Chocolate Cake

Today’s meditation was skipped because nobody would leave me the hell alone this morning.  I swear to god some days the girls are so totally self sufficient, and then other days?  Every five seconds they’re in my hair bugging the fuck out of me.  Although… Z did make chocolate cake this morning.  So she’s forgiven.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Nine of CupsSpeaking of chocolate cake…

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is about obtainment and completion in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This card is about emotional contentment, and taking time to be grateful and enjoy a sense of satisfaction in where you are at.

On Wednesday, I did a reading about whether I live to eat or eat to live, and here we have a card that is, in its depths, very much a “live to eat” card at its core.  It’s about enjoying what you have, finding pleasure and peace in the moment… and the imagery very much makes me think of eating cake.

The message in today’s card is to savor the good stuff.  Don’t let those things and experiences go to waste.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Neptune Question
: A dream, hope, or desire I am asked to feed, or honor {more}.

Ring Cycle Tarot

A Dream I Am Asked To FeedEmperor (Wotan) – Independence and strength, but with the balance of a softer and more understanding edge. Independence has always been my dream, and one I feed regularly, but that softer edge is new and something I have been working on over this past year.  Learning to find that softness and encourage it is something that needs constant fostering.

A Hope I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Nibelungs – Working off my mortgage is something I’ve been focused on for a very long time and I have a timeline on that I’ve been hoping to stick to.  I’m creeping toward the end stretch of my mortgage over the next few years and I need to keep this hope alive by feeding it and not giving up on it regardless of the state of the world.

A Desire I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Gibichungs – Balance and fairness in all things is something that I am constantly in need of.  When things are unfair and imbalanced, I struggle under the weight of this knowledge and a nearly righteous need to fix it and make it better. No matter how much some may look down upon this need, it is not a bad thing and is a directive that comes straight from my moral compass. Don’t be shy about these values.

A Dream I Am Asked To HonorSix of Gibichungs – This card echos the above theme of fairness, but here we see a need to foster it not just one individual case at a time but within a community where all understand and treasure the fairness that is fostered and grows there.  There have been many times that my personal need for fairness is all about a personal drive, in this case I am asked to honor the dream within myself that such fairness would be valued by all and that everyone would work together to sustain it.

A Hope I Am Asked To HonorJustice (Wotan’s Spear) – We reap what we sow, and in my heart?  I hope that this is true.  I hope that, through the workings of the balance of the universe, the truly horrible and evil people in the world really do reap the pain and misery that they have sown. If not in this life, than upon their spirit to be carried forward into the next.  To honor this hope, it is important to remember that you don’t always have to right the wrongs yourself… you instead need to foster the faith that the universe will do that for you.

A Desire I Am Asked To HonorNine of Nibelungs – I desire to trust.  I look back on the innocence and naivete that I had a decade or more ago… and sometimes I ache for that gleaming golden faith that has been scored and chipped and peeled away over time.  I used to have such faith in people as a whole… and I miss it. I understand I cannot go back, but I hope to never lose the memory of that time and, as a result, become truly and irretrievably jaded.

DECK USED:  RING CYCLE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my love life.

Ride or Wait TarotReading Summary: Lean on Gideon as needed (King of Cups) and depend on him to keep hope and positivity alive (The Star) rather than retreating into yourself or hiding from him (Four of Cups Rx).

Take Away: It’s so damned hard for me to reach out sometimes and I really don’t understand why.  It’s not as if he’s going to look down on me for needing him.  If anything, any time I express my need of him, he is ready to leap into action and be there for me with eagerness, love, and strength.  

And yet, my first reaction when I need support or a pick-me-up?  Is to sink into myself rather than reach out to him… even after being together over twelve years now.   Why is that?

Obviously, this is a good reminder… and one I need to hear pretty often, especially in times of stress.

DECK USED:  RIDE OR WAIT TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: What or who in my life is draining my energy?

Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

What in my life is draining my energy?
Page of Swords atop Nine of Swords, Six of Pentacles

My ambition and worries that I’m not doing enough. This has been especially troubling for me this fall, as I have procrastinated a good deal of the fall away without getting my shit done as I should have.  For some reason, even fighting against the lethargy of the weight of that procrastination, I couldn’t manage to get my ass in gear.

Who in my life is draining my energy?
Extra Card (In the Weeds) and Queen of Pentacles

Those that are dependent on me are draining my energy at the moment, although through no fault of their own, but rather because I’m not getting away enough for some alone time in nature. Self care is sometimes such a fucking pain in the ass and it feels like a waste of time… and then I don’t do it and end up in a situation of self harm through neglect as a result.

DECK USED:  OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How have I acted on that advice given to me from yesterday’s reading?

Puppet Theatre Tarot

Reading Summary:  Developed strength of determination (King of Wands) combined with a built up strength of foundation in home and finances (King of Pentacles) allows me to then use these things I’ve learned to better assist others than I could have otherwise (Six of Cups)

Take Away: Yesterday’s advice was about looking after myself before others, and thus by putting myself first.  Here we see that in having helped myself first and become strong both in my determination and my foundations, I then am able to help others in more effective ways later.  Sometimes those you refused to help earlier in life aren’t able to forgive that refusal, and you have to allow for those “spilled milk” people and let go of them so that you can use your resources to instead help those that are open to your assistance in the ways you chose to help.

DECK USED:  PUPPET THEATRE TAROT

It’s Not a Solo Mission

Today’s meditation was skipped this morning because I was feeling overwhelmed by how much I had to get done and… you know what? Now that I look at that reasoning… it seems completely backwards. Shouldn’t the times when I feel overwhelmed be the times when I should be making a point to do my meditation instead of setting it aside?  Right.  So now that I’ve given myself a talking to…

Traditional Manga Tarot - Queen of CupsToday’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity. This often presents itself as qualities that have to do with being a good listener that can bolster other’s emotional well-being and lead people toward healthier emotional balance.

Sometimes?  Gideon is the Queen of Cups.  It is in that gentle way he is willing to listen to me and tug at my emotions to get them to surface and get me to share them with him.  He helps me in understanding what I’m feeling, and he helps me in sorting out the tangle when my emotions become a mess.

With each day I am with him, my emotional intelligence becomes a little better, and yet the steps are so tiny… so minuscule… that they seem inconsequential.  But they’re not.

The point here?  Is that none of us learn alone.  None of us develop or improve ourselves alone.  There are always others there that help in guiding us, teaching us, and helping us to become better.  It’s important that we aren’t just aware of that, but acknowledge it… and those that help us.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Mars Question
: How can I positively overcome, or deal with, the obstacle in yesterday’s reading?

Puppet Theatre Tarot

Reading Summary:  Stop paying so much attention (imagery in the Nine of Needles) to your worries (imagery in the Eight of Needles), and focus (magnifying glass) on elation instead (imagery in the Ten of Cups).

Side Note: I love the imagery of this deck.  It doesn’t always follow the RWS symbolism, but it’s just so expressive.

Take Away:  The message here is about “feeding the wolf“. The wolf within you that wins is the one you feed.  So stop feeding the wolf of worry and desperation and struggle your attention, and continue to instead work on feeding the wolf of optimism and positivity your attention instead.

DECK USED:  PUPPET THEATRE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my ambitions.

Tarot of the UnknownReading Summary:  Slow and steady but keep working at it (Knight of Pentacles). Sometimes along the way you might need to make some changes (Six of Swords), but as long as you have some patience (Temperance) and dedication to what you want to work on and excel at you’ll get there (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away: The foundation of expertise is patience. It takes time and practice to develop your skills, but the cards here indicate that as long as you stay on track and make the adjustments necessary along the way to keep from sinking into the mud you stumble upon on the path now and then?  You’ll get there.   It’s about patience and adaptability and staying focused on where you want to end up eventually.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE UNKNOWN

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: In what ways (material or spiritual) can I show myself the love and nurturing I need?

Witches Wisdom Tarot

Reading Summary: By giving yourself the rest that you need (Four of Air) and overcoming self sabotage (Seven of Air Rx) with compassion (Goddess of Water) that will lead to joy (Sun).

Take Away:  Lots of reminders to rest this week, which… if I’m honest and fair about it?  I need the bombardment of reminders so… yeah.  A little nagging now and then can be a good thing.

