Gideon’s Challenge

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SelfSelf…

Rough and ragged.
Flesh once smooth
now
scored and scarred.
Damaged walls protect
inner softness.
What lies within
concealed.
Supportive and nurturing
and yet
thick walls hide
what lies beneath.

Like the tree I have thick walls, although unlike the tree, as I age those walls become thinner. You chip away at them again and again, tirelessly exposing the meaty softness of tender wood beneath. And yet, there is always more bark… more walls to work through.  The bark of this fir tree marks a part of my ‘self’ that I strive to defeat… strive to find balance with. Each year we are together, I get a little bit closer to finding that balance between damaged mess and flawed perfection.  Each year, you help me find another step along that path.

Thank you.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

 

 

Weekly Creativity Prompt – Magical Spell

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Pull (at least) three cards and use them to write about a magical spell.

The Magus Arcana Deck

There was once a young girl (The Fool) named Emmaline that spent all of her time frolicking by herself (The Hermit) in the forest among the Fae. They taught her many things (The Hierophant) and filled her days with an abundance of joy (The Sun).

Her mother was worried for her daughters safety (The Empress), and did everything in her power to dissuade Emmaline from going out into the woods on her own (The Magician).  When nothing seemed to work, the mother eventually consulted with the old crone witch that lived at the edge of their village (The High Priestess).

The witch was powerful and used her significant magical abilities (Strength) to cast a spell upon Emmaline and pin the girl in place at home (The Hanged Man).

It worked! But it made Emmaline very sad, and the Fae missed her very much (The Tower). So much so that they came to rescue the little girl (The Chariot) and allowed Emmaline to choose if she wanted to live in the forest forever or stay at home with her mother (The Lovers).

Emmaline chose the woods (Death).

The Fae’s powerful magic broke the spell and the little girl bounded off into the forest with the Fae, never to be seen again by human eyes (The World).

DECK USED:  THE MAGUS ARCANA DECK

The Need for Softness is Universal

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Today’s meditation was about five minutes long before the fire alarm went off for the entire building and sort of… well yeah.  I guess I could meditate through it, but it’s probably not the best idea.  By the time I managed to get back upstairs it was time to spend time with you, so I decided to put off my meditation until tonight at bed time instead.

Herbal Tarot - Queen of Pentacles - MarshmallowToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of finance, resources, manifestation, health, or the physical world.   This is often portrayed through themes involving responsibility and practicality rolled up in a nurturing atmosphere or nature.

Probably not entirely surprising, considering the talk we had about this being one of the most racially divers decks I’ve ever seen (and published in 1988, no less), the first thing I noticed in the imagery of this card was that the woman depicted here is Asian.   The second thing that stood out to me in the imagery of today’s card was the ruffled lace-like edge of her pink headdress, and how that headdress matches the flowers of the Althaea officinalis plant.

A lot of times when we think of the Queen of Pentacles, although there is that “mother earth” like energy, there is also a hardness there that comes with the practicality of the pentacle suit.  The pink of her headdress softens this impression that is portrayed in her very rigid posture, and that softness of the lacy edge of the fabric continues that trend of softness, blending the hard and soft aspects together into one.

Marshmallow root is a soothing and cleansing herb that is used to gently cleans and heal the kidneys.  The kidneys filter out dangerous toxins from our body, but sometimes they need a little extra help.

Sometimes?  We all need a little help and a little bit of gentleness.  And that is the message in today’s card.  No matter how tough you pretend to me, or how rigid you hold yourself? There always comes a time when you need a little gentleness and nurturing, and when that time comes?  It’s okay to partake in that and allow it to soothe and heal you inside and out.

DECK USED:  HERBAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJune Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I become more accepting of the parts of myself I shy away from?

Tarot of the Animal Lords

Reading Summary: Actively work towards accepting (Knave of Swords) that sometimes re-ordering things (Two of Pentacles) takes some time and isn’t prone to instant gratification (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The parts of myself I shy away from, in this case, are my impatience and negativity toward myself.  My patience feeds that negativity, giving it something to pick at and gripe about in my internal dialog.   By seeking out ways to be more accepting that sometimes (even for me) things will have to take a bit of time and that that is natural, it helps to quiet those inner voices that are constantly trying to tell me that I’m not doing enough.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE ANIMAL LORDS

#DiscordTarotholicsJun2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What unresolved angst is my inner adolescent still holding onto?

Happy TarotReading Summary: This is about having gone through struggles and imbalance and needing to heal myself instead of being able to depend on others (Temperance Rx). It’s about the uncertainty and poverty (The Moon) that I went through when I struck out on my own, and the need to create my own stability and security on my own (Four of Pentacles).

Take Away:  By the time I turned sixteen, I was already an adult.  I knew I needed to take care of myself, and I knew that I couldn’t heal myself or help myself while under my parents roof.  I emancipated, renouncing my adolescence officially and legally in preference for becoming an adult and taking those steps into adulthood early.  In doing this, I cast myself into a world of uncertainty and instability that I’ve never fully recovered from.  The cards here indicate the reason that I have never fully recovered from the trauma of that time of instability (and thus the reason I am so hyper-focused upon home and financial stability now) is because my inner adolescent has not healed from it and is still angsty and upset about it.

DECK USED:  HAPPY TAROT

#TheJuneTarot Challenge by Lionhart
Question: What part of my life needs more grounding at this time?

Stone Marseille Tarot

Reading Summary: Emotional fuckery (Knight of Cups) caused by too much too fast (Chariot) leading to retreat (Hermit). I stop the conflict (Five of Wands) and pick a direction (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  This deck, I’m finding, has a really harsh voice sometimes.  BUT, it’s not wrong.  I need to pick a direction to go in before my emotions send me tumbling off the edge into chaos and in need of retreating into myself again.   That inner conflict isn’t good for me, and when I sense it starting to rise, I need to not retreat, but find a way to work with it and through it instead.

