Month: July 2020

Morning Bonus Read – Responsibilities

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, check in with your divination tools about what burdens you might be carrying or things you believe are your responsibility, that you should not be—and what things you aren’t carrying or aren’t recognizing as responsibilities that you should be.”

Birds Oracle Deck

Left Three:
What do I take responsibility for that I should not?

Grackle – You don’t have to “show up” for everything or be a part of everything.

Black Capped Chickadee – It’s your ego that drives you to take on too much. You need to feel like you’re doing enough, and you overfill your plate in an effort to fulfill that need.

Kiwi – Pick your battles and pick your projects, and let the rest go.

Take Away: Taking on too much is an addiction that needs breaking.  Stop seeing it as an admirable quality and be more reasonable with what you can handle.

Right Three:
What is my responsibility that I have not claimed?

Ruby Throated Hummingbird – Taking advantage of a situation to get something you want rather than leaning towards conservation.

Zebra Finch – Find the grounding roots you need rather than allowing yourself to drift in limbo.

Flamingo – You are not taking care of yourself physically.

Take Away: Self care includes more than just dealing with internal demons and fostering inner growth.  You have to take care of your body as well.  It’s time to stop using your “change in situation” from the pandemic as an excuse for not exercising or eating properly.

Center Card:
How can I correct the imbalance between these two?

Ivory Billed Woodpecker – It’s important to look for the ways that letting go of overburdening yourself and taking better care of your body can improve your future.  Don’t get so wrapped up in the now but look forward and look for the small opportunities that can build over time into large results.

DECK USED: BIRDS ORACLE DECK AND BIRDS ORACLE DECK 2

Seasoning the Food

/ Twist the Leaf / 3 Comments

Today’s meditation was probably about five minutes long, but I ended up falling asleep in the middle of it so I’m not entirely sure just how long it lasted.  I’ve been really tired today and even after two naps, I’m still feeling a bit groggy and fuzzy.   This is something you have definitely noticed and I just want to say it again… it isn’t anything to do with you. That’s all.   I’ve not missed any dosages of my meds and you haven’t done anything that would cause me to avoid you. I’m spacey and fuzzy brained.

I will give meditation another try before bed tonight, although I will probably fall asleep during that one too.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Ten of Earth (Ten of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of completion and fulfillment in the areas of one’s finances, resources, health, and the physical world.

Two things stand out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card today.  The first is the fact that she has one of her eyes bandaged.  This speaks to me of the nature of perfection. In my experience, perfection cannot exist without the existence of a flaw of some sort.  As this card is a representation of completion and fulfillment, it feels only right that there should be a “fly in the ointment” to create that perfect finish.

The second thing that drew my attention in this card today is the glowing cross in the angel’s hands. This cross is stunted in its length, which in turn reminds me more of the circle of the elements and seasons.  The lines of the cross in this incarnation indicates the four directions, and the spaces between each of these lines represent the seasons.  In this way, the cross in this card feels today as if it represents the “everything” concept, bringing in all things and all time together as one.

The message here is in accepting the flaws that make a life perfect.  Perfection exists, but only in the fact that it is the imperfections that make perfection what it is.  When looking at your life, do not focus only on the struggles and strife, but consider them the sprinkling of pepper that seasons the delicious dish that is your life as a whole.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:  What is inherently toxic about the way I currently evaluate my worth?

Tarot of the Journey to The Orient

Reading Summary: There’s no patience or understanding (Temperance Rx) and no joy (The Sun Rx), only a clusterfuck of bad choices (imagery in the Seven of Chalices) and the constant push for more (imagery in the Three of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The toxicity in how I evaluate my worth has to do with the fact that instead of being kind and understanding with myself, whenever I make a mistake or a bad choice my inner critic jumps at the chance to rip me a new one and tear me down.   This combined with that constant pushing for more and better combine to create an extremely toxic inner dialogue.   The cards indicate this could be turned around by allowing more kindness and patience into the equation, and more positivity into that inner dialogue.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE JOURNEY TO THE ORIENT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Current Challenge / Potential Resolution

The Animism TarotCurrent Challenge – Nine of Swords – Negative self talk and a destructive inner dialogue are causing a bit of overwhelm.  This is part of the reason I decided to take some time off.  Yes, this creates a different type of criticism to take place as guilt over taking time for myself screws with my head a bit… but at the same time?  I can feel the relief that allow myself some time away from the pressure has already given me.  I don’t have to go back to work until Wednesday, and it’s a wonderful bit of a break.

