Courtship Kisses
Light
reaches down
from above
like tendrils
of fingers
skimming across
tree topped
mountains
and trickling
over
low clouds
like the soft brush
of light kisses
against
sensitive flesh
Month: March 2021
A New Day… Starting Now
Today’s meditation was just over twenty minutes long and was the ninth installment of the Mantra Meditation course that is being offered on the Oak app.
The meditation included the longest silent time so far and it was really nice right up until the last three minutes when L decided she HAD to interrupt, didn’t like my answer on where the thing was she was looking for, and immediately snarked at me in a very bitchy manner which immediately turned my own calm into an inner snarl of irritation.
So yeah. That sucked.
Today’s draw is the Knight of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s intellect, aspirations, thoughts, and communication.
I really like these two cards together and the message was so clear that it felt like there was no missing it, especially considering my experience with my sister this morning at the end of my meditation.
What these two cards today say to me is, “Go hack the shit out of this fish and get it all out, then take a deep breath and step forward into the next moment, where you can start anew.”
Why, after all, does it have to be that each day is a new day? Why wait until tomorrow. Why not start now, or in a few minutes, or in an hour?
Get out what’s frustrating you, get out those emotions that are dragging you down or irritating you or frustrating you. Work them out, through exercise or some other way. Expel them through blood or sweat or tears… or all three.
Then take a breath, and move on. Start again, and make the next time better than than the last.
DECK USED: BUMBLEBERRY HOLLOWS TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS
The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Thinking back to a time when I passed judgement on someone else, how was that really about me?
Reading Summary: I’ve known a few people in life that have sticky fingers and seemed to see stealing not as a crime or something wrong, but justified in one way or another (Seven of Swords). I’ve watched them as they have done things like steal from others or shoplift, then just move on if everything is perfect and they’ve done nothing wrong (facial expression in The World). In my case, such an act would cause worries, anxieties, and nightmares (Nine of Swords) and I’ve always wondered how others were able to do this type of behavior and not suffer the same.
Take Away: My moral compass and ethics are very uniquely my own and no one else’s. I understand this just as well as I understand that there are things I see no wrong in that others might consider morally corrupt, and things others see nothing wrong in that I personally view as morally corrupt. Sometimes it can be difficult to keep this in mind, though, when you see someone do something that is so far outside the realm of “okay” in your own moral compass and ethics that it seems like something that ‘should’ be universal… but isn’t.
DECK USED: BABY TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best improve in the area of my greatest weakness?
Reading Summary: Walk away from (Eight of Cups) impulsivity and distraction (Knight of Wands) and focus on your emotional growth (Ace of Cups).
Take Away: I need to focus upon my emotional growth and developing my emotional intelligence instead of allowing this, that, and the other to distract me away from this pursuit.
My business, in particular, offers me a great many distractions that speak to my interests and passions, but if I allow myself to get too wrapped up in too many of them, then everything else goes out the window including my self care and seeking that growth that I’ve been working on getting in touch with and fostering for more than a year now.
DECK USED: BUMBLEBERRY HOLLOWS TAROT
I’ve prepped my day pack to head out for a hike tomorrow.
Gideon’s Challenge
The Wild Woman
The old lady
comes to market with
curlers in her hair
and granny glasses
perched on the
very tip of her nose
She forgot her teeth
but as you pass
she will still smile
and her face folds
into a wreath
of happy wrinkles
as laughter and warmth
light her up
from within
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Morning Bonus Read – Mental Health Check In
1. Card to represent my current mental health
Key – Empowered. I am feeling better and better with each day that passes, the dark shadows lifting their cloying grip from my climbing form, and I am starting to feel the light dappling over my skin. The climb has been slow, but each day I feel that I’m making it a bit higher up, and it is in my control to make it the rest of the way.
2. An emotion that’s clouding my perception of reality.
Man – Speaking of control… what is clouding my perception of reality at this time is the fact that I am too focused upon that control. I need to remember that it’s important to let things go and allow them to move at their own pace. Don’t push.
3a. How to improve my perception of reality.
Dog – Allow others that I love and trust to step in and help me, and make sure when I speak to my therapist next week that I am entirely honest both about what’s happened and where I am now. I’m not upset about not having been able to get an appointment when I was in the deep darkness at the bottom of the pit, but that doesn’t mean I can just put this experience behind me and pretend it didn’t happen. I still need to talk to her about it, even if it’s nearly at the end of that particular journey.
3b. How to gain clarity.
