Month: March 2021

Illusions of Failure

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  I laid down and was planning on doing it but then all hell broke loose and I ended up distracted from doing it into doing other things.  So… yeah.  Tomorrow.

Heartspun Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is a representation of accomplishment and stability in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, and manifestations. It’s about having surpassed satiation and comfort, and having moved on to “spreading the wealth” to make that stability not just one that is steady beneath your feet, but also the feet of others that stand with you.

I’ve had to do a lot of supply shopping for the business the last few days (and tomorrow), and this kind of heavy spending always makes me feel a bit vulnerable and irritable. It’s feels like having to pull packed and stable dirt out from under my feet in order to keep things running smoothly.

I know that in doing this, I then open the door for more prosperity and more progress, but that moment of instability in the spending still feels… vulnerable.    The Ten of Pentacles combined with today’s Thera-Pets card is a reminder that that feeling I experience during these times is an illusion.  It’s a sign of progress that I need to buy more supplies. It’s a good thing.

DECK USED:  HEARTSPUN TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How have I allowed what I was taught about what’s acceptable in society to burden me?

Tarot de Marseille-Waite

Reading Summary: I have taken the structure of what my early home life presented to me (Four of Wands) to learn what not to do (Death), so that I could create something healthier and more accepting (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  I haven’t.  The answer here is that I have not allowed what I’ve been taught are society’s expectations to burden me.  I don’t rule my life by society’s expectations, but rather by my own personal moral compass.  I know what is right and wrong for me, and I follow this to find a better path and a happier life than if I were to allow myself to be constrained and/or burdened by the expectations of others.

This is not to say that there have not been times in my past where I’ve found myself trying to mold myself into the expectations placed upon me by my father, but at this time in my life I have found ways to reach past those expectations and begin living for myself instead.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLE-WAITE

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Draw or write something free form inspired by the card(s).

Heartspun TarotOne day Jude and Michael went to the mall to shop for a new girlfriend.As they walked down the corridors of the mall checking out all of the different girls, there were many who turned their heads to check them out along the way. (Two of Cups)

Looking at the girls, some were tall and others short, some were curvy and others lean, some beautiful and others more cute than breathtaking.  (Wheel of Fortune atop Two of Swords)

All day long they checked out the girls at the mall, but by the end of the day, neither had found one that they liked.  Then, as they were heading for the exit Jude pulled Michael up short and kissed him.

And neither of them ever looked at girls again. (Ten of Swords)

DECK USED:  HEARTSPUN TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I got laid and was a greedy fucker and it was glorious.   I love you, Gideon.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Purple HyacinthOnly for You

Open wide
splayed
vulnerable
the offer is there
for the taking
delicate bits
exposed
there for
plundering
and exploring
Kneel
and worship

What
are you waiting for?

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Relationship Balance

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Today’s meditation was just over twenty-two minutes long and was one of the customizable meditations that are offered on the Oak app.  I actually set the thing for 18 minutes but ended up lingering for a few minutes more once it was over.  I like the mantra meditation, but I’m not all that sure about the customizable ones.  I’ll probably mess with them a few more times before I make up my mind on them, though.  I do like that you can set up the length how you want, though, which isn’t something you can do with the Calm app that I’m used to using most of the time.

Walter & Fitzpatrick Inspired Harmonious Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.

As happens sometimes when the King of Cups comes up, today the King of Cups feels representative to Gideon. He is, hands down, the closest to a physical manifestation that I’ve ever met of what I see in the King of Cups and in personal readings this card often comes out in direct reference to him.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see as the message in today’s cards is that I need to stop feeling so guilty for letting him take so much of a lions share of the reigns and responsibility in our relationship.  I often feel like he does so much more for me and us than I do, and I believe that even now to this day.   He assures me often that this is not the case and yet… it sure still seems like it. Okay, being fully honest I swear he loves me more.  Maybe it’s just in how differently we express our love to each other?  But I always feel like he loves me more. Sometimes I feel guilt for that too.

The cards today are a reassurance that that’s okay.  He’s happy.  I’m happy.  And really?  That’s what matters.  Not who’s bearing more weight or who loves who more.  It’s about being happy and comfortable and right for each other.  We have that stuff down pat.  Balance looks different for everyone… this is ours.

DECK USED:  WALTER & FITZPATRICK INSPIRED HARMONIOUS TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Do I seek out or allow toxicity or drama into my life? If so, when and why?

Gummy Bear Tarot

Reading Summary: I try not to (Seven of Wands), and I have the tools to not allow it (The Magician). But it happens when I’m feeling disconnected (The Star Rx) and not getting the nurturing energy that I need as a result (The Empress). And then trounce off like an asshat (The Fool) and try and tear shit down/apart in an effort to fix it all (The Tower).

Take Away:  A better way to deal with these issues would be with a bit of forethought. Unfortunately, I’m often at the asshat stage before I realize what’s going on and that I’m acting out.   I actually thought the cards were going to call me out on my self destructive tendencies, but the Tower in this reading isn’t about that so much as about restlessness and discontent creating a situation where I stir shit up in a subconscious desire to fix things and get what I’m missing.

DECK USED:  GUMMY BEAR TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I replace judgements with more compassion?

Walter & Fitzpatrick Inspired Harmonious TarotReading Summary:  Get in touch with my personal feelings of security and stability (King of Pentacles) and allow myself to not just connect with those feelings but share them with others (Ten of Pentacles). Show gratitude and teach this to others through example (Nine of Pentacles).

