tarot self care

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Black Line Tarot, Wild Elemental Oracle, Transforming Dragons

Earth – Seven of Swords and Lion – You can allow others to support you and take on some of the burden while providing the strategy and instruction needed to help them do a good job. Don’t forget that they don’t have to know how to do a job to do it… they just need someone there to guide their steps and keep things on track.

Air – Ten of Pentacles and Bear – Now that you are aware of where you are at in your journey and that the whispering lies are just that… you can begin to move in a direction that will allow transitions to begin. The bear is a symbol of death and rebirth, and you need to remain confident in your footing as you go through the cycle of your depression so that your rebirth will go more smoothly.

Water – The Star and Dragon – A sign of hope and encouragement.  Look toward the light and allow the dragon’s message of strength through adversity to carry you through.  It’s okay to shed tears, as you must purge in order to be reborn again.

Fire – Two of Cups and Ant – If you want to keep things running smoothly with your business right now, you need to make sure that you’re planning things carefully to conserve your energy and keep things balanced while you work through the effects of the depression.  Low energy means low output, so use your energy and your time wisely.

Waning – Pelifo – Don’t allow paranoia and negativity to continue to drag you deeper.  You are aware of what’s going on and the negative inner dialogue is in full swing and very seductive.  Make sure that you keep it in its place and don’t sink into the embrace of those whispers.

Waxing – Cerbeu atop Honcdonk –  Work on connecting with your true and authentic self. Make sure that you are not closing off your emotions, but are instead allowing them to be expressed freely.  Gratitude is important.  Take extra effort in seeing the positive message in your COTD pulls.

Take Away – With awareness comes strength.  You are aware of what is happening and in touch with the fact that your depression is not an emotional illness but a mental one. The mental games depression plays may stir up the emotions, but this is simply a reaction to the mental part of the equation.  Do not allow those emotions to damage you… instead share them and work harder at looking to the positive in the ways you are able.  Do not overwhelm yourself or push yourself too hard right now… it’s okay to go slow.

DECKS USED:  BLACK LINE TAROT, WILD ELEMENTAL ORACLE, TRANSFORMING DRAGONS ORACLE

Morning Bonus Read – Responding to Change

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The wheel of the year is tipping away from extreme and closer to balance. Explore this theme with your divination tools with some of the following questions.”

Whimsy Playing CardsWhat in my life is moving toward balance and away from an extreme at this time?

Jack of Diamonds – You are starting to get control over your negative thoughts and bring them back to center. This isn’t so much about the “bringing them back to center” part, which will happen on its own, but in taking that first step of awareness to what is going on and the conscious understanding that that negative inner narrative is your brain lying to you and not a reflection of reality.  As they say, being aware of the problem is the first step.

How is this affecting me mentally?

Six of Diamonds atop Queen of Diamonds – It is allowing kinder thoughts to have room to replace the abusive bitch in your head.  It is allowing you to be more generous with yourself and with what you are going through right now.

How is this affecting me emotionally?

King of Diamonds – It allows you to find the stability that you have been lacking, and see that there is a path forward.  You may not be able to grasp control at this time, but it gives you the ability to plan and strategize, which creates hope and allows you to realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it just yet.

How is this affecting me physically?

Four of Hearts atop Five of Clubs – You are fighting against your need for the things that could help you feel more physically well.  The opportunities to get out and hike, or spend time in nature are being rejected as the depression makes everything feel unappealing.

How can I respond in a healthy way?

Three of Spades – Ride it out.  This is what is happening right now and you know from your past experiences with it that it’s a part of life.  And temporary.  Let it happen, ride it out.

DECK USED:  WHIMSY PLAYING CARDS

Transitioning from January to February

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Your Universe Month End Tarot Spread - January 2021

Individuality – Five of Pentacles Rx and Red Chestnut – You’re trying to pretend that everything is okay and put on a pretty face while in the grasp of your struggle.

Dependence – King of Swords, Oak atop Forget-Me-Not – You need to let go of your control issues for the time being and allow things to flow at their own pace.  Your strength of will and reason combines with your ability to manifest what you want in life is being challenged and you need to take a breath and release some control.  Nobody (living, dead, or otherwise) is going to judge you for that right now.

Creativity – Four of Cups and Aspen Rx – Stop allowing yourself to sink into the seductive feelings of pain and soul rotting darkness.  That embrace is not your friend, but if you allow yourself to wallow within it, it will encourage it to manifest more strongly in your reality and hold on even longer than it already is able.

Limitation – Three of Swords, Baby Blue Eyes, Chamomile – Complacency to the darkness encroaching upon you and the dark thoughts and influences that your mental imbalance.   These negative influences have the ability to take you deeper and deeper if you let them.

