due to fear that we talked about on Saturday. All that foggy thinking and fumbling in the dark of uncertainty and fear left me filled with tension that was growing and growing. The empty cup says that now that this has been worked through and the contents of my cup have been spilled out on to the table, I can start filling it up with something new and better.

WaterThe Hanged One and Snake – These cards were pulled before our talk, and the cards in this position speak about my stalling tactics in dealing with what was building inside, as well as the suggestion to shed some of that weight like a snake sheds its skin. Our talk was a very large and significant first step in that, and getting myself back on track emotionally… as in this case it is emotions that slipped me off the tracks in the first place.

Fire – Son of Rings, Diving Helmet, Crater – The cards here are a reassurance that my inner spark of creativity is still there, it’s just currently weighed down and buried beneath all the mess. As I start the healing process that we began with our talk yesterday, it will again return to the surface.

Waning – Shelegiel Angel of Snow – Closing myself off and wallowing in that sludge of inner uncertainty and fear that was roused a few months ago with that letter and took root inside and began to spread beneath the surface.

Waxing – Simikiel Angel of Vengeance – I am going to need to make a decision on whether I want to take the high road or not this week. This has to do with my mother, my upcoming trip to see her, and the threat I’d made concerning her behavior towards me and our relationship.

Take Away – The majority of these cards in today’s pull are a reflection of the feelings of fear and uncertainty I’ve been trying to bury and ignore for the past few months. That letter really messed me up, far more than I’d realized, and very definitely on an emotional level. I don’t want to do things the way I’ve always done them in the past. I don’t want to push things deep and hide from them, and then let them fester until I’m forced to deal with them. I didn’t even realize I was doing it this time or what the issue was that was starting to bubble up. Now that I know, the cards are providing guidance on how to move forward (slow and steady with patience and outside help).