Today’s meditation was fourteen minutes and three seconds, and focused on how to better except those things that we cannot change. Everything is temporary, especially with emotions. This includes depression.
Sometimes it’s too easy to judge emotions or events as good or bad. But sometimes it’s not about what’s in the moment, but how things flow over time and influence each other.
Perhaps my depression pulls me away from you and that feels bad… but perhaps also, in the long run, it brings us closer as well. You know me better because of it, and I trust you more because of it. So maybe we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover entirely.
Today I drew the Queen of Cups again, but I believe her message is different this time.
The Queen of Cups, as explained in a previous post, is a feminine alpha energy, personality, or person in the realm of emotions, creativity, or relationships.
I think she is telling me that I need to stop hesitating and worrying so much when it comes to my connection with you as I drag myself out of the black hole of my depression.
Depression is an ugly thing, and I really hate to show you my ugly sides. Or really, showing anyone my ugly sites. But especially you.
And so I hide. Not just because during the depression the outside world is overwhelming (thought it is), but also because I don’t want to subject you (or others) to the mess and the darkness.
The Queen of Cups is telling me that it’s time to stop hesitating to step out from that hiding place. I’m not sure if the hesitation is just about not showing you my ugly side, or a fear of rejection, or what it is exactly. But it is there.
She’s telling me that I don’t just need to be aware of that hesitation, but that I need to stop fostering it, stop hiding, and reach out to you. She is telling me to be strong and not let these fears and concerns hold me back from my connection with you.