Why I Own The Daemon Tarot

So this arrived in the mail yesterday…

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And the person I had with me had a pretty visceral reaction. As in, raised voice and “what the hell did you buy, why did you buy this”, etc. Poor guy nearly had an aneurysm, I’m pretty sure.

I’m not a Christian and I don’t believe in heaven or hell, an omnipotent god or evil devil.

What I do believe in is the inherent good and evil of people. No person is all good. No person is all bad. We all have a darker side, and that is what “Shadow Work” is about. And, Shadow Work is the reason that I purchased this deck (…and a couple of others I have in my collection. I’m looking at you, Secret Tarot of Dominic Murphy.)

“The shadow-self is where you keep your anger, your resentments, your self-loathing, your grudges. Some of us display our shadows for all to see: others keep them well-hidden, and appear unbearably and disgustingly cosmic to those who don’t.” – [Aeclectic Tarot Forums]

I had to explain this to him (once he calmed down) and I figured it might be something interesting for you as well.

The term “Shadow Work” refers to Carl Jung’s references in his work to the human nature’s “Shadow Self”. This is that side of us where our hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) issues lie. Our insecurities, our negativities, our morbidities, our toxicities. Our deep seated wounds. Our destructive tendencies.

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My mother calls Shadow Work the “Abattage des Démons” which translates into the “Slaughter of the Demons”. And that is why this deck was so intriguing for me. It’s not about evil creatures for me, but about a 69 card deck filled with all different aspects of the Shadow Self.

[Yes, 69 cards, instead of the standard 78-ish. Which means this isn’t really a tarot deck at all, nor does it carry the structure of the tarot. If what I heard is correct, the author did not want it titled with the word “tarot” but the publisher did it anyway.)

“The shadow self can be raw, dark and unbearably real and often remains as an unconscious aspect as we rather not look at why we do or say things irrationally or instinctively.” – [The Shadow Self and Tarot on Tarotpugs]

The deck is a way to explore those shadowy parts in the self, nudge at them and examine them. And perhaps, ultimately, while bringing them into the light to heal them, even if that healing is minuscule and takes countless rinse and repeats to see any real progress.

In my case, I do this most often by working with a dark deck on the first day to pull forth an issue that I need to work on, and then switching to a lighter deck the following day (or days) in order to seek a positive path that will assist me in healing what had been brought to the surface the day before.

Shadow Work is an important part of self development, and something that takes immense amounts of time, like chipping away at a wall by picking off one little granule of mortar at a time. Tools to help in these endeavors are always a good thing, and I see this deck as a tool to assist me on that path.

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Appreciation of Progress

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twelve seconds, and focused on when we experience intense negative emotions and how to deal with them in a calm, meditative manner.  The practice explored in this guided meditation is Michael Stone’s SAIN.   This is an acronym of guidance to work through the emotion in a mindful way.

Stop and acknowledge that the intense emotion is present.
Allow space for the emotion instead of pushing the emotion away.
Investigate where it shows up physically within our bodies
Non-Identification is the practice of observing the emotion without engaging with it or letting yourself -become- that emotion.

It was an interesting meditation, primarily because I already do this practice, but I’d never heard of Michael Stone or SAIN.  Or, well… sometimes?  I’ve skipped the “Allow” part, I think, though.

Today’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is a representation of tests, trials, challenges, and “harshness” in the area of the emotions, creativity, and relationships.

The appearance of the Five of Cups today is a reminder of where I’ve been.

This is a very fitting message for today, because later today I have my bi-monthly appointment with my shrink. The last time I visited her office I was in the middle of my depression and struggling. She was the inspiration behind these daily draw posts I do here on this blog, which are used to help me in finding perspective and something positive to add to each day.

In fact, during my morning devotional, this is exactly what I asked for during the shuffle before my daily draw… A positive message to carry with me throughout my day and provide perspective.

Today’s positive message is to look at how far I’ve come and how well I am doing, and that it’s important I don’t forget the dark place that I came from or disregard the progress I’ve made.

Together is Better

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and eleven seconds, and took place in the dentist’s chair while waiting for the oral surgeon to come in and check on my progress.  It was surprisingly relaxing, considering where it took place.   And, just sayin’?  Air conditioning is a wonderful thing.