Potential Resolution – The Empress and Ace of Wands – Take this time to pamper yourself and give yourself some nurturing and comfort while you explore creative ideas and interests.  There’s a lot of fun to be had in that exploration if you let yourself just enjoy it and treat yourself with nurturing understanding instead of that normal slave driver mentality you usually approach yourself with. 

DECK USED:  ANIMISM TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  you // me // us

Numinous Tarot

You – The World – The end all, be all of everything. You are the end of the road and culmination of all that has come before, as well as the future that is spread out before me.

Me – Mystic of Candles – I light the fire of passion and am the driving force. I kindle the spark of passion and interest and even obsession between us, and you are the moth to my flame.

Us – The Sun – Pure joy and happiness.

DECK USED:  NUMINOUS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  From where do I get my best ideas?

Albano Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: Times of struggle and strife, defeat and destruction (Ten of Swords and The Tower) drive me forward and kindle my inner spark where my creativity lives, while the need to share with the world (as well as be seen as) more than these things emboldens me to take these ideas forward and share them with others (Six of Wands).

Take Away: The cards here indicate that my best creative ideas are sourced by a combination of the kindled spark of “fight” within me created by the struggles I’ve gone through, and the need to share something beautiful with the world so that others do not look at live (or me) through eyes that see only the struggles dealt.  I want others to see and experience beauty and good things… I want to share that with them, and have that beauty I share, in turn, associated with me.

DECK USED:  ALBANO WAITE TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_5230Together

When we are
twined
together as one
sweat drying
breaths panting
and the world
glazed in pleasure,
I feel shiny and new,
renewed
and recreated.
A diamond
once dirty and dull
now clean,
I shimmer.

In those moments tangled in your arms, my guard down completely and my soul bared to you, it feels as if you see a piece of me no one else can see.  You love a piece of me no one else can touch.   In these moments, I am not myself.  Instead I am the young fawn that has not yet having learned to flinch for the world.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Rolling Stones Standing Still

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IMG_5153Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and a guided meditation that focused upon vulnerability and creativity.  There is vulnerability in creativity… as well as in all those other things mentioned in the Brene Brown quote on the right.   I’m not sure if I would consider vulnerability the birth place of these things…. but I think that it takes a certain level of vulnerability to allow them in and allow them to have influence over you.

All of those emotions leave you vulnerable to being hurt, and creativity does as well.  It takes bravery to create, to put what you have made out there in the world and allow people to see it.  Whether we want them to judge these creations or not?  They will.  And those judgements can hurt when they are not positive.

Herbcrafter's Tarot - The World - PachamamaToday’s draw is The World card, which is traditionally a representation of the fulfillment and achievement that can be obtained by reaching the end of a journey, transitioning through growth into a new journey, as well as the cycles of life and reincarnation.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the monarch butterfly.  A butterfly’s life is full of cycles.  The cycle from caterpillar to butterfly, the cycle of migration they go through each year, etc.   They are in constant flux of one sort or another, and never fully still or stagnant in life.  At the same time, the stones in the floral mandala also really catch my eye.  These stones are positioned to represent the four directions and thus, the four elements.

The combination of these two aspects are a message of encouragement concerning finding balance and direction. At the moment I am feeling a bit stagnant and struggling with direction, and I feel like the stones in the imagery and how they stand out to me today is an encouragement that taking this time off to just relax and de-stress is a good move.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:  When did I first start to lose my sense of worth?

New Palladini Tarot

Reading Summary: There were many times in my youth when uncertainty was an issue for me (The Moon) and yet I was left to deal with it on my own as everyone abandoned me during my times of need (Eight of Cups). I did the best that I could with what I had at the time to work with (Page of Rods), but I was judged harshly for the results regardless (The Last Judgement).

Take Away:  This type of behavior pattern from others during my developmental years created a sense of always needing to do better and the mentality that only perfection was acceptable from me. This is something I’ve carried into adulthood, and I’ve only started to recognize as a problem and work on over the last few years.

