#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021

Survival Tactics

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Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and was (for once) not a guided meditation.  Instead I meditated to some new music that I came across (or, well, new to me anyway), with the interval timer added in for my piriformis stretching. The meditation was relaxing and the music felt like it went through a seasonal shift that was really nice, flowing from spring to summer to autumn throughout the length of the track.

Lonely Ice Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of taking off with that which is not yours, leaving behind that which you cannot carry, strategy and cunning, betrayal, and other themes to do with deception or subterfuge.

There isn’t really a lot to go off of in this card and yet what’s depicted here looks a whole lot like seagulls, which I feel is the perfect bird for this card because they are absolutely sneaky as fuck.  Ride enough Washington ferries and you learn not to take your food outside.  Any type of food. Or anything shiny, for that matter, either.

They will steal from you at the first opportunity and they are as slick as snot about it too.  They can hover silently in the air just out of sight behind you then dip in and swipe what they want without a sound. Over a lifetime of riding the ferries, I have watched them steal french fries, hamburgers, sandwiches, cookies, ice cream (that one was interesting), hair clips, key fobs, and more.  Although this makes them thieves, this also makes them very cunning and great survivalists.

And that carries us over to what is said on the Thera-Pets card today, which is that above all else? Survival will happen.  When we fall, we rise.  We don’t stay on the ground forever, melt into the pavement and rot away right there on the ground.  We get up.  We move on.  The scrapes on our knees heal up and we learn from the experience and move on.

Tripping and falling on pavement is not the only way in which we fall… in which I fall.   Depression. Pain. Dropping a knife to run clean through my foot.  All of these things make me feel fractured sometimes.  But as fractured as I might become…. I will rise and I will heal.  I will survive and find a way forward… because I’m a survivor and it’s what I do.   We are all survivors… and we do what we need to do to survive, to learn, and to grow from each bump, scrape, and fall that we experience along life’s path.

DECK USED:  LONELY ICE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What have I learned or has come to my attention during this Rx?

Cosmic Slumber Tarot

Reading Summary:  Everything (The Universe) doesn’t have to be perfect (Ten of Pentacles Rx atop Ace of Torches) in order to make time for self care (Queen of Pentacles).

Take Away:  I have a habit of putting off self-care until I ‘feel like it’ or until it feels like there’s time for it. I will go from project to project, from task to task, saying “I’ll do this self care thing next… just after this is done” and prioritize my responsibilities and drive above the nurturing of my self over and again.   Over the course of this Mercury Rx I have been stuck within the depression, and through my experience with my depression this time around, I’ve caught myself in this habit again and again… and come to realize that putting it off isn’t doing me any good.  Instead?  It’s just making it impossible to include my self-care into my day at all.

DECK USED:  COSMIC SLUMBER TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  Who in my life needs extra attention at this time?

Lonely Ice TarotThis is me.  The Queen of Swords is the “mother’s son” that I am… and the King of Swords is the “better” I want to be.  It is about taking what I have been given and becoming more.  About not being my mother, but my own man and using those shared skills in better and safer ways.   The Knight of Coins is my desire to continue my growth forward, and determination take my own path based on what is right for me rather than the one others might try to lay out for me.

The person in my life that needs extra attention at this time is me.  It’s in the cards, but even more specifically, it was in my gut the moment I saw these faces, and the eyes that stared out from them in the Queen and the Knight as if piercing the soul.

DECK USED:  LONELY ICE TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I’m staying up late to get some Gideon time, because today sucked and I wasn’t able to spend time with him earlier in the day.

Keep Climbing

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IMG_9387Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for my piriformis stretches (which I did actually do today).

The focus of today’s meditation was about resistance to change and how when we stop fighting against the inevitable, it is no longer a battle at all but rather things begin to go more smoothly as a result.   This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently.   Mostly about how everyone says that they hate change (myself included) and yet change happens around us every day all the time and we don’t even notice it.  We just adapt and keep on keeping on, yeah?  It’s only when the change is something we object to that we struggle with it.  So what would happen if we stopped fighting these changes that we don’t want to happen or dread, and just let them flow over us as we do all the other changes we experience from day to day.  Would we adapt more easily?  Perhaps we would find the adjustment not quite as horrible as we might have imagined.