Take Away: The message here is to make sure that I am in touch with just how fortunate I am, and just how hard I worked to get there. Show others the benefits of living a life in which you appreciate what you have and share that with others.  Through sharing this with others, it becomes a bigger focal point in my own life as well, creating a cycle of ownership and positive reinforcement.

DECK USED:  WALTER & FITZPATRICK INSPIRED HARMONIOUS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

*Points to the picture below.*  Yum Yum

Blueberry Muffin and Cup of Sunshine/Chamomile Tea

Gideon’s Challenge

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SnowcoveredCold Solitude

Crisp air
and color washed
the world
sits frozen
in a dusting of white
so fine
it coats all in sight
and in this world
I miss you most
as it is with
the lack of color
that a feeling
of desolation
slips in to whisper
“You are alone.”

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

New Moon in Pisces – March 2021

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Today is the new moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us. Today’s spread is about the medicine within, and brought to you by Sharron Basanti of Seeds of Shakti.

Pisces New Moon Tarot Reading - Star Tarot

1. What do I need to surrender to the ebb and flow of the waves?

Five of Cups atop Judgement – With my depression came a great deal of self loathing and hatred directed inward. This is not unusual, but it’s time to allow the energy shift of the new moon to fully release these thoughts and feelings and let them flow away.  Sometimes spilled cups are not something to cry over, but a blessing.  Let go of the sickness and look up.

2. In what aspect of my life can I be more fluid?

King of Cups – Gideon is the King of Cups in this reading, as he is from time to time indicated as such for me.  The answer here is that I can be more open with him, more “free flowing” with my feelings.   Sometimes this is easier for me than others, but… I’m trying.

3. How can I trust my intuitive inklings without doubting myself?

Ten of Swords – Don’t fight but allow these ‘inklings’ to wash over me and speak to me. My intuition speaks to me through my body.  Sometimes it is painful and uncomfortable, and it is in that discomfort when my intuition is speaking to me most strongly.  The imagery in this card tells me that I need to make sure I’m paying closer attention to those physical sensations and allowing them to “light a fire under my ass” instead of just acknowledging them.

4. As I drift into dream time, what messages are seeping through the veil from the other side?

Seven of Pentacles atop The Chariot – Slow down and smell the roses.  There’s no need to move fast, you can still control your direction and get where you’re going while moving at a slower and more manageable pace.

5. How can I hold space for my creativity to flourish and thrive?

Ace of Pentacles atop The High Priestess – Allow your intuition to play and have some fun with creation and manifestation. Your best ideas and creations come from this deep inner knowledge that bubbles up from within. Sometimes the brain gets in the way of that process.  Try shutting the brain off and connecting to your gut instead and see where it leads you.

6. Message from the Ancestors.

Nine of Wands Rx atop Nine of Cups – Keep your defenses low and foster feelings of gratitude and positivity.  Look at all you have with an appreciative eye without allowing the need to hoard or defend stir up within you and pollute the water with their poison and conflict.

DECK USED:  THE STAR TAROT

Don’t Be A Doormat

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IMG_9871Today’s meditation was just over twenty two minutes long and was the last segment of the mantra meditation series in the Oak app.  I’ve discovered that while ten minutes is just a bit too short for me to really sink into my meditation, twenty two minutes is just a bit too long.  It isn’t that I get restless so much as just around the twenty minute mark my mind seems decide it’s time to wander into daydream type “dozing off” musings.  You know, the kind that you slide into just before falling asleep?  Yeah, those.

Tarot of the Old Path and Thera-Pets Emotional Support CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, resources, health, or manifestations.  This often translates into highly responsible individuals with a nurturing nature, themes to do with providing for others while listening to their needs, and being practical minded.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is that the Queen looks tired. Wrung out. She’s put herself out there and done what she can for others and now she needs a minute to rest and take a breath, refortify before moving forward.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a message about pacing yourself. The more you allow people to depend on you instead of doing for themselves? The more they will lean on you to give even more of yourself.  It’s important to “teach the man to fish” for himself rather than just doing everything yourself and wearing yourself out.  Self care is important, and a part of self care is making sure you are not being taken advantage of by those that are either too lazy,  or to convinced of their own inadequacies, to do for themselves.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE OLD PATH AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: In what area am I asked to plant my seeds of growth this month?

Tattoed Tarot

Reading Summary: Work on connecting with your spirituality and feelings of hope (The Stars), allow them to strengthen you and lift you up (Strength), and don’t allow your enthusiasm for exploration distract you from this (Knave of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  Confession.  As I feel better and recover from the depression, and as my enthusiasm reawakens within me, I have a habit of overfilling “my plate” with too many projects and responsibilities.  A part of that is because I feel better and I want to dive in and explore new things, as well as rediscover old favorites that while I was depressed I had lost my enthusiasm for.

The cards here are a reminder that over this month while I am in recovery and finding my balance, I need to focus on setting to right my balance itself and my connections with my spirituality and inner strength instead of letting that awakening enthusiasm distract me in another direction.

DECK USED:  TATTOED TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Are there limits to human creativity?

Tarot of the Old PathReading Summary: Creating boundaries is important (Seven of Rods) in finding the right life path (The Wise One) and our opportunities for growth (Ace of Pentacles).

Take Away: The only limits are those that we put upon ourselves.  That is not to say that we should not put limits upon ourselves, though, but rather that each individual needs to wisely make the best choices for their own self-actualization and growth.

These boundaries and choices we make may limit us in certain ways, but this is so that we can direct that energy into other areas we deem to be more important.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE OLD PATH

Daily Self Kindness

I went for a waterfall hike and had a great time enjoying myself among the mossy branches and nurse logs.