Month: May 2019

A House On The Beach

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Today’s meditation was sixteen minutes and twenty-eight seconds, and focused on impermanence.

Impermanence is the thing that I focus on when I am in depression. It is my reminder that everything changes and that my depression is not forever but will also come to an end. This is also useful during moments of anxiety and stress.

Sometimes we clIng to the idea that something will last forever, or we struggle with changes as they come into in our lives.

But, the truth is that everything changes. Sometimes things change because they have a beginning, middle, and an end. Sometimes they change because they’re a part of a cycle. It’s part of life.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is a representation of a mothering alpha energy, personality , or person in the areas of emotions, creativity, and relationships.

It appears that the Queen of Cups likes to visit me quite often during these Daily Focus draws. Her presence is always welcome of course, as the lesson she’s trying to teach me is one that I struggle with.

That lesson is to feel your feelings. Listen to them instead of pushing them aside, and be kind to yourself when it comes to your emotions.

Unlike instinct, which she also can represent, emotions are a difficult thing for me to focus on and use as a guide. I have always felt that emotions are unpredictable, whereas as I perceive logic as more solid. I have trouble understanding why one would build a house on top of sand, rather than upon stone.

Maybe that’s part of the point she’s trying to make, though. Perhaps she is trying telling me that even if you don’t build your house on the sand, make sure that when you’re inside that house on the stones, you still look out the window at the beach and go out now and then to feel the sand between your toes.

And there it is…

The Queen of Cups is trying to tell me that it’s okay to feel my feelings, and that I can still be strong while listening to my emotions.

Letting Go

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Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and seven seconds, and focused on allowing thoughts to rise without judgement during one’s meditation practice, before then setting them aside and returning focus upon the breath.

This practice provides acknowledgment of the thoughts without allowing you to get lost in them. It felt a bit like floating in the ocean, the water lifting and lowering me with its movements, but on a mental plane instead of a physical one.

This activity was actually quite useful to me today. After last night’s discussion with you I’ve been feeling a bit stressed and worried. By allowing these thoughts to surface instead of just pushing them aside or suppressing them, it felt like I was dealing with them rather than trying to ignore them.

Today’s draw is the Four of Swords, which is a representation of rest, respite, and recovery (especially after chaos) in the areas pertaining to thought, logic, and communication.

The Four of Cups I drew yesterday was pushing me to deal with an issue that I really didn’t want to deal with. Today’s Four of Swords is saying that now that I’ve dealt with the issue I was stressing over through our discussion last night, it’s time to take a deep breath and ease my thoughts and worries.

After I shared with you last night I didn’t really feel relief, although I did feel that a weight was lifted. I’m not really sure how to explain that except that my worry continued on.

Both last night and this morning I’ve wavered over whether telling you was the right move, even though I should KNOW it is. And honestly, the milk is spilt now, so I don’t even know why I keep going over it in my mind.

The Four of Swords is telling me that I need to let go of these worries. I need to take a deep breath and just let what happens happen now that the bomb has dropped and chaos it entailed has come to an end.

Calm Within the Storm

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Today’s meditation was seventeen minutes and five seconds, and focused on confronting one’s feelings instead of running from them.

The method involves recognizing and naming your feeling of the moment, then “leaning in” to observe without thought or judgement (which I found quite difficult, actually).

Usually I wouldn’t have had that much to work with for this, but my immediate and uncomfortable fraction to today’s draw left me with plenty.

Today’s draw was the Four of Cups, and the card brought up a good amount of ugliness in my emotions today.   It did communicate a message, and bring up something that I really need to deal with, which is (I reluctantly admit) a good thing.

BUT, the point of the Daily Focus activity on this blog is to find a positive daily focus.   My reaction to the Four of Cups was too intense to find that positivity in it, so I’ve switched it up and am using an affirmation instead for today.

This quote by Sri Ravi Shankar is about meditation.  But, I believe it can be extended into daily life.   It’s important to remember that even when there is chaos, whether the chaos is internal or external, that a sliver of peace and calm can be found just by taking a moment and reaching for it.

After the draw today and my reaction to it, this is a good reminder for me that I need to reach for that peace and seek out that moment of serenity.  I need to take a breath, and let the stillness and quiet wash over me.

In the hours between my draw of the Four of Cups and my meditation, I’ve found a better, less anxiety ridden, place within myself by focusing on the quote. It seems to be just the guidance that I needed today.

Deck Modification – The Star Tarot

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I posted a little while about deck modifications and my plan to start with the Blue Messiah deck.   My plans changed a bit when I got my hands on this one, though and I decided to start with The Star Tarot by Cathy McClealland instead.

The first thing I did was get out my mini guillotine cutter and my corner rounder.  I then resized one of the cards (the King of Swords), working a little at a time to cut the card down until I found a size that was comfortable and yet wasn’t cutting off the titles.  Although this tarot deck would be easy to read without the titles, I really didn’t -want- to lose them.  I might change my mind sometime in the future, but for now I’d rather they stay.

Once I found the size I wanted, began cutting down cards, one at a time.  I did all of the tops and bottoms first, and compared each to the King of Swords to ensure they were uniform size, then went back and did the sides second, repeating the comparison with the King of Swords with each card.   I then rounded the corners using my corner punch.

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Half way through the deck, I took a pause to take a few pictures for a size comparison between the original size of the cards, and the cropped size.

I’m not entirely pleased with my corner punch at this point.   On a card without a clear coat, the punch I’m using cuts nice and clean.   These cards, though, have a sort of clear laminate type of coating on them, and I’ve noticed that my corner cutter appears to have a little trouble with that coating.  Some of the corners ended up a little… not ragged or uneven, but with tiny tags of uncut laminate slivers.   It’s probably not something I’d have noticed if I hadn’t decided to also edge the cards.

I’m not a huge fan of that type of laminate on the cards, either, incidentally.  It makes the cards feel almost “sticky” when shuffling.  It was the reason I chose this deck to start with, actually.  Between the size and the stickiness, I figured I would never used this deck unless I could make it more user friendly.

So the next step is the inking of the edges.

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I used Distressed Ink for the edging, starting with stamping the edges using Seedless Preserves (purple) for an uneven finish around the edge of each card.  This left a bit of white exposed in places.  I then used Salty Ocean (blue) in a rub around the edges and over the purple.

Above, I’ve posted a photo of the deck half done with cards set out to dry between stamping.  I left the cards to dry for thirty minutes between each application of ink, and rubbed the edges with a rag after the wait was over each time to remove any excess.

The application of the darker ink (purple) done unevenly followed by the lighter (blue) ink afterward created a mottled deep blue effect that I think matches the card’s border and back really well.

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I did take about twenty cards out and use the purple in a second sweep on top of the blue, darkening the color as a result, which once shuffled into the finished deck, resulted in a darker blue than the original results.

I then let the deck sit out for 24 hours to ensure that the ink had fully dried on all of the cards.

I’m really happy with the end result of this modification.  I think the deck looks much better, and the size is much easier to handle.  The only thing I’m not a fan of is the laminate coating that I mentioned earlier.  I’m hoping that with a good amount of use, that it’ll lose some of its stickiness.   The one thing I was worried about with resizing the deck is that I’d damage whatever shuffle-ability they had.  But, I managed to get the sizing uniform enough that it isn’t an issue.

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The last pictures in this post are of the finished deck and the “swaddle” that I chose to home the deck in.

This deck came with a huge box (and a book).   I don’t keep boxes when they are oversized, so I have a variety of decks that are wrapped in a “swaddle” of 100% cotton in place of a box.   For this deck, I found a fat quarter that I feel fits the deck perfectly.  Not just in color, but in the design of the print as well because, to me, it looks like the night sky.

Give and Take

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Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and nine seconds, and focused on catching yourself when you’re reacting to something without thought.

I don’t mean instinct. Rather, the meditation was about habitual reactions, and how they develop overtime through repetition into something we don’t even think about first.

The guidance was focused on catching yourself in the act of these habitual reactions, examining them, and then deciding whether they are justified, or if there is a different reaction that would serve you better either in the present moment, or next time if the moment has already passed.

Today’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is a card that represents abundance, generosity, charity, and sharing in the areas of resources, money, and the physical world.

This card can represent both sides of the spectrum on this theme, meaning that the seeker (me) can be either the one doing the giving, or the recipient.

I believe that the Six of Pentacles is telling me that everything is going to be okay. Stability wise, I mean. Financially.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my worries and my goals, that I forget that in most cases a deficit isn’t the end of the world. I’m not going to lose everything if I’m a few dollars short here and there once in a while, because I also have times when I’m a few dollars ahead.

This balance of give-and-take is natural. I just need to remember that when I am in the lows that I allow other people to help me, and that when I’m in my high points I am offering my help to others. In this way, a cycle of good energy and good intentions is created, and a theme of harmony and unity begins to flourish.

Sustaining Balance

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Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and fourteen seconds, and focused on the judgment we give to those thoughts that cycle repetitively through our minds.

The meditation was about one’s inner-dialogue, and how instead of just accepting what our mind comes up with, sometimes we need to stop and take a moment to examine these thoughts. How it is important to make sure that these thoughts are true, instead of just the party line we have always bought into, thoughts filtered through our emotions, or simply if they are just too harsh for whatever reason.

During meditation I don’t really have a lot of emotional connection with my thoughts, as my thoughts are more mental pictures of random things. But, this is something that I struggle with outside of meditation where I judge myself far more harshly than I’m sure others ever do.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles. This card represents a strong but nurturing energy, personality, or person in the area of the physical world, finance, or resources.

The Queen of Pentacles often refers to a balance between one’s home responsibilities and one’s work responsibilities, and I believe that’s what it represents for me in today’s draw.

I have goals that are nearly within reach, and I have a lot going on in my work life right now But, the Queen of Pentacles is a reminder that I am needed at home as well. Life requires balance, and it is important that I keep that in mind so that I don’t let things fall out of place and end up neglected.