Month: February 2020

Spreading the Wealth

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and was a full body scan that I did to music just after my yoga/physiotherapy. It was a really nice practice, but I think that I’ll stick to the music-free sessions.

It’s too distracting when even the gentle reactions from my synesthesia start to play into the music, and I don’t really have any relaxing music that I don’t react to  physically in some small way.

Six of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is about sharing and harmony as wealth and/or resources are balanced out rather than kept at an uneven scale.  Oddly, I always confuse the imagery on this card with the Seven of Pentacles, and when I read this card using this deck.

What I get out of this card for today’s message is that when you have a good harvest, be sure to spread the wealth around.  That can be financially or through resources, or even through the things you manifest along the way.   It’s about reaping the benefits of your hard work, and sharing those benefits with others.

It makes me think of J and L, and about those things I give without thought, and the people I give them to.   I know that sometimes you think I am too generous, sometimes with those that you feel are undeserving.  But to ME, that generosity is one of the ways that I show that I appreciate others, and sometimes also a way for me to to express that I care.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my community?

Tarot of the Lucid Dream

Reading Summary:  Although I often feel like I’m slacking (Four of Swords), what I actually provide is a sense of stability (Four of Coins) and direction (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  I drew these cards with my condo building in mind. I’m on the security board (which is so much nicer than just having a “security person” on the condo board) and we just had a meeting last night.  I don’t have a lot of specific responsibilities on this board, or rather… any.  Instead I step in when I can and when is needed.  It’s nice to know that my presence and contributions are providing something of value, because as usual… I don’t see my own worth or contributions all that clearly at all.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LUCID SLUMBER

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I obtain more of what I love most in life?

Regretsy Tarot

Reading Summary:  Ten wands – six wands – ace cups

Stop overburdening myself (Ten of WTF) and being so damned defensive (Six of WTF), and open yourself up emotionally to deal with things from a different angle (Ace of Genitalia).

Take Away:  This is about you and I, and about dealing with those moments when you tweak.   It’s about not allowing that sense of overwhelm and feelings of defensiveness get in the way of trying to understand where you’re coming from and seeking the emotional support and understanding needed to work through these things… because what I love most in life is you, and that means all of you.  Even those possessive, protective, and sometimes zealously jealous parts.

DECK USED:  REGRETSY TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Message for the day: Oracle / Tarot

Shakiti Wisdom Oracle and Guided Hand TarotOracle Message for Today: Listen to your intuition.  Sometimes this can be difficult when the drop is in the process of crawling up my ass, but it’s needed.  Especially in those times where my judgement can be compromised by the vulnerability and unsteady footing of the drop.

Tarot Message for Today:  Just hold on and ride it out.  It won’t last forever.

DECK USED:  SHAKITI WISDOM ORACLE AND THE GUIDED HAND TAROT

Don’t Shut Down

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon projecting a sense of gratitude, and how having a sense of gratitude in your live helps you to see the value not just in yourself, but in others as well.

It has to do with allowing yourself to notice how many good things and good people are in your life, and thus how deserving you are of good things on the whole.

The Fool - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is The Fool card, which is a representation of unrestrained possibility, spontaneity, and innocence.  It speaks of beginnings and starting anew.

The message in today’s card is one of opening up and speaking up.   The drop is coming and it’s reminding me that in that soft and vulnerable place, it’s not okay to close off, but a time for setting myself open and free in order to allow those wounded and aching feelings inside to be soothed and healed.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve my relationship with money?

Love Is In The Earth Tarot

Reading Summary: Take care that I’m not spending my emotions (Princes of Crystal Cups) because focusing on optimism (The Star) is a better path to getting what I want out of life (Four of Crystal Wands)

Take Away:  By “spending emotions” I mean as in how some people “eat their emotions”.  Buying things to feel better, yeah?   The cards say that for a better relationship with money, a better path than buying something to “feel good” it would be a better idea to find ways to lift my spirits through optimism and a better outlook, which will free up that money to assist me in creating the stability and security that I desire most of all.

DECK USED:  LOVE IS IN THE EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: A positive message to carry with me throughout my day.

Majestic Earth Tarot and Gay Tarot

Reading Summary:  As this is the topic of my COTD, I added the COTD at the center and used this question (and the cards) to then build upon it.   Do this (Temperance), and not this (The Hermit).

Take Away:  Temperance and the Hermit are reinforcements of what I said above.  The drop can make me irrational, thus the arrival of temperance to remind me to stay calm.  The drop can also make me retreat into myself, and the Hermit is a warning about that, and an encouragement to keep myself from going there.

DECK USED:  GAY TAROT AND MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: What’s a distraction? / Where do I need to focus?

Lion's Gateway TarotWhat’s a distraction? :  Past resentments and getting mentally wrapped up in the chaos of inner conflict is a distraction that I’m dealing with at the moment.   Some of this is the approach of the drop.  Some of it is what happened with my visit at mom’s recently.  And some of it is that negative “down on myself” bullshit concerning taking things slow.  All of it is distraction that isn’t doing anything for me.

Where do I need to focus? :  I just made my yearly appointment with my financial advisor at the bank.  This card is about productivity and about getting things done.  I need to train my focus on my goals as I go into this week, and make sure that my actions follow through on my intentions and desires.

DECK USED:  LION’S GATEWAY TAROT

#TarotTubersAtoZ (non)VR to The Hermit’s Cave

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Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave on YouTube did a sort of quiz type video called #TarotTubersAtoZ the other day, and although I don’t make videos, I am a part of that community and so I decided to go ahead and do a response here.

letters

So here we go…

A – Age:  31 for the next few months
B – Book (Favourite): Little Brothers by Rick Hautala
C – Career you wanted to be when you were a kid and what it actually is now: As a kid, I wanted to be a librarian.  Libraries are just… so amazing. I’ve always thought so. As for now… I have an education in horticulture and botany, which I use in three of my part-time jobs (working on a farm, advisor/teaching position in a nursery/greenhouse, and working for a landscaping company in the summer).  I also work part time as an attendant at a gas station, and part time as a nail tech in a Vietnamese salon. Aside from this I also run a home business where I design and sell jewelry, sell my nature photography, and work as a tarot reader for a handful of clients on the side (the last one is done either online or at meeting places when in person… NOT in my home).
D – Dream: Stability and security.  I want to be at a point where those things are no longer in question or at risk.
E – Essential item:  Comfortable shoes.  I hate wearing shoes, so they damn well have to be comfortable.
F – Favorite RWS Deck: Bianco Nero (not a classic RWS, but a clone.)  If we’re talking just the general RWS system, then it’s a tie between the Tarot of the Hidden Realm and the Stolen Child Tarot.
G – Gold or Silver: Silver
H – Height: 5′ 10″
I – Ideal day:  Get up early and go hiking. Take a nap in the woods before coming back. Some dinking around in the garden digging in the dirt and caring for my plants.  Pizza for dinner.  Relax with Gideon.
J – Joke (funniest):  I have NO idea.  I’m not particularly good at jokes.
K – Kid(s):  None. I think they’re wonderful as long as they belong to someone else.
L – Living arrangements: I own my fourth floor condo and live within it with my twin sister, who pays me rent that goes towards the mortgage.
M – Marseille deck (favorite): Le Tarot de Marseille par Pole Ka
N – Nicknames:  Leaf, Twist, Niner
O – Oracle (favorite):  Faerie’s Oracle by Brian Froud
P – Passionate about:  nature, the rain, tarot, photography, creativity, Gideon
Q – Quote (favorite): “Creative activity is a type of learning process where the teacher and pupil are located in the same individual.” – Arthur Koestler
R – Relationship status: Gideon is my partner and my Dominant. We are monogamous.
S – Season (favorite):  Autumn.  I love the smells of autumn and the shift to relief from the summer heat.
T – Tarot (first and last) –  My first tarot deck was the Celtic Circle Tarot.  The most recent to enter my collection (as of writing this post, anyway) is the Oriens Tarot, which arrived on Friday.
U – Upset (what upsets you most):  Injustice. Closed-mindedness. Senseless disrespect. Willful stupidity.
V – Vlog (which are you most proud of. And which is your most popular): I don’t have a vlog.  On my blog I am oddly most proud of the kaleidoscope posts that helped us heal from that dark time in our past.  My most popular post is apparently the 75 Questions post that I did last July.
W -Weakness: Self destructive impulses.
X – X Rated (tell us something naughty you’ve done):  *clears his throat* I once stuck my dick into tub of soft serve ice cream on a dare.
Y – Yesteryear (your favorite year so far and why):  I don’t have one.  I have difficulty with my memory due to a head injury when I was younger.  What memories I have are fragmented and I depend on those around me to assist me in keeping them (as well as keeping them in chronological order).  Without having a written record of it, there’s very little I can actually state happened in any specific year.
Z -Zen (what you do to relax and stay calm):  meditate, sleep, play games on my phone, talk to Gideon, lie in the bottom of the tub with the shower running

Organize First… Then Act

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Today’s meditation is currently as yet to be done.  I tried to lie down and do it earlier this morning, but I couldn’t manage to get myself to settle.  Rather than trying to force it and make myself miserable, I decided to give it a try later on, which has turned into giving it a try at bed time.

Knight of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Knight of Pentacles, which is the most solid and down to earth of all the knights. The Knight of Pentacles is about responsibility and getting things done, which is honestly a bit in contrast to how I’m feeling these days.

I am making a concerted effort to slow down and take things a step at a time instead of plowing into everything headlong and submerging in it until I either sink or swim… and I always fucking swim.  But what I’ve found is that in taking my time and not giving myself that stress to go go go?  I feel like I’m slacking.

The appearance of the Knight of Pentacles is a reminder that it’s not slacking.  It’s self care.  It’s okay to take your time because you are progressing, just at a slower rate than you’re used to.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with money?

Guardian Tarot

Reading Summary:  Look at that flow of flowers (no, they are not standard through the whole deck).  What really stands out to me in this read is the flowers.  They go from a few flowers sprouting from the earth in the first card, to abundance in the second card, and then abundance obtained in the third card.

Take Away:  As an intuitive hit from the perspective mentioned above, my relationship with money is one of fostering growth and harvesting the rewards of that endeavor.

DECK USED:  GUARDIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care this full moon?

The Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary:  My inner conflict is getting the better of me (Five of Wands) and I need to work on centering and grounding myself (Queen of Pentacles) so that I’m not bouncing all over the place (Knight of Wands).  Ignoring my emotions (Page of Cups) is a foolish endeavor (The Fool).

Take Away:  We are actually talking about this right now in IMs. That is, we’re talking about that sense of shame and conflict I’m feeling concerning the feelings of stagnation and lack of accomplishment involved in taking things slow.  The cards (which were drawn this morning) are telling me that I need to not hold this in.  Instead I need to confront these feelings and deal with them, something that you help me with.

From our talk: “I think that your fear kinda held you back for so long that you’re unsure of those first steps and feeling like you’re never gonna reach them. You can do this, babe. It’s a lot about organization and you are GOOD at that… this is a first step at that… being organized will make you feel better. More confident and secure.”

You’re right.   Maybe the first steps don’t have anything to do with doing things at all, but rather with getting organized.

DECK USED:  THE ORIENS TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Connect with this / Find inspiration here

Alice Tarot by Baba StudiosConnect With This:  Finding direction. Wow. Okay.  So the majority of the reads this morning all deal with the same thing, as this read also ties into both the COTD for today as well as the Tarotholics Prompt above.   It speaks of needing to find direction and getting organized prior to trying to advance and ending up spinning my wheels.

Find Inspiration Here:  This is about realizing that this new, slower way of doing things should be seen as an adventure and not a chore.  I should take this new adventure with an open heart, rather than being down on myself when I occasionally stumble during the transition period.

DECK USED: ALICE TAROT BY BABA STUDIOS

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Self Care Saturday

Earth – Justice and Rudbeckia – These cards are another warning that there will be repercussions for the line I drew in the sand last Sunday. But there is also encouragement here. Literally. Rudbeckia symbolizes encouragement and motivation, and speaks of needing to continue to move forward, even when I end up reaping what I’ve sown. Move forward, move through it… keep going.

Air – Queen of Coins, Bittersweet, Maidenhair Fern – There is accountability from the Bittersweet and the purity of something new from the Maidenhair Fern in the cards, combined with the rich nurturing energy of the Queen of Coins. Together they indicate that change is in the air, but that although that change may be intimidating, it will create positive energy and a fresh start.

Water – Five of Swords and Sweatpea – This week will present a resolution of conflict concerning worries that are stealing my time and stirring up my emotions. Make sure to pay attention to all the different angles of the problem at hand so that I can make an educated choice on the best path forward.

Fire – Nine of Coins and Henbane – There’s a whole lot of gossip flying around right now and it’s important that I don’t listen to it or allow it to influence me or my decisions. Not my current decisions, or those moving forward. Just take things slow and remain steadfast and stable.

Waning – Svalbard – This week I may find it difficult to foster the sense of hope and optimism that is so essential to moving forward into life one step at a time.

Waxing – Taormina – Just remember that with change comes new beginnings. It creates opportunity for growth, and for new ideas. Change might be scary, but it gets easier if you don’t resist it. Instead, consider embracing it and allowing it to sweep a breath of fresh air into your life.

Take Away – This entire reading is about the aftermath of my actions last week. It’s about rumors and repercussions, as well as the choices I will need to make moving forward from what I’ve done and it’s consequences.

DECKS USED: DECK OF THE BASTARD TAROT, MAIDEN ORACLE, EARTH POWER ORACLE

Sparking the Flame

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Today’s meditation was about twenty minutes long, and was not guided but instead a full body scan that completed with going from focusing upon my body to my surroundings.   First my immediate surroundings, and then further out as I stretched my senses and my energy to reach further and stretch.

At the end, you pull your senses and energy back in again, and repeat the body scan as you settle back into the norm.   I found the meditation to be very relaxing and very much like stretching, but without the pain that stretching my body always involves.

Ace of Trees - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is…. look at all that green.  Okay, just saying but I really like this card, even if the horizontal alignment took me by surprise.   This card is the Ace of Trees, which is the equivalent of the Ace of Air / Wands.

This card is about planting seeds and bright new sparks of inspiration.

My immediate reaction to this card is, “YES!  Lets go hiking!” and with the current need to get myself back into working on gaining weight? The message here is to get myself going on this.  Adventures await and I’ll enjoy my time outside much more if I get my ass in gear and start that journey to a healthier body.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve my relationship with my ancestors and guides?

Revelations Tarot

Reading Summary:  To overcome their dissatisfaction with how I have been treating them over the stretch of the past (Nine of Cups), I need to continue in my solitary path of searching (Four of Cups) and meditation (Three of Pentacles).

Take Away:  As the reading yesterday on this topic indicated, I’m on the right path.  I just need to be patient and dedicated and practice perseverance in order to demonstrate to my ancestors and guides that this is something I really want and not just a whim.

DECK USED:  REVELATIONS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
How can I foster inspiration for taking better care of myself?

Tarot of the Lucid Slumber

Reading Summary: Long-term results can be obtained (Judgement) if I will stop spending so much time worrying about the things you can’t control (Six of Swords), and focus on the things that that I can (The Devil).

Breaking the read down through the activity in the spread, the reason that the Judgement card sits at the center and focal point (result) of this reading is not just because it sits in the center, but also because it incorporates colors from the other two cards together.   On either side you have to completely opposing color schemes, and in the center both colors are combined in one card.

Take Away:  You know that whole phrase “easier said than done”? Yep.  That said, I am trying to let go of that grasping, gripping need for control over everything, and to break down my responsibilities into smaller bite sized pieces.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LUCID SLUMBER

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: What will help me in improving my vision this year? / What am I already seeing clearly?

Tarot in WonderlandImproving My Vision: Keep my eye on the ball.  That ball is not just the security and stability that I crave and the path that will eventually take me there, but also involves my gratitude and my practice concerning appreciation of what I already have.

Seeing Clearly:  I see the need for hope and optimism.  I see that if I want to move forward and keep progressing along the path toward my goals, I need to foster that hope and optimism.  It’s not a natural mindset for me, but I will continue to work towards it because I understand its importance.

DECK USED:  TAROT IN WONDERLAND