Look Closer
It is in tiny signs
that the promise
is given.
In little nubs
and tiny bumps
in delicate buds
curled tight
and close
to damp branches.
Everything
curled up close,
waiting for warmth
to set free
nature’s promise
of a new start.
Tomorrow is the last full moon of the year, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us. Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.
1. What spiritual lesson was I learning this year?
Nine of Pentacles – How to be grateful for what I have instead of constantly striving for more. This was actually a side product lesson that came from my efforts to allow my emotional growth room to do its thing throughout the majority of the first part of the year. What I have come to realize is that it actually -is- possible for me to “wallow a bit” in my good fortune and the results of my hard work. That it’s okay to enjoy the now instead of constantly pushing for what’s next. It’s not always easy, but the more that I’ve been able to look at things from this angle, the more I realize that a good portion of that slave driver in my head has nothing to do with a desperate grasping need for security as it has to do with my father’s voice in my head drilling home that nothing will ever be “enough” and thus I must try harder.
2. How can I integrate it into 2021?
Nine of Swords Rx – By focusing on worrying less and stressing out less about the things that “need to be done”. The only deadlines in life are the ones that you are setting for yourself. I used this same line a couple of days ago in a reading and it fits very well here as well. No one else is setting deadlines on me, not for my goals or for the things I want to happen. The only one setting deadlines and demands on myself… is me. I need to take ownership of this and understand that I’m doing this to myself… and that I have all of the control needed to change things to be less stressful.
3. What do I need to let go of now?
Two of Wands Rx – Indirection. You don’t need to control every step, but you don’t need to feel like when you’re not controlling every step that things are going awry either. Last year after the holiday rush, I went through a few months of feeling completely rudderless and adrift. Lost. I need to let go of the idea that this is going to happen again, and instead make moves to make sure that it doesn’t. This isn’t about filling my plate with things to do or about leaving room on my plate either, but rather it’s about dealing with the emotions and decompression that needs to be cared for instead of fighting against it.
4. What spiritual lesson will I be moving into in 2021?
Knight of Chalices – The spiritual lesson in the year ahead will involve learning how to better seek out those things that I really enjoy and make me happy instead of just focusing upon the things that I need to get done. This goes beyond making things more fun or my life happier, but rather by making things more fun and my life happier I will be able to elevate my energy and my spiritual self into a better place.
5. What can I do now to set myself up for success?
Six of Wands Rx – Look inward for encouragement and accolades instead of thinking about what others (namely those voices of your parents in your head) would think or feel. Again we are back at that inner narrative and the negativity of my parental influences on how I treat myself within that narrative. This and other readings I’ve done over the past week or two are making it clear that finding a way to circumvent or “put in its place” that inner narrative is going to be a strong and prevailing theme throughout the next year, and that needs to start now.
Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis and forearm stretching.
The topic of today’s meditation was about how unhealthy it is to let the myriad of stressors build up over time until the world can feel chaotic even when it really isn’t.
When there’s a lot to do and many responsibilities on your shoulders, that negative inner voice can easily slip in and make it feel like you’re not getting anywhere and suck the joy and pleasure out of your days. The key discussed in the meditation is to make sure that you are aware of those things that are eating at you so that you can “put them in their place” instead of letting them run rampant in your head.
Today’s draw is the Eight of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of hard work and the expertise you can gain in having spent time developing a skill or ability. In this card, this concept is very clearly expressed in the quote on the card itself, which says “Focus and determination leads you to master a new skill.”
There’s something about the colors in this deck that really appeals to me, and I’m not sure why as I’d normally consider them to clash and be a bit garish.
Today is a prep day before I ship out orders after having taken a few days off in the wake of the holiday rush, and the card’s message is to apply your skills to the task at hand and knock it out.
It’s a good message, as I have more orders to get through today than I’d anticipated, and it’s going to take a lot of time and hard work to get there. I will get there, though. And the reward on the other side is a longer bit of a break and breather.
LionHart’s 20/21 Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: A 2021 reminder for times when I struggle with myself or my dreams.
