Month: March 2021

An Essential Presence

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IMG_9703Today’s meditation was just over nineteen minutes long and was the next installment of the Meditation Mantra course being offered on the Oak app. The meditation began today with a bit of visualization first to help in times when getting into meditation can be a bit of a struggle.  I didn’t really enjoy the visualization part all that much, but I did find the rest of the meditation very relaxing and it continues to appear that the longer meditations I’ve been doing over the past week are something  respond better to.

Gregory Scott Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is about moving beyond being content and satisfied in the area of one’s finances, manifestations, and physical world and moving on to sharing that good fortune with those closest to you so that it becomes something all can relish in and enjoy.

The family portrait aspect of this card is very original and interesting to me, and in the center you see the strength of the man who shares his wealth with his family.  This… is me. The safety and security I have made in my home life, financial life, and comfort I’ve built is shared with my sister and with Z.  Under my roof, they are also secure and cared for, comfortable and feel safe.  It is my role in this home to be the one that creates this… that earns this… and sustains it.

That theme ties in strongly with the Thera-Pets card for today, as it too speaks of how my presence matters, and the message here today is to remember not to take for granted that I matter to others.  I matter to them emotionally, and also on the physical plane.

DECK USED:  GREGORY SCOTT TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What unhealthy habits am I holding onto that hinder my growth and progress towards my goals?

Whimsical Tarot

Reading Summary:  The unhealthy habits in question aren’t thoughtlessly done, but rather they are done through making bad choices.  Bad… and conscious choices (The Lovers Rx).   This bad and conscious choice lies within my denial (Four of Cups) and my refusal to allow others to help (Three of Pentacles Rx).

Take Away:  This is about my depression and how my initial reaction is to pretend to the world like everything is fine when it’s really not, and refusal to allow others in to help me in my responsibilities.  Although I am working on this, I did briefly fall into that habit again with this last MDE.  I realized it, and eventually fought against it and forced myself to do things in a more healthy (and open) way.  It might be that this unhealthy habit is something that only repeated practice can truly break me of, but you’ll have to forgive me if I’d rather put off the next MDE for as long as I possibly can.

DECK USED:  WHIMSICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve upon where I am mentally over the week ahead?

Gregory Scott TarotReading Summary:  Focus on the good and what makes you happy (Ten of Cups) instead of on your depression (Three of Swords).  Let go of your worries and anxiety (Nine of Swords).

Take Away: Worries and anxiety have been the theme of the past few days as I prepared for this whole border crossing thing.  The thing is that I used to do this all the time yeah? But I haven’t crossed in a year now, and with Covid there’s so many restrictions and extra paperwork and policies and… god it’s just hugely stressful.

The cards here also indicate that it’s now time to let go of the darkness of my depression. allow it to fade into the background as the light becomes brighter the higher out of the pit  I manage to climb. It has been my focus for a long time, self monitoring my progress and making sure I’m still moving and not stagnant.  The cards here indicate that is no longer necessary and to focus more fully on the light now instead of what I’m leaving behind.

DECK USED:  GREGORY SCOTT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I wanted to skip my meditation today and get on the road, but I made myself do it because I knew it would help my anxiety about crossing the border.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Standing TallStrength

Alone I stand
and breathe in
crisp air
as others topple
I remain standing
tall and strong
as wind blows
and storms tear
through mountains
and valley below
Soon
the sun
will shine again

I’ll be here

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Encouragement With a Touch of Sarcasm

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Today’s meditation was another in the series of courses on the Oak app for mantra meditation.  This one was just over eighteen minutes long and incorporated a bit more time in silence than in listening to the guide talk and instruct.  I found it very relaxing, although I have to admit I kind of miss my little water drops music.  I might try to incorporate that music with this type of meditation once I’m done with the course.

Denizens of Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Ace of Pentacles (One of Earth) which is traditionally a representation of the seed of new beginnings and new opportunities in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, manifestations, or the physical world.

Sinapis Alpa (white mustard seeds) is often used in spellcraft for the protection of home and family against danger and the decrease of affection, as well as in healing the effects of discord in the home or between family members.

I really didn’t want to work to day.  Like…. really. Really didn’t feel it at all. But, I had to, because I have to ship out tomorrow and if I have nothing to ship out, then I have slew of unhappy people to answer to, yeah?  So… yeah.   And throughout the entire day my interest in working just got worse and worse.

The answer in these cards today is a little bit honest assessment, a little bit sarcasm, and a little bit sincere encouragement.   First of all, as if not wanting to work today is really any sort of hardship at all.  Right?  It’s just a mood.  There’s the sarcasm.

