reading playing cards

Morning Bonus Read – Negative Patterns

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The very simplest, most basic premise of shadow work is that when our subconscious wants something different from our conscious, our conscious choices and magic are ineffective because they are being sabotaged by our unconscious. This book is pointing out that SOMETIMES (not always) when we see a repeating “negative” pattern in our lives, it is because that thing is fulfilling some subconscious desire. The only way forward is to drag that part of us out of the shadows and integrate or accept it so that we can consciously choose how to fulfill those desires instead of letting them drive our life. This is a very basic idea and there are obviously many facets to this, but this week, if you like, join me in exploring this most basic idea with one or more of these questions (or others if you so choose).”

Playing Politics 20/20 Vision Playing CardsAn area in your life with a recurring “negative” pattern.
Five of Diamonds

Scarcity issues. God fuck do I ever have scarcity issues.  It is a recurring problem in that it drives me constantly to try harder and do more, spurring my constant craving for security and stability to the point of near obsession.

What would I stand to lose if this negative pattern were to magically, suddenly disappear from my life?
Five of Spades

My fight. My push. As mentioned above, I use my scarcity issues as a motivational shove to get things done and stay on track with my plans, goals, and responsibilities.  Without those issues there to create drive, things like depressive episodes and mood swings as well as a variety of other situations and distractions would make staying focused on those goals and responsibilities nearly impossible.

What feeling does this negative pattern give me that I might, deep down, secretly enjoy?
Four of Spades

Exhaustion after a job well done. Honestly?  Burnout sucks ass, but it does occasionally create a perception of having done a lot and accomplished something.  Otherwise, why would you be so tired?

Am I experiencing pleasure in relation to the guilt I feel for having and using this negative pattern?
Seven of Clubs

Yes. I’m fighting the good fight… Or I feel like I’m fighting the good fight using this negative pattern as a weapon against laziness, failure, and distraction. It feels empowering.

If I let go of guilt about this negative pattern, What feeling would be left?
King of Clubs

More strength and security to support my business and my endeavors.  This last question was an interesting turn in perspective for me about this pattern of behavior.   So often my negative patterns and behaviors are things that I feel need to be resolved or healed.  Yet in this case, perhaps it is more about finding a balance of moderation instead.

DECK USED: PLAYING POLITICS 20/20 VISION PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Authority Issues

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I had to adjust this topic a bit (the original prompt is at the end of this post), as I do not have the urge to look to external sources of authority to tell me what to do. In fact, I have authority and control issues that cause me to rebel against such controlling behavior from other parties. The prompt mentioned that there are so many external authorities that there is a struggle in knowing who to listen to, etc. I have very few “authorities” over my actions… in fact even my employers are more collaborators than any form of authority figures.

SO… for this prompt. I am going to use the one single authority figure that -is- a part of my life, and with whom I have found a balance between authority and independence that works. That would be my partner, Gideon.

Cabinetarium Playing CardsWhere in my life do I benefit most from having an authority figure in my life?

Six of Spades atop Four of Diamonds – In helping me stay grounded and away from those things that are most harmful to me. I am self-destructive. Those tendencies sometimes rise up and whisper insidiously in my ear at the worst of times. Gideon is there in those times to help me stay on the right path, and does so in a way that doesn’t make me feel the searing sting of rebellion… such as when he made the request that I stop drinking.

Where could I use a better balance between his authority influences and my own need for independence?

Seven of Hearts – In my struggles to find balance and harmony by making the best choices for myself that I can. I need to consult with him more during these times when I am confronting these choices and get his input.  Not so much to give him the choice instead of me making it, but to make sure that I have his perspective and input on what the best choices available to me are.

How can I begin establishing that better balance?

Three of Clubs – Work more closely with him and I will be heading in the right direction.  I understood this from the card that previously came out concerning balance and his input. I need that input.  Sometimes? I really suck at turning to him when I need to.  It’s stupid and a part of those self destructive tendencies.

Why do I need this outside authoritative energy in my life?

Three of Diamonds – To counteract the poisonous influences of my upbringing by providing me with support.  It’s something I can’t do alone but needs to be worked on together.

How does this authority figure in my life influence my self-care?

Queen of Spades – He works with me and supports my self care goals by being “all in” with helping me to make them happen. He does not lord over me but works with me so I do not get my back up and rebel against that authority, making that authority less offensive in his approach.

DECK USED:  CABINETARIUM PLAYING CARDS

Original Diviner’s Den Prompt: This week it was brought to my attention that I have trouble trusting myself to make good self care decisions– I tend to try to find some kind of external authority to validate my decisions on how much I should work, eat, rest, exercise, etc. The problem with this is that… There are SO MANY external authorities. This may not be an issue for you– if not, feel free to ignore or adjust this topic as necessary. But I know I’m not alone in this— if you would like, join me in my shadow work this week around this topic.
-Who/what do I look to as an authority on my daily choices (food, exercise, rest, worries, self care, etc)?
-Is there a healthier place to look to for those choices?
-What resources would I need in order to better trust myself to make self care decisions?
-This week, what is one self care choice I can trust myself to make well?

Morning Bonus Read – Year Ahead Star

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Welcome to the other side of the holidays! I sincerely hope you survived them mostly intact. Let’s take a moment this week to take a deep breath and look toward the new year with the following spread.”

Year Ahead Tarot Spread using Stars & Moons Playing Cards by Trendy Spirit

Sunset: Lessons from your previous year

Ace of Clubs – You can only handle so many new projects at once, and sometimes you have to leave a few of them on the back burner in order to focus on what’s more important.

I had a lot of projects I wanted to explore and get to last year that I didn’t manage to get to.  The wood burning, some new pendant designs, and a few other things were all planned to be worked on over the spring and summer.  Instead, I found my hands full to the brim with self care… and everything else had to be set aside.  I had to learn how to be okay with that and let go of the stress that tried to rise up in setting those things aside for later.

Horizon: What you can expect in the next year.

Ace of Spades – Lots of new and potentially successful ideas.

I need to remember to write these down because otherwise I will begin to feel overwhelmed by how many of them I want to pursue and the worry that I will forget about them before I get the opportunity to explore them.

Obstacle: A challenge you’ll face this year.

Jack of Spades – Reevaluation of and a re-learning of how you deal with your ambitions and ideas.

There’s only so much time in each day, and only so many days in each week. At one time I used to spend the majority of my energy pursuing as many projects and ideas as possible, constantly on the run and pushing for more.  And to be fair, it’s possible to obtain a lot of knowledge through this process… it can also wear you down until you’re nothing but a pencil nub with no eraser.  It’s time to continue the journey of learning a better way.

Strength: How to harness your inner power.

Five of Diamonds – Scarcity issues.  That feather in the imagery of the card is very fitting with this theme, as it so often feels like security and stability are tenuous things, and like one small shift, one slight breeze, will whisk all that has been gained away.

Scarcity issues are something I deal with a lot, and when the rise up into the forefront, I become a working demon.  I duck my head and find inner reserves that one wouldn’t believe exist, and plow forward until I resolve that issue.  This is not something sustainable all the time, but it is something I can use during times with extra inner strength is needed.

 Advice: Lessons you learned last year.

Nine of Clubs – You can only do so much. This is a repeat of the sunset position in that in the Nine of Clubs imagery we see a universe hanging by delicate tendrils from a controlling hand above it.  It is a reminder of how much you can control, and how much you can take on.   That “how much” does not include “everything.

I learned how important it is to choose my battles, my projects, and my responsibilities wisely.  I can’t take on the world, or even everything that I’d like to take on.  So it’s important to make good choices, and leave room for my own self care.  Everything falls apart if you overwhelm myself with too much and don’t give myself the self care that is needed.

Navigation: Guidance for the year ahead.

Eight of Hearts atop Eight of Clubs –  When something isn’t working for you, don’t stick around and hope that it will get better.  Get your ass out of there and find something better that will work instead.  No hesitation.  No doubts.  Just do it.

Sometimes, when something isn’t working for me, I do hesitate.  Either because I hope it will come around and change, or through some of the self-destructive urges that I’ve battled with all my life that can at times turn into flirting with self-defeating behavior (among other things).  The cards here are saying that a better tact in the year ahead is to simply move on and find something that works better right away.  Don’t linger or try to wait it out.

Clarity: Your personal theme for the year.

Jack of Clubs – You can do it! There is an unlimited amount of potential before you.  All you need to do is choose a direction to explore… and start exploring.

DECK USED:  STARS & MOONS PLAYING CARDS BY TRENDY SPIRIT

Morning Bonus Read – Cheers to the New Year

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Contagion Playing Cards - Cartomancy - New Year Tarot Spread

Bubbly: Something to celebrate as the year begins.
King of Diamonds

You’ve done a damned good job at riding through the holiday rush and making it your bitch.  You have earned what you needed to create the stability you so greatly desire.  Things are flush and good right now, and that’s not something to take for granted, but rather something to acknowledge and celebrate.

Countdown: Something to look forward to this year.
Nine of Clubs

You’ll be given the opportunity to close out a lot of passion projects this year and show just how much you’ve learned and how well you can do at keeping your business moving at an even flow.  Just make sure you don’t exhaust yourself in the process.

Sparkle: Talents you can bring forward.
Five of Clubs atop Two of Hearts

You need to spend some time focusing on helping others overcome their conflicts and miscommunications so that they can find common ground.  You have the ability to assist others in this, and it’s a skill that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Drop the Ball: Quit doing this this year.
Four of Hearts

Procrastination is not your friend.  If you want to make the most out of the year, wallowing in hesitations and procrastination is not the way to do it.  You spent a lot of time in that fog last year at this time of the year, and there’s no need for a repeat performance this time around.

New: Fresh energy available to you.
Three of Hearts

You are far more open to the support of others, emotionally and otherwise, than you ever have been in the past.  As you learn about your own emotions and allow yourself to take better care of yourself, this energy of love and support from others will flow even more easily between you and your loved ones.

