Gideon’s Challenge

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_5171Grateful

Your comfort
and support
when things
fall apart
is amazing…
overwhelming
and more soothing
than ever expected.
I am afraid
and yet
your presence
comforts me…
so much.

Yesterday was so hard and so stressful, and I can’t help but be worried for myself.  Yes, I was wearing a mask and my glasses, but I still can’t help but be worried.  Hopefully the worry is for nothing.  Hopefully they either didn’t have it or I was protected enough and took the right steps to keep myself from being infected by their callous actions.  But regardless of that, I am so lucky to have you in my life.  Thank you for loving me… and for caring so very much.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Weekly Creativity Prompt – Adversity and Triumph

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Pull (at least) three cards use them as the foundation to write something (real or fictional) about adversity and/or triumph.

Natural World Tarot

The Magician – There was once a young boy named Manah that thought he knew everything and was indestructible. He was smart and strong, and believed that he could handle anything that came his way, no matter the source. Even though Manah was young, he believed he had everything he needed and was prepared for anything.

The Hierophant – The wise man of Manah’s village warned him that one day he would run across a situation that he could not handle on his own, but Manah refused to listen.

The Star – Instead, Manah decided to strike out on his own. He packed up his few belongings and left his village with high hopes, and began on a journey to travel the world and see many sights.

Temperance – The great wise spirit of the sky looked down upon Manah with patience for his youthful foolishness. She decided to test the boy, and see if he was indeed ready to strike out on his own.

She sent down from the stars dreams that whispered through his mind as he slept that first night.

The Devil – In his dreams, Manah was greeted by a beautiful woman that stepped out of the flames of his campfire.

She was kind and gentle, and he fell under her spell. She gave him attention and asked nothing in return, and in his dream he became attached to her. As the dream progressed, though, this woman began to ask for small favors. Little things at first, and then something a little more.

Soon she was asking for things that went against his nature, and against what he knew was right or wrong. And yet he was no longer able to say no.

Justice – When Manah awoke the next day, it was late in the day and he had overslept by hours and hours. His fire had died down and animals had come and stolen off with all of his food and some of his supplies.

He realized, through his experiences both in the dream and his awakening to reality, that perhaps he was not as wise as he thought and returned to the village and back to the tutelage of the village’s wise man.

DECK USED:  THE NATURAL WORLD TAROT

Reactionary Resistance

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was put off until the end of the day as I had a really long drive to do today and wanted to get on the road. I did take a few minutes to breathe and calm after the incident earlier today when the guy spit in my face… but it wasn’t a full meditation.  I’m honestly so tired that I’m not sure I will get it in today, but I’ll try to do it before bed.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Neptune card.  This deck is a combination of a full tarot deck and oracle deck in one.   This particular card is a part of the oracle side of the deck and represents the Greek god Neptune, who ruled over dreams and intuition, as well as introspection, perception, and psychic ability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is how well the depiction of Neptune blends into his surroundings.  His coloring is a smooth blend to sea and sky, his hair swept with the clouds.  This speaks to me of  the ability we have to blend into our own surroundings and use that connection to better understand others and the world around us.

The message today is about listening.  It’s about paying attention and watching, and striving for understanding of other people and the world around us.

When I received this message, I thought it was a good one, but didn’t think there was anything specific in reference to it… and then I went to the post office and got up very close and personal with racism.  Now, I understand this card’s message much more.  It’s about stepping outside yourself in order to find some sort of understanding or peace with the incomprehensible.

It’s about taking yourself out of the personal chaos to connect with something bigger, and in doing so finding a way past the intensity of your initial reactions so that you can deal with the situation in a calm and competent way.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m struggling to find my purpose.
Question:  How can I improve upon the limits I’ve placed on myself concerning my desires?

Way of the Panda Tarot

Reading Summary: Sometimes obtaining what you want takes time (Ace of Pentacles under Seven of Pentacles). Don’t worry so much (Nine of Swords) or allow yourself to feel heartache or disappointment (Three of Swords) just because you can’t have something right away.

Take Away:  I’m doing just fine concerning my limits and going after what I desire.  Where I need to direct my focus and my efforts is on controlling my impatience and allowing things to develop at their own pace.  Sometimes obtaining your desires takes time and I struggle with that.  The cards indicate I need to make sure I stay positive during those moments of impatience.

DECK USED:  WAY OF THE PANDA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I bring more joy into my life at this time?

Lumina TarotReading Summary: Generosity (Six of Pentacles) of mind and self control (King of Swords) instead of listening to your inner critic (The Devil).

Take Away:  Because of my self-destructive urges, listening to my inner critic is not just something I do out of habit, but also out of a sort of vicious cycle of self harm.

Since I’ve been on medication that actually works, I rarely have suicidal thoughts or urges, and my self harming behavior has become far, far more subtle.  But, those self harm urges are still there. If I want to introduce more joy into my life, I need to make a concerted effort to be kinder to myself… as well as making more a conscious effort at increasing my control over the tone of my internal dialogue.

DECK USED:  LUMINA TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  cleanse // clear // renew

Animism Tarot

Cleanse – Nine of Pentacles – Clean out your closets.

Literally.   This isn’t a metaphor.  I had a plan to clean out two of the closets in my condo this summer, and I haven’t touched either of them yet.

Clear – Five of Swords – Let go of your angst.

After what happened today outside the post office, this makes perfect sense, but I think that this is about more than that.  I’ve been a bit short and cranky the past week or so compared to usual.  I’m not entirely sure where those feelings have been coming from, but I think you’re on to something about the extra emotions adding a level of abrasion that isn’t usually present. 

Renew – The Hermit – Take some time to yourself to do some soul searching.