DECK USED:  STONE MARSEILLE TAROT

 

Gideon’s Challenge

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HomeHome…

Hidden deep
swirled within
a bit of spark
has found its home.
Quiet and sweet,
wild but shy
it lingers
trusting
but not alone.
A piece of nature,
a home to one
entrusted
to me.

I can sense the energy of what lives within this broken shell, a little spark glimmering in the dark, hidden beneath the shell.  It lives in my home, invited and cared for, carefully loved and given a spot all its own.  Perhaps some day it will feel safe enough to peek out and say hello.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Finding the Good

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Today’s meditation was curtailed by the fact that I was too distracted by how much that I needed to get going. I was behind on orders even before I ever woke up, so it was a bit of a problem even sitting still long enough to get some of my stretches in, let alone a meditation.  I will try to fit it in when I go to bed this evening.

Herbal Tarot - The Sun - AngelicaToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of hope, joy, and fun.  The card is the epitome of positivity and vitality and often appears as a message of success.

I really like the last line of the guidebook’s interpretation of this card, which is “It’s time to regenerate the self and to follow the heart’s path.” What stood out to me (not surprisingly) in the imagery of the card, though, is the plant itself. Angelica archangelica is used spiritually to attract good energy and good fortune into one’s life, as well as to purify one’s energies so that one’s true heart path becomes clear to them.

The message in today’s card is one of enjoyment. It is a reminder to incorporate joy into my work and seek out the pleasure that creativity and creation bring. Today is one of my busy days, where prepping orders is the theme of the whole day. The message here is to bring joy into the process so that the day includes more pleasure and less obligation.

DECK USED:  HERBAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJune Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with sexuality?

Everyday Witch Tarot

Reading Summary: A cycle of greed (Six of Swords), overload (Ten of Wands), and then crash and burn (The Tower).  The interpretation of the first card is not off traditional meanings, but specifically off the imagery, which looks like thieves running away through the night.

Take Away:  What is described here is a cycle that we go through together on a pretty normal basis.  The issue here lies in the Tower card. It lies in the fact that when I have gorged myself to the full extent and am bloated and heavy with the goodness of our mutual pleasure, that then when my libido slips back into its normal lesser amount… I feel like I’m fucking up and the world is coming to an end.

It’s stupid, I know.  But ever since the RPLND, I can’t sustain that heightened libido and… it bugs me.  It feels like a failing.  Logically, I know that it’s not.  But, as we both know…. emotions are rarely logical.

DECK USED:  EVERYDAY WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJun2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Golden Girls TarotThe Sun – Maggie loved her life.  Every day was a dream filled with sunshine and roses.  She spend her time helping others and uplifting the spirits of everyone she knew. Never had she ever understood those that went through “clinical depression” and she always wondered why they couldn’t just “brighten up” and feel better.  All you had to do was turn your thoughts to positive things, after all.

The Tower – Then one day her husband was in an accident, and while he was in the hospital, she discovered that he was having an affair with a neighbor.  Her marriage and her life felt as if it was falling down around her, and for the first time in her life she was unable to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  No amount of positive thinking could make things better, and the discovery changed her life in ways that made seeing the positive impossible.

The Hanged Man – After a time, she took the advice of a friend and called a therapist and began going to regular appointments with a psychologist.   Through therapy, Maggie was able to see her split with her husband in a better light, and view the transition to a new life on her own as an opportunity instead of a disaster.  This new perspective, over time, allowed her to begin bringing positivity back into her life and her world view.

DECK USED:  GOLDEN GIRLS TAROT

#TheJuneTarot Challenge by Lionhart
Question: Why is honoring my own needs so important?

Nicoletta Ceccoli Tarot

Reading Summary:  Depending on others (left card) can lead to either feelings of neglect (middle card) or micro management (right card).

Take Away:  If you don’t take care of you, who will?  More importantly… who will take care of you in the ways that you need?  Lots of people are happy to take care of this or that, but no one can take care of every need that another has, which leads to either a feeling of neglect or a feeling of being micromanaged.  Either way, it just doesn’t work. 

This is why it’s important to take care of yourself.  No one else can do it as well as you can.  Sometimes that means you can ask for help, though.  Just don’t expect that anyone is going to take it all on and do it as well as you can do it for yourself. Nor will others honor your needs if you don’t honor them first.

DECK USED:  NICOLETTA CECCOLI TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What takes me out of my comfort zone?

Trippin' Waite Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m a big fan of stability (Four of Pentacles) and bounding forward at full charge to take risks (Knight of Swords), or to delve into the world of constantly flowing and shifting emotions (King of Cups), are definitely things that take me out of my comfort zone.

Take Away:  I’m not sure what more to say here.   I struggle with taking risks, and I struggle with that constantly shifting movement that is inherent in emotions.  I love being on solid footing and having a sense of stability and security.  Both taking risks and emotional shifts do not foster those qualities.   And yet, there are times when it’s necessary to delve into both, yeah?  It’s just a matter of choosing when and where.

DECK USED:  TRIPPIN’ WAITE TAROT

 

Gideon’s Challenge

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SupportSupport…

I can’t see me
lovin’ nobody but you
For all my life
When you’re with me,
baby the skies’ll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice,
it had to be
The only one for me is you,
and you for me
So happy together

Okay, so I didn’t write today’s little poem.  They’re actually from the song “Happy Together” by The Turtles. But…. it was just so perfect for the picture.

The thing is? You are my support… and I’m yours.  Just like the branch above and organisms that make their life upon it.  Some might classify our relationship as co-dependent, but I don’t see it that way.  I see it as a perfect balance of support reinforced with the snug comfort of love added in.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography