Just Don’t
tender
vulnerable
and feeling
without defense
the hint of raw
beneath the flesh
stirs up
the need to
hide
Subdrop sucks.
Month: July 2020
Chakra Reading from Owl and Bones
So this reading was actually the Owl and Bones prompt for the 15th of this month, but it was a bit too… involved for me to work with at that time. Because it deals with the chakra centers, it needs a bit more attention for me to do a full reading on, so I saved it so I could do it separately at a later date. That “later date” would be today.
#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: to balance: root // sacral // solar plexus // heart // throat // third eye // crown
Root – I am… Surprisingly fierce. To balance this part of myself it is important to remember the effect that “jack in the box” pop of fierceness can have on the unsuspecting. It isn’t something to use indiscriminately, for the surprise is a part of the power that lies within this quality. Choose your battles wisely and allow that fierceness to show itself only when needed.
Sacral – I feel… Precariously balanced. This card reminds me of Eddy Murphy in the cave on the way to get the cup in the Golden Child movie, balanced so carefully upon the towering stone pillars and at risk for a long, long fall. Due to the emotional growth I’ve been working through over the past few months, my footing is unsteady, although I am taking the right steps. If I want to find better balance in this area, I need to find better footing.
Solar Plexus – I do… Focus on zen and comfort and silence. I find strength in peace and my connection with nature. The white on the face and blue lips speak of my mutism, and how I can use this part of myself as a strength instead of a weakness. Sometimes silence is comforting and peaceful. Creating a balance in my core requires time in nature, and time wallowing in the things I find comforting (like Luna’s purrs and squishy Pluto).
Heart – I love… Loving care through symbiosis. The Egyptian Plover is a bird that flies into the mouths of Nile Crocodiles and perches within their open maws, picking the meat and other remnants of food from between the crocodile’s teeth. The crocodile does not eat the plover because the plover is ensuring the health of the crocodile, by removing debris that could cause infection while cleaning the crocodile’s teeth. This type of symbiosis is needed for me to find balance in a loving relationship… and this type of symbiosis is something I have with you.
Throat – I talk… About elevation and inner strength. My communication is filled with my desire to help others to rise above their tragedies and hardships and find the positives both in their situations and within themselves. This is something I desire and love, but I also accept that not everyone is ready to let go and move on. Sometimes, you just have to ‘hold space’ for them. Holding space is not my greatest strength, but to find balance in this area of my life, it’s something I need to work on.
Third Eye – I see… Possibilities within impossibility. To find balance in the area of my intuition and creativity, it’s important to allow myself the freedom to get lost in my imagination and let it carry me away into a land of possibilities far removed from “the box” of conformity. Anything is possible… I just have to imagine it, and then act.
Crown – I understand… The connection between light and dark. I know and I understand the differences between right and wrong. My moral compass is strong and sure, and is swirled through with as well as heavily connected to my intuition. Balance in the area of my deeper knowledge and my intuition relies on this connection and upon the clear and strong readings my moral compass provides me.
DECK USED: DIXIT CARDS v4 ORIGINS EXPANSION PACK
Looking Out the Windows
Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was another of the harps strings meditations with interval timer of chimes to help me through the stretching part of the process. It was very relaxing, and as often seems to happen these days when I meditate, I ended up in a bit of a nap afterward. Just saying? But having fruit in the house was a real motivator to get me going as well surprisingly. I was very eager to make myself my berry smoothie, so when I woke up there was no dawdling at all.
Today’s draw is the Four of Earth (Four of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of stability in hearth and home, finances and resources, as well as one’s health and manifestation goals. This can also easily turn into a negative card if one takes that stability too far and becomes miserly or overly focused.
Although basket weaving is in the forefront and represents home and hearth to me as well as taking care of those you love, what really stood out to me today is the willow in the background. Medically speaking, its properties include use as an astringent and fever reducer, and the salicin in its bark is the active ingredient in aspirin. Metaphysically, this tree is considered a sheltering protector and is associated with immortality through it’s reproductive abilities.
What I see as the message in today’s card is a combination of what sits in the foreground, and the willow that drew my eye to the background. The willow is a protective tree. It shelters many secrets within its shady embrace and protects them from discovery and harm. So too does the Four of Earth offer protection through the sheltering protection of stability.
Just don’t get so focused upon that shelter that you forget to look beyond it.
DECK USED: HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT
#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m so burnt out all the time.
Question: What can I do to remind myself that rest is important before I’m in desperate need of it?
Reading Summary: Learn to recognize the signs (Page of Swords), and then seize steady and rooted control (King of Pentacles) to keep things balanced by using the tools at your disposal (The Magician).
Take Away: To make sure that I’m staying on top of when I need rest and when it is most important to my health and well being, I need to pay attention to the signs and not ignore them as I usually do. Instead, I need to take them seriously and use them as a trigger to bring my responsible self forward and do what needs done to solve the problem before it becomes detrimental to me.
DECK USED: STAR SEEKER TAROT
#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
How can I make sure that I don’t backslide in my emotional growth from this year?
Reading Summary: The combination of colors that coincide with each other in the second and third cards, connect these cards together, whereas the complete difference in colors and shapes through the first card in relation to the other two mark it as an outlier.
In the first two cards we have a crazily swirling sea with lots of unknown monsters in the dark, and yet the child sleeps and the sailor continues to row his boat. This indicates a need to accept that uncertainty happens. The world within the spin of a roulette like wheel then continues that theme, saying that that the presence of uncertainty in life is a part how the world works.
The outlier card, stands alone, separate from the other two by form and shape, subject matter and colors. The figures are packed and moving on…. and this indicates that the uncertainty indicated in the other two cards does not mean that you can just pack up and walk away.
Take Away: The cards here indicate that my biggest hurdle to trigger backsliding is emotional turbulence and uncertainty. My natural response to these things is to close up and turn inward, retreating from others and the world in order to pull up my “walls” and hide behind them. In order to keep from backsliding in my emotional growth, I need to accept that uncertainty is a part of life and that retreating from it solves nothing. Don’t run away, stay and see things through instead.
DECK USED: DIXIT CARD v4 ORIGINS EXPANSION PACK
#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Question: what you project // what you take in // what lies deep within
What I Project – The High Priestess – Mystery in the knowledge of secrets. I found this card to be an interesting response to this question, but at the same time, it also makes sense considering my background and knowledge garnered from being a life-long pagan, fortune teller, and witch. I think it’s more the “secret” part of the answer that gave me pause, as I’m always so willing to be open about my history and my knowledge, should anyone want to ask.
What I Take In – Nine of Wands – Energy. I take in the energy of others, which is often defensive. I didn’t realize this until recently when Kev did my Human Design System reading. A good deal of the reading rang true, and that included the part about my struggle to connect with others. When I rub people the wrong way, I feel that deeply as it is reflected back to me. I’ve considered restructuring my shielding to deflect this, but I find the input helpful.
What Lies Deep Within – Five of Pentacles – Depression and pessimism. As I mentioned in yesterday’s reading, I’m upfront about the fact that I deal with depression and have done so throughout my life… and yet when a depressive episode comes upon me, I work to hide it both from others as well as myself. My pessimism is something I also try to hide, although it more often becomes apparent during times when I’m feeling especially grouchy. These things live deep within me, and although I struggle with them and try to fight against them when they rise up? I don’t think they can really be abolished so much as… managed.
DECK USED: ANIMISM TAROT
Gideon’s Challenge
Encouraged
I see
a little bear face
nestled
among the moss
on a hike
among the trees
and draping ferns.
A painted bear face
that brightens
my heart
and suddenly
each step
is a bit lighter.
Painted rocks are all the rage around here these days. You can find them in the city, in the park, on hikes… just about everywhere if you pay attention. Usually, the hikes I go on are a little too strenuous for those that do the whole “painted rock thing”, not to mention who would want to haul rocks on a hike? I found this one on one of the easier hikes, though, just waiting off the trail in some moss to peek out and encourage a smile.
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)
These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.
The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?
Earth – High Priestess, Justice, Home – Use your intuition to find balance at home. This week may come with a hint of imbalance as you work through getting your equilibrium back after the events of Friday and Saturday with your mother. Instead of dwelling, find the route of least resistance through use of your intuition, and allow things to balance themselves out instead of trying to right the scales on your own.
Air – Nine of Wands Rx and Incantation – It’s time to refresh and reinforce your wards and protections. Instead of going by rote, take some time to sit down and work through what needs to be done and what needs to be changed up.
Water – Ace of Cups, Fledgling of Cups, Sister – Repetition of new beginnings is going to be a theme this week. Make sure that whether you’re dealing with your new emotional growth, or approaching an emotional issue that has arisen again and again over time, that you lean on those closest to you instead of trying to stand strong on your own. It’s okay to reach out for support when you need it, and they are more than happy to lend an ear or a shoulder.
Fire – Ranger of Wands and Fall – This is a reminder that you need to start working on the preparation for the holiday rush now. The earlier you begin your preparations, the less rushed and struggling you will feel when the holiday rush starts.
Waning – Treasure – It’s funny that this comes up as what is waning over the week ahead when I just noticed this morning how sad and tattered some of my “specimens” I use in my card photos are starting to look. It’s time to toss out those treasures that have become faded and tattered, and seek out new ones to replace them with.
Waxing – Boundaries – This hearkens back up to what was mentioned in the Air portion of this reading. It has to do with making sure I get those new wards and protections in place, and reinforces the need to make sure they get done this week and are not put off until later on for whatever reasons that might come up to stir up the temptations of procrastination.
Take Away – Focusing on sharing with loved ones and the protection and balance of the energies of the hearth is going to be a theme this week. Make sure you are following your intuition and not falling into old habits. New methods are to be encouraged rather than set aside this week, as some refreshing and “sprucing up” of old and repeated processes.
