The Welcome Wet
Wet wood
soft underfoot
leads the way
through towering trees
draped in moss
and
bare reaching arms
of leafless brush
tangle to conceal
the flowing trickle
of water below
Don’t bounce
or you might fall thru
Month: January 2021
That “Thank God It’s Over” Feeling
Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes, and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.
Today’s meditation was about not allowing your emotions to “talk you into” skipping practice. And… I almost skipped practice. So this is fitting, yeah? It did give me food for thought, though, as I had never really considred the times when I feel the need to avoid a self-care practice as emotionally driven. I think that it is, though, on reflection of the idea. I’m very much sure that it is, actually. So I learned something new about myself today… even when I bury the fuck out of my emotions? They still find ways to screw with me in unexpected ways. Not that I’m burying them right now, but I’ve been struggling with this avoidance/skipping issue for most of my life.
Today’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of themes to do with homecoming and celebration.
This is another of the cards in this deck that the words at the bottom of the card are non-traditional to the card and give me a moment’s pause, throwing me off a bit.
This is actually the first card in this deck that doesn’t really “do it” for me. Not only do the words at the bottom feel contrary to the traditional meaning of the card, but so too does the image. The symbolic elements are there, but it just seems too dark. There’s no celebration here, no welcoming warmth. The courtyard is dreary, the wands and wreath are shadowed… the door is closed.
The thing is? Sometimes homecomings (and perfect work, for that matter) go uncelebrated. There’s no happy welcome, and no big to do. Just relief. Relief at a job finished. Relief at finally waking through the door and setting down your keys. Sometimes it’s not about the fanfare, it’s about leaning back against the door once you’re inside and going “thank god that’s over”. That in itself is a sort of celebration. Sometimes… it’s the absolute best kind of celebration.
DECK USED: HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT
LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the current status of my {self-love} cup? {draw a cups card)
I freakin’ knew this card was going to come up. It took three tries before a Cup card finally fell out of the deck, which really isn’t that bad all things considered. I could have had to try twenty or thirty cards before getting a Cup. That said? Of course it was the Five of Cups.
Why? Because I’m dealing with depression right now and with depression comes great deal of disinterest in damned near anything and everything… including self care and self love. Maybe especially self care and self love. My cups are spilled all over the floor, my emotions a mess and all I want to do is ignore them and hide from then and be miserable and dissatisfied. Why? Because that’s what the chemicals in my brain are demanding. I’m just trying to do my best not to give in.
DECK USED: GARNET WITCH TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What luck is coming your way, and how can you foster it into fruition?
What luck is coming my way?
The Sun – The opportunity to climb my ass out of this depression pit that I’ve fallen into, breathe fresh air, and feel the sun on my face again.
How can I foster it into fruition?
Five of Cups atop Eight of Pentacles – Don’t neglect your work or worry too much about your progress in this area. It can take care of itself for a while if you just do what’s needed and let the rest go. There’s no need to push. You are more than capable and experienced enough to keep things running smoothly while you deal with the lackluster feelings of the depression and the work involved in climbing yourself out of the darkness.
DECK USED: TRANSIRE TAROT
Today’s self kindness was in the form of allowing myself to spend the majority of my day lying down nursing a migraine. Instead of my natural inclination to try and plow through it and ignore it, I settled in a nice dark room with some migraine meds, and spent most of the day there trying to get it to ease up.
Gideon’s Challenge
Glacier Lake
Take a moment
to soak it in
take a breath
cold and fresh
take a pause
and sit a while
but don’t jump in
or nip turns to bite
this is a
“don’t touch” place
of deceptively
dangerous beauty
that can kill
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Personal Emotions and Reading Tarot
So, I had something else planned to post today, but then this topic kind of came up the other night in my mind while I was reading on the Philosophical Question about pleasure and evil. The thing is? I really did think that the answer was going to be a yes… and it wasn’t. It got me to thinking about how we all sometimes invest our own thoughts, opinions, or emotions into tarot reading. The “good readers” realize this when it’s happening, and are able to then step back from it and let the cards speak for themselves.
Usually, when people discuss times to take a break from reading tarot, at the top of that list is times when you are emotionally imbalanced. And I agree with this. When you are dealing with depression or anger, grief or other intense emotions, it’s not usually a good time to be reading tarot because your inner turmoil can influence your perspective on the cards and what they say.
