The Whispers Are Lying

I’ve fallen behind again… and I can’t remember whether I meditated on the 29th or not.   So I’ll leave this empty this time around (and tomorrow too) as I finish up these posts that got started… but never published on the blog.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Four of CoinsToday’s draw is Four of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of stability and security in reference to one’s finances, resources, and health.  It can also go to far at times and be a representation of greed and/or miserly behavior.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the footrest.  And honestly?  At what is only about two inches tall, I don’t really see it’s usefulness.  Thus, it feels like a wasteful expenditure, and points out my own judgements concerning money and spending.  Judgements that are almost always directed more towards myself than others.

The message here is twofold.  First, it is that I need to be less judgemental toward myself and my spending. The second part of the advice seems contradictory, but it is more a compliment.  It’s okay to spend, when you have the funds to do it. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do so wisely. Search for the best prices, find alternative sources, check around and see if you really need to have the brand name of something and not the generic.  All of these things are just smart shopping, and something to remember along the way.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question
: Treat – What can I treat myself with to conclude this magickal month?

Gothic Horror Tarot

Reading Summary: Patience (Seven of Pentacles) with the ups and downs (Wheel of Fortune) and time with Gideon (The Lovers) added in to help balance things out (Two of Pentacles).

Take Away:  As October draws to a close, to treat myself, now is a good time to spend some extra time with Gideon when it’s possible so that I don’t feel too overburdened by my responsibilities.  Also, I need to make sure that I’m treating myself and my business with patience.  Things are unusually slow the last two weeks.  Don’t panic, just keep yourself focused on where you want to go and accept that it takes time to get there.

DECK USED:  GOTHIC HORROR TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: The last harvest is upon us. What needs to be discarded from my life?

Halloween Spirit TarotReading Summary: Worrying about a bunch of shit (Nine of Swords) that you just can’t know right now (Eight of Swords). And a vein of cruelty and pessimism (King of Cups Rx) over finances and running my business (King of Pentacles).

Take Away: What ifs and predictive worrying has taken over a lot of my worrying lately as a whole, and it’s something I need to let go of.  The things I don’t know… the things I can’t know right now… they need to be left alone instead of constantly worried over.  All it does is fuck up my confidence and my sense of well-being.

The other issue mentioned here is an echo of my COTD above.  It’s a reminder that just because business is slow right now doesn’t mean it will continue to be, or that the holiday rush is fucked and thus my finances through the first part of next year are as well.  This pessimistic attitude is not helping anything and needs to be discarded along with the anxiety and worry that have taken up a large footprint in my mind lately.

DECK USED:  HALLOWEEN SPIRIT TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is my Halloween message this year?

Tarot de Marseilles par Pole Ka

Reading Summary: Too much work (King of Wands decapitated), and too much bitchiness (Queen of Swords Rx) results in unpleasant repercussions (Justice).  Get your shit together (The Emperor’s glare).

Take Away:  Leave it to the Pole Ka to speak to me bluntly and without mercy.  Although, I think it’s something I need to hear in the tone that I need to hear it in.  I get a lot of what feels like conflicting guidance lately, and yet it’s not really all that conflicting at all, just my pessimism and cynicysm skewing it in that direction in my head.

The Emperor here in this spread is making it clear that I need to pull myself together and out of the tangled mess I’ve slid into the last week or two.  It’s time for clarity and control, not a tug of war and anxiety driven actions.

DECK USED:  TAROT DE MARSEILLES PAR POLE KA

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How do spiritual moments impact me?

Trionfi della Luna

Reading Summary: Spiritual moments provide succor (The Lioness) and peace (The Bluebirds) to help calm the chaos (The Tower).

Take Away: Due primarily to my own inner dialogue and the self directed cruel streak that lives in my head, it can be really hard for me to find and accept nurturing comfort and peace in my life.  It’s not that I don’t want the good feelings, but more that somewhere inside I feel that I do not deserve them.  