Mountain – Depression and the climb out of that deep dark pit is a challenge that takes time, effort, and a great deal of focus to accomplish. The depression clouds judgement and shifts perceptions, which is a hurdle that will only lift as I get closer to the surface. Keep climbing this particular mountain, be patient, and I’ll eventually find myself back on level ground again… and in a place of greater clarity as a result.
4. How to change circumstances around me to elevate my mood.
Child – I need to remember to savor the newness of finding the light again and the joy that comes with each new sensation as I emerge a little at a time out of the pit I’ve been lost in for so long. Take this newness as a new beginning and embrace that budding energy like a rebirth.
5. How I can be happier day-to-day.
Woman – Be kinder and more compassionate to myself and my needs. Allow that softer side of myself more room to grow and flourish instead of muffling it and pushing it aside for the hard willed determination to always push forward harder and harder. Allow myself to walk a little slower and pause to smell the roses along the way.
6. How I can deepen my connection with myself.
Anchor – I need to make sure that I am grounding myself well and often. One of the key themes of the Anchor card is “mellowing out” or “settling down”, and the card in response to this question is telling me to stop worrying so damn much about where I’m going and pay more attention to where I am now.
DECK USED: MINUTE LENORMAND
Emotional Balance
Today’s meditation was skipped. Yes… I know that last weekend’s Self Care Saturday specifically encouraged me to pick things up in this area, but there was just so much annoying shit going on and I couldn’t settle and do it. I might do a short one before bed, though.
Today’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, creativity, intuition, and relationships. Among other things, this often translates into themes that have to do with compassion and emotional support.
What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is equally the swan, and that the look on the queens face looks very… clever.
These aspects remind me of the literary roleplay that Gideon and I used to do based on the Anita Blake series where we played were-swans and had a cove. There was a particular player in the realm that wanted to come in as the queen of the swans, but we were concerned because she had a tendency to become overly emotional and allow it to screw with her roleplay as well as bleed over into screwing with other’s play and emotions.
The message here is that sometimes even those in charge have moments where their emotions are in control. At times, this can be good and create a calm and comfortable, almost serene environment. But only if there are checks and balances in place to make sure when emotions run high things don’t get out of control.
When my own emotions run high? I struggle a lot. Today’s card, combined with the Thera-Pets card for the day, is a reminder that having an emotional moment (or hour… or day… or week) is not the end of the world. At these times, find what anchors you (that foot the queen in the card still has on the ground) and use it to find your balance once more.
DECK USED: OTTO SCHMIDT TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS
The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: When do I make others feel guilty, manipulated, or pressured into doing what I want them to?
Guilty: When I am feeling discontentment in a relationship and the need is arising to re-establish or re-evaluate boundaries. This card indicates that during these moments, I may feel tempted to use guilt to snap the other person to attention and get things moving and the restructuring started. (Four of Summer)
Manipulated: Times when I feel the temptation to use manipulation on others or make them feel as if I am are when I am trying to motivate people out of their moments of stagnancy and into a place of inspired movement, often by speaking to them and using what is important to them to drag them out of that stall and into action. (Dusk atop Knight of Spring)
Pressured: When I am feeling pressure and the strain of upheaval, there are times when I can unintentionally spread that pressure and strain to others either through the projection of my energy, or through how I interact with them or the things I say. (Two of Winter)
DECK USED: HARMONY TAROT
#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my greatest weakness?
Reading Summary: The Tower and the Two of Wands are connected through color scheme and through the contrast of the Empress between them. This speaks to me of bypassing the energy and themes of the Empress in times of chaos and trouble (The Tower). Instead of focusing on self care and nurturing energy (The Empress), I focus on finding a way to move past the chaos as soon as possible (Two of Wands) even if it is at my own detriment to do so.
Take Away: Distancing myself from chaos is a habit that has worked for me in many ways. The problem comes when you have to run over hot coals just to add that distance and get away from that chaos. Then, is it better to linger in the chaos and destruction? Or is it better to run over the hot coals?
The cards here indicate that there are times when it’s better to linger in the chaos, allow the destruction to happen around you, and focus instead upon your own self care and nurturing yourself and those around you rather than seeking out the fastest escape plan.
DECK USED: OTTO SCHMIDT TAROT
I specifically and consciously chose to not reach out to someone in need of mental health support because I knew that I was personally not in a place in my own mental health where it would be healthy for me to do so. Putting myself first in this manner is extremely difficult for me.
Gideon’s Challenge
The Tag-Alongs
Vibrant colors
in a drab world
on rolling carts
waiting outside
automatic doors
to greet
and bring a smile
as they
catch the eye
as I walk by
and they call out
to me
“Take me home!”
Twisting the Leaf 