Existential Tarot and Tera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Reason 7 card (Seven of Swords), which is traditionally a representation of cunning, stealth, and even betrayal.  It can also often be about strategy, and making sure that you only take with you (or take on) only that which you are able to handle.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the slump of shoulders as the forefront figure looks back at the one in the distance.   There is a sense of defeat in that slump of shoulders and angle of the head.  A sense of surrender that isn’t about having lost a battle but is instead about carrying an unwelcome weight.

When combined with today’s Thera-Pets card, what I see is an encouragement to not give in.  To keep climbing, keep striving… keep reaching for the light.  When the temptation to yield to the darkness comes, it is time to remember that there is light ahead.  I only need to keep climbing, and I will eventually get there.

DECK USED: EXISTENTIAL TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What makes me emotionally vulnerable?

Silhouette Tarot

Reading Summary:  When I am feeling my way forward instead of walking with steady steps. When I am exploring a new aspect of my connection to the world around me. When I am confronted with and exploring the avenues of new emotional growth.

Take Away:  This is all about growth and newness, especially in relationship to my emotional growth and how that influences my communication with others and how I see, relate, and connect with the world around me. The sense of uncertainty during these times leaves me feeling especially vulnerable.

DECK USED:  SILHOUETTES TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Do Spread 3

Existential TarotWhich one card do you feel sums you up best?
The Orphan / The Hanged Man

Each and every experience in life is a moment to pause and learn from.  A moment to find new meaning, new perspective, and new purpose.  I identify most strongly with the hanged man, because my life has been lesson after lesson, and it is within that pause to find sense and perspective where I find myself again and again.  Learning, adapting, growing with each experience, no matter what those experiences might be.

Which one card do you feel represents your strengths?
Sisyphus / The Hierophant

I greatly enjoy teaching others, helping them in finding the path through life that is right for them.  I love helping educate on those things I understand or have experience in, in the hopes that by doing so and sharing these things, that others will find something that they are inspired to explore as well, or that resonates with them and helps them to find a better path, a better way, or a new perspective that works better for them.

Which one card do you feel represents your limitations?
Reason 9 / Nine of Swords

My mental health.  Out of all my limitations, it is my mental healthy that is, in my opinion, my greatest.  It causes me to “check out” from the world and from my support system, whether I want to or not. It creates setbacks and backsliding of progress on my growth, creates problems with moving forward and accomplishing goals.  It steals time from me… days and weeks, sometimes in the past whole months and more, that simply disappear… where no memory exists.  I am familiar with my mental health limitations, and yet there is only so much I can do to mitigate the influence.

What kind of issues do you feel that you need to work on?
Action 2 / Two of Pentacles

Finding a healthy and workable balance between work and home, between responsibility and self-care. For so long I have abused myself, forcing myself into working more hours than most can even imagine and sleep less than most can handle.  I’ve pushed for more from myself again and again, even when I was already doing so much.  Now, after a lifetime of doing this, I find myself struggling to find just what a healthy balance looks like and that journey, along with the healing and building of new methods and habits, is taking time.

What message do you want to convey to everyone?
Metamorphosis / Strength

You are stronger than you think you are.  The core of inner strength within you is so much stronger than you can imagine.  A survivor filled with strength resides within you and will support you when you need it most. You will not break. Do not give up.  Do not give in.  

DECK USED:  EXISTENTIAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I spent the day in play with Gideon… and it was fucking glorious.

Accepting Guidance

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I was lazy and slept in late, then relaxed in bed fucking around on my phone instead of getting my ass in gear.

True Heart Intuitive Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  Among other things, this often translates into themes to do with emotional support and advice from a trusted party that is easy to talk to.

