tarot for self care

New Moon in Libra – October 2020

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De Brigh Black Tarot - New Moon in Libra Tarot Reading

Yesterday was the new moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us.  Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.

1. What is my sensual side craving?

Queen of Swords – Control without harshness.  Guidance without sharp edges.  Just pretty much exactly what I’m been getting from Gideon.  This is not surprising, because Gideon and I are often in sync as to the “flavor” of intimacy we’re delving into.

2. Where can I be more romantic?

Ten of Swords atop Eight of Cups –  Yield instead of running away.   Don’t avoid the submission you crave.  Enjoy it for as long as you can, because soon the holiday rush will not be allowing for any dropping at all… which means no drowning/subspace will be possible either.

3. What needs rekindling?

Ace of Swords – Our communication. Okay so this is just something I’ve noticed lately, but a big part (not in its entirety of course as there’s also a good deal of mental health stuff and teaching going on here, as well as the fact I’ve turned to using it as a digital tarot journal)…. right.  Digression.

Anyway, a big part of the reason for the existence of my blog is to allow Gideon to look into what’s going on with me.  What’s up with my thoughts and worries, my concerns and my feelings. To give him the ability to see what’s going on.    And the thing is, it does that.  But it feels like… I dunno.   I feel like there’s just a quick skim and then a quick “I love you” or other brief response to like one tiny thing that catches the eye.

So it kind of makes me wonder…. is he reading the whole thing?  Or is he just reading a bit of it?  Is he really reading?  I guess I kind of feel that way about the Gid’s Challenge posts sometimes too. They are just for him, but sometimes it feels like… there’s barely any response to them at all.

Maybe it’s not our communication that needs rethinking at all, but rather my clarity concerning why I’m writing in this blog in the first place and the expectations placed upon it and upon him.

4. How can I be more tender with myself?

Four of Swords atop Five of Wands – Meditation over conflict is the message in these cards. I need to start meditating more regularly again, as it will help me in taking control over my inner conflict and allow for a calmer and more centered energy in my day to day.  This calm and centered energy is going to be extremely important as the holiday rush takes hold and turns my world upside down.

5. Where can I best direct this new moon’s energy?

Seven of Swords atop Five of Cups Rx – Strategy is going to be important in order to avoid personal setbacks as I move into the end of the second half of this month.  Be sure that I have my strategies in place for how to deal with the things I need to get done, and don’t deviate from them.

This is an echo of a reading I did a week or so ago that stated “start as you wish to continue on”.  Now the cards speak of that “continuing on” by sticking to the plan.

DECK USED: DA BRIGH BLACK TAROT

You’ve Got This

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IMG_7087Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.  The topic of today’s guided meditation was suppressing and ignoring emotions.

This is a topic that I have a good deal of experience in.  Although I disagree with part of what was said (ie: that you cannot bury your emotions for long, just as one example), I do agree with the overall message that it is healthier to deal with your emotions than bury them.  I also agree that, while you probably can’t bury your emotions forever.  You can bury them for a hell of a long time. But I think that to do it for an entire lifetime might cause a great deal more harm than good.

The method of dealing with difficult and unpleasant emotions that is mentioned in this meditation, was to step aside and examine them as an observer, then return to deal with them.  Although I think that this might be a good method for a lot of people, I think that “stepping aside” like that for me?  Would be just too close to stepping away instead.  Too tempting to distance myself and then say “fuck it” and push them aside.

Tarot of Haunted House - Six of CupsToday’s draw is the Six of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of nostalgia and childhood memories. 

As is hinted at in the word “nostalgia” above, this card usually deals with positive memories that bring someone pleasure or joy to bring up to the surface. 

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card is a combination of the warm purity provided by the shades of white and gold, combined with the two figures in the center.   Today, when I look at this card, I see the woman handing a cup of flowers to the girl…. but I see them as the same person.   The young child and the woman different ages of the same woman as she looks back on a beautiful golden memory of her past, and the child reaches forward into the beautiful dreams of a future moment.

Together, these two figures bathed in the golden glow of hopes and memories, remind us that dreams can come true, even those idealistic ones we have as children and forget about as an adult. And when you accomplish a dream you hold close to your heart?  It’s time to pause and look back at where you started and feel a fissure of pleasure.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: What magickal cycle is this New Moon in Libra kicking off?

