Month: May 2020

Sidestepping the Trap

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was skipped in favor of going out into the world to shop for a small stand-alone freezer. With three people living in this condo, and one of them (me) requiring a minimum of 5000 or more calories a day… there is just not enough room in my tiny “top of the fridge” freezer.   So, I finally caved and went out and bought myself a small stand alone that doesn’t really fit in my tiny kitchen all that well, but is sure to make life a hell of a lot easier regardless.

I will do a brief meditation when I lie down to go to bed in a bit, though.  So I won’t have skipped entirely.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - Queen of SwordsToday’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is traditionally interpreted as a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of intellect, the mind, and communication. This often demonstrates in themes that have to do with independence and setting clear boundaries, a lack of bias, and being direct in one’s communication with others.

Okay so.. .admittedly, the first thing that stood out to me in this card’s imagery today is the spider.  Not for any other reason than the fact that it looks exactly like the spider that bit Peter Parker in the 2002 Spiderman movie. I mean… seriously.  It does.

Anyway.  Yeah.   That aside… what stands out to me most strongly in this imagery today is not the spider, but the moth.   One strand… and it’s stuck.  Just one strand of web, and it’s stuck in the spider’s clutches.

This feels like a build off of a reading I did yesterday that involved my mother and her machinations.   It is about remembering not to be drawn into her drama and staying focused instead upon what it is I truly need to pay attention to.  The message here is to pay attention and to take care not fall into old predictable patterns that I have already repeated again and again.

Although this message is brought to me through the memory of the reading about my mother, and relates well to my relationship with her… it also reaches beyond that relationship into other factors and relationships in my life…. relationships with others and relationships with myself.

I know this doesn’t seem like a particularly positive message to carry with me throughout my day, but I feel as if the effects of having heard this message will, in turn, be very positive as I will be aware of the traps I set for myself and those set for me by others, and in being warned to their arrival, have an easier time identifying them and side-stepping them.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I add more joy into my life?

TaRat Rat Tarot

Reading Summary: Choose a direction (Two of Wands) that allows you to celebrate more (Four of Wands) and have more carefree moments (The Fool).

Take Away:  This is something I am very much trying to do with this time that I’m away from the full weight of my responsibilities and obligations.   I am truly hoping to rearrange things and find a better way… a less stressful way… to fulfill my responsibilities and obligations while keeping a bit more space within my to breathe and enjoy life.

DECK USED:  TARAT RAT TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What value do I add to the lives of those around me?

Dixit Cards v.2 Quest Expansion PackReading Summary: I show/teach people how to turn their mistakes into positives (left card)… and how do use what they have to their advantage (center card)… and how to more effectively confront (blue right card) their inner demons (orange right card).

Take Away:  This is about self acceptance.  It’s about finding a path that works for the individual.   These cards indicate that the value that I add to others lives comes in the way that I help them find that path that is individually right for them.  Whether that is through teaching them in our interactions or by leading by example.  

Anyone that regularly follows my personal readings knows that I definitely do not have “it all together” and that I am a work in progress. I work to make myself a better person, and I forge the path that feels right for me, plowing the way before me one step at a time.  I am flawed and, in some cases?  I’m seriously fucked up.   But I have to admit that it feels good to know even with all of that? I am still able to help others in finding their way.

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS V2 QUEST EXPANSION PACK

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What can I do to maintain the abundance I’ve found in this time away when I return back to a ‘normal’ state?

I Tarocchi Visconti Sforza Piccolo

Reading Summary: Don’t look at it as an ending (Ten of Swords), but rather a new beginning and an opportunity to do things better (Page of Wands) while taking better care of yourself (Four of Swords).

Take Away:  The bare bones interpretation pretty much says it all.  If I want to enjoy the abundance I’ve found in this time at home, which includes the tighter connection with loved ones and the untying of knots deep within myself that have knotted up through stress and flagellation of my inner self… then I need to look at this time as an opportunity to change things, rather than a temporary change that will “go away” when more restrictions begin to be lifted and opportunities return to delve back into my responsibilities and obligations.

