Reactionary Resistance

Today’s meditation was put off until the end of the day as I had a really long drive to do today and wanted to get on the road. I did take a few minutes to breathe and calm after the incident earlier today when the guy spit in my face… but it wasn’t a full meditation.  I’m honestly so tired that I’m not sure I will get it in today, but I’ll try to do it before bed.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Neptune card.  This deck is a combination of a full tarot deck and oracle deck in one.   This particular card is a part of the oracle side of the deck and represents the Greek god Neptune, who ruled over dreams and intuition, as well as introspection, perception, and psychic ability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is how well the depiction of Neptune blends into his surroundings.  His coloring is a smooth blend to sea and sky, his hair swept with the clouds.  This speaks to me of  the ability we have to blend into our own surroundings and use that connection to better understand others and the world around us.

The message today is about listening.  It’s about paying attention and watching, and striving for understanding of other people and the world around us.

When I received this message, I thought it was a good one, but didn’t think there was anything specific in reference to it… and then I went to the post office and got up very close and personal with racism.  Now, I understand this card’s message much more.  It’s about stepping outside yourself in order to find some sort of understanding or peace with the incomprehensible.

It’s about taking yourself out of the personal chaos to connect with something bigger, and in doing so finding a way past the intensity of your initial reactions so that you can deal with the situation in a calm and competent way.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
  I’m struggling to find my purpose.
  How can I improve upon the limits I’ve placed on myself concerning my desires?

Way of the Panda Tarot

Reading Summary: Sometimes obtaining what you want takes time (Ace of Pentacles under Seven of Pentacles). Don’t worry so much (Nine of Swords) or allow yourself to feel heartache or disappointment (Three of Swords) just because you can’t have something right away.

Take Away:  I’m doing just fine concerning my limits and going after what I desire.  Where I need to direct my focus and my efforts is on controlling my impatience and allowing things to develop at their own pace.  Sometimes obtaining your desires takes time and I struggle with that.  The cards indicate I need to make sure I stay positive during those moments of impatience.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
:  How can I bring more joy into my life at this time?

Lumina TarotReading Summary: Generosity (Six of Pentacles) of mind and self control (King of Swords) instead of listening to your inner critic (The Devil).

Take Away:  Because of my self-destructive urges, listening to my inner critic is not just something I do out of habit, but also out of a sort of vicious cycle of self harm.

Since I’ve been on medication that actually works, I rarely have suicidal thoughts or urges, and my self harming behavior has become far, far more subtle.  But, those self harm urges are still there. If I want to introduce more joy into my life, I need to make a concerted effort to be kinder to myself… as well as making more a conscious effort at increasing my control over the tone of my internal dialogue.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
cleanse // clear // renew

Animism Tarot

CleanseNine of Pentacles – Clean out your closets.

Literally.   This isn’t a metaphor.  I had a plan to clean out two of the closets in my condo this summer, and I haven’t touched either of them yet.

ClearFive of Swords – Let go of your angst.

After what happened today outside the post office, this makes perfect sense, but I think that this is about more than that.  I’ve been a bit short and cranky the past week or so compared to usual.  I’m not entirely sure where those feelings have been coming from, but I think you’re on to something about the extra emotions adding a level of abrasion that isn’t usually present. 

RenewThe Hermit – Take some time to yourself to do some soul searching.

It’s still extremely difficult for me to get some decent alone time.  There is always people at home and when I go out into the woods I have to do it “on a schedule” rather than just going out and letting myself forget about time and responsibilities as I used to.  I need to make a more concerted effort to give myself some alone time that is quality time.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What advice do I need to give myself and take to heart?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Take some damn time for yourself or else.

Take Away:  This is a warning that if I do not put in some actual quality alone time with myself I’m going to be sorry.   That sense of overwhelm and chaotic mess that I become when things get out of control internally is coming and if I don’t find a way to “steal away” the quality alone time for myself  that I need, that chaotic internal mess is going to become the center of my world.


Gideon’s Challenge


And alone
Ragged and lost
Rooted and adrift
and yet calm
Standing tall
even as
I quake
on the inside.

Someone spit in my face today.  Spit… in… my FACE.
Because I am a courteous enough to wear a mask?  No.

Because of my Korean heritage.

“Go back to China and take the virus back with you,” he said.

Fuck you too asshole.  I was born here.

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