The other element of the answer on how I can show myself the love and nurturing I need is to make sure I’m not allowing my inner dialog create more chaos than it’s worth.  Instead, lean into being kind to yourself and positive.  Optimism and kindness towards myself is not easy, but it’s needed.

DECK USED:  WITCHES WISDOM TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I create better balance in my life?

Ride and Wait Tarot

Reading Summary: Spend less time stressing about (Nine of Swords) where I’m going and how I’m going to get there (King of Pentacles), and instead spend some time enjoying the present more (The Fool).

Take Away:  Valid… very valid point.  I do spend a lot of time focusing on the future and focusing on strategizing my way into a better future.  I stress over my business and sales and finances.  And I spend far too little time enjoying “the now” and working on having a positive outlook.

The cards here indicate that if I want to create a better and healthier balance in my life, I need to work on that optimism more, and being centered in the present more as well.

DECK USED:  RIDE OR WAIT TAROT

Confidence and Caution

IMG_7630Today’s meditation was just over eighteen minutes long because I needed a little extra time in my piriformis stretching this morning.  The hike in the rain yesterday was just what I needed I wish I could have stayed out there for hours and hours on end.  But my muscles did not like the hard exertion in the cold rain, nor the sudden heat up of a shower that came after.  So… I’m a bit sore today.

The topic of the guided part of my meditation was about techniques in hearing criticism and dealing with being confronted with anger.  It was about finding a way (in this meditation it was about identifying instead of personalizing) to not soak in what is being said.  Not allowing it to be taken personally.

Tarot of the Little Prince - Page of WandsToday’s draw is the Page of Wands, which is traditionally a receptive omega energy in the area of one’s passion projects, drive, and inner spark.  Like all the wands, this isn’t about emotions or intelligence, nor eve where a person’s ambitions lie.  Instead, it is about the fiery spark of passion that creates your ambition.  That burning feeling of a spark within that drives us forward.   In the light of a receptive omega energy, this is often about learning something new that strikes your interest and passion, or exploring old passions that have come back into our lives for a breath of new life.

What stands out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card today is the walking stick and the approaching train. The figure in this image looks either highly distracted, or possibly blind considering that the walking stick looks an awful lot like one a blind man might use.  The train has steam billowing out of its chimney indicating it is moving full speed ahead.  The tilt of the man’s head indicates confidence in their progress, and yet the train is clearly coming.

The message in today’s card is about moving forward with confidence… and caution.  You need both in order to succeed.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Moon Question
: Where am I asked to listen to, or follow, my gut feeling?

Ride or Wait Tarot

I split this reading into two questions, because, at least for me? Listening to and actually following are two different things.  You can absolutely listen and decide to do things your own way while taking something else under advisement.  That is difference than actually following through on  information provided.

Where am I asked to listen to my gut feeling?

Queen of Wands and Four of Cups – Don’t allow your uncertainty over what’s going on with this holiday rush to dictate your actions and cause you to retreat into yourself. Instead lean into what you know and have experience with, and apply that to where you want to go.

Where am I asked to follow my gut feeling?

Two of Cups and Page of Swords – Learning new ways to connect with and communicate with others in a helpful way that creates unity and agreement. Expressing your emotions is not your greatest of skills, but there are other ways to build bonds and let people know that you care.

DECK USED:  RIDE OR WAIT TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Cleanse This / Ground This / Release This

Druidcraft TarotCleanseSeven of Pentacles – It’s time to declutter so that you can make sure that there is room for more sustainable long term growth. Mentally, this means keeping your expectations in check. Physically, this means pruning out a few things that are creating distraction.

GroundPrincess of Swords – Again, we look at your expectations. You need to make sure that you’re open to changes and open to new ideas, because things just can’t stay the same all of the time, no matter how much you’d like them to. Clever adaptation will serve you well.  Also, note that her feet are bare upon the ground, which is a reminder to make sure that you’re getting out to bond with nature.

ReleaseFour of Cups – Your lackadaisical attitude and lack of motivation to get on top of things needs to be let go. Don’t be so disenchanted by what’s not happening, but rather look for solutions and act upon them.

DECK USED:  DRUIDCRAFT TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: What blessings have I or am I blinding myself to?