DECK USED:  I TAROCCHI VISCONTI SFORZA PICCOLO

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When are my feelings discombobulated?

Embroidered Forest Tarot

Reading Summary: When I am at a place where I need to begin taking steps to start anew (Page of Pentacles), and yet I feel as if I’m still in the middle of bleeding out from my previous experiences (Ten of Swords) and not getting the support and encouragement I need (Six of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  When life has kicked you in the nuts and you’re on the floor recovering from the blow, it’s hard to get your ass up and learn to walk and talk again and do things better the second time around.  It helps to have someone there saying “come on, get up”.  Someone to cheer you on and let you know that you’re not alone.

When that someone isn’t there?  Getting up is much harder and the emotions can have a tendency at those times to tie themselves up in knots of self pity and loneliness.

DECK USED:  EMBROIDERED FOREST TAROT

 

New Moon in Gemini – May 2020

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

New Moon in Gemini May 2020

I have been putting these in my physical tarot journal, but after a few years of doing my tarot journal a certain way, I’m starting to feel it’s time to change things up.   As I’ve been using this blog to share my COTD (card of the day) pulls as well as my Self Care Saturday spreads, I thought maybe I would begin to transfer over to doing some of my other personal readings on here as well.    I still plan on keeping a physical tarot journal, I’m just starting to re-evaluate what I want to put the extra work into putting in it… vs placing here on this blog instead.

So… yesterday was the new moon, which is a time of new beginnings and looking forward with renewed energy.  The new moon’s placement in the sky puts the moon in the sun sign of Gemini for this new moon, which imbibes the new moon’s meaning and energies with that of the Gemini astrological sign.

This is the reading I did for the new moon yesterday. You will noticed that I have slightly rephrased a question or two in the spread.  This is to personalize the question to be clearer for my life or my personal understanding.

1. Where do I need to communicate more clearly?

This card is representative of my relationship with Gideon. I am his satellite… and he is mine. We are in a constant exchange of one trailing after the other, drawn by their gravity to constantly loop around and around… a constant companion. The Satellite card in this position is calling me out on the unnecessary silences that come when I am feeling vulnerable or out of sorts.

2. What truth needs to be recognized?

The appearance of the Pavo card in this position is also a nod to Gideon. It is about his watchful support and the depths of his protectiveness over me, the dedication he puts into my care and welfare.

Gideon… I hope that you know that I do recognize this and it is a part of you that I greatly cherish every day.  Over the past twelve years you have helped me to develop into the man that I am today, and your guidance and watchful protection has always been there for me to help me in feeling safe and secure as I move forward from each day to the next.

3. What drama do I need to step away from?

This has not manifested yet, but the Comet card indicates you will recognize the drama when it eventually comes into being through the synchronicity that surrounds it.   Pay attention to your what is going on around you in order to catch these moments of synchronicity and keep yourself from falling into drama that would be better avoided.

4. Where do I need to focus instead?

My mother.  Interesting for this to come up in relation to where to direct my focus instead of upon drama, as my mother is often right at the head of such dramas. Perhaps that is the point?

With the appearance of Aquila, the cards indicate my mother is the direction I need to look in.  Intuitively off of the imagery I see a need to look beneath the veil to find a truth.  This has to do to paying attention not to what she does or says, but to her underlying welfare and well-being.

This feels like a warning concerning drama that my mother will create in order to deflect my attention away from an underlying issue.

5. How can I put my inspiration into action?

Allow yourself room to feel safe and secure (Cirinus + Crux) even in the middle of moments when you need to lean into adaptation and adjustment (Chameleon).  Do what you can to connect with the earth (Cirinus + Crux), even when there is a possibility of adversity (Chameleon) and the responsibilities that you juggle feel like they are getting in the way (Sextans + Octans).

Note that there are tools for navigation here in both of the Earth cards.  The compass and the Sextans cards bracket the adaptability and adjustment of the Chameleon.  Ensure that you are remaining grounded and your plans are well thought out… do not just “wing it”.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

Discerning with Secrets

/ Twist the Leaf / 2 Comments

Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and was a self-guided meditation reaching out to touch upon that “accepting outside energy” again from the sun.  I’m still entirely sure about the practice, but it did seem a bit more comfortable today than last time.  Less… blinding.  Less brilliant and exhilarating and more comfortable and easy.  This might have been because today was overcast, where as the first time it was a sunny day.