Dark Mansion Tarot

Reading Summary: Balancing your new emotional growth (Ace of Cups), with the work ahead (Eight of Pentacles) is something that you have all the tools in your arsenal in order to do (The Magician).

Take Away:  Okay, so I’ve managed to accept that I don’t have to lock my emotional growth away to protect it during the holiday rush, but that hasn’t really meant that I’ve come to understand how I’m going to balance them.  The magical cycle this new moon in Libra is kicking off for me is about finding that balance and learning that I’m more than capable of doing this.

The cards are essentially saying, “You’ve got this.”

DECK USED:  DARK MANSION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self care this new moon?

Tarot ZReading Summary: Take that unfounded worry and despair that you’re feeling (Three of Swords), and surround it in your drive and ambition (Knight of Wands), eagerness and enthusiasm (The Fool).

Take Away:  This is a carry over from today’s Lionharts reading I did earlier, where I was worrying over how I’m going to balance my emotional journey and the holiday rush over the next ten weeks.  In that reading it told me that I have the tools and abilities at my disposal to balance these things. 

Here in this reading, we then see what these tools are and what to do with them.  The cards are indicating that the only thing holding me back are my own doubts, uncertainties, and thoughts of failure.   If I want this to work, I need to let go of these things and allow myself to get swept up in the enthusiasm.   Instead of wading into the surf one inch at a time… dive right in and adjust on the fly.

DECK USED:  TAROT Z

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: What lesson would my Spirit Guides like to bring to my attention at this time?

Halloween Spirit Tarot

Reading Summary:  The topic is about balancing work life and personal life/self care.  The figure in the imagery of the Two of pentacles points an arrow through the disk at the top of the Star and the World, indicating that these two cards are my target.   The other two cards are both “end of a journey cards” indicating a choice to move from an old way of doing things to something new.

The message here is that I need to remember that the shit I’m walking away from wasn’t that good (Eight of Swords atop The Star).   I have an opportunity now to move on from that more harmful way of doing things to something better (The World atop the Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  My spirit guides want to remind me of what my target is, and that I’m in the process of transitioning between the unhealthy way I was doing things and this new healthier balance.   These cards are a reminder to help me stay on track and not fall back into my old way of doing things.

DECK USED:  HALLOWEEN SPIRIT TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I have a spirit animal? If so, what qualities does it possess?

Halloween Magick Tarot - Nine of SwordsAnswer:  Don’t worry about it at this time. 

I didn’t draw the additional cards concerning what qualities the spirit animal might possess, because the Nine of Swords came up when I asked if I have a spirit animal.

The message is clearly that now’s not the time to be worrying about this, and to be honest?  I’m fine with that.

I have a lot on my plate at the moment and am just starting to occasionally feel the differences between my intuition and messages from my spirit guides.   There’s no need to over-complicate things by delving into the whole animals/humans/spirits/ghosts/ancestors side of things right now. 

DECK USED:  HALLOWEEN MAGIC TAROT

New Moon in Libra – October 2020

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New Moon in Libra Spread - Halloween Deck

1. What is being called into realignment in my relationship with myself?

Ten of Clubs  – I am in the process of learning a new way of balancing my work, self care, and life in order to ensure that I am not overwhelming myself and overburdening myself into a burnout.  With orders picking up and the holiday rush only a couple weeks off now, I’m being tempted again and again by the old habits I’ve discarded that will allow that overwhelm to take hold.  I need to make sure that I’m taking care to stay true to my new purpose and new methods, and not allowing myself to dive into those old habits that will only lead to yet another return to premature burnout.

2. What is being called into realignment in my relationships with others?

Six of Hearts – Harmony with loved ones.  This is about making sure that I’m asking for help and not carrying everything myself.  In order to create harmony between myself and my sister (and Z), there needs to be a more even share of the work distributed between us.

3. Where do I need to surrender to allowing more support from others?

Queen of Spades – My habit of taking on the lion’s share of work for myself is not going to help me at all right now.  Yes, I have the experience, and I have the ambition.  I know where I’m headed and how to get there.  But that doesn’t mean I have to shoulder all the work.  I need to steer my ship more from the helm, and not quite so much from the decks.  You can still mingle and “harmonize”, but don’t take every little task on yourself.