When shit hits the fan, therefore, I’m left wanting to fold into myself and my wounds because I don’t feel deserving of the comfort or the peace and good emotions that others can provide me.  I think it is also why during those times my intuition can sometimes become muffled, and thus I need to work on allowing myself not just my spiritual moments but a connection to them and my intuition…. especially during “tower moments” when the world feels like it’s falling apart.

DECK USED:  TRIONFI DELLA LUNA

Morning Bonus Read – Scorpio Season Tarot Spread

Scorpio Season Spread - Terrestrial Tarot

Ways in which my life will be profoundly transformed.
Earth (Ace of Pentacles)

This season is filled with manifestation and abundance for me, which is not surprising since the holiday rush starts in just another week or so.   The Ace of Pentacles in this position indicates that even though I’ve been feeling like sales have been slow and dismal, that there is opportunity coming and I just need to be ready for it.

Deep soul desires that may resurface for attention.
Queen of Cups

Again, we see the influence of the holiday rush in this card.  With that time nearly in my lap now, I’m going to be feeling the need for some emotional reassurances coming up as my emotional growth is delegated to the back seat (but, carefully not buried).

Shadow aspect that may emerge from the depths.
The Founded Power (Ten of Wands)

My habit of allowing myself to be overburdened and overwhelmed is also nipping right on my heels and trying to reassert itself. This is an unhealthy habit that I’m doing my best to break, but during the holiday rush a good deal of overwhelm comes with the territory no matter how much balance I try to instill into the process.

Major cycle(s) that are coming to a close.
Unity (The World)

My feelings of unity with the universe are coming to a close. I have, over the end of the summer and the lions share of the fall, slowly been starting to feel new connections happening.  New connections to my emotions, to my ancestors and guides, and to my spirituality as well.  I had been stumbling about lost for a bit, then found my footing and with it that connection.  Now, with the rush and all that coming, that feeling of connected completion is sadly out the window and will have to be found again once the holiday rush is over.

Soul-aligned beginnings / opportunities that will open up.
Authority (Four of Swords) atop Three Forked Road (Three of Swords)

The cards here indicate that I’m going to have the opportunity this Scorpio season to see just how taking control and incorporating rest and recovery into my work can help me from falling into that big black pit of depression.

DECK USED: TERRESTRIAL TAROT

Not All “New” Ideas Are Good Ideas

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a quiet non-guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. I really just needed a little peace, and I felt that the guided meditation, or even a bit of music, would feel like a bit too much over-stimulation.

Tarot of Haunted House - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which traditionally is a representation of new ideas, the beginning of educational pursuits, and ambition.

What stands out to me in this card is the position of the hand that is holding the knife. In this position, it is poised to press down and slice which indicates to me that this is a prime position for suicide.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.

When I was younger I had a whole lot of suicidal ideation. In fact… I had a whole lot of suicidal urges. It wasn’t just ideas and it wasn’t just daydreams and it wasn’t just thoughts. It was an overwhelming urge that visited me again and again, whether I was in the middle of a clinical depression or not. It was something my brain would just not let go of, a longing I couldn’t seem to release.

I’d like to say that love was the answer to this issue, but it wasn’t. Things really changed for me when Prozac came into my life in my 20s, and slowly but surely, the urges began to fade… and then the thoughts followed suit.

Now, as I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize that my life is precious. I want to live a long life, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. And when the end comes, I’m going to be sad about that. These are the realizations that came and developed over time once the suicidal ideation was finally moved out of the way.

I can’t say that the suicidal thoughts don’t come back… because they do. Prozac helps keep me balanced and level, but it doesn’t prevent the occasional major depressive episode from sneaking in. During those times the world looks a lot different and the urges to end my life come back, and I have to remind myself that the depression is only temporary and an illusion. What I’m feeling at those times is a lie.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question
: Trick – What have I learned this month?

