Month: December 2019

Looking at the Big Picture

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon taking time to formulate a reaction rather than simply jumping in with both feet and no thought.  The discussion in the guided meditation was primarily about family, and about dealing with family over the holidays.

Gratefully, I don’t have to deal with my own family over the holidays this year, as I’ve taken the opportunity to stay home for once…. other than Christmas dinner anyway, which I will be spending with J’s parents this year.

One thing that losing my voice has helped me with, though, is that reaction time.  Without the ability to respond verbally to others, I find that there is a forced pause in which to assess and re-think.  And, a lot of times?  I come to the conclusion that it’s just not worth it.  Whatever it is is not worth getting worked up over, or in some cases, the sheer effort it would take to actually express myself and my opinion or thoughts on the matter.

Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards came out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Two of Swords and the Two of Wands.

The cards in today’s draw speak of making choices, and how it’s neither looking inward for an answer, nor looking outward at your ambitions and drive for an answer, that is going to give you the best advice.   Instead, to find balance in life, you need to look at both.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in one perspective, that when planning our next steps along the path of our life, we forget to consider what lies beyond that one aspect.  Today’s draw is a reminder to look beyond what’s right in the forefront of your focus.   It’s a good reminder this close to the end of the year, and at the tail end of the holiday rush, when I’m beginning to plot my course forward into the year ahead.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question:  What should I leave behind as this year comes to a close?

This Might Hurt Tarot

Reading Summary:  Pride (The Emperor), and the constant drive to push myself beyond what is reasonable (Nine of Wands) to achieve my goals (King of Pentacles).

Take Away:  I can definitely admit that I hold a sense of pride in how hard I am able to push myself beyond what should be my limits in the pursuit of my goals concerning stability and security.  The thing is, though.  It’s not healthy, and I know that.   The cards are reminding me that I should leave that habit behind me as the year comes to a close. I know this, and even will try it for a while.   But I also know myself well enough to know I will return again and again to that workaholic drive.

DECK USED:  THIS MIGHT HURT TAROT

December Story Time (Part 3 Continued from December 16th)

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Bianco Nero Tarot Upon the Traveler’s Path

The young man was so lost in his thoughts of his childhood (Six of Cups) that he wandered off the path and into a deep wood without realizing that he’d lost his way (Two of Wands).

When he comes to the realization of where he is, he realizes that if he wants to survive this trip, he needs to keep on track (King of Swords) rather than allowing his mind to wander and his feet to take him wherever his nose points.

Using his knowledge of the land, he plots a course to freedom from the dark wood (Three of Wands) that will take him back on course to the adventure he seeks. Unfortunately, as he seeks the path that will take him back to the light of day, what he finds is that instead he ends up wandering deeper and deeper into the woods (High Priestess) until he begins to doubt himself and the way forward.

He wanders for a long time, confused as his thoughts and reason pull at him to go one direction and his intuition pulls him in another (revisiting the connection between the King of Swords and the High Priestess), until he realizes that charging forward and plowing along the path is not the answer (Knight of Wands).

He realizes the only way to break free of the dark wood’s grasp is to tap into the skills he learned as a boy (Eight of Pentacles), and he digs through his robes until he finds the compass he’d forgotten he’d earned as his time apprenticing for the king.

Touching the compass and realizing it’s power, he finds a peace within himself and realizes all is not lost (Temperance). He has all that he needs to accomplish his goal (Nine of Pentacles) of getting free of the dark wood.

Choosing to take a momentary break and camp for the night, he pauses to rest and in the night he dreams of a cougar in the trees watching him, silently stalking and observing as it waits for him to show weakness (Queen of Wands). He awakes with a start to find a delicate winged dragon-like creature curled up against his side purring away as it sleeps. Feeling protective of the tiny creature and paranoid from his dream, he is fearful but vows to defend himself and his companion if needed (Nine of Wands).

(…to be continued)

 

Alacrity Can’t Always Be Logical

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and focused upon keeping in mind the temporary nature of negative emotions.

This is a practice that I use often, especially during my depression.   In fact, it is one of the things that very much helped me in getting hold of my suicidal urges during my Major Depressive Episodes prior to finding a medication that actually helped me with said urges.

The problem is that when you’re in the middle of a deep depression, it feels like it’s never going to end.  That darkness closes in and it feels like that is all there is and all there will ever be forever. Learning to accept that the experience is temporary, no matter how permanent it feels like it might be, gives you something to cling to.  And when there’s only room for one focus.  One thought.  One word…. “it’s temporary” becomes a mantra to get you through those darkest hours in the pit.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is the Knight of Swords, with the Eight of Wands as a jumper that fell out to land atop the Knight.   And that is a whole lot of action in the space of two cards, yeah?  Except what I’m seeing here is a bit of a mix between an intuitive hit and traditional meaning.

This is because what I see is that when I am feeling driven to act swiftly, sometimes you have to take your head out of the equation and act from the heart instead.   It doesn’t change the swiftness of the actions needed, but it is a shift in -where- that action comes from.   Sometimes, you have to listen to your heart and your gut, and set your mind aside so that what should be swift action doesn’t turn into conflict.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question:  How can I continue a practice of growth and healing moving forward?

New Era Elements Tarot

Reading Summary: Acknowledge your inner strength (Strength) and resiliency that will allow you to transition through changes in life (Two of Earth) without falling apart emotionally (Son of Water).

Take Away:  Change can suck.  Even when it’s good change, there’s often a feeling of struggle and anxiety involved in the process.   This stress can cause an emotional reaction, but as I learn to better understand and deal with my emotions, my inner strength will continue to grow and I will, in turn, be better prepared for future changes to come.

DECK USED:  NEW ERA ELEMENTS TAROT

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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As I’ve mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

SCS

Earth – The Moon, Six of Cups, Mandala – There is currently a restructuring and shift of focus going on, and I need to be sure that during this shift I am focusing on a sense of pleasure in those changes I like, rather than the uncertainty involved in the changes that might trigger my anxiety.

Air – The World and Community – As indicated with the Mandala card in the position of Earth, the World card indicates a change and shift. It speaks of the completion of the chaos that the fall has been for me and a return to a more harmonious time. The reminder here is to not discount the benefits of those around me and the support they can bring to the table during the transitions taking place.
I received the World card in my Winter/Yule spread today as well (with a different deck), also in the Air position. This indicates that the message here goes beyond just the week and may stretch through the season as a whole.

Water – The Tower and The Message – Change is extremely difficult on the emotions, which is an area in which I am not the strongest confidence-wise to begin with. That can create a “the sky is falling” feeling that can turn my emotions into an fuck-all mess beneath the surface. The cards indicate this experience, but also provide encouragement for me to not close off. Instead, take care to remain open and receptive.

Fire – Nine of Cups and The Owl – I don’t need to worry about what I need to move forward in my business at the moment. Everything is in order and when the time is right, it will be there for me. At the moment, I need to instead direct my intention towards more personal interests, including my spirituality.

Waning – Intelligence – (intuitive hit off imagery) It’s time to get out of my head and stop over thinking everything.

Waxing – Move and Kitchen Magick – This is an echo of the Fire position, and speaks of having what I need to move forward when the timing is right, but that for now I need to focus more upon personal interests and my spirituality.

Take Away – Set aside business matters and financial anxieties for the week ahead. Things are going to be slow. You know things are going to be slow. This isn’t a surprise, so don’t let it tangle you up in worry, stress, and anxiety to the point you think the end is neigh. Instead, now is the time to focus on self care and development. Allow yourself time to explore some of your more esoteric interests and re-align yourself spiritually for the year ahead.

DECKS USED: THE 5-CENT TAROT, L’ORACLE DES REFLETS, THE MAGICK AND MEDIUMS ORACLE

 

Strength and Choice

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on the Winter Solstice (aka Yule), which is today, and the theme of refreshing energies and rebirth that this part of the year is all about.

With the shortest day of the year coming to an end and the longest night soon to follow, now is a time to focus on bringing in positive energy to breathe fresh air through the stagnant and get things moving again that have been left to rest (or rot) through the fall.