4. Where do I need to surrender to allow more support from Spirit?

Queen of Clubs – My passion for my work is important to me, but in order to foster that passion I need to allow myself to let others in. Not just others that live and work with me, but the energies and entities around me that want to help support me through my struggles.

5. A card to support me in returning to and living from my heart-centre.

Two of Hearts -A reminder that I’m not alone.  This entire reading is that reminder, and it is fitting that it would conclude with the Two of Hearts. This new moon is definitely about the pace picking up in my work and the preparation for the holiday rush…. but in that it’s reminding me that I need to share the work load instead of taking it upon myself.  I need to remember that if I want to succeed at this new path of growth and balance, I can’t do everything myself and need to allow others to step in and carry some of the responsibility.

DECK USED: SWABBED DECKS’ HALLOWEEN DECK PLAYING CARDS

Letting Go of Apathy

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Today’s meditation was…. yes, yes.  It was skipped again. I’m playing catch up from taking a few days off and… well, it’s an excuse to be honest.  I just didn’t do it.   Tonight perhaps, or tomorrow is a new day.  But I didn’t fit it into my morning.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Five of CoinsToday’s draw is the Five of Coins, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, struggles, and hardships in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, or manifestations.

I definitely see the struggle and hardship in this card.  What I do not see that is often present in the standard Five of Coins (RWS, of course) is the representation of salvation… of help that is either being missed or ignored.  There are just children in tattered clothes and no shoes, clearly needy and alone.

The message here is about paying attention. If these children were adults on today’s city streets?  We wouldn’t even see them.  Hell, most probably wouldn’t even see them if they were children.  We’ve become so jaded and, in some cases, frustrated by the trials and tribulations of others that so many these days don’t even -see-  the poor and the homeless, the distressed or those in need.  They just aren’t there… even when they are standing right in front of you begging for their lives.

The message here is about paying attention, and making sure that your eyes and heart are open.  You can’t save the world, but sometimes even just a smile or a dime is enough to make someone’s life worth living another day.  Apathy kills the heart, let your heart breathe and grow by kicking apathy to the curb.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Ritual Abuse TarotNine of Pentacles – There was once a rich old man who lived in a house all alone. He was very rich, and very lonely. Each day he sat on his balcony at the end of another long day and watched the sun set.

One day, a bird landed on the railing of his balcony. He watched the bird, and the bird appeared to watch him.  They sat in silence together and watched the sun set that evening, and then the bird came back again the next day, and the next after that.

Over time, he began starting up a conversation with the bird.  He would tell the bird about his loneliness and discontent, and the bird would sit silently and listen.  They would then watch the sunset before the rustle of feathers would indicate the departure of the bird into the night.

One day, the bird came, but was acting strangely.  The bird would not settle and seemed to be having trouble with its balance.  The old man got up from his balcony chair to take a closer look, and discovered that the bird had somehow lost its eyes.  Where once there had been deep brown, watchful eyes, now there was nothing but empty sockets.

Seven of Cups – The man felt bad for the bird, and thought perhaps it would be best to put the bird out of its misery.  He carefully picked the bird up and brought it inside, intent on snapping its neck and burying it in the garden.   But, throughout the night, he found that he couldn’t do it.  He thought about keeping it as a pet, but this also felt wrong as the bird had always been wild.

Finally he was so mixed up in the choices before him that he couldn’t decide what to do.  In his distress, he asked the bird “What should I do??” and surprisingly, the bird answered him.

The bird told him that it wanted to make a trade.  That if the old man was wiling to give the bird one of his own eyes, then the bird would be able to see again and would be greatly rewarded for his sacrifice.  But, without eyes, the bird told him, that it would surely die either by flying into a tree or being prey to other forest creatures.

The man thought on this long and hard, considering what the bird had said, as well as what a good friend the bird had been to him for so long, coming each day to see the sunset.  If he gave up one of his eyes, he could still enjoy the sunset, and the bird would be able to as well.   It was a great sacrifice, but he didn’t want to go back to being so utterly alone.

In the end, he chose to sacrifice his eye to give the bird back its sight.  He remained still and silent as he allowed the bird to pluck out his eye and swallow it down.  His howls of pain were great, but when he settled and was able to take a breath once more, he opened his one good eye to find a beautiful woman before him. She had only one eye.. an eye the exact same shade as his own, and her smile was radiant.  Her raven like hair was beautiful,  like the wings of the bird that had been by his side each evening for so long, and  her touch as she tended to him gentle.