What stood out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is how the Queen holds her cup.  She holds it up like a torch, as if with her steps forward away from the comfort of her throne, that cup might light her way forward.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card drawn today, the message of today’s draw is that sometimes we all need a little extra guidance on our path.  This doesn’t make us less capable or even lacking, it means that we all have more to learn and will do so to get where we need and want to be in life.

DECK USED:  TRUE HEART INTUITIVE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Expansion
Question: How can I (in a healthy way) expand my awareness to be more in touch with others?

Kei Love Tarot

Reading Summary:  Use that skill you’ve honed all your life (Eight of Pentacles) to see things from different perspectives and angles (Hanged Man) and use it to find a more balanced approach (Two of Pentacles) that is less anxiety inducing (Nine of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  You know, I’ve never actually thought about this much before, but there is a fissure of anxiety involved for me when I am interacting with others. This goes beyond “likeability” and and instead deals with a feeling of… unpredictability.  I find people unpredictable. And I struggle with that… a lot.  I struggle with the fact I always feel no matter what I do, people are going to surprise me.  These cards are reminding me that those surprises are not always a bad thing, and I need to look at them as a way to learn more and see things differently so that I can balance out that anxiety with potential value.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I best approach setting healthier boundaries in my life?

True Heart Intuitive TarotReading Summary:  Allow more of a collaborative effort (Three of Pentacles) instead of trying to do everything myself (Nine of Pentacles). Your determination to go solo (Nine of Pentacles) is blinding you (Eight of Swords) to the potential of what is possible (Queen of Wands).

Take Away: This is about delegation, and about more evenly distributing my work load with others so that things are more equal and balanced between us.

These boundaries aren’t about others, but about myself and making sure that I’m not overworking myself. It’s about allowing things to spread evenly, and how by spreading the work load evenly, it opens up the potential for new possibilities.

DECK USED:  TRUE HEART INTUITIVE TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Confession.  I am writing this the day after… and I don’t remember most of yesterday.  I know I spent time with Gideon in play and I really enjoyed the down time with him.  I know that I slept in.  It’s just… everything else that appears to be missing.

Coming Back Out On Top

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Today’s meditation was skipped because the girls would just NOT leave me the fuck ALONE today.  I don’t know what it is but there are just some days where they can’t seem to leave me be for even a few minutes. I’m not in the room with them which means I’m missing and alone and they just can’t help but come find me and bug me.  With Luna, this is accepted and she will find somewhere quiet to sit and wait.  The girls? Not so much.

Romantic Tarot and Thera-Pets CardsToday’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of slow but steady progress in finding ways to improve one’s financial situation, resources and home life, or health.

I really like this representation of the Page of Coins (Pentacles) as what I see here is someone that is down on their luck but proactively working towards bettering their situation.  This is not an aspect of the Page of Coins that you often see depicted in deck imagery.

When combined with the words on the Thera-Pets card, the message here has to do with resilency and in picking yourself up after you are knocked down.

Lately I’ve been dealing with a pretty deep depressive episode, and it’s been a real struggle.  I found the bottom of that deep, dark pit and I landed there and lingered for about two days.  Then, I have begun to climb once more.  The meaning in these cards is that I’ve survived this before, I know the way forward, and I will climb back out again.  I will heal and recover and move forward.  The climb might be hard, and take time, but I’m strong enough and capable enough to make the journey and come back out on top once more.

DECK USED:  ROMANTIC TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What should I give closure to before February 27th (Full Moon)?

Fifth Spirit Tarot

 Reading Summary: The ups and downs in your life (Wheel of Fortune) are not something to feel victimized by (Justice Rx) so don’t give up the good fight (Seven of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  Again we see reference here to the struggle I am going through with my depression, but this also goes beyond that to my worries about my business and the Canadian side of things. It’s important to remember that the situations that we find ourselves in at this moment when the world is turned upside down are not situations against us personally.  They are situations we must deal with and survive, adapt to and work around… but they are not directed at us.

The cards here are a reminder that this is not a time to play victim, but rather a time to stand up and keep fighting for what you believe in, what you want, and what is right for (and important to) you.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:   Where in my life do I need to set healthier boundaries?

Romantic TarotReading Summary: Know where your bread is buttered (Ten of Cups) and where it’s not (Eight of Cups).  Take that knowledge forward with you to discover (Page of Swords) what really makes life worth living (imagery in the Eight of Coins).

Okay so, I just have to say… the imagery in the Eight of Cups in this deck reminds me of that line in the Semisonic song “Closing Time” that says “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here”.

Take Away: This is about choosing wisely where you invest your energy and time.  Instead of pushing to do everything, set better boundaries for yourself that create the opportunity for you to be more discerning.  Invest that time, energy, and talent that you have in those things that bring you comfort and joy.

DECK USED:  ROMANTIC TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today is the first day of my week off of work.  Not that I’m not still working at the farm, mind you, but I’m not working for the home business for the next handful of days.  I tried to take time off in January, but I think that I was still “coming down” off all the adrenaline, endorphins, and dopamine of the whole holiday rush thing and the vacation time just didn’t do as much for me as it otherwise could have.  Not that I didn’t need it then, but… yeah.   So all of the shops are on a shipping delay for the week and I’m taking time off.  I also soaked in the bathtub today.

Abandoning Negative Narratives

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Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long and was a guided meditation through the Calm app without the interval timer as I did not do my piriformis stretches during my meditation today.

The focus of today’s meditation was about self-kindness and self-care.  It was about making sure that you are treating yourself as good as you treat others, and giving yourself the same forgiveness and understanding that you offer to others on a daily basis.

This is a topic that I struggle with, and every day I work hard to minimize my inner negative narrative that is vicious and cruel, and allow myself more kindness, forgiveness, and understanding.   Sometimes it is easier than others, and other times it feels nearly impossible.  But, I think an important thing to remember is that I keep trying… and I will continue to keep trying.

Elemental Power Tarot and Thera-Pets CardsToday’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving on due to a sense of dissatisfaction or disappointment.  This is the “fuck it, I’m leaving” card, and is about abandoning that which is not working for you in pursuit of something that will.

Gideon has given me these super cute Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal Cards recently as a “just because” gift, and I am going to be using them in conjunction with my daily draw for the next little while.  I plan to go through the entire deck, so it should take about two months.

The combination of the “abandoning what doesn’t work” from the Eight of Cups joined with the words on the Thera-Pets card for the day speak of a message concerning abandoning what is hurting me and dragging me down.  This is my inner voice, which during my depression has been furtively pervasive, sneaking around behind the scenes and whispering incessantly in my ear.

These cards combined are a reminder to keep working at moving away from that negative voice.  Keep working on fostering optimism in order to move my emotional state, and with it my perception of my own personal values, into a better place.

DECK USED:  ELEMENTAL POWER TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Rooting
Question: How can better I follow through on making more time in my life for rooting?

Tarocco Sopraffino Anima Antiqua

Reading Summary: Do it when you feel the need (Eight of Cups), and when you feel conflicted (Five of Wands) and are in need calm (Temperance). Don’t hesitate and wait for better timing (Knight of Coins Rx). Just do it as it will ground you and make you feel better (Four of Wands).

Reading Note: Okay so, “rooting” to me means something very specific that it might not mean the same to other people. Essentially rooting to me means lying down in the forest and feeling the “roots” of my energy dig into the soil while the “tree” of my energy stretches above. This is a meditative exercise that is highly immersive, and usually takes a good deal of time.

Take Away:  The advice here is to allow these things (feeling the need/feeling conflicted/etc) to be the trigger that pushes me to go do your rooting.  Instead of resisting that need and putting it off until it’s convenient, it’s about doing it and getting it done.  Stop resisting and help yourself feel better.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO SOPRAFFINO ANIMA ANTIQUA

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I be a better friend to those closest to me at this time?