After today, the days will start to become longer again, and more light will begin to illuminate each step forward toward spring.  It’s a holiday of hope, like a candle’s shimmering light shining in the darkness, and it was this hope that the meditation focused on.

Nine of Wands - Tarot of the Little Prince Today’s draw is the Nine of Wands, and this is the second time I have seen this card today, as it was also a part of my solstice reading that I did this morning.

The message this card conveys is one of choice.  Do I want to spend my time in a position of defense?  Is cringing away in fear ever really much of an option?  Today’s appearance of the Nine of Wands is a reminder that sometimes you have to take a stand, and sometimes you have to walk away… but there are always choices in every unpleasant situation, and you don’t have to lay down and take it like a beaten whelp.

As a one card draw looking for positivity, this draw doesn’t tell me what that situation is, but is instead a message of strength and independence, and encouragement to stand strong.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question:  What wound did I heal this year?

Tarot of the Hidden Folk

Reading Summary: Neglecting my inner needs (Eight of Swords) in order to chase after my constant ambition and spark of new ideas (Ace of Wands) and putting my own self care on the back burner (The Empress).

Take Away:  For most of my life, first with my education and then with my home business, I have pushed myself beyond what is reasonably okay, essentially sacrificing my needs on the altar of my ambition and drive.  This year I’ve worked to begin changing that and healing the inner neglect that has been systemic in my life for so long.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN FOLK

 

Transitioning Into Self Care

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on acknowledging your feelings rather than allowing yourself to close them off and distancing yourself from them.  This is a topic that is very relatable to me, as I spent pretty much the first two decades of my life doing just that.  And honestly?  Until I met you, that was okay and worked well for me.

It truly is the truth, that saying about ignorance being bliss, because I didn’t know what I was missing and I thought I was just fine.  I didn’t realize that by submerging and boxing away my emotions I was dampening my intuition and blinding myself to a variety of experiences.

Even after over a decade of you tearing down those walls and breaking apart the boxes that held all that from view out of my awareness, I can honestly say that a lot of emotions are still… weird for me.  Uncomfortable.  Awkward.  Even unpleasant.  I don’t mean unpleasant emotions, but that even the pleasant ones can sometimes be unpleasantly uncomfortable.   Still, I have no intention of returning to my old way of doing things.  Instead, I’m going to continue moving forward into finding a different way to deal with and process these emotions that are so often still unfamiliar feeling and awkward.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards came out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Empress and the Six of Cups.

Together these cards speak to me about the transition that is currently in the process of taking place in my life as the holiday rush comes to an end and the time to return to caring for my needs and nurturing myself comes back to the forefront.

During the holiday rush, my self care kind of goes to the wayside.  And, although I can say that I have done better at self care this year during the rush than I have in the past?  I can also admit that a lot of my need, necessities, emotions, and just so much of the more rounded aspects of life as a whole have had to be pushed to the side to make room for the constant focus I had to put on work during the past six weeks.

With the Empress over top of the Six of Cups, there is a communication here about returning to a more nurturing and balanced focus and energy as the chaos of the holiday rush eases into a relaxed energy and speed.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What positive impact did others have on me this year?

Anima Mundi Tarot

Reading Summary: Focusing more on my own interests and education (Queen of Swords) as well as my own needs and self care (The Empress).  Encouraged to find a new path with my passions and interests (Hierophant and Three of Wands), and to entertain a greater scope of new perspectives in times when I feel like closing myself off and pulling inward (Hanged Man).

Take Away:  At the beginning of the year I went through a severe depression that created a need for self-care that I really wasn’t that enthusiastic about, as well as a need to close myself off and shrink inward that I was definitely very enthusiastic about.  With the help of others, I was able to turn this around and found myself far more open than I have been in the past, not just to caring for myself and my needs, but in listening to myself and my emotions.  At the same time, by helping me to resist closing myself off, I felt myself open back up to others and their perspectives as the depression receded, rather than trying to continue to protect myself by staying detached and cloistered away.

DECK USED:  ANIMA MUNDI TAROT