Nine of Cups – The beautiful woman patched him up and then helped to guide him out to the balcony once more, and together they sat to watch the sunset, the man’s heart finally at peace with his life and the company he keeps.

DECK USED:  RITUAL ABUSE TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: How should I embrace my missed message?

Nicoletta Ciccoli Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t close your eyes (Far Left Card) and ignore what’s happening (Center Left Card)… Keep your eyes open and aware (Center Right Card). It might be a little scary sometimes, but you need to be aware of what’s going on (Far Right Card).

Take Away:  This is about embracing messages from my spirit guides and acknowledging where they’re coming from… not specifically about the missed message from the other day.  It’s funny, because just before I pulled these cards I was thinking that we were beating that poor missed message to death, and then what comes up is not about that missed message at all but about paying attention.

And it’s true.  Some of the whole spirit guides stuff is a bit scary sometimes. But as the cards say, that doesn’t mean close my eyes and pretend it’s not happening.  It’s time to be open and aware instead of playing pretend that they’re not there, as I have in the past.

DECK USED:  NICOLETTA CICCOLI TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need when I meditate?

Ghosts & Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary: A quiet place (Imagery in the Ten of Pentacles), with my intuition and inner knowledge (The High Priestess). And for everybody to just take a hike (Imagery in the Three of Wands Rx ) leave me alone for a bit (Imagery in the The Chariot).

This reading leaned deeply into the imagery of the cards and had very little to do with the actual card names.  I didn’t even realize the card names (or that they might fit the reading) until after I’d already taken down my summary notes.

Take Away:  Essentially, I need to be left alone so that I can meditate in peace, and to combine that peace and quiet that that time alone provides me with getting in touch with my deeper self and subconscious.  If I can’t sink into that deeper self, I can’t meditate because every little single noise or sensation will distract me again and again.

DECK USED:  GHOSTS & SPIRITS TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Trick Or Treat Halloween Spread

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Because I am trying to show a bit more of my decks this month, as I have a whole LOT of October/Halloween/Samhain decks, I’m doing a few extra bonus reads over the month.  This is one of those extra readings.

Halloween Tarot Spread - Carnival at the End of the World Tarot

Card To Represent Something That Is Tricking Me
The Last Judgement and The Devil

These cards are a reminder that my values and self worth have absolutely nothing to do with my control (or the lack thereof) over my addictions. It’s like equating your self worth with the cleanliness of your home or the color of your shoes. They have nothing to do with each other, but sometimes we (as humans) get all these things mixed up in our head and emotions.

How I’m Being Fooled By This
Page of Cups

This tendency to equate one’s self worth with how we feel about a flaw or issue that we’re currently involved in is a sign of emotional immaturity. This isn’t a huge surprise, as I have spent a good portion of my life burying my emotions and muffling them behind thick walls.  Now that I’m opening up to them  more fully and willingly, little stumbling blocks like these are bound to crop up.

How Can I Gain a Clear Perspective and Stop Being Tricked?
The Sun

Allow yourself to have some fun.  You’re not hurting anyone,  not even yourself.  So there’s no harm in it. That in itself rouses a bit of guilt, although that has more to do with being raised that fun is a waste of time.  I know this is not to be the case, and The Sun card here in this spread indicates I need to remember to embrace my fun rather than allowing the past to influence me into shying away from it.

Card To Represent a Treat In My Life
Queen of Cups

Being able to better connect with and understand people on an emotional level than I have in the past.  I’ve noticed this a few times recently in speaking with others and how I relate to them.   What I used to see as my empathy for others I have now come to realize was far more logic based thane emotion based.

A Way That I Can Fully Embrace This Treat
Knave of Wands

Continue to make the exploration of emotional growth a priority and pour my interest and attention into it.  This might be difficult during the holiday rush that is quickly approaching.  But, ten weeks from now, that chaotic time will come to an end, and I’ll be able to delve back into that exploration with both feet.

Something I Don’t Yet Understand About This Treat
Six of Coins

It’s going to change how I relate to others that are more fortunate than myself, and others that are fare less fortunate than myself.  It’ll give me a new perspective on balance, and on my personal involvement with that balance.   I’m not there yet, but just as I understand empathy more now than I did before, so too will this come into focus as tome goes on.

