Month: May 2021

Where Are You Focused?

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I couldn’t get any peace and quiet to do my meditation in.  I did some breathing exercises, though.

Spirit Speak Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Justice card, which is traditionally a representation of finding balance, give and take, and the cause and effect that balances the scales of day to day life. This card can also be a representation of the law and the legal system, and I have personally had it show up to warn me about speed traps on my commute for the day.

What the Justice card is an indication of here in today’s card, though, is about cause and effect.  Combined with the Flower Fortunes card for today, what the cards say is that when your actions are aligned with where you want to go in life, that that’s where you go.

Just like driving a car.  You look where you want to go.  If you focus on the ditch, that’s where you end up.  If you focus on the tree… that’s where you end up.  But if you focus on the road and where you’re going, then you stay on the road and get where you’re going.  So make sure you’re focusing on where you want to go, and not the potential hurdles, struggles, or obstacles that may show up along the way.

DECK USED:  SPIRIT SPEAK TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: One thing to keep, one thing to let go.

Forest Creatures Tarot v2Leave Behind – Eight of Wands – My constant need to push, and rush, and move quicker, and do more. Especially when it comes to my business.  It’s an old and deeply ingrained habit, and although I know it’s not as easy as just emptying your pockets on the dresser and leaving that stuff behind… it is something that I need to make sure that I’m working on and putting my focus into.

Take With Me – Queen of Cups – My desire to expand my emotional intelligence and grow into someone more understanding of myself and others.

DECK USED:  FOREST CREATURES TAROT v2

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the biggest lesson that you’ve learned this month?

Spirit Speak TarotReading Summary: To be careful that generosity (Six of Pentacles) is not something you should be walking away from (Six of Swords). Don’t be too hard on yourself; self-forgiveness is important. (Five of Swords atop of The Star)

Take Away: We’re all still learning and we all make mistakes. Not everyone who is generous is out to trick you or screw you over in some way, and you don’t want to live your life feeling like you’re constantly looking over your shoulder for these people.

At the same time, the biggest lesson that I learned this month is that sometimes generosity is a ploy used to further another’s ends and harm me in the process.  It’s important to stay alert and aware for warning signs of this happening.

DECK USED:  SPIRIT SPEAK TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I sprayed bug spray outside on the balcony on… well, everything.  I have to bring everything off my balcony and inside on Monday to stay inside until Thursday so that the outside of my side of the building can be power-washed.  I’m fucking terrified of spiders, so… Yeah.  I sprayed everything on the balcony today with the intent of getting rid of any bugs or spiders that may be making themselves at home on the stuff I’m going to have to bring in.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Gentle Evening

A hint of pink
in a world of blue
promises
delicate hues
through twilight hours
as light shades
slide into dark
and mountain peaks
are swallowed
by stars

Let’s linger here
a while
and watch

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Major Events

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Prompt: “Think back to 5 major events in your past. For each event, draw a card to represent what your past self from that time needs your present self to understand. Lay down that card, then go through your deck and select a card to indicate the message you would want to give your past self who was in the midst of that.”

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Father’s Degradation

Summary – I spent the majority of my childhood hearing how (due to my preferences) I wasn’t good enough, how I was a disappointment and a source of shame for my family, and my father encouraging others in my extended family to dole out the same.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Four of Hearts – “It hurts, and I want to disregard what’s being said and leave it behind me, but I feel like it will always be there lingering in the background.”

What I Want To Say To Them – Strength – You are stronger and more sure of yourself, who you are and what you want, because of this.  Yes, the experience will carry forward with you into the future, but it will become a part of the building blocks that create the man you become.  A man that’s strong and agile, confident and compassionate.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – SemiTruck Accident and Recovery

Summary – Early in my 17th year, I was in a car accident where I was in the passenger seat of a car when it was t-boned by a semi-truck.  The impact damaged a large number of joints and bone structure on the right side of my body. I then went through multiple surgeries to repair/replace what was damaged, physiotherapy, and a stint at a pain clinic.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Eight of Spades – “Don’t forget me. Don’t forget how hard I worked to recover. Don’t turn a blind eye and undo all that I worked for.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Hanged Man – You taught me what I needed to move on. Your strength and knowledge gained during this time of pain and recovery helped me see the world differently. This doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you, but that this experience is threaded through my life from now on.  It can’t be lost, or forgotten.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Ex’s Attack

Summary – An ex friends-with-benefits that I broke up with due to his developing meth addiction stalked me and eventually broke into my home one evening to attack and sexually assault me.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Ten of Spades – “The most painful ending of all. It still hurts, even if you’ve moved on… my feet still bleed in the snow.”

What I Want To Say To Them – Wheel of Fortune – You made the right choices for your health and happiness at the time. What happened was not predictable and is not your fault. He is in prison now, and you’ve moved on. This too will pass, it’s just going to take more time.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Blood Moon Betrayal

Summary – The word “pissant” is hands down my least favorite word in the English language.  Essentially, Gideon and I had a group of friends who it was anonymously revealed to me really only wanted Gid and were making fun of me behind my back while plotting how to keep Gid and get me out of the picture.  These were people I liked and trusted and the betrayal damaged the optimism I had for human nature as a whole, ripping youthful naivety from me in one vicious eyeopening moment.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Five of Diamonds – “This still hurts. The experience feeds into those ‘less than’ feelings that rise up now and then.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Star – You are still healing and working on building up your faith in others. Just remember not everyone is the same.  There really are good people out there. Promise.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Home Invasion

Summary – The ex friends-with-benefits mentions above convinced a “friend” of his to come pay me a visit. The fight involved ended up with me destroying his kidneys with an ice pick, permanently losing my voice when he tried to cut my throat, and having a near death experience on my kitchen floor.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Ace of Spades – “I see the world in a new light, one filled with danger and potential for violence.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Hierophant – I am using this experience as a lesson. It taught me to be safer and more aware of the world around me. I’ve consulted home defense and self defense experts, and I will continue to seek new knowledge and better ways to further the safety of myself and my home.

DECK USED:  DEAD ON PAPER’S ARCANA IN WHITE

Dive In!

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IMG_1901Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was one of the guided meditations from the Calm app, which I chose not to do the timed piriformis stretches with because I was wearing a pair of jeans that was a bit restrictive in the hips. I decided to do them later in the day instead of half stripping just to get my meditation done.

The topic of today’s meditation was about change and how trying to avoid change doesn’t truly allow us to avoid it at all, instead it just drags it out and makes it more difficult than necessary.  Instead, if you plunge into the change and allow it to happen, go with the flow and don’t fight it, then things move along much more quickly, and much more easily.

Shapeshifter Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Page of Wands (Seeker of Fire in this deck… Yes, I know it says Swords on the card, but the suits of Wands and Swords in this deck are all sorts of jumbled up so trust me, with the imagery?  It’s the Page of Wands), which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions and enthusiasm, joys and interests.

In the imagery, as mentioned above, you see boundless enthusiasm. The centaur given the perception of wings in their enjoyment of these things they are inspired to pursue. In the Page you find renewed enthusiasm to expand and grow, a re-connection or a new avenue opening up to begin exploring.

In the Flower Fortune card for today, the saying “If you think you’ve peaked, find a new mountain”, which perfectly aligns with the theme of the Page of Wands and its boundless enthusiasm for something new.

The encouragement here in today’s cards is that when you find yourself no longer enjoying what you’re doing, don’t just keep plugging a long at it.  Change things up and try something new.

DECK USED:  SHAPESHIFTER TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I struggle to trust others?

Conference of the Birds TarotReading Summary: When their expressed intentions (Ten of Pentacles) don’t line up with their actions (Five of Wands Rx), it tells me to watch out and pay attention (The Hierophant).

Take Away: I don’t think that this is so much about struggling to trust someone as about how I know when not to trust someone.  I see a lot of people that talk about what they want out of life and how this or that needs to be just right, and yet when I watch them, they don’t act in a way that progresses them towards these goals.

It’s like wanting to be a lawyer and telling everyone that’s your goal, but not even bothering to apply to law school.   If you’re not willing to go through the process to get what you want out of life, how can you expect to get it.  It’s not going to just land in your lap.

Anyway, when I see people with this attitude about life, it makes it extremely difficult for me to trust pretty much anything that comes out of their mouths.  Their actions (or rather, their inaction) speaks far louder than any words they could speak.

DECK USED:  CONFERENCE OF THE BIRDS TAROT
Daily Self Kindness

Today was the post office day and a long ass drive to the border.  I was so tired when I got home that I ended up taking a much needed nap.  Then I played with Gideon and did my post office haul show and tell with him.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Summer’s Smile

Spring rain
yields
to summer sun
like delicate
purple flowers
that fall
fragrant
to the ground
while yellow buds
open
to greet the day

More rain please

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Move Your Ass… and Theirs Too

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Today’s meditation was skipped in respect for orders day and needed to get a jump on all that needed to be done so that I could get orders shipped out tomorrow.

Isidore Tarot Sea and Sand Spring Edition and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally a representation of control, determination, willpower and the application of these things to a chosen direction and success.  This card is about action.

Here in this card we see that the Chariot is fully controlled by the penguin king while fantastical creatures pull him forward to his destination.  This is a team effort, but there is a clear leader here in this image that all these other fierce creatures take orders from.

Combined with the Flower Fortunes card for today, which states to “harness your competitive instincts”, what I see here is about getting things done.   Sometimes it’s not enough to put our mind to the task or delegate tasks.  Sometimes you need to actually make it a game and stir up people’s competitive instincts. Inspire yourself and others by using those feelings to spur things forward at a faster speed.

The message here is to “get your shit done, and use your competitive instincts to make it happen”. For me, today is an order day, and the cards say that if I put myself to the task of getting things done and dare the girls to compete with me in the process, that I can get my work done quickly and enjoy a bit of down time at the end of the day without all of the stress and the guilt that sneaks in when I’m moving at a slower pace.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT SEA AND SAND SPRING EDITION AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Question for May 27th and 28th

Undersea TarotWhat role does serenity play in my life?

Serenity helps in choosing healthier ways of viewing yourself (Judgement) and the choices you make (Seven of Shells) in those moments when you backslide into old bad habits (Ten of Tridents).

Without serenity, my inner critic is too harsh. That moment of peace and calm I reach inside to find helps me be kinder to myself when I make mistakes, and helps me put myself back on track instead of getting stuck in a cycle of negative inner dialogue. 

How can I enhance serenity in my life?

Trust those that you spend your down time with (Three of Shells) to stand by you and help you defeat (Five of Swords) the bad habits and addictive temptations that become unhealthy (The Devil).

Knowing that others are there to help me and assist in catching me when I fall out of line and might not see it right away myself provides a sense of security and soothes worry.  This in turn helps foster a greater sense of serenity in my life, and these people become a touchstone for me to return to when I feel I’m overwhelmed or veering off track.

DECK USED:  UNDERSEA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you better utilize your free time?

Isidore Tarot Sea and Sand Spring EditionReading Summary: Focus on the gradual changes you’ve been working on (Death) and building the new system that will work better for you (The Tower) then was there before (Three of Swords).

Take Away: In the past, I pushed myself to exhaustion.  I worked a minimum of eighteen hours a day and I never took days off for any reason.  Even when I traveled to visit family, I brought a large amount of work with me and worked through this time away.  When I hit burnout, I would take “a couple of days” to rest where I would then sneak work into those days to do anyway. I closed myself off from my guides, who then had to conceal themselves as my intuition just to get through to me, and buried my emotions, ignoring them and the shadow and internal wounds that I was abusing.

I’ve been working for nearly two years now on not just my emotional growth (which I write about quite often), but also on building a stronger connection between myself and my guides, and creating a better work/life balance that will allow for more self-care and less burn out.  These cards are a reminder that I need to continue focusing on this healthier path during free time, instead of allowing myself to backslide into old habits that no longer serve me and are, in fact, extremely unhealthy.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT SEA AND SAND SPRING EDITION

Daily Self Kindness

I’ve worked hard to make sure that I got my orders done at a decent time tonight so that I could get some sleep before having to do my drive tomorrow.