Rolling Stones Standing Still

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IMG_5153Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and a guided meditation that focused upon vulnerability and creativity.  There is vulnerability in creativity… as well as in all those other things mentioned in the Brene Brown quote on the right.   I’m not sure if I would consider vulnerability the birth place of these things…. but I think that it takes a certain level of vulnerability to allow them in and allow them to have influence over you.

All of those emotions leave you vulnerable to being hurt, and creativity does as well.  It takes bravery to create, to put what you have made out there in the world and allow people to see it.  Whether we want them to judge these creations or not?  They will.  And those judgements can hurt when they are not positive.

Herbcrafter's Tarot - The World - PachamamaToday’s draw is The World card, which is traditionally a representation of the fulfillment and achievement that can be obtained by reaching the end of a journey, transitioning through growth into a new journey, as well as the cycles of life and reincarnation.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the monarch butterfly.  A butterfly’s life is full of cycles.  The cycle from caterpillar to butterfly, the cycle of migration they go through each year, etc.   They are in constant flux of one sort or another, and never fully still or stagnant in life.  At the same time, the stones in the floral mandala also really catch my eye.  These stones are positioned to represent the four directions and thus, the four elements.

The combination of these two aspects are a message of encouragement concerning finding balance and direction. At the moment I am feeling a bit stagnant and struggling with direction, and I feel like the stones in the imagery and how they stand out to me today is an encouragement that taking this time off to just relax and de-stress is a good move.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:  When did I first start to lose my sense of worth?

New Palladini Tarot

Reading Summary: There were many times in my youth when uncertainty was an issue for me (The Moon) and yet I was left to deal with it on my own as everyone abandoned me during my times of need (Eight of Cups). I did the best that I could with what I had at the time to work with (Page of Rods), but I was judged harshly for the results regardless (The Last Judgement).

Take Away:  This type of behavior pattern from others during my developmental years created a sense of always needing to do better and the mentality that only perfection was acceptable from me. This is something I’ve carried into adulthood, and I’ve only started to recognize as a problem and work on over the last few years.

DECK USED:  NEW PALLADINI TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I strengthen my relationship with my loved ones?

Tarotbot TarotReading Summary: Be generous (Six of Coins) in sharing your passions with others (King of Wands) and spread your enthusiasm and inspiration around and see what comes back to you in turn (Page of Wands).

Take Away:  By involving them more in those things that I enjoy and find inspiration in.  Most of my creative endeavors and passionate interests are solo activities, but many have the potential to be more by sharing these activities with others.  By doing this, I open myself up to let them in closer, and become closer to them in turn, which then strengthens those relationships.

DECK USED:  TAROTBOT TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  embrace // erase // face

The Fifth Tarot

Emperor – Embrace your power and accept the authority that you have over others, whether you really want it or not. Embrace your role in this family and among others, and your role as a leader. You are the stable protector and provider, the foundation, and that’s okay.

Judgement and Ten of Swords – Erase self-doubt. The struggles that you have gone through do not need to be rehashed again and again in your mind, and evaluated over and over looking for flaws and mistakes. You’ve done the best you could so let these worries go and focus on moving forward.

Three of Lotus – Not even stone can withstand the flow of water, forever unchanged by its currents. Face the fact that you cannot stand stagnant and move forward at the same time. You have to be able to except that things are going to change in all aspects of your life as well as within you as you move along this path of growth you are on.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_4588Chaos

Yesterday
so resolute
and then
the morning comes
second guesses
warring thoughts
a cacophony
within the mind
as guilt
and obligation
and responsibility
try to beat me
into submission.
And yet,
I persist.

I made the decision yesterday to take a week off from the business and  give myself some breathing room.  This isn’t a full vacation, of course, as I’ll still be working at the farm and the salon, but yet… it is a huge thing all the same. I’ve never taken time off voluntarily just for myself before.  Not ever.

So it’s not surprising that guilt and doubts would play havoc with my insides today concerning the decision.  Thing is though?  I need it.  I need some time.  I’m not letting the guilt and doubts turn me away from this.  I need the time… and I’m taking it.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

#31DaysofWitchcraft Prompt 12 & 13 (non)VR to Heather Carter

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Heather Carter on YouTube put together a series of prompts titled #31DaysofWitchcraft that she’s been working her way through since the beginning of May. I really like this idea, but I can’t handle the responsibility of any more daily posts, so I thought that for the next few weeks, I would do one (or a few at a time) for the end of week “My Pagan Perspective” posts and work through them a bit at a time.

spellbook

12. Do you have a separate witchy name? Why, or why not?

My “witchy name” is the same as my online name.  It’s Twist the Leaf.

This name comes from a line in a ritual that my sister and I wrote together as children.

To be fair, when I first came online, I used just “Twist” and then “Twist the Leaf” for circles and pagan events and activities.  But over the years, the two have melded and I now use Twist the Leaf in most places, and “Twist” as the shortened version here and there.

As for why.  My mother used to take my sister and I to a lot of Wiccan functions, and having a “witchy name” was all the rage in those circles.  I chose my “witchy name” initially in order to finally get them to stop pestering me about choosing one, but over time it’s become… more than that.

