Month: August 2019

Just One Step is Still Progress

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Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 38 seconds, and focused on how small steps are still progress on the path of one’s journey.  This goes really well with my draw for the day, as you will see below.

Essentially, the meditation was a mindfulness exercise where you acknowledge the small steps that you are taking or have taken, rather than discounting them as not enough.  This is an issue that I deal with a lot, as I am my own worst critic and I have a habit of pushing myself past my limits to get things done.

It is a good reminder, though, that sometimes it’s okay to take things slow.  With the new project I’m working on for the business, this is a good reminder.  Especially considering I’m struggling with the chemical imbalance caused by having missed my meds for a few days last week.

Today’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which in this deck is titled as “Education”. The Page of Pentacles is a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality , or person in the area of resources, finances, manifestations, and the physical plane. It indicates the beginning of a new cycle upon a path that you already tread.

As mentioned above, this is an apt card for today.  I’ve been running my business for nearly ten years now, so it is a path I have very much been on for a while.  And yet, this new project that I’m working on currently is a “new cycle” of a sort.  It is a new manifestation brought from the realm of ideas into the physical world.

The Page of Pentacles is also here to remind me that this is a learning process, and learning takes time.  So, in other words, don’t push myself so hard I run myself ragged, and don’t be too hard on myself during the learning process.  I’ll get there… it’ll just take some effort and a little time.

Deck Used: Visions of Life Tarot

 

Just Wait

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on vulnerability, and how when we share our vulnerabilities it can help us in accepting our situation and working through our emotions.

The guided meditation provided suggestions on how to open yourself more to others, and allow them in.  Although, I found a bit of amusement in the “sharing candidly” with others thing.  For someone like myself that has issues with socializing, it’s already very difficult to tell where the line is between socially acceptable and/or appropriate for certain situations, and what’s not.   That kind of encouragement, to someone like myself, could turn out pretty horribly wrong.

That said, I did understand what the meditation was trying to say.  They were trying to encourage opening up to be more genuine and allow an opening for others to become less “peripheral” in one’s life.   And, I’m thinking that there -is- some sort of balance that most people learn where this is concerned.  For me, it has always been easier to just hold myself apart, I think.

Today’s card is the 18th card in the Major Arcana, which is the Moon card.  Like all Major Arcana cards, this card deals with a spectrum of one’s experience on their path rather than just a single aspect of the human experience.

The Moon card is a representation of the “murky” times in life (among other things), and that is what I feel the representation is to me.   Going through these last few days where I am feeling the effects of having missed my meds, there is a lot of “murky” in my life right now.  A lot of confusion and distortion, self doubts and self consciousness, and just an all around struggle to keep myself on an even keel.

In the guide for today’s deck, there is a description of the white hare that speaks of confusion and how things may not be as they seem.  It speaks of the hare’s contemplation on whether it wants to dive into this world of the unknown, and about choosing one’s reality.

That is the message that the Moon card brings to me today.  It speaks of patience.  Of waiting.  The moon may be up and the world full of shadows at the moment, but the sunrise will come eventually and things will go back to an even keel once again.

Deck Used: Animism Tarot

 

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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SCS

Week two of accountability on my Self Care Saturday spread in order to foster the motivation to write it down instead of just reading the spread, taking a picture, and moving on.

As mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook.  This is a self care exercise, and not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Body – Temperance – I need to keep an eye on what I’m doing to my body this week and take care to practice balance and moderation with both my physical activity and what I’m using as fuel.  Don’t hurt myself by pushing too hard.

Mind – Two of Rods & Ace of Cups – There are some decisions that I need to make concerning what direction I want to take my creativity for the week.  The new project that I’m considering will bring me joy, but I need to be careful not to overload myself. (In other words, make a choice on what to focus on instead of putting all my fish on to fry at once.)

Emotions – Three of Pentacles – This is the 2nd time that this card has appeared in a reading for me in the past two days, and both times it has appeared in the position of the heart/emotions.  This is all about learning some new skills and flexing my creative “muscles” while putting in the work to manifest my idea into reality.  This ties directly into the new project idea mentioned above.

Inner Spark – King of Pentacles – Very clear here. Grab the reins, Be the Boss. Do It.

Moving Away From – Stripping Illusions & Grounding – It’s time to strip away my second guessing and self doubt.  Stop holding myself back and pushing down the ideas that have been brewing.

Heading Towards – Growth & Psychic Development – Although the question for this reading didn’t direct me towards the project that I was considering, it appears that’s the direction that it went in anyway.  It’s time to grow, move forward, and follow where my intuition is leading me.

Decks Used: Anna K Tarot, Shamanic Healing Oracle

 

Broaching Paganism With Others

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This week’s question from the Pagan Perspective YouTube channel is about discussing your practice with others, or to be exact, how to approach others with the topic of one’s pagan practice.

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Topic for the Week of 7/29:  How do I approach the topic of my practice with someone new, while dating, or with children?

I don’t normally broach the subject, as I don’t really feel the need to shout from the rooftops what my belief system is.  But, I am happy to honestly answer questions in a relaxed demeanor when they arise.  While answering questions, though, I usually will try to avoid “trigger words” such as witch, pagan, spell casting, magick, etc.   These words will often close down a conversation with someone that is not familiar with these faiths and practices.

This is not so much to force acceptance from them, but rather because I would like to teach them that perhaps any negative preconceived notions they might have about these labels could be wrong.

Instead, I usually explain that I follow an earth-based religion where I connect to the earth, the elements, and the energy that makes up us and all that is around us.  I may explain some of my practices from this angle as well, if they have more questions.  But, I usually will refrain from using the “labels” until -they- bring up these labels, either by naming some to seek the right one or by asking what the correct terms would be.

This approach will, of course, also depend on if I feel my personal safety would be at risk or not, as there are people out there that… will reject non-mainstream beliefs with violence.  Fortunately, I live in an area of the country (and the world) where that is not so common place.

For children, it is much the same.  I feel it is more important to communicate a connection and respect for the earth than to put a label upon myself.  I’ve found that when it comes to this discussion, children are often less likely to need labels on a whole and more interested in the “meat” of a topic instead.

As for dating.  It never really mattered until meeting you. With those that I was with before, it was just about sex.  Those partners didn’t need to know about that part of my life, or really any part of my life.  I wasn’t looking to connect on any substantial level back then.

I am pretty sure when the topic eventually came up with you, though, that I explained it to you much as I outlined it above.  We have been together for over eleven years now, and just this year I have finally begun sharing more of my path with you beyond the basics I’d explained so long ago, and I have found this sharing to be a wonderful experience.

Scarcity Issues

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, but I did it twice because I was so comfortable in the bathtub at the time that I just didn’t want to move on.

The meditation today dealt with “autopilot”. You know, those times that everyone has where they just go through the motions without really being mindful or conscious of what they’re doing? I do this a lot while driving, but I know it’s not the only time.

The meditation, though, was an encouragement to seek out those times and be present in them instead of letting the time, experiences, and choices that those times you are on autopilot go to waste. It outlined a few methods to assist in “checking in” with yourself during the day in order to further this awareness of when you are “checking out” of your day.

I liked this meditation, and I think the practice of pulling yourself out of those moments is really important. It’s when I spend too much time on autopilot that the world begins to look lackluster, and I think this may be one of the subtle steps that slips me deeper into depression when it starts to sneak up on me.

Today’s card is the Five of Pentacles, which in this deck is titled as Poverty. The Five of cups is a representation of hardship, harshness, tests, and trials in the area of resources, money, and the physical world.

What struck me on this card is that in the image the wealthy-dressed individual is the beggar, and the farmer dressed individual is the charitable one. This card’s appearance today in the daily draw is a reminder to me that I’m not as bad off as my fears try to tell me I am.

I work hard and struggle constantly to bring in funds because I am focused on the constant, nagging fear that my financial stability is at risk. The key words there are “at risk”, because if I really sit down and think it through, the fact of the matter is that that stability really isn’t at risk. My fear is far out of proportion to the reality of the situation. Between what I make and the help I seek out when I need it, things are on track and stable, it’s just my inner shadow whispering to me that they aren’t.

The Five of Pentacles is telling me to spend a bit more time remembering this instead of listening to that insidious shadow always whispering in my ear.

Deck Used: Visions of Life Tarot

 

Damaged… Not Broken

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirteen seconds, and focused on judging oneself as “broken” and how to reevaluate that view into a positive one.

This was a really difficult one for me today, and appropriate too, as you will see below in the daily draw.  The thing is, I do consider myself broken.   Not mentally (although, there are definitely times during depression when that comes up), but rather… physically.

Between the damage that keeps me silent and the damage from the various accidents (and attacks) I’ve gone through in my life, I feel that my body IS broken.  Functional, but broken.

I have saved this meditation to revisit, because I know this is something I need to work on.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which features the magpie leaving its perch. The eight of cups as a representation of the winds of change in the area of emotion, creativity, relationships, and intuition.

In the guidebook included with this deck the magpie is a representation of insight, revelation, courage, and opportunity.

Speaking of broken.   I find myself struggling with resentment today.  Not a resentment of everything that I’ve gone through.  My life reading by Z was very clear that my life would be a path of struggle and strife, and I’m okay with that.  I don’t mind hurdles or challenges, as it is simply a part of my path to work through them.

That said, I am having a frustration and resentment issue when it comes to the cancer. It came up today because, as I was working the emollient bar into the scars on my knee I had a sudden cramp in my right ass cheek.  Seriously.   Like a red hot, needle thin poker just right into the cheek.  Not sciatica, but…. I dunno.  Sort of like nerve pain, I guess.

Anyway, it brought up an issue I’ve been dealing with since the cancer and my recovery, which is a loss of flexibility.

I’ve been doing yoga my entire life, although as a child I had no idea it was called yoga, and my parents never bothered to teach me the names of all the poses and sequences (which I never really bothered to learn since).  The practice, though, has been life-long.  And after the accident in my late teens that damaged so much of my right side, it was instrumental in both my recovery and maintenance of the repairs that had to be done.

Because of this practice, even after that accident I’ve always been quite “bendy”… until the last few years.

During chemotherapy and my recovery after the RPLND, I slacked in my practice.  As in… didn’t do it at all for nearly a year.  And ever since then?  I’ve not been able to bring myself back to par with the flexibility that I’d had prior.   Normally, I can take this in stride and see such issues as a challenge… but today?  Not so much. And thus… frustration and resentment started to whisper through my emotions.

SO…. back to the Eight of Cups.

The Eight of Cups is telling me to let it go.   Take a deep breath, be understanding of my needs and capabilities, and move on from these feelings of resentment and intolerance towards myself…. and I’m going to do my best to do just that.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot