Gratitude, Not Attitude

Today’s meditation was twelve minutes long and took place in the bath tub, submerged to just my nose and mouth (well, and knees).  It was not a guided meditation, but rather a time spent in that suspension state that I can often find when in water.  It was very refreshing, but left me feeling a bit sleepy by the end.

Three of Cups - Tarot of the Unknown Today’s draw is the Three of Cups, which is a representation of collaboration, small gains, and even smaller groups in the area of one’s emotions, intuition, relationships, and creativity.

The appearance of the Three of Cups today is a reminder to put a check on my resentment concerning having my helper in my space.  I don’t know why I can’t seem to get completely comfortable with her being here in my home when she comes to do her job, but it’s always an irritant that she’s here.   Always.

That said… I need the assistance with my business that she provides, especially at this time of year.   Today’s card is a reminder to look on the bright side of the relationship and collaboration that I have with her, rather than doing the internal “fuss and grump” that her presence seems to always inspire.

Deck Used:  Tarot of the Unknown

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: What can I do to quiet my inner critic?

Delos TarotReading Summary: Keep in mind how far I have come and all that I have (Ten of Pentacles), while emotionally focusing less on how much further I could have gone.  Instead, find that inner quiet needed to assure myself I am making the best decisions possible in the moment.

Take Away: My inner critic is something that I struggle with quite a lot.  It always has something to say, and what it has to say is usually not all that useful other than to push me harder (which, honestly, is something I do in spades already).  The cards indicate that to silence my inner critic, I need to focus more on gratitude for the now rather than focusing so intently on where I’m going and what I could do better. And that I need to remember that hindsight is 20/20, but that decisions I have made were the absolute best decisions accessible to me in the moment.

Deck Used:  Delos Tarot 2nd Edition

The Salamander and The Seeds

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was not a part of the ‘how to’ series I’ve been working my way through. Instead I spent a bit of time in the bottom of the shower following the water drops as they made their way down the side of the tub.

As you know, this is a very soothing activity for me, and is hands-down my easiest meditation. There’s just something about the warm water raining down and the trailing of those drops that allows me to sink into that space in a way that meditating elsewhere does not.

Ace of Wands - Slow TarotToday’s draw is the Ace of Wands, which is a representation of the seed of new beginnings in the area of one’s inner spark including their ambitions, passions, and drive.

When I look at this card I see the seeds.  So many seeds.  All those dandelions are ready to scatter their seeds, and the salamander clings with apparent pleasure to a wand that’s on fire. This speaks to me of the need to sometimes go through the flames to obtain what you seek.

After yesterday’s occurrence concerning my business, this card is a message of hope and encouragement.  It speaks of having the resilience and strength to start anew if needed, and encourages looking into spreading my “eggs” out into more than one basket.  I already do this, but I think maybe I need to do some research on this again… just in case a new start ends up being needed.

Deck Used: Slow Tarot

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: How can I break free when I’m feeling trapped?

Tarot of Pagan CatsReading Summary:  Move quickly (Eight of Wands) to explore new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) that allows me to find a sense of stability that fits me best (Four of Pentacles).

Take Away:  When I first read this question prior to doing the reading, I thought this was about emotions.  You know, you always hear those people that feel “trapped” in their relationships with either their significant other, or family, or friends.   But I don’t really feel that way emotionally so I didn’t really see how this question would apply to me.

I should have known, though, that the cards would dig out just exactly how this question does apply to me.  And, they’re right. When it comes to my work and my finances, I do occasionally feel trapped.  Usually I just ride it out until it passes, or make small adjustments to what I’m doing until I find that “sweet spot” of contentment again.

The cards in today’s reading suggest that sometimes to break free of that feeling, it’s better to allow new opportunities a chance, and move quickly to explore them when they present themselves.  That, by doing this, in the end although it might spur change (as new opportunities so often do) it can lead to an even better place of stability in the end.

Deck Used: Tarot of Pagan Cats

 

Composure Among Chaos

Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and a revisit of yesterday’s meditation on the “how to” series that I’ve been working my way through.  Since I was interrupted yesterday, I felt I should return to do it a second time, and I’m glad that I did.

There was a quote by J Krishnamurti used in the meditation’s narration that I really connected with. “The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.

That is what today’s meditation was all about, observing the self and how our mind works without evaluation or judgement.

Five of Wands - Tarot of the Unknown Today’s draw is the Five of Wands, which is a representation of tests, trials, and conflict in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions.   This is a really apt card for today, and when I drew it this morning, I did not fully understand where it was coming from, but I knew that it was not just a “positive message” but an indication of something to come.

It turns out that this evening, I discovered exactly what that has to do with.   I have a shop on Etsy with well over 5000 sales and 1200 reviews.   I have never had an unresolved case filed against my shop, and have a five star rating.   BUT, for some reason because I got ONE negative review and ONE case (that was thrown out by Etsy incidentally) in the past 50 sales?  They sent me a letter threatening to shut me down.

I mean… wtf.   Anyway… there you go.

The fact is, though?   I will find a way through this too.  So the card was not just a warning of what was coming, but is also an encouragement. It is a message of strength, and perseverance, and acknowledging that even when things feel like they’re falling to shit, there IS something else on the horizon if you can first just get through the crowd of jackasses swinging their clubs at your balls.

Deck Used:  Tarot of the Unknown

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: Where would I benefit from gathering more information before reacting?

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot Reading Summary:  When I’m feeling uncertain of where to place my feet (The Moon) and the world feels like it’s falling apart around me (Five of Pentacles), remember to have faith in that inner spark of passion that drives me forward (King of Wands) as my real strength lies within the determination that lives there (the Lion in the King of Wands).

Take Away:  Fitting that this question and the answers provided today fit into the issue mentioned in my daily draw.   The cards indicate situations where I feel blindsided and uncertain of how to move forward, and like my financial security and stability is at risk.  That is a very accurate description of the emotions that are roiling around within after that email I received.   The encouragement in these cards has to do with keeping in mind my determination, my strengths, and where my passions lie… and using composure and that sense of strength to bolster myself as I move to gather more information about the situation and how to either resolve it or move past it.

Deck Used:  The Pagan Otherworlds Tarot

 

Growth Spurts Through Enthusiasm

Today’s meditation was just over seven minutes long, because I got interrupted part way through by the arrival of the housekeeper showing up early.    The focus of the meditation for today was the “strength training” of focus and concentration that is done when you are meditating.

This theme is a build off the mention in a previous meditation in the series where the guide likens the straying of the mind during meditation and becoming conscious of this straying to bring it back to focus again as a “bench press” for the mind.

I like this analogy and it has really put the straying of the mind during meditation in a different light for me.

Page of Wands - Slow Tarot Today’s draw is the Page of Wands, which is a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s ambitions, drive, and passions.

The imagery in this card really speaks to me, as it reminds me of a time when L and I used to go out camping on the weekends with Z and T.  These camping trips were always super educational, but so much fun.  They are the beginning of my education on plants and the forests in the area I live in, as it was those two that taught me the joys of the deep forest and started me on my journey of learning about plants and botany.     I’m almost certain that Z did self-taught crash courses in the subject just to keep up with my thirst for knowledge during these trips.

These trips also taught my sister and I about survival skills and about the strength in independence.  We learned about the elements in a hands-on natural environment, and about reverent respect for the earth and her gifts.  Each weekend we went out into the forest with Z and T was a growth spurt of the mind and expansion of the spirit.

As I move into this busy time of year for me, the holiday rush now a reality, the cards are giving me a reminder that I need to take that spirit of strength, independence, and adventure with me into the chaos of the holiday rush.  Do not let the chaos weigh me down, but instead choose to look at it as a challenging adventure.

Deck Used:  Slow Tarot

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: How can I better recognize the signs of manipulation?

Bottanical TarotReading Summary:  The beginnings of feeling as if I am floundering around in the dark (The Unknown).  This card overshadows all of the others in the reading.

Sesame is a symbol of good luck and immortality through resilience and adaptability.  When combined with the Three of Spices (Wands) and the other cards in this spread, it evokes for me that feeling of when you are in a group project in school that is supposed to be a collaborative effort, but the others are leaving you to do all the work.

The Lemon is a symbol of longevity and friendship, and when combined with the Ace of Crops (Pentacles) and the other cards in this spread, what comes across is a message of false promises and a “drumming up” of enthusiasm through promises of new exciting opportunities and potential wealth.

The ginkgo is also a symbol of longevity, as well as hope, and the attraction of opposites.  When combined with the Strength card and the other cards in this reading,  there is an feeling of needing to tap into inner foundations in order to examine if the “opposites attract” thing is really a fortuitous happenstance, or a recipe for failure.

I also am getting an intuitive hit off of the Lemon in its position in the forefront that speaks of “drumming up” enthusiasm and excitement, and an effort to distract you from seeing the weaker points by keeping your attention trained on the new and shiny.

Take Away:  Pay attention to when I feel as if I’m floundering in the dark, and look for excess enthusiasm and slight of hand concerning an effort to control where my attention is focused. Listen to that calm inner voice rather than getting wrapped up in the hype.