Second is the encouragement to get it done,  do what needs done because there are others that depend on you.  Without you doing your work? There’s no money.  And no money means no food, no heat, no roof.  So of course, practically thinking, whether you want to work or not, it’s not the end of the world that it has to be done.

The third is the encouragement about my nervousness in crossing the border to see my accountant tomorrow.  There’s a lot of stress and anxiety going on there and I just hope to fuck that I got all my paperwork done right and don’t have to deal with any customs officials having a bad fucking day.

DECK USED:  DENIZENS OF EARTH TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I at mentally at this time?

Denizens of Earth TarotSix of Air (Swords) – Chamaenerion angustifolium (Fireweed) has significant anti-inflammatory properties that are useful in a variety of field uses from easing gastrointestinal discomforts to first aid treatment on scrapes and bruises and even certain types of arthritis.  Here we see that it is combined with the Six of Swords, indicating that the aspect of my current mental state that this card is referencing has to do with the “inflammation” of stress that has been bothering me the last couple of days as I prepare for this upcoming border crossing.

Guardian of Water (Knight of Cups) atop Four of Water (Cups) – The powerful precision and strong will of the Great White combine with the desire driven direction of the Knight of Cups over shadows the healing and cleansing energy of Salvia officinalis (common sage) shown here with the Four of Water indicating healing comes through meditation and calm rather than excitability.  These cards contrast in their themes and indicate the war within me at this time between my need to meditate, ground, and cleans myself of the anxiety mentioned above… and the determination to move forward in the direction I want to go… feel that I need to go.

Temperance – Although the two energies mentioned above are contrasting to each other, they are also able to work together to my benefit.  Driven energy and healing calm can intertwine like the working of mind and heart as one, and create something even greater than either can on their own.  Take a moment, think and breathe, and allow this intermingling to happen.  In doing so, I will find a far calmer and more beneficial mindset moving forward.

DECK USED:  DENIZENS OF EARTH TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took some time at the farm this morning to lie down in the field and just relax after my shift was over.  Of course, I made sure that I was in a field that was not being worked for that day (safety is important).  I made sure I wore extra layers so that I could linger for some time and ended up spending about a half an hour before I was too cold to stay any longer.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Spring Encased in IceOxygen

So long spent
encased in ice
the dark cold
a cling
against flesh
against soul
and yet
the thaw comes
in small increments
and through
frozen embrace
a small tendril
just a tip
finds fresh air
and breathes deep

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Monthly Key Spread

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Monthly Key Spread - Little Lulu's Lucky Lenormand

Key to Your Heart: What will Guide you to make decisions that are aligned with your heart and your truths this month?

Lily – Maturity.  Make sure that you are thinking through your decisions and not just leaving things up to chance or personal whims.  Be especially thoughtful, responsible, and mature in considering what you need to do and how you need to go about doing it this month.

Anchor: What will ground you in the face of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and existential dread in general?

Clover – Luck and optimism. It’s far too easy to let your worries and fears sneak in and start screwing with you, but keep in mind that just because you worry about something doesn’t make it into reality.  By leaning into a bit of faith concerning luck and encouraging yourself to keep an optimistic mindset, you can circumvent fears and keep them from becoming self fulfilling prophesy.

Star Wand: What accelerates your magic, creativity, and manifestation powers?

Tree – Spiritual connections and longevity of practice.  Lean into the things that work for you spiritually and reconnect with your path and practice.  When you are more deeply connected to your spiritual path and your practice, your  magic, creativity, and manifestation powers flourish.  Throughout this month, as you pull out of the pit of your depression and rediscover your equilibrium, it is important to make sure you connect back into your path and practice instead of setting these things on the back burner.

Blessings from the Stars: The Universe has got your back – how will you be supported this month?

House – You are blessed with the security and stability of a home, and roof, and support of those that live there with you.  In the chaos that the world can sometimes throw your way, this is where you need to return to recover and retreat to find peace. 

One Trick Up Your Sleeve: A life saving idea or inspiration for any unexpected challenge or difficult moments?

Stars – Again we find the advice is to lean into your optimism and allow hope to thrive. Allow moments of inspiration and intuition to help guide you, and keep your perspective uplifted and bright as you work through challenges and difficulties.  Positivity is your friend this month, so lean into it and let it help you get through these moments.

Emergence Pt 1: What is emerging within you / within your reality right now?

Rider – As you climb further up the walls of depression’s pit and find the light, vitality and a renewed energy will continue to grow within you. You will see the light more clearly, feel it more distinctly, and be able to take from it what’s needed to rekindle your passions toward your purpose. 

