daily draw

Untying Inner Knots

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IMG_3218Today’s meditation was just over sixteen minutes long and focused upon the Adrian Corday post that is included here in this blog post.   I found that quote on Instagram, and it really struck home.

I felt that it was important to take some time to count my blessings and really focus in on what I have that is good in my life right now.   What’s good in my life includes that my sister and I are safe and that Z is here and safe as well.   No, none of us can know if we’re infected or not since it can take up to 14 days to show symptoms after infection… but we’re safe and we’re good and after a tip given to me by a friend on YouTube in the morning today?  We even have food.

That last one takes a lot of weight off my shoulders.  I’m not good at inactivity, but that’s okay too.  I have plenty to keep me busy.

All of that was my focus in my meditation today.  Well, that and a full body scan, of course… just because I like those.

Nine of Pentacles - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles which is often traditionally interpreted as independence, abundance, and the “lap of luxury”.

I actually do see independence here.  It’s sort of interesting, because I haven’t had a lot of cards come up in either this deck or the other one I’m using this month for daily pulls that has had an intuitive interpretation that aligns with traditional meanings.

That said?  That is where the similarity ends.  As although I see independence in this card, I also see… need.  She’s gaunt and her cheeks are hollow, her expression appearing to me today as holding the ache of longing.   What I see here is that her independence has caused this predicament… and thus the message that I see in today’s card is that independence is only as good as what it gives you when you have it.

If independence causes a sense of seclusion and loneliness?  Then perhaps it’s time to ease up a bit and allow others in.    For me, this translates into a reminder to enjoy this time together with L and Z.   I’m not used to such constant contact with others and it can be a bit straining for me, but at the same time?  It’s an opportunity to appreciate just how much they mean to me… and just how much they love me.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better express gratitude for my current opportunities?

Green Witch Tarot

Reading Summary:  By taking advantage of this time of opportunity and closeness with those around me and enjoying them to the fullest.

Take Away:  The forced seclusion with L and Z is providing me with an opportunity to delve into a deeper relationship with both of them (Ace of Cups) and I need to sit back and allow their love in and share mine in turn with them (King of Cups).  By taking this time to enjoy their presence rather than chafing under it (Three of Cups) I will find myself developing a deeper abundance and wealth that goes far beyond that of coin (Ten of Pentacles).

DECK USED:  GREEN WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #3

Celtic Dragon TarotWhat do I need to let go of to…

Ease My Mind:  It’s okay to slack off a bit… especially during this time.  Try not to allow yourself to get so wrapped up in the process of “getting things done” that you lose the joy of being able to relax for a bit.  You have enough to worry about and enough going on. You don’t need to add burnout into the mix.

Lighten My Heart:  My incessant need to always be moving forward.  There are things I can do to prepare for later, but there’s no real moving forward right now.  I need to find a way to ease that need and let it relax.  I can’t be in control of everything right now, no matter how much I want to be or how much my inner self demands it.

Free My Creative Spark:  It’s time to let go of the intensive juggling I do between all the different aspects of my life.  All those balls I usually keep aloft have crashed to the ground.  Stop straining and pushing at myself so hard to juggle responsibilities that don’t even exist at the moment.  This has to do not so much with the fact I’m still juggling them, but that there is an inner straining push within me to do the juggling regardless of the fact there’s no balls there to juggle right now.

DECK USED:  CELTIC DRAGON TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I need to know about my intuitive abilities?

Animal Totem Tarot

Reading Summary:  I have a habit of disconnecting and stepping back (High Priestess) from my innate abilities (Page of Wands) when  I become tense (Nine of Pentacles) and/or overwhelmed (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  So when I become overwhelmed or tense, I have a habit of setting up barriers that cause me to lose sight of where I want to go and step back into a retreat.  This causes a muffling wall between myself and the messages of my intuition, making it harder for me to pick up those messages I would otherwise easily hear and obey without question.  Because of this I can often end up stunting growth and ending up having to “start over”, losing a portion of the progress I’ve made in the process.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT

 

Practicing Patience

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IMG_3202Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long… and I did it twice.   It started out with a full body scan, which is one of my favorite ways to meditate, and then settled on focusing on the breath for the majority of the time.

The message of the guided meditation, though, was one of self care.  It was about being kind to yourself and not allowing that inner critic free reign to tear yourself down.  That can be extremely tempting and easy to fall into during times of stress like the stress that we are all under around the world at the moment.  The meditation encouraged making sure you are keeping a focus on being kind to yourself, and not tearing into yourself for those things that are out of your control.

Eight of Cups - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of retreat and “stepping away” emotionally from a person or situation.

Once again, though, this deck speaks to me through its imagery rather than through any traditional interpretation, because what really stands out to me in this card is the nearly fully submerged person in the water, and the held up finger. In the book it speaks of that hand being an indication of the choice to either emerge from the water or not.   But what it speaks to me today is about waiting and patience.

It’s about the pause.  Right now in my area everyone and everything is in a sort of pause.  The message in today’s card is a reminder to wait.  Just wait. Gather what you need to survive (as referenced by the dishes  along the shore of the pond) and just wait.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I release self-doubt in my abilities?

Whispering Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary: Accept that those abilities are not a fluke (Five of Swords) and leave room for compassionate strength (King of Cups) as I look for ways to move forward both now… and later (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  With everything at a forced standstill right now, there’s a lot of room for self-doubts to creep in and muddle up the mind and emotions.  To keep that from happening it’s important that I keep in mind that the skills and abilities that I have are not a fluke.  They aren’t something that are going to disappear, but are hard earned and honed over time.  Being kind to myself and appreciating my strengths as strengths is important to keeping my self doubts under control,  as is making plans so that I don’t fall into habits of morose pessimism and other negative thinking that can begin to fester when I am left rudderless.

DECK USED:  WHISPERING SPIRITS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to take more pride in?

Enchanted Tarot Mini Version

Reading Summary: My ability to provide guidance and direction (Three of Wands) out of the shadows and into the light (Eight of Swords) for myself and others  through my skills and abilities (Three of Pentacles).

Take Away:  This seems to be the theme of my personal readings today.  That is, that I have the skills and abilities to lead by example, and to provide both myself and others with the sense of hope and direction needed to keep the fog of depression and directionless discouragement from taking hold.

DECK USED:  ENCHANTED TAROT MINI VERSION

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How does my intuition speak to me?

Arcana Iris Sacra Tarot

Reading Summary:  Loudly (Dragon in the Seven of Chalices) and often (Knight of Wands), and in very mysterious ways that are difficult to grasp (Moon).

Oddly, this one took me a minute.  I think it is the mix between the intuitive hits and the traditional meanings in the cards here that gave me pause.   It’s almost like… a different dialect of the language I am used to reading.  New… different, and yet familiar enough to work it out.

Take Away: I was actually expecting something that described the “how” as in how I experience my intuition’s voice.  Instead, the message here is that the “how” is less about methods and more about an overall interpretation of “how”.

That is to say that how my intuition speaks to me is with a constant stream of input that is quite loud and always there, always pushing and driving and directing the way forward.  Those mysterious ways indicated by the Moon card speaking of the fact that that sometimes my “intuition” may be more than just intuition.  I’ve recently been considering that my spirit guides have been using the language/experience of my intuition in order to communicate with me as well.

DECK USED:  ARCANA IRIS SACRA TAROT

Je n’ai Pas Peur

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Today’s meditation was delayed because I wanted to hop online and spend time with you… and then I ended up having to go pick up Z, which meant that a few hours out of my day were swiped by driving like a bat out of hell north and back south again.

At least while I was up there I was able to both ship out a shipment, and put a hold on my mail up there for the time being so that I won’t have to go back up again until restrictions lift on the border so that I can take Z back home.

I will meditate before bed, of course.

Six of Wands - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Six of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of harmony and synergy in the areas of one’s drive, passions, and ambitions.  This is often portrayed with themes that include public recognition or accolades, pride and self confidence, progress and especially success.

This isn’t entirely what I see in this card today, if I am honest.  I see a “charge” rather than a parade of recognition and accolades.   I see a “go get’em” push, complete with the weapons necessary to take what is yours and go after what is needed.  This is that moment before the accolades come rolling in.  The moment when you must follow your moral compass and your passions and fight for what is right for you.  This interpretation is reinforced by the French words “Je n’ai pas peur” that’s emblazoned upon the banner the bird wears, which translates to “I am not afraid”.

The message in today’s card is to go after what is important to you.  Go after it.  Fight for it.  Grab hold with both hands, and don’t let go.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What seeds do I have the opportunity to plant in my life at this time?

Tarocco delle Vetrate

Reading Summary:  A chance to find a better balance (Two of Coins) between my relationships (Two of Cups) and my passions (Wands) by creating better boundaries for myself (Nine of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s no secret that I allow myself to get so wrapped up in my goals and ambitions that I often forget to pay as much attention as I should to my loved ones.  The problem is that, in my case, the path to my goals and ambitions is directly connected through my passions and interests.  So… my drive takes over and I get swallowed up in it.

With everything that’s going on right now, the cards indicate that this is a prime opportunity to work on finding a better balance in this area.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DELLE VETRATE

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better handle conflict?

Tarot of the Silicone Dawn

Reading Summary:  Look for a better way (Six of Swords) that involves using your creativity and imagination (Page of Cups) to overcome conflict (Five of Swords) and bring your nurturing spirit forward (The Empress) as a new beginning surfaces when the conflict comes to an end (The World).

Take Away:  Handling conflict is more than about what happens in the moment.  It’s about what happens after as well.  The card indicate that in the moment of conflict, I need to lean heavily upon my creativity and imagination to find an “outside the box” way of overcoming whatever that conflict is at the time.  But, the cards also are making it clear that  what comes after is also important.  I need to remember to be kind to myself and others in the aftermath so that the new beginnings that come afterward will be a healthy one.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SILICONE DAWN

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I safely enhance my intuitive abilities?

78Tarot Elemental Tarot of the Natural

Reading Summary: Own it.  A hell of a lot of cards to say such a simple answer, but that’s exactly what I see her.   Own It.

Take Away:  There is a crapload of self-possessed power in these cards and their imagery.  It’s almost overpowering and I honestly didn’t bother to break down the cards into their specific messages because all together as a whole the message is very loud and clear.

That said?  I was a little surprised I didn’t get the “don’t do it” response again.  This question has been asked multiple times (in different ways) throughout this month’s Connect With Your Deck challenge, and every time the cards have made it clear I’m where things are and to advance would upset balance and require sacrifice I wasn’t willing to give.

It’s something in the phrasing of “safely enhance” that changed the message… and that message is “Own It“.

DECK USED:  78TAROT ELEMENTAL TAROT OF THE NATURAL

Holy Fury of Chaos

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I found it difficult to stay on track with the guided meditation.  In truth?  I can’t even remember what the theme of the meditation was about.  Just too much going on in my brain, I think.  It was all I could do to realize when my mind was straying and bring myself back to center again.

Knight of Wands - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Knight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a beta energy, personality, or person influencing the areas of one’s drive, ambition, and passions.

What I see in today’s card is chaos.   Aggression too, but chaos.  So much fucking chaos.  In fact, when I first saw this card today, there was so much chaos that I had a really hard time making out what the depiction in this card actually is.

The message in this card isn’t about the picture so much as about that chaos.  I couldn’t write this post yesterday (I’m writing it a day late and will back-date it here in the blog) because I couldn’t find… the message.  I couldn’t find the positive as all I could see was the confusion and chaos.

Today, I have the message.  Yes, the perception of chaos is still there and yes, it’s completely on match with everything that went on yesterday from being (temporarily.. I hope) laid off from all of my jobs other than the farm to the sudden tank in my online sales, the loss of medical benefits, the break in at the food bank and them being cleared out of everything they had, the lack of ANY food (or supplies to even make food from scratch) in grocery stores… every part of the stability I work so hard on and struggle and strive for so damned hard and depend on for my balance… ripped out from under me like a rug.  And thus… chaos.

The message here isn’t only about the chaos tho.  It’s about the Knight of Wands in a moment of chaos.  It’s about not giving up and pushing for your dreams even when things are difficult.  It’s about… not breaking under the strain that chaos can create.

I can do this.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: Where would I most benefit from releasing control during this liminal time?