It’s still extremely difficult for me to get some decent alone time.  There is always people at home and when I go out into the woods I have to do it “on a schedule” rather than just going out and letting myself forget about time and responsibilities as I used to.  I need to make a more concerted effort to give myself some alone time that is quality time.

DECK USED:  ANIMISM TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What advice do I need to give myself and take to heart?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Take some damn time for yourself or else.

Take Away:  This is a warning that if I do not put in some actual quality alone time with myself I’m going to be sorry.   That sense of overwhelm and chaotic mess that I become when things get out of control internally is coming and if I don’t find a way to “steal away” the quality alone time for myself  that I need, that chaotic internal mess is going to become the center of my world.

DECK USED:  WILD UNKNOWN TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_5377Rough…

And alone
Ragged and lost
Rooted and adrift
Jagged
Angry
and yet calm
Standing tall
even as
I quake
on the inside.

Someone spit in my face today.  Spit… in… my FACE.
Because I am a courteous enough to wear a mask?  No.

Because of my Korean heritage.

“Go back to China and take the virus back with you,” he said.

Fuck you too asshole.  I was born here.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

The Follow Through

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_5203Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation that focused upon the benefits of sticking to your meditation practice rather than giving up when things don’t start changing (or getting easier) right away.

This isn’t the reason that I personally give up, it seems.   The problem for me is that self destructive creature that lives in my mind, hiding quietly in the shadows seeking out the small cracks and secret openings that will allow it to slip in and wreak havoc.    I know about this tendency and I struggle against it all the time, but sometimes? It manages to get its nails in deep even when I’m trying my best to not let it.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Two of Fire (Two of Wands) which is traditionally interpreted as finding direction and making plans.  It’s about going after what kindles your inner spark… specifically the fact that in order to head on a journey, you need to first make a plan and choose a direction.

What stands out to me the strongest in the image of this card today is the tools set on the counter.   There’s a plan here, and preparation has begun to get things done.  You have your tools and you have a purpose, a direction, and a plan.  But also, I note that there are no hands.

This speaks to me of a reminder that planning can only take you so far, then you have to either put your plans into action, or abandon them and walk away.   I don’t want to walk away… so it’s time to start moving in the direction I’ve chosen to continue in.  That is, the direction of the emotional growth I’ve been working with so far through the spring and summer months.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m struggling to find my purpose.
Question:  What are the consequences of continuing to hide from my deepest desires?

Veleda Woods Tarot

Reading Summary: 9 & 2 rx. Less connection to others (Two of Cups Rx) and less satisfaction in my successes (Nine of Pentacles Rx), as well as increased apathy and and a more vocal inner critic casting judgment upon myself (Justice).

Take Away:  When you don’t take care of yourself, the scales of balance tip and the result is that you end up less healthy and less well internally too.   Apathy and negative thoughts creep in to pollute your thoughts and feelings, making it harder to bond with others and connect deeply with them, as well as making it difficult to enjoy your success because you’re too focused upon what you are perceiving as your failures.

DECK USED:  VELEDA WOODS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Unexpected Boon / Potential Obstacle

Hanson Roberts TarotReading Summary: Being able to get to that place of abundant stability and security that I crave (Ten of Pentacles), even though the emotions feel like they stand in the way (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  The unexpected boon here is the ability to find that place of abundance regardless of the hurdles along the way.   The potential obstacle is self doubt.  It’s about the fact that I rarely see my path on an emotional level but rather a logical one.   If I want to make sure that the emotional side of things is not an obstacle, I need to learn how to handle my emotions and use them to my advantage instead of allowing them to hold me up or drag me back.

DECK USED:  HANSON ROBERTS TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  listen // learn // teach

Tarotbot Tarot

Listen – The Hanged Man – Make sure I am not closing myself off to other perspectives and ideas. Sometimes when I am feeling vulnerable I struggle with staying open, but in truth… these times are the most opportune times in which to learn.  It’s important to stay open so that the discomfort is something learned from rather than just something gotten through and discarded.

Learn – Seven of Cups – How to make choices instead of always trying to take on too much. This is a difficult lesson for me, and one that I am presently working very hard at.  I have a habit of filling my plate too full and struggling with overwhelm as a result. Instead of allowing myself to put so much on my plate, I need to seek out ways to minimize my responsibilities and delegate.

Teach – Seven of Wands – Independence. How to stand up for what you believe in. And how to be confident in one’s beliefs and their individual uniqueness. These are things that I very much enjoy nurturing in others and hope to continue to teach other throughout my entire life.  I feel that with each person I am able to help in finding their self confidence and independence, I am making the world a better place as a result.

DECK USED:  TAROTBOT TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What am I passionate about?

Slavic Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m all for fighting for those things that I believe in and feel are important (Five of Wands)… but I also know when it’s time to let go and move on to something better (Six of Swords) in order to protect the things that are truly near and dear to me from harm (Nine of Wands).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that what I am most passionate about are those things that are so very near and dear to me that I want to protect them, and that I am willing to abandon “the fight” of my own interests and drive in order to protect.

DECK USED:  SLAVIC TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_1232Mood

Quiet thunder
rhythmic purrs
thrumming deep
Loud and smooth
No matter how grumpy
angry or sad
those little rumbles
wash over me
soothe the senses
and help me breathe.

Miss Luna’s purr is the most amazing sound in the world to me.  It comforts and relaxes me when I’ve had a stressful day or can’t seem to shake a bad mood, washing over me and helping me let go and relax.  She is not a particularly clingy cat, but she comes to curl up with me when I need those knots untangled, wedging her little butt up against the side of my my head and kneading at my hair as she rumbles rhythmically in my ear.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography