Crumbling Pedestals

IMG_3347Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon something that I’ve been extolling upon for a few days now, which is the need to try and focus your mind and attention upon the present moment instead of wallowing in the bag and negative or getting wrapped up in the “what if” train of thought that can create huge amounts of anxiety.

I know it’s hard, and I’ve seen it said many times now when people see others say “please stay focused on the positive” that that advice is discounting everyone’s suffering and struggling, especially that of those less fortunate.   But that is not the case, no matter how much people want to believe it.

There are dying cancer patients and homeless weathering life in a cardboard box in the middle of winter who wallow in their misery and hate everything and everyone.  There are individuals in the exact same situation that choose to keep their focus on what’s good in life and seek out a positive outlook.

This isn’t a poor person vs rich person thing, not a blind to reality thing.  Those people in those situations with a positive outlook are not blind to reality.  They know how horrible things are and how difficult their situation is.   But they make the choice to seek something positive rather than wallowing in the negative.

It’s a “healthy mentality” thing.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is The Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of leadership, authority, stability, and strength and how these qualities are used to influence a  community.

What really stands out to me in this card is the hands.  Specifically the fact that the hands are pierced through and pinned in place.   The structure pierced through the hands is delicate, and thus requires a “delicate touch” to keep standing for those that walk beneath the threshold.

In this image, the hands have become to move, and the structure is falling.  What I feel is that there is a message here about the precarious pedestals that we build, both for ourselves and for others to sit upon.  No one is perfect.  We can’t expect others to be perfect, and we can’t expect ourselves to be either.   It’s important to keep that in mind so that our expectations of both ourselves and others can remain realistic.


#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
: What fear am I being invited to conquer during this fresh turn of the wheel?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: I fear becoming too cocky  (Nine of Cups) and ending up powerless (Seven of Swords) against destitution (Five of Pentacles) and unable to find the guidance or confidence (Hierophant) to pull myself out of the pit.

Take Away:  It’s always awkward when the cards call you out on shit you’re trying to hide from yourself.  Some of the lessons I’m learning this spring include those that will allow me to get a handle on my fear of “fucking up” and irreparably screwing myself over as a result.   This fear is the reason that, even when things are good, I work so damned hard and push myself so far beyond what is reasonable.


#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
: What have I forgotten that needs to come back into focus?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being “on the right track” requires help from others (Three of Coins over Judgement) and this pandemic is no reason to slack on being good to yourself (Tower over Empress). Reach out to others and re-establish good relationships that may have become stagnant (Ace of Coins).

Take Away:  These cards are about building and maintaining relationships, and how the worth of those relationships goes beyond just having a friend and into being a part of self-care and nurturing the self.

I have a hard time establishing friendships usually, and especially in maintaining them. I struggle with small talk and general chatting, finding socialization quite awkward more often than not, especially with those I get to know well or want to know better. It’s much like dating, I guess.  I excelled at meeting new people and flirting and the one night stand…. but i sucked at establishing solid, long lasting friendships and relationships.

The cards here indicate that friendships I’ve let slide to the wayside may need re-examining and re-connection.


Searching for Balance

IMG_3239Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and focused upon relaxing with an open heart.   It included a lengthy body scan and guided relaxation before moving on to focusing upon opening up the heart chakra and directing caring warmth first to the self, and then outward to others you know, and then the world at large.

I’ve done this sort of meditation before and it’s very relaxing.  That said, I wasn’t particularly fond of the format of the meditation I used today.  It ended too abruptly for my taste, and the narrator was a bit too… measured and emotionless.

Ace of Swords - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of new beginnings, potential, and the planting of seeds in the area of one’s thoughts, intellect, and communication with others.

The imagery in this card makes me connect more to the energy of the Knight of Swords than the Ace, though. I see strength and movement and power.  I also can see vulnerability, though.  Although the unicorn is powerful and the girl is not shielded from the flying arrows and battle around her.   She clings to the mount, but she is bare of foot and without armor.

The message that I see in this card is about balance.  Yes, it’s important to go after what you want, but do not become so focused upon the prize that you forget you are more than just a knight… you are also a vulnerable in a nightgown clinging to a unicorn.  It’s okay to be soft.  It’s okay to be gentle and vulnerable .  It is possible to be both vulnerable… and strong.


#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
: How am I being invited to make space for rest at this time?

New Choice Tarot de Marseille

Reading Summary: All of this defensive energy (Seven of Wands) birthed by the present uncertainty (La Lune) is here to teach me (Le Pope) how to better enjoy my down times (Four of Wands).

Take Away:  Okay, so this is a crap-ass way to learn a new lesson, but I do understand.  I understand that I need to let up.  I understand that there’s nothing I can do now to protect myself from what may come.  Not in this instance.  I understand that I just need to sit back and wait.   The problem is… that is not in my nature. It goes against everything I have ever been. 

And that’s the point.  I have to learn something else.  Something new.  Something different. Even if I have to fight tooth and nail the whole way through the lesson to get there.


#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
: How can I best improve in that area? (Built of yesterday’s cards.)

Luna Sol Tarot

Reading Summary:  Focus on my skills and those things under my control (Eight of Discs). Take time to plan ahead (Two of Wands), but not from a defensive stance, but from one of innovation toward the future (Page of Discs).

Take Away:  This is what I am trying to keep my focus on during this time. Because I am unable to simply sit and wait, I am trying to keep my focus on prepping for the future and planning for when things lift and settle again. I want to be able to hit the ground running when things get to a point where I’m able to do just that.  Instead of entertaining paranoia and catastrophizing worry… I need to keep my eyes on what I can do instead of what I can’t.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
: How can I use my senses to tune into my intuition?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

This is about doing what I’ve been doing. It’s about not allowing uncertainty to throw up walls that my intuition is then muffled by.    This isn’t about my  other senses, as I had thought that it would be.  I thought that the cards would speak to me about the five senses of smell and touch, hearing and taste and sight.

Instead, this is about allowing my intuition freedom from the walls that muffle and contain when they rise up in order to protect myself from the unknown.


Large and In Charge

Today’s meditation has not yet happened, as I was running a bit late this morning and I really wanted to get my drive done and over with as early as possible.   Somehow, when I meditate, even though I’m only meditating for about ten minutes?  It takes something like thirty minutes.  I’m not sure where that extra time goes, but I just couldn’t spare it this morning.    I will meditate before bed tonight, though, for sure.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of authority, structure, “the establishment”, and control.

The thing is, what I saw in today’s card is… control.  And what I read from today’s card is that in order to ensure my own safety I need to be in control.   This comes through to me in the parade of little people-creatures below the hands and the bird, as well as the way that the bird spreads above them, large and in charge.

What this meant for me today was that in my trip up north and over the border, I took extra measures to project authority, and an unapproachable demeanor.  This included not just posture and the projection of energy (which is really my strong suit, to be honest), but also that I wore one of my “scary” face masks (similar to this) in order to intimidate those around me into giving me space and staying out of my way.


#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
: What can I do to prepare for the impending seasonal shift?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get my ducks in a row (King of Swords) and make sure things are stable as far as resources go (Four of Coins) so that if I need to step away for a while, I can (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  Considering the situation going on in the world in the moment, it appears that the spring is going to be a bit of a struggle resources-wise.  The cards are telling me to plan and get organized, make sure everything is as prepared and stable as I can make it…. just in case.


#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
: Where am I emotionally at this time?

Fenestra Tarot

Reading Summary:  Although I’m projecting a sense of being large and in charge (The Chariot), and trying to grasp at that energy and claim it as my own (Page of Swords), I’m actually on the cusp of a shift back to my regular low-key self (Two of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve been topping in our relationship for a bit now and it’s been really comfortable for the first time in a long time. I hate how I always seem to “fizzle out” after the energy peaks between us in roleplay, though.  Now that we’ve hit that peak,  I can feel the transition shifting  back the other way, and the whispering need to hand over the reigns is returning.

It always makes me feel like a bit of a failure when we get to that pinnacle point and then on the other side of it… I can’t seem to maintain that control and dominance.  It feels like I’m failing because it makes me feel like I’m not providing the aftercare that is needed.  I’ve been told this isn’t the case again and again, and yet… that feeling remains.  It makes the transition a bit more difficult than it needs to be, I think, so I really need to find a way to get over it.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
: If I listen to my intuition more, what could I change?

Goblin Tarot (RWS Edition)

Reading Summary:  Less need for quick defensiveness (Eight of Wands) because of a more developed sense of inner strength (Strength) provides the ability to step forward as an authority and guide to others (Hierophant).

Take Away:  So when reading your intuition, it’s important to jump first and ask questions later.  Sometimes my logical brain gets in the way.  It doesn’t happen often because I have a very strong trust in my intuition, but it does happen now and then.  When it does, it’s usually because my brain has jumped so fast that I end up confused between which message is from where.

If I am more speedy about snagging that intuitive message before the brain can interject to mess things up, my strength in intuitive matters will continue to grow, which in turn will assist me in helping others in finding their own inner voice and their own path.


Garden Goodness

Today’s meditation was non-existent.  I had plans to re-do my meditation before sleep, as my efforts in the morning were an epic fail… but then I fell asleep on the phone while listening to my mother voicing her many complaints concerning myself and life in general… and, it didn’t get done.

The Magician - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is Japanese Santa…. no sorry, just kidding.  Today’s draw is the Magician card, which is traditionally a representation of resourcefulness and having the tools you need to manifest… whatever needs manifesting.

What really stands out to me in this card is the rose vines  that surround the figure.  They are lush and happy and in full growth.  This card is a reminder that I need to get out into my balcony garden and do some TLC with my plants out there, preparing them for spring and giving them the little encouragements they need at this time of year to start waking up so that they will sprout and flourish.


#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
: What can I do to encourage kindness toward myself?

New Choice Tarot de Marseilles

Reading Summary:  Walk softly and carry a big stick (The Star atop Queen of Wands)… and a reiteration of sorts because… it’s okay to go after what you want (Knight of Wands) but make sure you’re taking care to keep boundaries and defenses in place when doing so (Nine of Wands).

Take Away:  Now is a great time to focus on my passions, and in doing so I will feel better and thus be better… and nicer… to myself.   The cards are simply reminding me that I need to be careful not to get carried away and end up sliding down another slippery slope into overwhelm, which is not good for me at all.   Get back on that horse… but take your time.


#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
: What makes me unique?

Tarot of the Golden Wheel

Reading Summary:  My ability to connect with others (Knight of Cups) and lift them (Seven of Wands) up as I guide them towards a better place (Four of Wands).

Take Away:  Aw… okay so that was really nice to hear and I hope it’s true. I don’t really usually see myself as particularly adept socially, but I always hope that when I interact with others that it benefits them in some way, and I love helping people in finding their path… whether that be a new perspective or spiritual path, or in a variety of different life situations.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
: How can spirit help me with my intuition?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  By giving me the strength and sense of authority (Emperor) to needed in order to break through my self-deceptions (Seven of Swords) and thus better go after what I really want (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  The cards indicate that spirit’s job in assisting my intuition is primarily in fact-checking.  Not facts of the brain, but rather ensuring that my intuition is not being deceived or re-routed and thus steering me off track.