Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on acknowledging your feelings rather than allowing yourself to close them off and distancing yourself from them. This is a topic that is very relatable to me, as I spent pretty much the first two decades of my life doing just that. And honestly? Until I met you, that was okay and worked well for me.
It truly is the truth, that saying about ignorance being bliss, because I didn’t know what I was missing and I thought I was just fine. I didn’t realize that by submerging and boxing away my emotions I was dampening my intuition and blinding myself to a variety of experiences.
Even after over a decade of you tearing down those walls and breaking apart the boxes that held all that from view out of my awareness, I can honestly say that a lot of emotions are still… weird for me. Uncomfortable. Awkward. Even unpleasant. I don’t mean unpleasant emotions, but that even the pleasant ones can sometimes be unpleasantly uncomfortable. Still, I have no intention of returning to my old way of doing things. Instead, I’m going to continue moving forward into finding a different way to deal with and process these emotions that are so often still unfamiliar feeling and awkward.
Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that both cards came out of the deck together as one. The cards in today’s draw are the Empress and the Six of Cups.
Together these cards speak to me about the transition that is currently in the process of taking place in my life as the holiday rush comes to an end and the time to return to caring for my needs and nurturing myself comes back to the forefront.
During the holiday rush, my self care kind of goes to the wayside. And, although I can say that I have done better at self care this year during the rush than I have in the past? I can also admit that a lot of my need, necessities, emotions, and just so much of the more rounded aspects of life as a whole have had to be pushed to the side to make room for the constant focus I had to put on work during the past six weeks.
With the Empress over top of the Six of Cups, there is a communication here about returning to a more nurturing and balanced focus and energy as the chaos of the holiday rush eases into a relaxed energy and speed.
DECK USED: OSTARA TAROT
Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember
Question: What positive impact did others have on me this year?
Reading Summary: Focusing more on my own interests and education (Queen of Swords) as well as my own needs and self care (The Empress). Encouraged to find a new path with my passions and interests (Hierophant and Three of Wands), and to entertain a greater scope of new perspectives in times when I feel like closing myself off and pulling inward (Hanged Man).
Take Away: At the beginning of the year I went through a severe depression that created a need for self-care that I really wasn’t that enthusiastic about, as well as a need to close myself off and shrink inward that I was definitely very enthusiastic about. With the help of others, I was able to turn this around and found myself far more open than I have been in the past, not just to caring for myself and my needs, but in listening to myself and my emotions. At the same time, by helping me to resist closing myself off, I felt myself open back up to others and their perspectives as the depression receded, rather than trying to continue to protect myself by staying detached and cloistered away.