Grim Tarock

Reading Summary: This month I have learned that entertaining addictions (The Dark Lord) for too long leads to a deconstruction of stability and old values (The Tower).  But, you can counteract that with patience and moderation (Temperance) which then leads to reigning in chaos to your advantage (Nine of Citadels atop Knight of Chaos).

Take Away: This isn’t only about deck collecting, which I need to slow down on for a bit as it is a bit of a drain on the finances.  But there’s other addictions here too.  Issues with eating unhealthy foods, with retreating into myself, skipping my meditations, and not getting the time in nature and exercise I need.   All of these things boil down to the addictions and temptations that are, when allowed to go on too long unrestrained, unhealthy for me.  At the top of this list is my self destructive urge, as well, and that is also a problem as it’s what drives so many of my other bad habits and allowances towards excess.

Moderation (which I admit is not my strongest of skills) is the key to the whole mess, of course. With moderation, I can then get a reign on that chaos so ready to run out of control and bring it to heel and benefit me instead of becoming destructive.

DECK USED:  GRIM TAROCK

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Does one’s name influence the person they become?

Ludy Lescot TarotReading Summary: A name can absolutely be a factor in leading the way in one’s life (Eight of Cups), especially if someone is not secure in themselves and have stability in their life (Four of Wands). It’s something that we carry with us throughout our lives (The World). But ultimately, there is an uncountable number of factors that influence the people we become, and it’s just one of the many (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:  A person’s name can influence who they become, but it is only one in a vast number of influences that make up the whole of a person’s development, and a rather small influence at that as long as the person has a good foundation beneath their feet and a solid surroundings and home life to lean into so that such things don’t take up too much of their focus.

DECK USED:  LUDY LESCOT TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question
: How do I nurture myself to strengthen my relationship with my Guides?

Curio Tarot

Reading Summary: Be kind with yourself (Queen of Cups), and pick a direction (Two of Wands) for your expertise to grow into (Eight of Pentacles). Keep hope alive in your head and heart, and work on your optimism (The Star).

Take Away:  Nurturing myself with kindness and working on my optimism are repeating themes in my cards, and things that I truly need repeated reminders to keep up on.  The center cards about picking a direction for my expertise to grow into is an interesting addition, and something I need to turn over in my mind for a bit.  It’s good advice, it’s just not something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about.  I’ve so long been a man of many skills that picking an expertise and a direction… even while making excellent sense? Feels weird to consider.

DECK USED:  CURIO TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What cards represent my spiritual best?

Da Brigh Black Tarot

Queen of Spheres – Grounded and deeply rooted within that grounding. Filled with creativity and nurturing manifestation, the need to create and bring to life those things that are only thoughts is in my soul whether it is through the growth of plants, artistic pursuits, or the creation of jewelry.

Justice – My need for balance and fairness is an integral part of my moral compass.  I know that life is not fair, but I also know that even if the only fairness in the world comes from me?  I’m going to do my best to instill a level of fairness and balance into my life and, when possible, the lives of others as well.  It is needed.

King of Swords – My knowledge is extensive and diverse, and I have the ability to inspire others to seek knowledge on what inspires their curiosity as well. Leading by example, I delve into any subject that draws my interest and my focus, and although I am willing to share that knowledge with others, I’m also very much interested in pushing others to explore on their own as well.

DECK USED:  DA BRIGH BLACK TAROT

Planning Is Important

Today’s meditation hasn’t happened yet.  I dozed off trying to do it this morning, and I haven’t made a second attempt yet.  I’m planning to try again before bed, that way if I doze off the next time, it won’t be cutting into more of my day with a second nap.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Seven of SwordsToday’s draw is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of strategy and cunning, as well as deceit and betrayal… especially when it involves getting away with it.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is the vertical blade among those that the woman holds, and the two that have been left behind in the background.   This speaks to me not so much of good strategy, but greed.

Normally, in the Seven of Swords,  you see a couple of blades that appear to intentionally be left behind, as if they have only taken what they can carry.  But here, we see blades that look like they have been dropped along the way, and one still in her arms that appears about ready to drop as well.

The reminder here is two fold.  First…. if you’re going to do something, do it right.  Don’t half-ass it and drop things along the way.  And second?  A part of doing something well is planning ahead.  She could have solved this problem she’s having holding onto her bounty with a bit of strategy and planning.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question
: Please send me your ancestral guidance from somewhere beyond the veil.

Zombie Tarot

Ace of Wands atop Knight of Hazards Rx – Think before you act.

Three of Wands atop Three of Swords Rx – Don’t carry your depression forward with you if you can leave it behind.

Death – Change is inevitable.

Take Away: It’s all good advice, and all advice that are things I need to keep in mind.  It came across a bit pithy and cliche, but that doesn’t make any of it any less on the nose.

DECK USED:  ZOMBIE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Your Strength / Your Weakness / Advice

Tarot of VampyresStrengthQueen of Knives – I have a sharp mind and a sharp tongue. These things allow me to cut through the bullshit and get to the core of a matter quickly and deal with it concisely. I’m also willing to use these qualities to help other.

WeaknessThe Hermit Rx atop Nine of Skulls – My tendency to fall into a retreat into myself is unhealthy and holds me back from enjoying all I have achieved as well as potential successes that may lie before me.

AdviceThe Priestess – Less logic, more intuition. There’s no point in pulling cards if you’re not going to listen to the advice they have to give.  Listening goes beyond just hearing what’s being said or even agreeing with it, it involves absorbing the advice and applying it in your life.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF VAMPYRES

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question
: How do I send love and gratitude for all my Guides?

Tarot Z

Reading Summary: By leaning on them (Five of Pentacles) when I am feeling weak (The Emperor Rx) and trusting that spiritual connection (Temperance).

Take Away:  I can show my love and gratitude for my guides by making sure that I turn to them when I need them.  They want to help, and so by trusting and respecting that connection with them, I am both giving them what they want and showing them my love and gratitude at the same time.

DECK USED:  TAROT Z

Morning Bonus Read – Witch’s New Year Spread

Dead Waite Tarot - Witch's New Year SpreadWhat is the strongest potential/possibility awaiting me in the next twelve months?
The Chariot atop Eight of Wands

Slow down and get where you’re going to faster.  It sounds counter productive, yeah?  Slowing down does not feel like it would get you where you want to go faster… but sometimes it does.

The Chariot indicates that I have the control to take myself forward in any direction that I want to go.  All roads are open. What’s key here, though, is that whatever road I choose?  I need to take my time.

What attitudes do I need to shift to welcome this opportunity?
Strength

I need to reevaluate what I perceive as strength.  This makes perfect sense, as taking things slow and moderation are not really things that I usually view as strengths, especially when trying to get somewhere or accomplish something. And they are very much something I’m not at all good at.  The suggestion here is that I need to sit with the concept of one’s strength, and consider how I view my own.

What beliefs do I need to shift to welcome this opportunity?
Page of Pentacles

So much of my time and focus lies on the development of stability and security in both my home and finances. This has been to such an extreme over the past decade that it sometimes feels as if these values are the only thing I have dedicated myself to working towards in life.

If I want to welcome in the opportunities available to me over the next twelve months, I need to reframe how I see these goals as well as how I go about accomplishing them.

What behaviors do I need to shift to welcome this opportunity?
Knight of Swords

Jumping in full-bore and going at it without taking a pause or giving myself breaks.  Allowing my ambitions to drive me ruthlessly forward, constantly pushing myself harder and harder.  These behaviors are not healthy and although I have begun the process of changing how I do things in this area, there’s still a long way to go.

 How can I support myself as I make these shifts?
Page of Swords

I need to take some time to really think on and absorb the ramifications of the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors mentioned above. In these specific areas, the old way is not the best way and I need to make sure that I am open to learning something new that’s going to serve me better.

 How can I empower myself as I make these shifts?
Ten of Swords

Accept the shifts need to happen and do what you can to step into them and allow these old attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to die.  In order to move forward, you have to leave something behind.

DECK USED: DEAD WAITE TAROT

Enjoying the Journey

Today’s meditation was skipped this morning because the girls would just not leave me the fuck alone.  Between that and the running of the vacuum, I just couldn’t make it happen.  I will be doing it before bed, though.  Absolutely.   I won’t skip it entirely.

Tarot of Haunted House - King of PentaclesToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home and hearth, health, and manifestations. This often translates into themes that have to do with business acumen, a strong sense of responsibility, and financial growth and stability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is that the king is surrounded in all of this wealth, but his sword is down and he looks bored as hell.

We all have goals to aim for, dreams to reach for.  We all have those things that we strive for in our day to day lives.  The thing is?  We spend all of this time striving… and then once we get there?  We’re bored.

The message in today’s card is about enjoying the journey.  It’s not about the end zone.  It’s about the game.  It’s about each step you take along the way and living in the moment instead of being so focused on the future that you miss all the good stuff in the now.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question
: I now call in my ancestors, how do you respond?

Ritual Abuse Tarot

Reading Summary: My ancestors respond with a hopeful outlook for this new connection (The Star), and an eagerness to play a more open role (The Sun) in helping me find balance (Justice).

Take Away: I wasn’t really sure how this reading would go, but it went really well and the answers came through loud and smoothly.  My ancestors are eager to have a more conscious role in my life just as my guides are, and hope to help me on my journey to make good choices, enjoy life more, and have a better sense of balance in my life. 

DECK USED:  RITUAL ABUSE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What healing lesson is waiting for me to realize and accept it?

Halloween TarotReading Summary: That you can carry forward and reap the benefits of the lessons you’ve learned (Page of Pumpkins) in the past (Six of Ghosts), while still letting go of the bad stuff and leaving it behind (Death).

Take Away:  Although I know that this is possible and have been able to do it in some cases, there are other cases where the crap that taught me the lesson still clings to the lesson itself. In these instances, I struggle to pry my emotions about the incident away from the lessons learned.  Although I realize this struggle is ongoing for me, I haven’t yet gotten to a point where I’ve been able to accept it in all cases yet.  Its something I’m working on, though.

DECK USED:  HALLOWEEN TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question
: What in myself do I need to strengthen to understand my Guides better?

The Gothic Tarot

Reading Summary: The stronger your intuition is the more you’ll understand (The High Priestess rising up from beneath the Eight of Swords). Use the spark of passion that you have in your soul (Ace of Wands) to search for ways to develop this slowly… a bit at a time (Death).

Take Away: This is a message about taking things slow and steady while continuing to develop my intuitive abilities. The interior cards here are all about my intuition, and allowing it to emerge and slowly bring clear sight to murky moments and the things I’m not yet ready to see.  The outer cards are then about taking my time and allowing my curiosity to lead the way forward into this change and through it’s slow development.

DECK USED:  THE GOTHIC TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What beautiful aspect of my life am I ready to embrace?

Dead Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: Gideon is helping me in making better choices (The Lovers) that don’t involve retreating into myself (The Hermit Rx). As this help continues,  I’m learning to lean into that response as my go-to reaction less and less (Eight of Wands).

Take Away:  Each time situations arise that I would have previously retreated from the world and curled into myself, I more quickly jump to use the tools and methods that Gideon has been helping me with learning.  Healthier methods that allow for me to connect with others instead of close myself off from the world.  The beautiful aspect of my life that I am ready to embrace is two-fold in this reading.  First, is Gideon’s help.   Second is the healthier methods he has helped to teach me.

DECK USED:  DEAD WAITE TAROT