Midnight Kiss: How to deepen love for yourself and others.
Ace of Diamonds

Communicate freely and honestly with yourself and others.  The ability to communicate clearly provides you a direct connection to the trust they have for you, and that trust that you have in yourself. Communication is the key.

DECK USED:  CONTAGION PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Extreme Points Closure

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Blessed Solstice!!!! It’s here! That thing we’ve been talking about? Time to wrap up our meditation on it.“

Christmas Playing Cards by Natalia SilvaWhat do I need to do now in order to facilitate this change?
Eight of Hearts

In the first week of this trio of readings, the Eight of Hearts came up to represent the change that needs to take place, and here we find the card come up again in representation of what I need to do now in order to facilitate that change.

The change taking place is moving away from the chaos of the holiday rush and allowing myself to find balance again.  The Eight of Hearts here indicates that in order to facilitate a smooth transition to this healthier way of doing things, I need to be open to the change instead of closing off. 

This is a message that has been repeated a couple of times over the past few days, with multiple warnings not to close down or close off, and make sure that I’m open to the changes coming and not fighting them or resisting.   It’s a good reminder, as it’s something I struggle with often… even when I know that the change is a healthy one.

What resistance to this change do I need to watch out for in myself?
King of Clubs

The seat of the resistance to change in this matter resides in my drive to move forward, to do more, and to expand my “empire” to it’s greatest potential. The problem being that I sink so deeply into that drive, and allow the voice of my father in my head to push me on past what is healthy and into a place of sacrificing myself to the cause.

What is the biggest effect that this change will enact in my life?
Three of Hearts

Emotional harmony both within myself and with others that I connect with in an emotional way.  When I spend too much time focusing on work and the business, it leaves far too little time to connect with others and spend time with them in quality ways.  Not to mention too much work and not enough play makes me a cranky boy.  By allowing that time with others and time for my own needs, it lightens my heart and opens me up to those bonds and connections I’d normally keep at a distance or shut down.

DECK USED:  CHRISTMAS PLAYING CARDS BY NATALIA SILVA

The Control Is Yours

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IMG_8306Today’s meditation was  just over ten minutes long, and was another guided meditation with interval timer for my stretching.   I almost skipped today, to be honest, but forced myself to lie down and do it anyway.  Might be time to change things up on the style of meditation to keep things interesting.

The topic of today’s meditation was about how each and every one of us view life subjectively through our own perspective. It’s natural to forget this, and to forget that everyone else is in the same boat, viewing life through that same window of perspective.  Their window.

The meditation encouraged looking beyond that and exploring the concept of sonder.  Sonder is the realization that everybody around you, even strangers, are living a life just as rich and complex as yours. That their experiences are unique, and that they have different things going on in their lives that create different experiences and perspectives completely apart from your own perceptions.

Bonestone & EarthFlesh Tarot - Ace of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ace of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of the seed of new opportunities in one’s work, finances, resources, home, health, or manifestations.

What stands out to me the strongest of the imagery in this card today (and I really want to work with this deck more so I think I’m going to carry it over into January), is the roots of the plant that grows through the skull.

Those roots look so much like Mandragora officinarum (mandrake) roots that it’s uncanny, although it is not a mandrake plant from the trailing stems of the plant’s growth above ground.  Still, the sight of the roots brought to mind the use of mandrake root as poppets and that in turn brought to mind the use of poppets in directing one’s will and intent.

The message that I see here in today’s card is about molding one’s new opportunities to your will.  You drive the bus on these new opportunities.  Not fate.  Not luck.  Not any other person.  It’s on you to steer the bus in the direction you want it to go, and the best place to start with that… is at the beginning.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better foster my relationship with friends and loved ones?

Yule OracleReading Summary:  Grace is repeated within the first two cards, and reinforced by the red and white color scheme that they also share.   In order to bond more closely (Holiday Cookies) with my friends and loved ones, it is important to take a measured and balanced approach (Ice Skates) while encouraging them to seek out their best life and best selves along the way (Evergreen).

Take Away: The cards here are about being supportive, but in a “hands off” sort of way that allows people to make their own choices and choose their own path.  Advice and perspective is warranted and welcome, but don’t push.  Allow them to weigh things for themselves and make the choices they feel are best for them as they take new steps along their personal life paths.

DECK USED:  YULE ORACLE

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need to hold onto through the transition from this year into the next?

A Charlie Brown Christmas Playing Cards

Reading Summary:   My ability to find balance and harmony within my passions (Six of Clubs) needs to be weighed against the drive to push too far too fast (Nine of Clubs).  Remember to look at what I’ve done and the accomplishments I’ve made in a positive light (Nine of Diamonds).

Take Away:  If I take the time and ingenuity to keep myself in a positive mindset and see my deeds in an optimistic and positive perspective, it will allow me to foster my passions instead of becoming disappointed in them.  Remember to take that step back and slow down, and I won’t get so choked up in unhealthy deadlines and responsibilities to the point that I lose sight of everything else and fall back into that turtle shelled “go go go” zone where nothing else but more progress and getting more done matters.

DECK USED:  A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS PLAYING CARDS