I no longer go to those events and haven’t for… at least fifteen years or more. Other than my sister (and our mentor recently as she’s been living with us for a bit now), my practice is primarily solitary.  But the name has stuck, and these days it seems that I’m actually more comfortable being called Twist than I am called by my birth name.

13. Do you write your own spells, use pre-written one or do a mix of both?

I write my own spellwork, or at times work on it together with my sister.

This falls back on the way we were raised. To be honest?  I don’t spend a lot of time reading pagan/wiccan/witchcraft books.  This isn’t how I learned my craft.  Because of this? Although I knew that published books had spells in them, I didn’t realize these were actually spells people used.  Like, letter for letter and word for word, used like a recipe to bake pastry.  This realization that people actually do that was baffling to me.

My sister and I were taught to write our own rituals and our own spellwork.  We were taught that it is a part of the process of casting a spell to do the work behind the spell, which includes doing the research to know what elements to include in the spellwork, and constructing the spell and wordwork ourselves.   I guess that because of this, I assumed that the spellwork in published books was there as a “jumping off point”?  You know, providing ideas and examples… but not there to be used as-is.

Choosing Freedom

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I chose to oversleep and then had to scramble to get my ass up and moving in order to get everything done that I need to get done today.  I will try to do it before bed tonight, and then get back on track with morning meditations starting tomorrow.

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle - Ten of FireToday’s draw is the Ten of Fire (Ten of Wands) which is traditionally a representation of burden and overwhelm of responsibilities or obligations.   It is a card filled with feelings of hard work that have turned into drudgery.

I actually do not see any of that in this card’s imagery, or really in the key words either, for that matter.  In fact, what I see in the imagery of this card has more to do with release and freedom. This is depicted twofold in this card’s imagery.   First, through the releasing of the birds to find their flight and freedom in the sky.  And second, in releasing the birds, the woman in the card is also released from the responsibility of caring for them and thus free of her burden of responsibility.

The message in this card is an encouragement to release some of my own burdens, and this is something that I’ve actually made the decision to do and, in fact, have already put in motion the process of doing.   I’m taking a week off from the business.  I’ll still be working at the farm and the salon, but I will not allow either of them to increase my hours during this week either.     I need to step back and take some breaths of fresh air away from the constant cycle of work that the business creates.

I need a break, and I’m going to allow myself to take it.

DECK USED:  COSMIC TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question: Do my issues with self-worth require professional attention? How can I set my shame or guilt aside enough to more easily approach these issues with my therapist?

Midcenturian Tarot

Do my issues with self-worth require professional attention? – Three of Wands beneath The Chariot – You’re already on this path. You have direction and control in this moment over these issues and your therapist has given you the tools needed to prepare you as you move forward along your path.

How can I set my shame or guilt aside enough to more easily approach these issues with my therapist? – Two of Pentacles and Two of Swords – When you have need of your therapist’s help, you need to weigh your options and make a choice to do something about it instead of hanging back and waffling.

Take Away: Yes. Sometimes I need help with my self esteem issues.

Depression, which is my mental health issue predilection, is said to be hatred turned upon the self, and this is true in my personal experience.  Not that self hatred turned on the self creates depression, but that depression creates the cycle that turns hatred inward on yourself. At these times, I do need professional help.

Sometimes?  The depression sneaks up on me at a slow creep, and while I have an inkling of an idea that it’s coming or even has arrived, I waffle on getting help too long and slide into a deep pit of a depressive episode as a result.   A better choice is to not waffle, but call right away as soon as the first hint of what’s coming is noticed.

DECK USED:  MIDCENTURIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Act on This / Let this Rest

Veleda Woods TarotAct On This – Five of Cups – Work at letting go of your apathy and inner dissonance. Do not allow yourself to sink into these feelings, as they are not good for you and will hinder your path forward.  Instead, focus on rising above and finding the “sunlight through the clouds”.  There’s just as much good in the world as there is bad, so turn your attention from the “broken stems” in life and look for the good instead.

Let This Rest – Harvester of Swords Rx and The Devil – It’s time to lay off  a bit on shopping for your addiction. You have lots of preorders and kickstarters coming over the next few months, as well as orders that have not yet come in due to shipping delays. This does not necessarily mean cutting yourself off entirely as that would create a sense of deprivation and resentment, but it’s time to ease back for a bit.

DECK USED:  VELEDA WOODS TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  within // without

Student Tarot 4 Godard's BirdsWithin – Wheel of Fortune – You need to focus on being centered and more adaptable.  Don’t allow inner chaos to take hold and run rampant.  Do what you need to in order to keep yourself balanced and centered.

Without – Empress and The Lovers – Take time to appreciate all of the nurturing and love that you receive from others, and most especially from Gideon.  There is a great deal of love in your life, directed at you every single day in so many different ways.  Don’t take this for granted, but instead accept that love and nurturing care, and enjoy it rather than ignoring it or disregarding.

DECK USED:  STUDENT TAROT v4 GODARD’S BIRDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What moment from today do I feel is memorable?