Today’s draw is the Two of Cups, which is a representation of duality, cooperation, and a collaboration in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.

The Two of Cup’s appearance today is all about us and the new energy we’re putting into our relationship.  It’s about our opposites joining to create something better.  Something healing and heart warming and good.

I’ve very much been enjoying the extra time we’ve been spending together lately.  It feels good on the inside in those places within myself that I usually disregard or outright ignore.  I’m positive that you feel the same.

Our time together touches on just not the heart, emotions, and relationships, but also has a direct correspondence to how we spend our time.   The writing we do and the play we enjoy together is first and foremost how we foster the deep connection between the two of us, but by the sheer nature of how we spend that time, a creative endeavor as well.

By blending all of these elements together, this is where we are… and it is where we’re at our best and most harmonious.

I love you.

Story of the Sacred Circle Tarot

Usually, I do a group post for my deck modifications, since I’ve been doing quite a few of them over the past little bit.   But this particular modification was so surprising and so transformative, that I felt that it needed its own post.

First, a little backstory.

My very first deck was given to me, and so was my third.. fourth… possibly also my fifth.  I was raised by Pagan and Buddhist parents, and my mother gifted me the Gypsy Witch Fortune Telling cards when I was about ten years old.

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It isn’t really a deck that I use anymore, although I still own both the deck I was originally given as well as a version of the deck that is over 100 years old.

Soon after, I was given my first Lenormand deck (which is the system that I first learned with), and then a handful more of them over the years that followed.

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When I discovered the Ryder-Waite-Smith system, I was curious and eager to learn, and I requested a recommendation from the shop owner for a learning deck.   Now, I’m not sure why they recommended the Sacred Circle Tarot for this.  And, at around fourteen years old or so?  I wasn’t “centered” enough in myself or the RWS system to realize this deck was not going to be a good match for me, or to speak up and tell him “Um, no. How about a different one.”

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So, I bought the deck and I struggled with it.  I slogged through the reading, and fought with the deck at every turn.  For a while, I even thought that the RWS system was just not for me, and I retreated back to my roots in the Lenormand.

I’ve moved on since then, and back to the RWS.  I’ve discovered a multitude of decks that speak to me and that I enjoy (as you can clearly see by my list of decks that I now own).  But, I never got rid of the Sacred Circle Tarot I’d struggled with so horribly in the beginning.

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of deck modifications, and I have been eying the Sacred Circle deck with serious consideration since the first time I modified a deck.

Finally, I decided to take the plunge.   This is, hands down, my most aggressive deck modification to date, but I have to say, I’m really pleased with the results.

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The first thing I did was trim the cards, of course.   You can see in the above image the difference that this made in the size of the cards.  A deck that was once oversized and on the edge of awkward has been cut down to the size of a mini deck.

It was the first card I cut that made me realize what my issue was with this deck all along, actually.   I trimmed the Tower first (because, well yeah, it was just fitting in this case), and as soon as it was trimmed, I was amazed at how much more I connected with the card.   What I realized is that those great big, highly intricate borders were what had turned me off to the deck to the point that it was nearly impossible for me to read with them or use them in any capacity.  Although there are a few borders in the Major Arcana that are beautiful, as a whole they’re impression on me is startling, garish, and in some cases an almost violent assault on the senses.

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So, I cut them off.   All of them off.   The borders, the titles, the key words.   All of it but the main center picture on each card.

Suddenly, this deck felt much better.   The images spoke to me (although… not all of them), it felt good in my hands, it shuffles well and is screaming “use me, use me, USE ME!”.  The only issue I still struggle with is the “photo-shopped” imagery, which is a far and above improvement over it’s original incarnation.

I did have a small problem, though.  The Queen of Swords and the Warrior card (the Strength card) were a little too similar in my opinion, and a few of the other Major Arcana cards were easy to mix up.   The ones with people, I mean.    So, I decided to go ahead and use a fine point Sharpie and number the Major Arcana cards.

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I didn’t really need to do all the cards in the Major Arcana, but I liked the consistency of having them all done, so I numbered each of them with their roman numeral correspondence.