Deck Used:  The Bottanical Tarot

Recognizing Strength

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was a meditation that focused on a line of energy that runs along the spine.  It was the next installment of the ‘how to’ series I’ve been working through.

The line of energy is essentially a thin line, like a string, that runs along the spine (think spinal cord) and in this meditation, the goal was to focus upon that line and allow the glow of energy from it to expand and flow, filling you up through nerve endings and providing a sensation of calm and light within.

It was extremely relaxing without making me sleepy, and is definitely a technique I will be revisiting in the future.

Five of Axes - Tarot of the Unknown Today’s draw is the Five of Axes (Swords) which we just saw two days ago but has come to visit again.   This card is a representation of challenges, tests, and trials in the area of one’s thought processes, intellect, and communication.  This theme often presents itself as conflict and/or competition, and sometimes as a drive to win no matter the costs.

I do not feel that this is a recurrent theme from this card’s previous recent appearance.   Instead, it is a commentary upon the distress I was dealing with yesterday concerning my memory and its gaps.

In the moments where I realize just how much of my memory has fallen through the cracks, I have moments when I feel extremely helpless.  The appearance of this card is a reminder that there are many different faces to “winning”.  Some of them are obvious, others, not so much.

Although there is much in my life that has happened and left damage and scars in their wake, they also have made me stronger, and taught me how much value there is in my life, and how to appreciate the little things that make life worth living.   I learned my mortality very early, and although I work very hard in my day to day, I also make sure to pause and appreciate all that I have.   All that I have survived.   And all that I have won the right to having in my life through that survival.  Sometimes?  You have to lose something of value in order to gain something even better.

Deck Used:  Tarot of the Unknown

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: Where may I benefit from moving on / moving forward?

Herbal Healing Tarot Reading Summary:  There is strength (Strength) in knowing when to set aside (Seven of Cups) the struggle of juggling too much (Two of Pentacles) in order to focus on gripping the reigns on chaos (The Chariot).

Take Away: I spend a huge amount of my life juggling responsibilities and my creative drive, which often boils down to a balance between my outside work and my entrepreneurial endeavors.  At this time of year, my business  begins to “blow up”, and it becomes time to set aside my other outside jobs for a time so that I can focus all of my energy on the chaos of the holiday rush.   The message here is saying that the time for that shift is now.

Deck Used:  The Herbal Healing Tarot

 

Comfort and Strength

Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes, and the next installment of the ‘how to’ series that I’ve been working my way through.  The focus in today’s meditation was how to take your focus deeper into that “quiet place” of calm that can be found when you focus so strongly and so closely that everything else in the world fades away.

I have had this experience in our play, and in my work.  But I’ve never tried to accomplish it in my meditation before.   Although I could just lightly touch upon that mental space for a few fractions of a second at a time, I couldn’t sustain it, but I have a feeling that with practice I could.

Strength - Slow Tarot Today’s draw is the Strength card of the Major Arcana, which means that it is a “big picture” theme rather than any one specific aspect of the human condition.

When I saw this card this morning, I wasn’t sure how it would relate to my day, and a variety of possibilities for the positive message it could convey were running through my head.   As the evening has progressed, though, I have found where the inner strength that is represented in this card is needed, and with it the comforting that really struck me in the imagery itself.

It was really hard to come to the realization that I am still losing memories from the head injury I sustained fourteen years ago.  Over the past few years, there have been some really encouraging signs that indicate a recovery of some of the memories I’d lost, and I had not really noticed having lost anything important other than during my depressive episodes.

I discovered this evening that that is not so much the case, and that some of the memories that I have lost and not worried overly about are joined by memories that I don’t -want- to lose… but have.  These losses bring up within me a deep and somewhat terrifying sense of helplessness, and that is where the message in today’s card steps forward.  It is a reminder of my strength and that I am a survivor.  It is also a reminder that in times of distress, there are those that I love and that love me that I can reach out to for comfort and support.

Deck Used:  Slow Tarot

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: What can I do to better embrace change?

Manga TarotReading Summary:  Approach with an open mind and outlook of open curiosity and imagination (Page of Cups), accepting that cycles are a part of life and change is simply a part of our movement through these cycles (The World), and take time to plan and prepare for when the dust settles (Three of Wands).

Take Away: So often when change approaches, there is a tendency to close off and either ignore  what is happening as long as we can, or resist the change entirely.  Embracing change, though, requires a receptivity and acceptance to both the current change as well as the fact that change is an eventuality in life.  Instead of wasting energy on fighting against something that is going to happen whether you like it or not, take that energy and use it to plan for your next moves forward on your path so you are somewhat prepared for where your feet will land when the storm is over.

Deck Used:  Manga Tarot