DECK USED:  CARNIVAL AT THE END OF THE WORLD TAROT

Making Yourself The Outsider

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Today’s meditation was skipped again today. I probably shouldn’t have, but I had so much crap to get done, plus a phone appointment with my shrink… and everything just got away with me a bit.  So.. it didn’t get done.  I do plan on giving it a go when I lie down to go to bed tho.

Tarot of Haunted House - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of homecomings and celebration…. and celebratory homecomings.  There is a stability to this theme, and comfort as well.

There aren’t many cards in this deck I feel this way about, but I’m not really sure about the imagery for this card in this deck.  What I see here feels a lot more like a Hierophant card than the Four of Wands.  

That said, what really stands out to me in this card today is the four pillars and the burst of flame atop each of them.  That imagery of stability and celebration then draws my eye down to the knife held in a sacrificial downward angle, which then draws my eye down to the two figures that appear to have turned to look back at the viewer.

These three points feel like levels in this card, and what I see here is more about -not- feeling welcome.  It’s about feeling like an outsider. An outlier.  You can see the stability and the celebration in the distance, but there are forbidding obstacles between where you now stand and that comfort hinted at in the four pillars. 

The message here is to not allow issues with self worth or confidence cut you out of the places where you should belong.  These negative feelings and derogatory self-narratives that make you feel like an outsider?  They aren’t what others are thinking.  They are only what you are thinking.  Don’t project your self-worth issues on others and assume that they perceive you as you see yourself.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus, this card today will be my focus.

Grim Tarock - Five of CitadelsThe collection of buildings along the cliff’s face are piled atop each other and disintegrating under the wear of time.  Rocks tumble  and foundations crumble.

The Five of Citadels is a reminder about upkeep.

When you do a little each day to care for the upkeep of those things that are important to you, over time these things wear well and remain in good condition, creating a long future.

If, on the other hand, you do not do that little bit of care each day, over time things deteriorate a little at a time.  And soon, you find that those things you care about have fallen apart and no longer hold value.

The focus that this card prompts for me today is to make sure I’m doing the little work.  One small thing a day is enough to help keep things from falling apart… whether that’s self care, or home care, or relationships…. or anything of value.

DECK USED:  GRIM TAROCK

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Where do you find meaning in your life?

Hephoe TapoQueen of Wands atop The Hierophant – Through my passion for teaching and guiding others. I have found, especially as I’ve gotten older, that I greatly enjoy guiding others to help them in finding their own unique path, and teaching them in different skills and knowledge that I’ve collected along the way in my own life.  I want to help others in finding their own passions, their own interests, and their own beliefs.  I love occasionally hearing when something I’ve offered up “clicks” for someone and helps them in their own journey, or just knowing that I’ve helped in some way in making their life “fit” them better in some way.

The Emperor – Having a sense of independence and control.  These are things I need in my life. I require them.  And, in fact, it is a need that I have built a good deal of my life around, from how I am employed to how my relationships with others work, and even in how I relate to people and the world around me. 

Knight of Swords atop Ten of Pentacles – Going after my ambitions towards stability, security, and a comfortable living.  I feel that this answer is as much about the “going after” as it is about the obtaining of this goal. While I feel a need for stability and structure?  I also feel that need to strive for something, to push for something.  This stability and security is a sort of “moving target” that constantly stimulates that need to strive for something… and at the same time manage to accomplish just enough to fulfill that constant need for security.

DECK USED:  HEPHOE TAPO

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the significance behind this missed message from yesterday?

Dark Grimoire Tarot

Reading Summary: Lean on others (Three of Pentacles) instead of killing yourself trying to juggle everything on your own (Two of Pentacles). Depending on others is a choice that you have to consciously make for yourself (The Lovers)… and it will make your life better and more emotionally fulfilling in the end (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  What these cards are saying is that I need to fill my life with people that love me and want to help.  By doing this, as time goes on, I will find the benefits spill over from my work and into my life at large and that even if I one day grown into a lonely old man alone in the world, I will feel emotionally fulfilled by all those past people that were a part of my life. The key here is that this is a choice.  A choice you make for yourself.  Letting people in is a choice that you have to start early and allow to then carry forward through the years ahead.

DECK USED:  DARK GRIMOIRE TAROT