Finding the Source

IMG_3617Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and focused on pain management.  This is a topic that I am extremely well versed in and honestly?  There wasn’t anything particularly new in the meditation that isn’t already a part of my own pain management practices.

The theme had to do with not just using the breath and meditation to work through pain, but to appreciate pain for what you can learn from it and how it makes you stronger.  Sometimes, in the middle of pain, just as in the middle of a crisis, it is difficult to see where there may be some sort of benefit from the experience.   Some people, I know, are unable to find that benefit even after it all has ended.

I personally believe that one of the major lessons to be learned in this incarnation of mine is to allow difficulties to strengthen me, and accept the hardships, struggles, and even the life-altering tragedies and moments of victimization as a part of my development into someone better… something better.

Healing Mantra DeckToday’s draw is the “Acknowledging Apprehension” card of the Healing Mantra Deck.

The purpose of this card and its mantra is to assist in teaching one how to step forward into a direction in times of apprehensive uncertainty.

In the book for this deck, it explains that as you identify and acknowledge apprehension in yourself, you can then “recognize that either it is your heart trying to warn you of an old choice or pattern you’re about to repeat, or it is a sense of unworthiness that makes you unsure about” moving forward.

The message here is that the more you are able to acknowledge that your apprehension is there, and the more often that you are able to discern which of the two above mentioned scenarios are applicable, the more adept you become in stepping past the clouds of uncertainty apprehension can create and into a sense of clarity that fosters decisive action.


#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
: Root Cause of this time of transition and my reactions to it. (built off yesterday’s cards)

Chrysalis Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m hurting myself (Three of Scrolls) by focusing too hard on my more material goals (Ten of Stones) and the new emotions I’ve been experiencing (Ace of Mirrors) are spurring a gradual change (Death).

Take Away:  Home and financial stability is my biggest focus when it comes to goals, and that’s not really much of a surprise.  The cards here indicate that I have become so focused upon those goals for so long that I’ve become used to using them to avoid my inner well-being.  The new level of emotional awareness I’ve been growing into is reaching a point where changes are inevitable and, in fact, needed in order to continue in my growth.


#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
: What is the most important lesson I need to learn this month?

Universal Celtic Tarot

Reading Summary:  It’s okay to be soft sometimes (Queen of Cups), even in times when strength of will (King of Wands) and clarity of thought (King of Swords) is needed.

Take Away:  There is a certain kind of strength in softness and emotions.  There’s strength in knowing yourself and being in a place where your emotions do more than create a whirlwind of confusion but actually foster a sense of stability all their own.  The important lesson I need to learn this month is that emotions do not have to detract from my other strengths… instead they can reinforce and bolster and nurture my strength of will and clarity of thought… If I can accept it.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
: What is something I am proud of in my life?

Maruco Animal Tarot

Reading Summary: My independence (Three of Cups Rx) and sense of purpose (The Emperor) that, through times of change (Death), allows me to ride through those changes in life and use them as an opportunity for growth (The World).

Take Away:  This is more like two things… or maybe two things rolled into one thing like a chocolate and creme Ho-Ho.  It’s about adaptability and persistence.  It’s about taking what comes and rolling with it.   That’s something that’s not always easy, and doesn’t even always go smoothly.  Yet in retrospect I continue to do it regardless of what tries to knock me off my feet along the way, or how many times I land on my ass and have to pick myself back up.


#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my body? How can I improve it?

IMG_3625Reading Summary:  Too much good times (Three of Cups).  Instead of unproductive good times with others, utilize their presence and work together with them (Three of Pentacles over The Hermit).

Take Away: I have not been working out, and there are things I could be doing… but have been lax about starting, let alone doing regularly.  If I want to rectify this issue, I need to stop being lax and reach out to L and Z to help me get motivated and assist me in getting to work.

The Tower Rx jumped out at the end of this reading  as I was putting cards away to tell me… “Don’t freak out, this isn’t the end of the world.”



Connecting With Something More

This week’s Pagan post is again from a question on one of the spirituality Discord servers that I’m a member of rather than from the Pagan Perspective prompts on YouTube.  No real reason this week for the deviation from the PP prompts other than I just really liked the question.

Question for the week of April 6th:  If spirits or deities aren’t part of your practice, talk about how you connect to energy/the elements/a plant/whatever you connect to.


As I’ve mentioned in the past, I grew up in a Wiccan/Buddhist household, but I never connected with the concept of deity, so once I was out on my own it was the first thing that I discarded from my practice in the process of transitioning into something that worked better for me.

At that time, I first stepped into working with the energies of the elements and the forest, which felt comfortable and right. As time moved in, I had a good deal of time to think in depth about the concept of divinity, though, and over time I began incorporating a different scope of energy into my practice.  I now still work with the four elements combined with the energies and entities of the forest, but the foundation of my path beneath that is based off of the energies of creation, evolution, and balance.

For me, the energies just… feel right. Fit better than deity ever did.  That said, these energies are incorporated into my spellcraft and ritual in similar ways to how Wiccans incorporate the God/Goddess aspect. That is to say that these energies are called upon to add their blessing and their strength to the ritual or workings taking place.

I feel these energies of creation, evolution, and balance around me all day every day… all the time. Same with the energies of the elements and my very strong connection to damp earth and the forest. That connection to these energies is incorporated in everything I do, as it is something I am conscious of every moment of every day.


As for spirits…. I had a mediumship experience back last fall, and I realized after some contemplation that (for reasons of discomfort) I’ve been ignoring an ability that I’d now like to explore.

But, I want to do that safely, which I feel means I need a closer (and more conscious) relationship with my guides to accomplish. So, I’ve begun working on transitioning to a more conscious relationship with my guides primarily through meditation and a bit through some tarot experimentation.

I never really “connected” with my guides growing up or through the years since.  I understand that they’re there (although I have no idea what kind of guides they are whether they be ghosts or other entities of some sort).  I’ve always just sort of ignored their presence and let them “do their thing”… to wit I understand that they have probably been using the signals of my intuition (which communicates with me on a very physical level) and possibly also the tarot, to guide me without my awareness of their hand in things.

Honestly, I’m not even really sure what a more conscious and aware relationship with my guides might look like, but I feel that it is needed for safety if I want to explore the mediumship ability that let itself be known last autumn.