Change – King of Wands and Alpine Lily – Fight… even when it feels futile. Your will is strong and you’re a determined force.  It might not feel like fighting against the darkness helps anything, but it does. This is not a fight of brute force, but a battle of will and determination… the kind you are most adept at.

Sympathy – Three of Pentacles and Rosemary Rx – In the past you have resisted allowing people to take your responsibilities off your hand, forcing yourself to keep bearing the full weight upon your shoulders even when in the depths of the pit and surrounded by darkness. You  have learned from this experience that there is a better way.  It can be hard to follow through and allow others to bear some of the weight, but it’s important to your recovery.

Luck – Princess of Swords atop Five of Cups, Manzanita Rx – Remember that you can take what you’ve learned from past experiences and use that to overcome what is going on now. Not being able to find joy or pleasure in what usually brings these things to you is not a failing of yours but simply a symptom of the illness.  You know this… you have learned this… use this knowledge to overcome the negative whispers and dark feelings you are dealing with right now.

Power – The Moon atop Ten of Wands, Bleeding Heart – Don’t drop your burden on the ground, as this will cause uncertainty and problems down the road.  Hand it off to those that love and support you instead.  They are there to help you, they want to support you.  Don’t be so stubborn that you end up putting your responsibilities down so they aren’t being cared for instead of handing them over to those that want to help.

Responsibility – Ten of Cups and Chrysanthemum – You have the opportunity to start climbing to the light and feel good once again, but you have to pull your awareness out of the mire and misery and seek the light.  Don’t forget that it’s there just because you can’t see it right now.

Message from Spirit World / Mind’s World / Known World – This part of the reading takes a lot of focus and concentration to work through and I just can’t manage to get the mental clarity that I need at the moment to do them.  So I’m going to allow myself to skip these three prompts for this month.

Take Away – It is not surprising that the status of my state at this moment is centered around the depression that I’m experiencing.  It is the whole of my world at the moment and the advice here is sound. Let others help me with my responsibilities, keep fighting the depression and seeking the light, and make sure I do not listen to the seductive whispers in the darkness.  I will do my best to follow that advice.

DECKS USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT, FLOWER ESSENCES DECK VOL 1 & 2

Morning Bonus Read – Monthly Key Spread

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1889 Lenormand - Monthly Key Spread

Key to Your Heart: What will Guide you to make decisions that are aligned with your heart and your truths this month?

Book – Make sure that you know all the facts before making any important decisions this month.  With you currently in the middle of an MDE, it’s important that you look to stable and informative outside sources to ensure you are seeing the full picture and not just that one view through the grimy glass that your depression affords you.

Anchor: What will ground you in the face of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and existential dread in general?

Clouds – Remember that this is temporary.  You are well and deeply sunken into the pit of depression and it is causing a good deal of confusion but you’re doing well at keeping the overwhelm in hand. Remember that this is familiar to you.  It’s something you’ve gone through before, and something that you will get through this time as well.  The depression may be heavy, but it’s temporary.

Star Wand: What will accelerate your magic, creativity, and manifestation powers?

Ship – Focus on the things you have invested in and in fostering their continued good health.  Don’t worry about growth, that will take care of itself.  Just keep everything afloat and let the rest go for right now.  If it’s still afloat at the end of the depression, you can then work on pushing things forward and encouraging their growth.

Blessings from the Stars: The Universe has got your back – how will you be supported this month?

Bouquet – The universe is rooting for you and pushing you to find what joy you can, however you can find it.  Even little joys will help brighten up the darkness around you, so allow them in and do your best to take pleasure in them.

One Trick Up Your Sleeve: A life saving idea or inspiration for any unexpected challenge or difficult moments?

Anchor – Don’t forget that you have spent a long time setting yourself up for the security and stability that you now have in your life.  Things feel like they are out of control at the moment, but this is an illusion created by your mental instability, and it will pass.  The true stability  you  have created in your life is still there, and will be there waiting for you when you begin to find your way out of the darkness.

Emergence Pt 1: What is emerging within you / within your reality right now?

Man – It’s okay to focus on yourself right now. It’s okay to be selfish right now. It’s okay to need to put yourself first for now.  It’s needed.  Do it.

Emergence Pt 2: What are you expanding towards?

Child – You are at the bottom of the pit.  Seek out the light and the fresh air. Don’t wallow but keep reaching for the new breath and fresh openness  that is waiting for you on the other side of the darkness.

DECK USED:  1889 LENORMAND ORACLE

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Ink Witch Tarot, Oracle of the Radiant Sun, Piatnik Art Deco Fortune Telling Cards

Earth – Eight of Wands Rx and Adaptability – Slow down and take your time. It’s okay that things are taking their time in getting back on track, and it’s okay that you need to take your time finding your balance.  Not everything can move quickly, and this is one of those times where you are along for the ride rather than in control. Go with the flow and in time you will find yourself back at a safe and healthy balance once more. The depression you deal with at the moment isn’t situational nor based in emotion or thought… it’s rooted in your mental health and it’s going to take time to find your way back out of it. Don’t be impatient and just “let it ride” for now.

Air – King of Wands and Harmony – Staying on top of things with the business will help you in finding a small sense of control during a time when everything else in the world feels out of sync and off kilter.  This isn’t about burying yourself in work, but rather about providing yourself a sense of empowerment by using your skills to keep things running smoothly.

Water – Knight of Wands and Vision – So much play… so much goodness coming from it. Your time with Gideon in play is helping you.  It gives you something to feel enthusiastic about in the midst of the weight of depression, and it allows you to see that there is good stuff out there for you, and people that love and cherish you, even when you are caught in darkness.  Make sure this week that you continue to find those things that give you that perspective… a perspective that is often sorely lacking when stuck in the depression’s grip.

Fire – Page of Wands and Patience – Take this time to make small steps.  Small progress.  Don’t push too hard and don’t take on too much.  Now is a time for being gentle with yourself and allowing yourself space to adjust.  Every small and little thing you do is an accomplishment, even the ones that feel silly or mediocre are still another small step forward.

Waning – Journey – You’re not gong to be getting anywhere fast this week. Just let go and let things take their own time as you move at a bit slower than your normal pace.

Waxing – Ardent Desire – Allow your passion for Gideon to help keep your spirits aloft. Temptation and longing are your friend… just don’t put yourself at risk of the drop or it could bring all those good feelings crashing down around you.

Take Away – The darkness marches on into the week and will be there as your companion through it, but there are things you can do to help keep yourself afloat so that you do not sink so far down into the muck that it becomes even harder to eventually pull yourself out. Have patience and focus on these positive things, allow yourself time and remember that it won’t last forever.

DECKS USED:  INK WITCH TAROT, ORACLE OF THE RADIANT SUN, PIATNIK ART DECO FORTUNE TELLING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Negative Patterns

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The very simplest, most basic premise of shadow work is that when our subconscious wants something different from our conscious, our conscious choices and magic are ineffective because they are being sabotaged by our unconscious. This book is pointing out that SOMETIMES (not always) when we see a repeating “negative” pattern in our lives, it is because that thing is fulfilling some subconscious desire. The only way forward is to drag that part of us out of the shadows and integrate or accept it so that we can consciously choose how to fulfill those desires instead of letting them drive our life. This is a very basic idea and there are obviously many facets to this, but this week, if you like, join me in exploring this most basic idea with one or more of these questions (or others if you so choose).”

Playing Politics 20/20 Vision Playing CardsAn area in your life with a recurring “negative” pattern.
Five of Diamonds

Scarcity issues. God fuck do I ever have scarcity issues.  It is a recurring problem in that it drives me constantly to try harder and do more, spurring my constant craving for security and stability to the point of near obsession.

What would I stand to lose if this negative pattern were to magically, suddenly disappear from my life?
Five of Spades

My fight. My push. As mentioned above, I use my scarcity issues as a motivational shove to get things done and stay on track with my plans, goals, and responsibilities.  Without those issues there to create drive, things like depressive episodes and mood swings as well as a variety of other situations and distractions would make staying focused on those goals and responsibilities nearly impossible.

What feeling does this negative pattern give me that I might, deep down, secretly enjoy?
Four of Spades

Exhaustion after a job well done. Honestly?  Burnout sucks ass, but it does occasionally create a perception of having done a lot and accomplished something.  Otherwise, why would you be so tired?

Am I experiencing pleasure in relation to the guilt I feel for having and using this negative pattern?
Seven of Clubs

Yes. I’m fighting the good fight… Or I feel like I’m fighting the good fight using this negative pattern as a weapon against laziness, failure, and distraction. It feels empowering.

If I let go of guilt about this negative pattern, What feeling would be left?
King of Clubs

More strength and security to support my business and my endeavors.  This last question was an interesting turn in perspective for me about this pattern of behavior.   So often my negative patterns and behaviors are things that I feel need to be resolved or healed.  Yet in this case, perhaps it is more about finding a balance of moderation instead.

DECK USED: PLAYING POLITICS 20/20 VISION PLAYING CARDS