Emergence Pt 2: What are you expanding towards?

Coffin – There is a warning here that without the armament of positivity and optimism you risk moving in the wrong direction and sliding back toward depression and negativity.  You have a chance to adjust this trajectory, but it will take  connecting to the elements mentioned above that include a conscious effort towards optimism, a reconnection with your spiritual path and practices, and allowing hope to have a place within your life and outlook while grounding yourself in measured and mature decision making practices.

DECK USED:  LITTLE LULU’S LUCKY LENORMAND

Even the Strongest Pace Themselves

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Today’s meditation was skipped as the girls just would NOT let me have some time alone to get it done. I may try to do a ten minute shortie before bed though.

Lazy Crow Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, manifestations, and the physical world.  This often translates into themes about taking charge of one’s finances, responsibilities that come with wealth, and stepping in as the head of the household.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the grapes and the skulls.  It’s not surprising that the card would contain thriving grapes winding their way through the imagery as this card is a strong indication of growth, maturity, and abundance.  The skulls were a bit more of a surprise though, and together they give the impression of hardass ruthlessness to me. The whole “my way or the highway, or heads will roll” sort of thing.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I find in these cards is that sometimes you have to straighten your spine and take control even when, perhaps, it isn’t what you’d prefer to do.  In those times, it’s still okay to do your best, but not over tax and overwhelm yourself to the breaking point.  Even leaders need to breath and even the strongest authorities can’t wring blood from a stone.

Do what you can, and it will be enough.  The only authority you have to impress is yourself.  So lower your expectations to a realistic level and interject a bit more understanding into that push for more.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How do I allow the negative thoughts or words of others to affect me? How might I change my reactions to that?

Paulina Tarot

How do I allow the negative thoughts of others to affect me?
Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles here is a reminder that you have been working with this particular issue with your therapist ever since your face was scarred.  You are not psychic and cannot read minds, thus the issue here is “mind reading” of the psychotherapy variety.  When you were first scarred, you did a great deal of this, interjecting your feelings about how you felt concerning your appearance into what you believed others thought of you when they saw your face.  After many years of working with your therapist on this issue, it is no longer a huge issue.  You know how to deal with it when it rises up, and have become an “old hand” in this area at making sure that you do not assume what others are thinking about you, often by asking outright when needed.

How do I allow the negative words of others to affect me?
Five of Cups atop The Emperor

This, unlike perceived thoughts, is something more solid and can affect you in a negative way when you let it. The key words there (as indicated by the Emperor) are “when you let it”.  Sometimes people’s negative words don’t affect you at all, at other times they do. This is about how strong and in control of yourself that you feel in the moment, but has nothing to do with them at all.  When you are feeling vulnerable, people’s negative words can affect you intensely and cause hurt feelings, melancholy, and dissatisfaction. When you are feeling strong, on the other hand, they don’t affect you at all other than in an analytical “examination of if there’s truly an issue” sort of way.

How can I adjust my reactions to something more healthy?
Death atop Two of Pentacles

The horses here in these two cards combined with the mutual direction they face indicate movement forward into the future.   The death card is a reminder that all things change with time, whereas the Two of Pentacles beneath it indicate that you have the ability to control certain aspects of your life throughout the process of those slow shifting changes and direct your energy how you wish.  The message here is to “keep on keeping on” and allow the feelings stirred up from negative words to slide off into the past as you continue forward into the future.  Leave them behind and keep going, as it is not their judgements you need to worry about.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Is patience and inherent virtue, or is it learned behavior?

Lazy Crow TarotReading Summary: Patience is used in order to get what we want (Knight of Cups), seize control of our lives (The Chariot), or wait out the impetuousness of others (Five of Wands).

Take Away: Patience is not something we are born with but something we learn.  It is a method of behavior that is learned in order to mold the world around us into something more in line with what we want out of life. Some learn through experience that being brash and loud and impatient gives them what they desire.

Others learn that patience has the rewards they want without the need for conflict and chaos.  This is something learned through experience and observation of others.  Thus, patience is not something we are born with, but is learned behavior.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I dusted off the coffee table, which is much more of an endeavor than you might think because my coffee table is about the size of a small dining room table and it’s filled with decks and jewelry making supplies as well as an adhesive workstation, etc.  So there’s a lot of organizing and shuffling stuff around involved in the process.   The dust there has been bugging me for a while tho, and no one else will touch it because they fear relocating something I need and then won’t be able to find when I need it.