Tarot of the Unknown

Reading Summary: The fact that I am bombarded with new ideas all the time (Ace of Wands) is not a bad habit or a disgrace and should not be viewed as a inconvenience (The Beast), but rather it is something I need to embrace (imagery in the Six of Cups).

Take Away: Writing down ideas so I didn’t feel like I’m losing them all one after another when I can’t act on them immediately was a brilliant idea that I can credit to Gid.  But the thing is?  I can write down ideas all damned day and STILL have more to go.  And more.  And more.  I want to do them all and it sometimes messes with me that I can’t.  It used to mess with me even more as I felt super bad when I couldn’t. 

The thing is?  I need to stop looking at this constant trickle of ideas as an inconvenience just because I can’t do them all right now, or might never get to all of them.  They’re still good and just think how drab and boring it would be without them.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE UNKNOWN 1ST EDITION

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I think makes a successful life?

Catharsis Tarot

Reading Summary: Trusted bonds with friends (Two of Cups) that help you through the uncertain times (The Moon), and the independence and autonomy (Chariot) to choose your own path forward (The World).

Take Away:  As much as a loner that I am most of the time?  Being alone… truly alone with no one to love or care about? Can be fucking miserable.  I don’t have this problem, and having those few people in my life that I cherish, and that cherish me in turn?  It makes life immeasurably better.

Independence and autonomy are something I feel extremely strongly about.  The ability to choose your own path and make your own decisions is important.  I really can’t imagine that a life could feel successful without this factor.

DECK USED:  CATHARSIS TAROT

Paying Attention

magnetostrictive ultrasonic scalerToday’s meditation was about forty minutes long, and took place at the dentist’s office. I have a really difficult time at the dentist’s office due to my synesthesia. So many of the sounds that take place in that chair are unpleasant on a level that goes far beyond sound.  Some of them aren’t bad, others I don’t have  a reaction to at all.  But there are a few that really make dental work difficult and painful.

For example, the sound of the magnetostrictive ultrasonic scaler, which causes muscle spasms in my left pec which combine with a sensation of a long, thin needle piercing between two of my ribs in the back at an angle to points to exactly where that muscle spasm takes place.   For a moment, this sensation is painful but might cause a gasp before you take a breath and move on.  Over a continuous length of time, it leaves a lasting soreness that carries beyond the drawn out intensity in the moment.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Five of SwordsToday’s draw is the Five of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, or conflict in the area of one’s thoughts, education, intellect, communication, or ambition.  This often comes across in the form of competition, arguments, or can communicate a determination to win no matter what.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is the person in the lower left side that is crying in the background, and the fact that the helmet of the main figure in the card covers their eyes.

There is a reminder here to pay attention to what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Are you hurting people and ignoring it, or just ignorant to it?  Why are you not focusing on this aspect? What was the motivation behind whatever hurt this person?  Was there a better way to handle things?

This card’s message today is about being aware of what you’re doing, and those you affect with your actions (or inaction).

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Moon Question
: How can I best work with, or work around, the current vibes?

Dark Wood Tarot

Reading Summary: Stay open to new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) and reach out and grab them by the balls when they appear to you (Chariot).  Now is not a time to stay comfortable and safe in your nest (Four of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  There’s been a good deal of warning in the cards lately about business being a bit slow this holiday season. The cards here indicate that in order to counteract that, I need to be open to the possibilities and opportunities that may arise, and jump on them immediately rather than hemming and hawing about it as I often end up doing.

DECK USED:  DARK WOOD TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Is it possible to truly experience anything objectively?

Puppet Theatre TarotReading Summary:  A king on his throne sees the world as his playground (The Emperor), a couple on a beach basking in the sun sees the world as a perfect slice of heaven (The Sun), and someone with the spark of inspiration nipping at their heels sees the world as filled with potential adventures (Knight of Wands).

Take Away: The cards here indicate that it is not possible to truly experience anything with complete objectivity. We can do our best to be objective, but our emotions, our relationships, our history, and our experiences all create a foundation for which other new experiences and perceptions are built on.  There is no such thing as a “clean slate” in humanity, as emotions flavor everything we do, even for amnesiacs.

I agree.

DECK USED:  PUPPET THEATRE TAROT