DECK USED:  NEW PALLADINI TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I strengthen my relationship with my loved ones?

Tarotbot TarotReading Summary: Be generous (Six of Coins) in sharing your passions with others (King of Wands) and spread your enthusiasm and inspiration around and see what comes back to you in turn (Page of Wands).

Take Away:  By involving them more in those things that I enjoy and find inspiration in.  Most of my creative endeavors and passionate interests are solo activities, but many have the potential to be more by sharing these activities with others.  By doing this, I open myself up to let them in closer, and become closer to them in turn, which then strengthens those relationships.

DECK USED:  TAROTBOT TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  embrace // erase // face

The Fifth Tarot

Emperor – Embrace your power and accept the authority that you have over others, whether you really want it or not. Embrace your role in this family and among others, and your role as a leader. You are the stable protector and provider, the foundation, and that’s okay.

Judgement and Ten of Swords – Erase self-doubt. The struggles that you have gone through do not need to be rehashed again and again in your mind, and evaluated over and over looking for flaws and mistakes. You’ve done the best you could so let these worries go and focus on moving forward.

Three of Lotus – Not even stone can withstand the flow of water, forever unchanged by its currents. Face the fact that you cannot stand stagnant and move forward at the same time. You have to be able to except that things are going to change in all aspects of your life as well as within you as you move along this path of growth you are on.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_4588Chaos

Yesterday
so resolute
and then
the morning comes
second guesses
warring thoughts
a cacophony
within the mind
as guilt
and obligation
and responsibility
try to beat me
into submission.
And yet,
I persist.

I made the decision yesterday to take a week off from the business and  give myself some breathing room.  This isn’t a full vacation, of course, as I’ll still be working at the farm and the salon, but yet… it is a huge thing all the same. I’ve never taken time off voluntarily just for myself before.  Not ever.

So it’s not surprising that guilt and doubts would play havoc with my insides today concerning the decision.  Thing is though?  I need it.  I need some time.  I’m not letting the guilt and doubts turn me away from this.  I need the time… and I’m taking it.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

#31DaysofWitchcraft Prompt 12 & 13 (non)VR to Heather Carter

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Heather Carter on YouTube put together a series of prompts titled #31DaysofWitchcraft that she’s been working her way through since the beginning of May. I really like this idea, but I can’t handle the responsibility of any more daily posts, so I thought that for the next few weeks, I would do one (or a few at a time) for the end of week “My Pagan Perspective” posts and work through them a bit at a time.

spellbook

12. Do you have a separate witchy name? Why, or why not?

My “witchy name” is the same as my online name.  It’s Twist the Leaf.

This name comes from a line in a ritual that my sister and I wrote together as children.

To be fair, when I first came online, I used just “Twist” and then “Twist the Leaf” for circles and pagan events and activities.  But over the years, the two have melded and I now use Twist the Leaf in most places, and “Twist” as the shortened version here and there.

As for why.  My mother used to take my sister and I to a lot of Wiccan functions, and having a “witchy name” was all the rage in those circles.  I chose my “witchy name” initially in order to finally get them to stop pestering me about choosing one, but over time it’s become… more than that.

I no longer go to those events and haven’t for… at least fifteen years or more. Other than my sister (and our mentor recently as she’s been living with us for a bit now), my practice is primarily solitary.  But the name has stuck, and these days it seems that I’m actually more comfortable being called Twist than I am called by my birth name.

13. Do you write your own spells, use pre-written one or do a mix of both?

I write my own spellwork, or at times work on it together with my sister.

This falls back on the way we were raised. To be honest?  I don’t spend a lot of time reading pagan/wiccan/witchcraft books.  This isn’t how I learned my craft.  Because of this? Although I knew that published books had spells in them, I didn’t realize these were actually spells people used.  Like, letter for letter and word for word, used like a recipe to bake pastry.  This realization that people actually do that was baffling to me.

My sister and I were taught to write our own rituals and our own spellwork.  We were taught that it is a part of the process of casting a spell to do the work behind the spell, which includes doing the research to know what elements to include in the spellwork, and constructing the spell and wordwork ourselves.   I guess that because of this, I assumed that the spellwork in published books was there as a “jumping off point”?  You know, providing ideas and examples… but not there to be used as-is.