Eight Coins Tarot

Reading Summary:  These cards are about making the choice (The Lovers) to let go of my top space and allowing the natural balance of our relationship (Two of Cups) to fall back into place.  I don’t have to have all the tools all the time (The Magician Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve already made the choice to do this.  It’s time for us to fall back into balance and I feel good in letting you take back control.  I still think it’s kinda crappy that that top space doesn’t allow for giving the kind of aftercare I want to provide you with… but that last card makes it clear that it’s okay I don’t have all “the tools” and feels like a direct reflection on that perceived shortcoming.

DECK USED:  EIGHT COINS TATTOO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve on where I am emotionally in the week ahead?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: Work on staying grounded (King of Coins) and connecting with my strengths (Emperor) and focusing on my composure (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  With everything up in the air and feeling so chaotic right now, the advice here is to tap into those grounded  emotions and calm composure in order to keep things calm and somewhat level emotionally.   I am more than capable of making it through these difficult times as long as I don’t allow myself to fall under the shadows of confusion, fear, or a mentality of victimization.  I am the solid foundation in my life when the world goes mad around me.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better manage my inner critic?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Reading Summary:  Recognize when I’m being a dick (First Card) and take time to find a better approach (Second Card) that involves taking charge without lashing out (Third Card) at myself.  (Interpretation off imagery alone.)

Take Away:  My go-to way to motivate myself and push myself forward is to beat myself up and lash at myself like a bastard farmer whipping the ass of an oxen to make it pull the plow.  That lash, in my case, is my inner critic.  The cards indicate that I need to work at finding another way to motivate myself that doesn’t include beating myself up in the process.   So much easier said than done… but they’re not wrong.

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

 

 

Large and In Charge

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Today’s meditation has not yet happened, as I was running a bit late this morning and I really wanted to get my drive done and over with as early as possible.   Somehow, when I meditate, even though I’m only meditating for about ten minutes?  It takes something like thirty minutes.  I’m not sure where that extra time goes, but I just couldn’t spare it this morning.    I will meditate before bed tonight, though, for sure.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of authority, structure, “the establishment”, and control.

The thing is, what I saw in today’s card is… control.  And what I read from today’s card is that in order to ensure my own safety I need to be in control.   This comes through to me in the parade of little people-creatures below the hands and the bird, as well as the way that the bird spreads above them, large and in charge.

What this meant for me today was that in my trip up north and over the border, I took extra measures to project authority, and an unapproachable demeanor.  This included not just posture and the projection of energy (which is really my strong suit, to be honest), but also that I wore one of my “scary” face masks (similar to this) in order to intimidate those around me into giving me space and staying out of my way.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to prepare for the impending seasonal shift?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get my ducks in a row (King of Swords) and make sure things are stable as far as resources go (Four of Coins) so that if I need to step away for a while, I can (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  Considering the situation going on in the world in the moment, it appears that the spring is going to be a bit of a struggle resources-wise.  The cards are telling me to plan and get organized, make sure everything is as prepared and stable as I can make it…. just in case.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I emotionally at this time?

Fenestra Tarot

Reading Summary:  Although I’m projecting a sense of being large and in charge (The Chariot), and trying to grasp at that energy and claim it as my own (Page of Swords), I’m actually on the cusp of a shift back to my regular low-key self (Two of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve been topping in our relationship for a bit now and it’s been really comfortable for the first time in a long time. I hate how I always seem to “fizzle out” after the energy peaks between us in roleplay, though.  Now that we’ve hit that peak,  I can feel the transition shifting  back the other way, and the whispering need to hand over the reigns is returning.

It always makes me feel like a bit of a failure when we get to that pinnacle point and then on the other side of it… I can’t seem to maintain that control and dominance.  It feels like I’m failing because it makes me feel like I’m not providing the aftercare that is needed.  I’ve been told this isn’t the case again and again, and yet… that feeling remains.  It makes the transition a bit more difficult than it needs to be, I think, so I really need to find a way to get over it.

DECK USED:  FENESTRA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: If I listen to my intuition more, what could I change?

Goblin Tarot (RWS Edition)

Reading Summary:  Less need for quick defensiveness (Eight of Wands) because of a more developed sense of inner strength (Strength) provides the ability to step forward as an authority and guide to others (Hierophant).

Take Away:  So when reading your intuition, it’s important to jump first and ask questions later.  Sometimes my logical brain gets in the way.  It doesn’t happen often because I have a very strong trust in my intuition, but it does happen now and then.  When it does, it’s usually because my brain has jumped so fast that I end up confused between which message is from where.

If I am more speedy about snagging that intuitive message before the brain can interject to mess things up, my strength in intuitive matters will continue to grow, which in turn will assist me in helping others in finding their own inner voice and their own path.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT (RWS EDITION)

Open Mind, Open Heart… No Walls

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1EXqUjKyraQ3_bjXxPF4-dLhWWNpAE1bbD8QjOBu9ThecPKKYXPrbC9fRUC7p3hi9SPGTgbR9Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and focused on fostering trust in yourself,  your decisions, and your intuition.   We all have moments of self doubt, but some more than others.  And the more you devalue yourself, the harder it is to find that trust.

The guided meditation spoke on how sometimes, when you are feeling it that difficult to connect and trust your perceptions or your judgement, it’s okay.  To build that trust back up, that first step can be as simple as accepting that things could be worse.  Whatever choices you have made helped you avoid those scenarios that could be worse than the one you are now in.   So take a breath and be kind to yourself, and give yourself a little credit.

Seven of Cups - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is traditionally a card that is a representation of being overwhelmed by choices, or having so many options that you need to take a moment to make the best decision available to you.

The cards in this deck seem to do this to me a lot, but what I see most in this card has more to do with the open mouth of the fish at the woman’s feet than with the cups or the traditional meaning.   The strength of the draw to that open mouth speaks very strongly to me, and has its own voice that blends with that of the card’s more common interpretation.   That is to say, the message that I see conveyed in this card today is that sometimes the obvious answer is not the right answer.

I don’t think that this is in reference to any one aspect of my life in the moment, but I do see a great deal of value in the reminder.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in habits and routine that we forget to look around and see if there’s a better way.  Perhaps it’s time that I do just that.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What might that readjustment look like in action? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

A Darisa Tarot, The Lomisht

Reading Summary: To connect more strongly with my emotional side to the point where I can more easily communicate what’s going on, I need to do what I do in order to connect with my intuition (Eight of Wind), and ensure that even when I am feeling at my worst I am reaching for the sun (The Sun over Ten of Wind).  This will foster a stabilization and clarity of thought that will make room for me to build that stronger connection (Liege of Wind).

Take Away:  Lots of swords here… the cards are an indication that a lot of what’s holding me back from connecting and communicating my more emotional self is the overbearing demands of my mind.   Much like with when people struggle connecting to their intuition, I am letting my mind overpower and essentially “speak over” my emotional voice.  In order to be able to better connect with an express my emotions therefore, I need to harness the mind and force it to step back.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT – THE LOMISHT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What area of my life needs some extra attention?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Reading Summary: These cards are referencing hidden emotions that are preparing to spill over (Ace of Cups), because I haven’t taken enough time looking ahead and planning (Three of Wands) which is going to end up feeling like I shot myself in the foot (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  Yeah…. I’m going to have to do some digging on this.  Preferably before I get to the shooting myself in the foot part of the equation.  I think the lack of foresight is going to be about the upcoming issues caused by the current health scare going on.  It’s going to screw me over (just like so many others) when I can’t make income and that is sure to effect me pretty negatively on an emotional level.   I’d like to address the emotional side of things before the cup actually tips over and everything spills out in a mess, I’m just not sure if that’s going to be possible.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Ask the high priestess card “How can I listen to my intuition more?”

Luna Sol Tarot

Reading Summary: Work at not falling into bad habits that promote the blocking my intuition… things like anxiety (Nine of Swords) and hiding behind inner walls of apathy (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  Those inner walls have slowly been coming down over time as you dig and play sledgehammer at them over the past twelve years.   Over the last few years, it’s become very apparent that those walls had muffled more than just my emotions, but also my intuition to an extent.     Anxiety is one of the triggers that makes me try to erect those walls and hide behind them, because I feel the need to appear calm, even when I am anything but.   The advice of the High Priestess is to not retreat. Do not resurrect those walls.  Do not hide behind those walls that remain.

DECK USED:  LUNA SOL TAROT