Reading Summary: Sometimes when you’re feeling enthusiastic and in control (The Chariot) with new projects (Ace of Pentacles), make sure you take a pause to ground (Four of Pentacles) and get in touch with your inner voice (The High Priestess).
Take Away: The thing with enthusiasm over something new is that even when you think you’re in total control? You’re not. You’re flying by the seat of your pants and winging it while feeling empowered… which is not the same as being fully in control. This can often cause you to steer off course if you’re not careful.
During those moments, which happen to me often when I become enthusiastic about a new project, I need to remember to take a moment to make sure my feet are on the ground and I’m being realistic, and get in touch with that inner self that always knows the next step that is good for me and my path forward.
#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where in my life do I need to work on better boundaries in the year ahead?
Reading Summary: It’s going to be important to make sure you are sticking to strong boundaries concerning your work/life balance (Two of Pentacles) and getting the grounding you need to stay healthy (Four of Pentacles). Don’t allow self doubts and other insecurities and uncertainties (The Moon), nor impulsive distractions (Knave of Swords), to encroach from the shadows and lead you astray.
Take Away: When I am dealing with uncertainty, I have a habit of falling back on old bad habits. It’s impulse due to habit and fear, and it upsets the balance I’m working so hard to foster and grow in my life, upsetting the apple cart, so to speak.
No Snow… Yet
Cold
eats away
at the remnants
of months past
and with each day
more withers
and falls
to decay.
Lack of snow
won’t save them
from life’s
endless cycle.
How can I shift my energy signature to cultivate gratitude?
Ten of Pentacles
It’s not enough to acknowledge all that you have and all that you’ve done to get there. To cultivate gratitude, you also need to share it with others. Spread the wealth (not just monetarily but also in your all around good fortune, good health, and stable home life) among loved ones and allow them in to help you in enjoying all the good that the present has to offer.
What in my life is a blessing in disguise?
The World
Everything cycles through and you get another chance to try again at the end. As you reach the end of a trial, the end of a year, the end of a journey… you are given the opportunity to step forward into the future beyond that ending and try for doing better the next time around. The things you worked towards and struggled with, you now have the opportunity to try again… and with the experience you carry from your past efforts, do better.
How can I express gratitude when I feel empty?
Death atop The Hermit Rx
You need to work at changing your natural inclination to retreat into yourself. By reaching out and opening up during these times, you show those that you share yourself with that you trust them and are grateful for them in your life to help and support you. In opposition to that, when you close them out and close them off, they feel left out and taken for granted.
Who in my life needs to hear thank-you and be appreciated?
King of Pentacles
Mister R needs to hear these things and know them. He needs to understand just how much he means to you, and L, and Z. You may not have much longer to get this out and expressed to him, and it is something you need to do sooner rather than later. It is also something that could help him by giving him strength and hope, and also lift his spirits.
How can creating a daily practice for gratitude change my life?
Queen of Wands
It will give you the opportunity to create a more stable foundation beneath that interminable drive of yours, allowing you to not just pursue your own desires and passions, but inspire others to do the same.
Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis and forearm stretches.
The topic of today’s meditation was about appreciating your connections with others. Sometimes, we take those connections and interactions for granted, and it can be hard to remember that each moment we share with others is precious.
I think that this is an excellent message, and perhaps even more important now (to myself and others) than normal when so many of us are living lives far more isolated than we ever have before. In my own life, this message really hit home considering Mister R’s current situation and the risk he is in of passing. As much as he’s always been a hard ass, he’s also been a substitute grandparent to me since my youth. I look down at the time I spent with him and I worry there won’t be anymore, or that I didn’t appreciate all that time that I had with him enough.
Today’s draw is the Knight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of taking action to go after those things that spark your drive and passions, feeling that spark of inspiration burning bright and driving you onward, and diving into adventurous pursuits.
This card can also represent impulsivity, and that’s what I see here as what stands out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card is the skull that is formed in the rippling sands that the snail is moving into. Snails need moisture and a desert in Egypt (see the pyramids in the background) so no place for a snail to be diving into. Yet the rider drives the snail on, either uncaring or ignorant of the certain death about to become of his steed.
The message here is about making good choices, and how important it is to pause and use your brain instead of diving forward mindless and focused on your goal without any planning or thought for strategy or consequences.
The message here reflects back to my own life in the feelings that both Z and myself have been feeling all day concerning Mister R. We want to go. To just hop in the car and GO and be a support to her mother and be closer to help and comfort and lend our strength. But doing so would be a folly. A dangerous folly for he is very weak and when he comes home from the hospital he is going to be at extremely high risk. Her mom is also a high risk person. Going just to go? Is not safe for either of them and could very well be disastrous, no matter how badly we both want to be there.
LionHart’s 20/21 Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: How can I keep nurturing my dreams and desires throughout 2021?
Reading Summary: Work at avoiding episodes of debilitating burnout (Ten of Wands Rx) by taking control of yourself and your environment (The Emperor) so that you can get the rest you need when it’s needed (Four of Swords).
Take Away: In the summer of this year, I had started scheduling myself a handful of days off now and then. This is something I’ve never done before, but in the early part of the year I’d found myself hitting a brick wall of burn out over and over again in fast rotation. It turned out that having these days off helped with that, and I didn’t have any more burnouts the rest of the year (although I was very close with the holiday rush, but that’s another beast all together).
The answer to how I can facilitate my dreams and desires throughout the year ahead is to continue with that practice. Make time to step away for a few days each month. I need to turn away from the business for a bit and take a breath, and in doing so, give myself the fresh eyes and fresh energy I need to dive back in again without the sharp claws of burnout raking at my shoulders.
#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #3
Thistle: How can I ward off the blues that are trying to encroach now that the holidays are ending?
Three of Cups – Sink into enjoying time with loved ones and let them to uplift your spirits. Z and L are not just comforting, but they’re both pretty damned silly and fun as well. Allow them to sweep you up in that fun now and then.
Garnet: How can I purify myself to help find a better balance for the new year ahead?
The Devil – It’s time to seek control over your addictions instead of allowing them to have free reign. You did a lot of spending over the past year, but it’s time to slow down a bit and let other things take priority. This doesn’t mean cutting yourself off entirely, so don’t create a situation where you will feel the need to binge later… just slow down and pay more attention to where your focus lies and what you’re doing.
Yew: What practices need resurrected in my life to protect my personal well-being?
Four of Swords – More rest. This was mentioned as well in my Lionhart’s Challenge reading for today. Now that the holiday rush is over I need to turn back to giving myself a few days off each month, allowing for time and focus to shift away from the business and giving myself the reprieve and rest I need to stave off overwhelm and burnout.
Diamond: How can my imagination foster more fearlessness in my life?
The Hermit – The words that flickered through my mind when I saw this card land on the table are “shine a light on it”. Imagination and creativity often go hand in hand, and in order to foster more fearlessness in my life, I need to shine a light on those imaginings and possibilities, and encourage their growth rather than tucking them away in the shadows and ignoring them.
Holly: How can I create longevity in the fertile soil of my new endeavors?
King of Wands – Use all that inspiration, drive, and experience to claim what is rightfully yours. You are fierce in your entrepreneurial spark, let that spark glimmer and glow, and use it not just to drive your own endeavors forward, but to inspire others to your cause.
Emerald: How can a closer connection to hearth & home affect my sense of loyalty?
King of Pentacles – You are the king of your own castle, and in this position as leading at the helm, others naturally fall into line in your footsteps, respecting your opinion and authority while trusting you to care for those things that need dealt with, and delegate as needed. This sense of stability and security fosters trust and loyalty, strengthening that connection to those nearest and dearest (and under your roof).
Peppermint: What methods can I use to best stimulate my mind when I need a boost?
Nine of Cups – Wallow in the good stuff. Sometimes you just need to focus on the present and take some time to ignore the crap and enjoy the good stuff that makes you happy. They’re nothing wrong with a little “good stuff” focused “vacation” now and then.
Twisting the Leaf 