Maruco Animal TarotToday’s draw is the High Priestess card, which is traditionally a representation of the subconscious, intuition and spiritual knowledge, as well as things that are known but remain unspoken.

So… what really stands out to me today in the imagery of this card is a little esoteric and off the beaten path…. but it’s the hooves.  Specifically, the “feet” hooves and their position that is in modern vernacular referred to as “the duchess slant”.

Now here’s the thing about the Duchess Slant.  It’s all about appearances.  This position involves keeping the knees and ankles tightly together and slanting the legs to the side. There is nothing comfortable about this sitting position.  The position is specifically used to convey a demure modesty and approachability while creating an aesthetically appealing lengthening appearance to the legs.

The message here is not about intuition but about secrets.  It’s about how you hold onto them… when you hold on to them… and when to let them go.

Secrets can create a lot of tension, especially in relationships with other people and within small groups of friends.  Like the Duchess Slant can cause one’s hips and back to ache over time?  So too can a badly chosen secret cause discomfort for the soul.

I’m not really sure where this applies in my life right now. It’s likely it’s something I needed to hear for whatever reason, for something upcoming.  Regardless, it’s a good advice and a healthy practice to only gather those secrets that won’t pollute your soul, energy, or social interactions with discomfort and tension.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care this new moon?

Herbal TarotInterpretation: The Ulmus fulva in the depiction of the Wheel of Fortune card for this deck (titled the Medicine Wheel) depicts the tree as the center of a circle of stones. This deck relates this card to Native American symbolism, which is not something I relate to.  But I do relate to circles of stones placed around a tree on the ground.  This imagery speaks to me of the wheel in a horizontal position parallel to the ground rather than upright depicting the traditional “ups and downs”.  

Instead, here we have a wheel  that spins round and round, creating a centrifugal force that is greater the further away from the center you go and a great deal of stability and security at the center where the Slippery Elm tree stands as the wheel’s axis.   This, in my need for stability, speaks to me of moving closer to the tree and away from the uncertainty of the wheel’s edges.  That is to say… move towards a place of spiritual nourishment and soothing strength.

This card speaks to me the strongest in this entire spread, and provides me with a different perspective on the Wheel of Fortune card that is also my card of the year.  Instead of seeing “deal with the ups and downs this year” I see a message of finding my center and what truly provides a sense of stability and comfort in my life.

That search for one’s center is followed through by the Eight of Swords.  There’s a double meaning in this card due to the Black Cohosh that is depicted here along with the classic tarot imagery.   This card speaks of being blind to the truth and stuck in a rut, but the Cimicifuga racemosa plant offers relief from the tension of this situation, giving guidance (again) that you need to search for that center… that true feeling of stability that makes things okay.     This card combined with the Wheel of Fortune card indicates that I am looking in the wrong place for that sense of stability I crave and that it’s time to reassess.

The Fool in position beneath the Knight of Wands provides guidance as to the direction to look to in order to find that which I seek.   The Fool’s enthusiasm which is paired with the symbolism of creative energy that is present in the representation of Ginseng in this card.   This speaks of a need to open up and allow myself to move forward with an open heart and defenses down so that I can follow that creative energy into the Knight of Wands.

The Knight of Wands is then where I will find that stability that I seek and have been seeking in the wrong place lately.   The Knight of Wands is all about pouring energy and passion into your actions as you bound forward into those things that bring you joy and satisfaction.  The Knight of Wands is all about vigor and passion.  He is paired with the plant Monkshood (aka Aconitum napellus) which is an extremely powerful (and extremely poisonous) metabolic stimulant. This pairing speaks of a need for a bit of caution.  There is encouragement here to leap… but make sure you look first.

Take Away: With the arrival of this new moon, my self care needs to take a to focusing upon where I believe I find my center and my stability, and examine if that is truly the best focus for me for those things.

What is it exactly that I assume makes me feel safe and secure and on solid footing in my life?

It’s time to examine this in depth and look towards those things that create a spark of passion and joy for a new center that will suit me better.

DECK USED:  HERBAL TAROT

 

Why I Don’t Own the Modern Witch Tarot

/ Twist the Leaf / 3 Comments

In a nutshell, it comes down it dishonest marketing ploys.

Modern Witch Tarot

So as I said, in a nutshell it comes down to dishonest marketing, but I’m going to go through and outline my issues below.  Yes, I know that my opinion on this is very much in the minority and highly controversial, but unfortunately?  I’ve not been able to “get over it” and look at this deck without feeling that polluted tinge of deceit and hypocrisy, so here we go…

When this deck came out and throughout the marketing process for it, this deck was billed as “LGBT Friendly” and “Diverse”.  These were it’s major selling points in its marketing campaign… and in my opinion?  They are both outright lies.

Why do I say they are lies?   Because there are no men in this deck.  None.   A fact that they very conveniently swept under the rug and was not mentioned even once… anywhere.     How can something be either LGBT Friendly or Diverse if you are excluding (nearly) 50% of the population from being represented in the deck?

To be clear.  I have no issue with women-only decks.  I have no issue with decks that celebrate the divine feminine in all her glory.  I think it’s a beautiful thing, and I own a few of those all-women decks myself.

What I have an issue with, is the hypocrisy of saying something is either LGBT friendly and/or diverse when you are very clearly and very consciously 1) excluding the G, B, and half the T  in the LGBT equation 2) excluding (nearly) half of the world’s population through sexism.  It’s bullshit, and it pisses me off.

I also have an issue with the name of the deck in relation to the missing (nearly) half of the world population.  The deck is named the “Modern Witch” tarot, and yet they are excluding men.  Males are also witches and a serious minority in witch circles.

Not only that, but in my experience male witches are often treated in those witch circles as the enemy and not to be trusted,  or as if they are superfluous and don’t count, or as tools to be utilized. To leave them out of a deck that is 1) supposed to be diverse, and 2) representative of “modern witches” is encouragement of this exclusionary behavior, in my opinion.

Again, I want to say this again.  I have no issue with women-only decks.  I have no issue with decks that celebrate the divine feminine in all her glory.  Women have gone through a lot in history, and still go through a lot of crap in today’s society.  But as a society we are supposed to be striving for equality.

Equality is not about restitution or who owes what to whom. Equality is about balance. If someone is going to make a deck that touts itself as diverse and a representative of modern witches (especially if it’s going out mass market around the world)?  It should truly be diverse and a representation of all modern witches…. instead of saying it is when it is very much a deceptive marketing ploy.

Just my opinion…. and a mini rant.

All of the above said?  The card’s artwork is beautiful.  It’s a beautifully made deck.  I just wish that it had been more honestly named and honorably marketed.   These issues make me unable to enjoy the deck, perhaps because every time I see it it reminds me of the subjugation and unpleasant treatment laid upon me by witch circles throughout my life for being a witch that is male.

 

Finding Joy

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_4372Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I did a few minutes of deep breathing pranayama followed by a quiet, centered meditative state where I considered the question in this graphic that I came across in my feed on Instagram.

The question really struck a cord with me when I saw it, it really resonated and I feel like it needs more attention than just a passing thought.

There are a couple things that really came to mind for me when I thought over this question.   The first is… the sleep. Pre-pandemic, I was averaging about 3 hours of sleep at night, and then another 2-3 hours in the afternoon.   I have been sustaining this schedule (not without a bit of struggle) for…. ten… maybe fifteen years now.   The pandemic and loss of employment it caused opened up a number of hours to me that I would normally be working.  Hours that I filled (predominantly) with sleep.

It has been fucking glorious.  And, although I know when things get back to normal I will need to take those hours of sleep away and put them back to working?  I wish I could keep them. Just sayin’.

Second is the time I have been able to commit to my emotional growth and development.  This isn’t so much about extra time as it is about the ability to remain open for an extended periods without the need to protect myself or guard myself.   Because I am sensitive to energy, I (apparently, although I didn’t realize this until recently) usually run around in the world with a certain amount of energetic/mental/spiritual shielding in place.