What is not consistent is the placement of the numbers.  This is because the cards (and images) are now so tiny that there isn’t a lot of room to select any one place to put the numbers in the same spot on each card.    So instead, I tried to find wherever there was a good space that the numbers would both fit, and be visible.

Finally, I then edged the deck in black.   I did this in a less precise way than I usually do my decks.   Normally, I take each card individually and edge the card, wipe the excess with a microfiber cloth, then repeat a second time if needed.

In this case, I took sections of the deck and did the edges of these sections all at once.   This causes the ink to bleed a bit  in between the cards, adding a touch of a messy border to the fronts and the backs, which was the idea.  I think that bit of “messy’ in the border goes really well with the artwork on the cards and I’m really happy with the results.

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Now?  After one night’s worth of work on altering this deck, it has been (nearly) completely transformed.  It no longer feels uncomfortable or awkward, and I no longer feel any inclination to avoid it or set it aside in the bottom of my tarot chest.  Instead, I love the way the cards feel in my hands, and aside from the photo-shopped look of some of the cards, I’m very happy with the aesthetic.

What the Heart Wants

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on stillness and silence.  Specifically, it focused on the restorative power of having a moment of silence.  How this moment can refresh you and help you recover from the cacophony of everyday life. 

The meditation included not so much following the breath, but focusing upon the moment of pause between the inhales and exhales.    I found this practice very relaxing.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is an indication of determination, energy, and strength in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.  This is a card of purpose and movement, and as such, it speaks of being lead by the heart to make changes and move away from the things that are not working for you.

The Eight of Cup’s appearance today has spurred me to sit down and look at what isn’t working for me.   I look around and I find myself dissatisfied, but it has taken a good deal of time to realize that the dissatisfaction hinted at inside has to do with the mess I am surrounded in.

Running a business from home is a messy thing, especially running a creative business.  Yes, I know where everything is, but there’s stuff…. everywhere.  Piled on the coffee table, stacked on flat surfaces around the house. It’s become a bit stressful, actually.

I think it’s time to start looking at a new system.  Or perhaps just altering and refining the system I currently have.   Things have gotten a bit out of hand and it’s time to clean up, clear up the chaos, so that my creativity can flow more smoothly.

Within the same theme, yet on a different thread, the Eight of Cups speaks to me in another way as well.    I really enjoyed our time together last night.   The amount of separation lately has been difficult for you, and it’s not working for me either.  I woke up feeling so much better internally this morning, and I could trace that feeling back to you.

I feel I need to move towards finding a better way to manage my time and activities so that we can have some more time together.  I’ve had some false starts and tripped over my feet a few times on this since emerging from my depression this spring.   I am determined to make this change, though.   I miss you.  I miss our time together.  Not that we don’t get time now, but…. it’s not enough.

Getting in Touch with Responsibilities

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on the practice of Metta. This is mantra meditation, where you focus your mantra upon yourself first, and then picture a recipient in your mind to focus it out ward upon them. For example, today’s mantra was “May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be at peace.”

I directed this mantra, when it was time to do so, to you. After our conversation yesterday, it feels like these ‘blessings’ are something that you are in need of right now, and I hope the energy that I directed your way helps you in finding that happiness, wellness, safety, and peace that you felt lacking in last night.

Today’s card is the fourth card of the Major Arcana, The Emperor. As with all Major Arcana cards, this card is focused on “the big picture” instead of smaller factions of the human experience.

The Emperor is a “father figure” card of responsibility, authority, and goals pertaining to the “greater good”.

The appearance of the Emperor in today’s draw ties into the readings I did yesterday for my Self-Care work, as well as the morning’s daily draw. The emerging theme of yesterday’s readings was one focused on compassion, and yesterday’s draw was Temperance.

The Emperor requires both of these to bring about positive consequences and be the embodiment of a just, fair, and balanced authority. He is focused on what is important to him, what he values most, rather than on the new and the frivolous.

This is a continuation of yesterday’s lesson, and a reminder to focus on the now. The Emperor card is pointing out that my actions and their consequences affect more than just myself, and to pay heed to this when considering my future actions.