Women of Science Tarot

Reading Summary: My decision (Five of Micro) to do something different (The World) and prioritize my inner knowledge and needs above my outer ones (The High Priestess).

Side Note:  The interpretation of these three cards is based off the imagery on the cards rather than their tarot meanings. In some cases, there is some overlap, especially in the third card… I just wanted to point out that in this case I wasn’t paying attention to the suits and traditional meanings.

Take Away:  I mentioned this in my COTD analysis, but I made the decision today that even though I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to put my shops / business on hold for a week and just take some time away from it to get a little distance and perspective. This is an extremely difficult decision for me, but I’ve already put everything in place and my “vacation” will start tomorrow after I’ve dropped off all my packages at the post office.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF SCIENCE TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_6433Empowerment

It takes
bravery
to try new things,
to open up
and spread your wings.
If it looks easy
don’t be fooled
I struggle
just as much
as him
or you.

I was told this morning that I make things look easy.  I was talking with my boss, leaning against the fence taking a break after teaching his son how to do a carburetor adjustment on the tractor, and he came out with it as we were talking.  “You make things look so easy, and I know they aren’t.  But watching you, it seems like you could do anything.”   Those were his words to me.

I was surprised, and deeply complimented as well… but definitely surprised.  I have a lot of skills, but I worked hard to learn and hone those skills.  They weren’t just magically bestowed upon me, but were developed through hard work and, at times, a lot of struggle. I’m not sure why the fact all that struggle and work not being obvious feels like a compliment… but it does.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Stay Positive

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and very, very distracted. I did make a good effort at it though, but there was lots of mental push-ups involved as my attention was drawn to the absolutely mouthwatering smells that were wafting my way and back to center again and again.   That smell, incidentally, was Z making brownies.  Oh…my… God.  You have no f’ing idea just how good that woman’s brownies are.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Star card, which is traditionally a representation of hope, as well as the interconnectedness between us, our environment, and the spirit world.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery on this card today is the background.  That beautiful mas of stars and planets that make up the universe is a huge and mind boggling thing filled with diversity and possibility.

Blended into this imagery is also the representation of Cottonwood, which has a very close relationship with the star including in some Native American legends that teach that the cottonwood tree gave birth to the first stars by holding the seeds within its branches.   I didn’t know about the legend until tonight when doing a little research on different  representations of the Cottonwood, but I was aware that it represented times of hope and healing, as well as times of transformation.

The thing is that the Star comes after the Tower in the tarot, and there’s good reason for that, as it is after times of destruction when we need that shining light of hope to help lead us forward into something better, and that’s what the Star card is all about.

The message for me in today’s card has to do with my own personal transformations that I’m working through.  It is a reminder to stay positive, and keep my head up.  Don’t let frustration or fear close me off or keep me from following through.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  Are all emotions irrational?

Dixit Cards v 4 Origins Expansion PackReading Summary:   There is a connection between the three cards in the shades of green that blend between them. This connection brings together the three cards meanings, threading their stories together.

The first card’s story is one of flights of fancy and the flowing freedom that emotions possess (the flow of glowing animal shapes escaping from the creature).

The story in the second card is one of impulse, where the glowing saw blindly  cuts through the trunk of a tree that holds the lives of many in its branches.

In the third card, the story here presents the presence of primates reacting to the appearance of something completely outside their normal environment.  Where one reacts with curiosity and pokes at the television in the water, the other hides in the tree in fear.

In none of these three cards is there any representation of logic or reason.  Only reaction.

Take Away:  Emotions are not rational… period.  We interject logic and reason into how we process our emotions, but the emotions themselves are not dictated by these qualities at all.

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS V.4 ORIGINS EXPANSION PACK

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: uproot // replant // nourish

Aquarian Tarot

Uproot – Eight of Swords and Two of Rods – Self doubt concerning my direction. As I try to change the way I do things and how I handle my responsibilities, I am plagued constantly by self doubt.  It’s not blatant, but subtle and insidious, trying to sneak in under the radar and whisper in my ear.

Replant – The Tower – My commitment to make this change even if it means chaos and restructuring. I want to shirk from the Tower, even though I know that it is necessary to tear things down in order to build something better.  I need to remember that the commitment to continue on with my efforts will be worth it in the end. This reminder needs repeating again and again (as so many of the reminders that comes out in the cards need to be)… because otherwise I forget.

Nourish – The Fool – My sense of adventure and enthusiasm. Those qualities can help me get through this time of change and transition with more ease. It is important to stay upbeat and look at this as an opportunity and an adventure.  Once it becomes a responsibility… it then also becomes a chore.

DECK USED:  AQUARIAN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I love to do? Why?

The Hanson Roberts Tarot

Love To Do – Strength and Nine of Rods – Using my inner strength and qualities of persuasion to help others in defending those things that are important to them.

Why? – Knight of Swords, The Moon, The Magician – I enjoy the challenge. And I enjoy the sense of accomplishment I get through lead others from their place of uncertainty and into a place of growth where they can develop the skills and “tools” they need to move forward on their own.

DECK USED:  HANSON ROBERTS TAROT