Do What You Can

Today’s meditation was non-existent.   I struggled with sleep last night, and every time I’ve closed my eyes since, the dreams from last night have slipped back in to cause anxiety and nausea.   Unfortunately, that includes when I tried to close my eyes today to do my meditation.  SO… yeah.  No.

I may try again when I go to bed here in a bit.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - King of WandsToday’s draw is the King of Wands, which traditionally is interpreted as a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of one’s drive, ambitions, passions, and passion projects.   This often presents itself in themes that deal with being a natural born leader and having entrepreneurial vision.

When I first saw this card, the first thing that came to mind was “Wow, that’s one hell of a phallic symbol”.   I mean… you know. The second thought that came to mind had nothing to do with penises at all (regardless of the phrasing) but was the phrase “large and in charge” along with the imagery (in my mind) of the King of Wands in the Tarot of the Hidden Realm.

To be honest, usually when there are plants in a deck, it’s the plants that stand out first for me, but today… the tulip poplars barely register at all.  It’s all about that phallic symbol at the center.   The message in today’s card is that even if you’re tired, you still have shit to do.  Get the important stuff done and make the “executive decision” to leave the rest for when you can focus more clearly upon the tasks left behind.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I celebrate that, and myself, lovingly?

The TaRat Rat Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Remain open to the fact that I need self care, and allow myself passion and enthusiasm for the process.   The presence of so many cups makes it clear that I’m on the right track with my self care and the efforts I’m making to incorporate more self care and emotional aspects of myself into my life.  The warning here is simply that I need to take care not to loose my enthusiasm for the process and make sure I’m staying mindful so that I am making good choices.

DECK USED:  TARAT TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Nature vs Nurture – Which has had more influence in forming the person that I am today?

Spiritsong TarotReading Summary: Nature (Ten of Crystals).  Because the nurturing aspect growing up was severely lacking (Page of Crystals and The Tower).

Take Away: I don’t talk about my childhood all that much, and for very good reason.  My father spent my entire youth from around the age of five until the day he passed when I was in my 20s berating me and battering me emotionally and psychologically… as well as encouraging the rest of my family to do the same.  I was his greatest disappointment, something he made sure I would never forget.

And yet, even throughout that onslaught, I continued to tread my own path.  I knew what I liked and where my preferences lied.  I never once struggled with the “peer pressure” that he drilled into me throughout each and every day.

Yes, Z came into my life when I was ten and she presented me with the nurturing I needed… but that stalwart determined focus on what was right for me and unwilling to be swayed from it?  That was there years before Z ever entered the picture.   I think what Z did wasn’t so much change what was already there, but more like “align my wheels on the tracks” of the path that my feet were already trying to follow.

DECK USED:  SPIRITSONG TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question
: How can I better understand and absorb the knowledge that you can’t always move on to something better and instead sometimes have to make the best out of a bad situation?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: Gratitude for loved ones (Ten of Shells) and staying busy (Ace of Torches). When bad things happen or things aren’t going your way (Wheel of Fortune Rx), you need to make the choice to lean into those themes (The Lovers).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that these times when the bad situation can’t be escaped, it’s time to turn to those things you can be grateful for and those projects that can keep you interested and busy.  Leaning into this gratitude and these activities help to sustain you through the struggle and strife of those bad times, allowing you to find a positive space among the negativity of the situation.

DECK USED:  TAROT FAUNA

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What am I holding onto from the past?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of losing control (King of Chalices Rx The Chariot) and falling into destitution and desperation (Five of Coins).

Okay!   So just saying but this deck communicates in a very interesting and different way than most decks I’ve ever worked with.   It’s like…. using the grammar of a different language than English.

Ie:  What color is the cup?
English: “The Cup is Red”   vs.   This Deck: “Red is the Cup”

Take Away:  Once upon a time I was homeless.  After I had emancipated from my parents, my support system I had used to obtain that freedom fell through and I lived for a time through couch surfing and sleeping in a car (among a few other places).   Anyway, that experience and that undependable feeling of life during that time has been a huge motivation for me as I moved forward out of that situation and into a more stable life and living situation.

But, the cards indicate (and are absolutely right) that I have not let go of the fear of losing control and returning back to that uncertain way of life.

DECK USED:  STAR SPINNER TAROT