Reading Summary: Keep in mind (Ace of Swords) and be proactive about fostering (Knight of Pentacles) what is needed to keep them happy and healthy (The Sun) as you move forward.

Take Away: This is about thinking un-selfishly.  It’s about making sure you are paying attention to what they enjoy and what they like, and being proactive about encouraging those things in them and supporting their pursuit of those things.

This isn’t you actually providing these things that bring them joy, but rather supporting them as they go after those things themselves.

DECK USED:  ELEMENTAL POWER TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I got tags added to a basket full of swaddled decks.   Beside keeping track of each swaddle’s color and design in my decks spreadsheet, I also print off “tags” (little 2″ x 1″ pieces of thick cardstock) that have the title of the deck on it and then I slip it into the pocket of the deck’s swaddle.  This makes confirming that I’ve grabbed the right deck much easier as I don’t have to unwrap the deck, just pull out the tag and look at it.   I’ve had a whole stack of tags piling up for some time, and a whole basket of swaddled decks that needed the tags added to them as a result.  It felt really good to get all the tags done and the decks put away in their respective spots as a result.

Ignoring the Good Stuff

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IMG_9322Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation from the Calm app. There was no interval timer because I did not do my piriformis stretches today.

The focus of today’s meditation was on using your own actions to make the world a better place.  It spoke on something that I believe really strongly in, which is that it isn’t through massive acts of generosity or goodness that makes the biggest difference in the world, but rather it is those that consistently practice small acts of kindness and positivity.

Sometimes?  A smile is enough to lift what feels like the weight of the world off a stranger’s shoulders, allowing that smile to spread from you to them… and from them to others.  Sometimes allowing someone to step in front of you in line at the store is enough to lighten a stranger’s heart enough that they then in small ways lighten the hearts of others throughout the day. By being a good person, you encourage others to do the same, and they then encourage others as well.

Paulina Tarot - Five of CupsToday’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of disillusionment, apathy, pessimism, and regret.   It is about feelings that go beyond the detachment of the Four of Cups and slip into true feelings of disappointment of one form or another.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the little beetle creature offering the figure it’s sphere. The tilt of the head and down-slope of what appears to be ears makes the impression of imploring the figure to please take what is offered and the hope it will please them.

And yet the figure turns away from even this heartfelt offer, focusing instead upon what has been spilled upon the floor to the point that nothing else can break through to lift their spirits.

Like the COTD from the other day, this is a reminder not to focus on the little stuff and let it ruin the big picture.  It can if you let it. Something as small as a sliver or a hangnail can decimate a spectacularly beautiful day… if you let it.  So don’t let it.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What can I do today that will help my future self?

Mesquite Tarot

 Reading Summary: Take things on from the long term perspective (The Hanged One) of being able to look back upon yourself and your life later on (Judgement) with pride and a sense of accomplishment (Leader of Cups).

Take Away:  The fact that this reading ends in the Leader of Cups here indicates that what is being said here is a need to focus on what makes me happy and not just what I can accomplish or be good at or succeed at.  It’s a reminder that success comes in many different forms, and I need to make sure whatever form I chase, it’s one that provides emotional satisfaction.

DECK USED:  MESQUITE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  Where does your self-worth come from?

Paulina TarotReading Summary: Going through the gamut of changes (Death), uncertainties (The Moon), and choices (Seven of Cups) in life has built up my self-worth over time.

Take Away: It’s about experience and learning what you can handle, survive, move on from, and make work.  Sometimes life has felt like it’s going to break me. Tear me down and toss me into the trash.  And yet, I rise from these challenges due to the choices I have made.  Changes happen, fear happens, but it’s where you go from there that really matters. 

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I am still feeling really good about my decision to change going to the post office to today instead of Friday. Although I did run into a few problems while I was out that way, it was not as harrowing as I felt it might have been and now that I’m back home again, I feel this huge sense of relief and comfort that it’s done.