This can, in turn, can create problems if you’re reading for yourself or others by causing the reading go awry from the intended message in the cards, or not be delivered in the healthiest ways.
In thinking about this topic after that reading I mentioned above, I was thinking about why it is that I’m still doing readings during this time when I’m dealing with my own depression. Shouldn’t I have stepped away from the cards? That’s what I have done in the past during these times, and it’s the safest thing to do usually.
But, I haven’t stepped back. I’ve cut down a bit with how many readings I’m doing, but I haven’t stopped entirely or cut back to just my “Positive Message” card of the day practice.
The thing is, though, although I am not reading for others right at the moment, because I’m going through a depression and need to make sure my delivery to my clients remains the caring and understanding tone that it always should be… I am continuing to read for myself.
This is not something I recommend, because of the reasons I already mentioned. That said, I am trying to see if I can level out my ability in reading even during these emotional times. Not just in this particular issue, but more… across the board whether happy or sad, depressed or upset, etc. I would like to grow to a point where my intuition and “reader’s voice” are not warped by my emotional balance and struggles, but instead continue to be objective and unbiased through these times.
This doesn’t mean that I would at some time in the future begin reading for others during these times when I’m struggling… but I think that even in just reading for myself this is something I can work on to become a better reader over all.
Self Care Is Important
Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. I can’t really remember what the guided meditation was about, even with the graphic prompt to the right. It was about mindfulness obviously, and using it to break habits or be mindful of the things you do. But honestly? I just don’t remember.
Today’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, the material world, resources, or health.
What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card is that the crone is tangled in thorns. She’s clearly up to some sort of spellcraft, as she’s holding a chicken foot, but it’s the thorns that really catch my attention here today.
Those thorns bring me to thinking about a common pitfall that a lot of caretakers fall into over time, where they begin to focus so much on others and what others need that they begin to put off caring for themselves. The excuse being that everyone else needs them, so they just don’t have the time or energy for their own needs.
It’s a flawed thinking, and dangerous as well. How can you take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Without self care, there’s nothing left to give to others. This is something I myself need to hear now and then, especially concerning my business and responsibilities. That reminder is what today’s card is about.
DECK USED: BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a negative thing in your life that you don’t need to stress over?
Reading Summary: The worry that fighting for what feels right , what you stand for, and what you believe in (Seven of Wands) is going to tear down everything around you (The Tower Rx) and leave you lost and alone (The Moon).
Take Away: This isn’t something that I worry about all the time, but more a worry that whispers in the back of my head now and then, especially when I step up and am in the thick of it.
It isn’t a fear that holds me back from standing up for what I believe in, but it is something I worry about. Not everyone appreciates a healthy and strong standing moral compass or those with the strength of will to stand up for what they believe in after all. And I do worry that some day I will be left… alone. An old queer dude with no friends and no loved ones left, no family and no future generations either. Will it happen? I have no idea… but it is something I find myself concerned about now and then.
The cards here are saying it’s not something I need to stress over, and to let that fear go.
DECK USED: NEON TAROT
Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
Two Cards: Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict? / Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?
Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict?
Ten of Wands atop Four of Cups – I will hand my power, my responsibilities, and my control over to others that I trust when I am feeling overwhelmed and overburdened and it’s causing me to need to distance myself emotionally and step away. In these times, I have no choice. I need to let go in order to give myself time to breathe, center, ground, and find my balance again.
Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?
The Hermit Rx – When I am in the middle of a self-destruct and I’m trying to retreat into myself and go into hiding. When I’ve reached that place… that mentality? It’s either drop the ball, or hand that ball over to someone that can deal with it until I’m in a better place mentally.
DECK USED: FUTURE VISION GEM TAROT
Today’s self kindness was in taking a moment to actually feel good and happy with the small chores I got done around the house instead of berating myself on all the things I haven’t gotten done. It felt good to sit down and feel like I got a few small good things done today like filling the hand soaps in the bathrooms and kitchen, refilling the shower spray bottles, etc.
Gideon’s Challenge
Look Deeper
The whisper comes
“look deeper”
causes feet to pause
and head to turn
as gaze scans
over green and gray
“look deeper” it says
coaxing the lean in
as curious gaze
gets entranced
by delicate swirls
and frills of life
hills and valleys
on a minute scale
Twisting the Leaf 