DECKS USED: VELEDA WOODS TAROT, SYNCHRONICITY ORACLE, AWAKENED SOUL ORACLE
Desires vs Reality
Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was another of the harp string meditations with the interval chimes. It was very relaxing and I dozed off somewhere near the end and had a pretty good sleep. I’m not calling it a “nap” because it really did feel more like I had gone to bed and had a good sleep, even though it only lasted probably an hour or so. I didn’t wake up so much “refreshed” as just a bit more energized with muscle strain eased.
Today’s draw is the Five of Water (Five of Cups) for the second day in a row. As I mentioned (just yesterday), the traditional interpretation of this card is about disappointment, pessimism, feelings of failure, and that “sour grapes” feeling of the glass being half empty.
I love the imagery of this card today. It is… I find it breathtaking, and so fitting, all at once. I see the image of an individual looking up at what they can’t have instead of enjoying what they have in this image. Sea monster or not, that look at what lies beyond their reach is something I can relate to, and it still lingers upon the topic of my mother and her manipulations.
Every time she takes me by surprise, I feel so damned stupid. And the fact is, that it’s that Five of Cups theme that creates the opportunity for those feelings to surface. It’s that wanting for what I can’t have… that desire for what’s beyond my reach that causes the disappointment.
I desire the mother that loves me. I deserve a mother that cherishes me. Maybe, in her own way, she does both of these ways. But it’s not in any way that I can personally see. It’s not in any form that is identifiable to me. My expectations are not helping this situation and I need to let them go, and accept things as they are.
DECK USED: COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE
#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m so burnt out all the time.
Question: How can I be proactive, rather than simply reactive, about rest?
Reading Summary: Stay in touch with how you’re feeling (Knight of Cups) and own it (the curl of the Fox’s tail in the Queen of Wands), and understand that it is fully acceptable (Six of Wands) to need rest.
Take Away: Part of the reason I habitually hit burnout again and again is because instead of staying in touch with how I am feeling, I push the warning signs away and shove them into a dark corner instead of listening to them. By pushing these warning signs and struggles away, I can then plow forward and continue to push myself harder and harder, as I was always taught is the “right” thing to do.
If I want to be more proactive about my rest, I need to connect with those feelings and warning signs instead of ignoring them, and accept that it’s a part of being human to need rest, and not a failing on my part.
DECK USED: LUMINA TAROT
#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Hidden Strength / Secret Weakness
Hidden Strength – Nine of Pentacles – Creating stability, and the ability to be alone. I don’t need other people to entertain me or keep me company, I’m more than capable of doing that for myself. My independence is one of my greatest strengths, and not one that is obvious to everyone.
Secret Weakness – Three of Swords – I am my own worst enemy and my depression is my hidden secret weakness. I’m upfront about the fact that I deal with depression and have done so throughout my life… and yet when a depressive episode comes upon me, I work to hide it both from others as well as myself.
DECK USED: TAROT MADDONNI
#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: be proud // be humble // be brave // be strong
Be Proud – The Lovers – I make good choices. This is something that I can take pride in. Whether these choices are for my benefit or the benefit of others, whether it is in the person I have partnered with, or the employers I work for, or anything else. In the end, with the guidance of my intuition and my moral compass, I make good choices.
Be Humble – The Star – I don’t know everything when it comes to spiritual matters. Fortunately, I’m not someone that struggles with saying “I don’t know” when I don’t know the answer to something, but I think sometimes I do come off as more knowledgeable on certain subjects than I am, simply because I am confident of my own personal path.
Be Brave – Ten of Pentacles -Sometimes even when you have stability and security in your life? It feels like it’s not enough, or like it might be taken away from you on the whims of fate alone. Obtainment doesn’t necessarily mean anything if you can’t hold onto what you want once you get it. It takes bravery. Not just to go after what you want, but also to admit you want it and to work at holding onto it even after you have it.
Be Strong – The Moon – It can be hard to be strong in times of uncertainty, but remember that these times are transient. Their impermanence means that no matter how confusing or uncertain things might seem in the moment? Eventually it will all come clear again. It just takes some strength and perseverance to get through to the other side.
DECK USED: STUDENT TAROT v4 GODARD’S BIRDS
#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Topic: The part of my world that inspires me is…
Reading Summary: Guiding others (Grand Master) in sorting out (Justice) their struggles and worries (Nine of Swords) so that they can make gradual progress toward a better future (Knight of Coins).
Side note: For some reason the Grand Master (Hierophant) in this deck always makes me think of the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. I’m not sure why.
Take Away: I’m not sure if the feeling I get from helping others with their path so much inspires me, as it kindles a feeling of warmth and positivity within my soul. Perhaps that could actually be considered inspiration of a sort, though. Not so much creative inspiration, and yet inspiration all the same.
Twisting the Leaf 