During this time when I have been forced to let go of so much and remain away from most people more than usual, I’ve found that I’ve been able to ease those shields down a bit and this has had an interesting side effect of giving my emotions and inner self some “breathing room” much like someone taking off a body suit to run around nekkid instead gives the body/skin breathing room.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The ChariotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as… well essentially it is the epitome of the Wands suit of the tarot, all rolled up into one and then spread out like peanut butter on toast throughout all of the different aspects of life.  This theme is one of control, willpower, and drive.  It’s about taking those horses by the reigns and pointing them toward the triumph you desire, and plowing forward with determination.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the expression of pure joy on the squirrel’s face as he drives the chariot forward.

The message here in today’s card is about enjoying what you do and not allowing yourself to fall into a mindset of seeing those things you do as a chore and an obligation rather than as a joy.

I struggle with this sometimes, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed.  I start to see the things that I usually take such pleasure and passion in as pain in the ass chores.  I have the blessing of being able to do something I truly love with my life, and being able to express the massive does of creativity I’ve been blessed with in a myriad of ways.  Today’s card is a reminder to take that creativity and enjoy it as I go about the day to day activities of my life.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: What aspect of myself am I keeping hidden that needs attention?

Mucha Tarot

Reading Summary: This spread is referring to my COTD message above. It has to do with limiting my  perspective (Hanged Man Rx) concerning my work (Eight of Pentacles) and ending up disappointed with the process as a result (Three of Swords).

Take Away:  The aspect of myself that is being kept hidden is the fact that I’m not allowing myself enough joy in my creative process to keep that spark of joy and interest alive in my work.   I need to work on focusing on the enjoyment of the process of creation and how good I feel in sending out my creations into the world to bring pleasure to others.   I’ve lost track of that a bit lately.

DECK USED:  TAROT MUCHA

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What secret do I need to let go of and set free?

The Fountain TarotReading Summary: This reading is also about that hidden discontent (Ten of Pentacles Rx) I’ve been feeling lately (mentioned in today’s COTD) concerning the menial and repetitive tasks of my work (Eight of Coins Rx).  The Empress speaks of a need to allow her kindness and nurturing to flow out from her (the green behind her and at her feet) and into these aspects where discontent has flourished (the green in the other two cards).

Take Away:  Instead of hiding how I’ve been feeling about my work concerning my home business, I need to let it out and treat it with kindness and understanding.  Consider how the items I create and send out into the world influences the lives of others, and allow that pleasure I give them to re-kindle my own joy in the process.

DECK USED:  THE FOUNTAIN TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What can I do to better cope with this time away from my ‘normal life’?

The Muse Tarot

Reading Summary:  It is a good time to work at bridging the gap (Muse of Materials) between the spark of ideas (Ace of Voices) and my intuition (The Priestess).

Take Away:  So often, the mind and intuition are at odds with each other.  Intuition whispers quietly, just barely able to be heard most of the time… while the mind shouts loudly and tries to run over everything with its voice.  

Spending time focusing on bridging that gap and allowing intuition to have its way (tip of the moon piercing the priestess’ palm… which bleeds light) will allow me to find a better balance and allow me to use my intuition and depths of inner knowledge to calm my brain down and keep it from overwhelming everything.

DECK USED:  THE MUSE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When I remain silent, what is blocking me from asking my partner for what I need?

Mythical Creatures Tarot by BabaStudios

Reading Summary:  The idea that if I let my freak flag fly (Hierophant Rx) that he will turn and walk away (Eight of Cups) and my bleeding heart will be my own doing (Justice).

Take Away:  This reading is referring to having hidden from you for so long just how much tarot and my spirituality was a part of my life.   It is about the fear I felt about losing you due to a lack of conventionality.   When I am silent, this is often the fear that holds me back.  That fear of you walking away and it being all my fault that it happened…. all my fault that my heart is bloody pulp on the floor.   Somehow, the fact that I am the one that destroys everything… just makes it all that much worse. 

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL CREATURE TAROT BY BABASTUDIOS