Author: Twist the Leaf

Even the Strongest Pace Themselves

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Today’s meditation was skipped as the girls just would NOT let me have some time alone to get it done. I may try to do a ten minute shortie before bed though.

Lazy Crow Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, manifestations, and the physical world.  This often translates into themes about taking charge of one’s finances, responsibilities that come with wealth, and stepping in as the head of the household.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the grapes and the skulls.  It’s not surprising that the card would contain thriving grapes winding their way through the imagery as this card is a strong indication of growth, maturity, and abundance.  The skulls were a bit more of a surprise though, and together they give the impression of hardass ruthlessness to me. The whole “my way or the highway, or heads will roll” sort of thing.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I find in these cards is that sometimes you have to straighten your spine and take control even when, perhaps, it isn’t what you’d prefer to do.  In those times, it’s still okay to do your best, but not over tax and overwhelm yourself to the breaking point.  Even leaders need to breath and even the strongest authorities can’t wring blood from a stone.

Do what you can, and it will be enough.  The only authority you have to impress is yourself.  So lower your expectations to a realistic level and interject a bit more understanding into that push for more.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How do I allow the negative thoughts or words of others to affect me? How might I change my reactions to that?

Paulina Tarot

How do I allow the negative thoughts of others to affect me?
Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles here is a reminder that you have been working with this particular issue with your therapist ever since your face was scarred.  You are not psychic and cannot read minds, thus the issue here is “mind reading” of the psychotherapy variety.  When you were first scarred, you did a great deal of this, interjecting your feelings about how you felt concerning your appearance into what you believed others thought of you when they saw your face.  After many years of working with your therapist on this issue, it is no longer a huge issue.  You know how to deal with it when it rises up, and have become an “old hand” in this area at making sure that you do not assume what others are thinking about you, often by asking outright when needed.

How do I allow the negative words of others to affect me?
Five of Cups atop The Emperor

This, unlike perceived thoughts, is something more solid and can affect you in a negative way when you let it. The key words there (as indicated by the Emperor) are “when you let it”.  Sometimes people’s negative words don’t affect you at all, at other times they do. This is about how strong and in control of yourself that you feel in the moment, but has nothing to do with them at all.  When you are feeling vulnerable, people’s negative words can affect you intensely and cause hurt feelings, melancholy, and dissatisfaction. When you are feeling strong, on the other hand, they don’t affect you at all other than in an analytical “examination of if there’s truly an issue” sort of way.

How can I adjust my reactions to something more healthy?
Death atop Two of Pentacles

The horses here in these two cards combined with the mutual direction they face indicate movement forward into the future.   The death card is a reminder that all things change with time, whereas the Two of Pentacles beneath it indicate that you have the ability to control certain aspects of your life throughout the process of those slow shifting changes and direct your energy how you wish.  The message here is to “keep on keeping on” and allow the feelings stirred up from negative words to slide off into the past as you continue forward into the future.  Leave them behind and keep going, as it is not their judgements you need to worry about.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Is patience and inherent virtue, or is it learned behavior?

Lazy Crow TarotReading Summary: Patience is used in order to get what we want (Knight of Cups), seize control of our lives (The Chariot), or wait out the impetuousness of others (Five of Wands).

Take Away: Patience is not something we are born with but something we learn.  It is a method of behavior that is learned in order to mold the world around us into something more in line with what we want out of life. Some learn through experience that being brash and loud and impatient gives them what they desire.

Others learn that patience has the rewards they want without the need for conflict and chaos.  This is something learned through experience and observation of others.  Thus, patience is not something we are born with, but is learned behavior.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I dusted off the coffee table, which is much more of an endeavor than you might think because my coffee table is about the size of a small dining room table and it’s filled with decks and jewelry making supplies as well as an adhesive workstation, etc.  So there’s a lot of organizing and shuffling stuff around involved in the process.   The dust there has been bugging me for a while tho, and no one else will touch it because they fear relocating something I need and then won’t be able to find when I need it.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Evergreen Among the BirchThe Sentinels

Among skeletons
they stand
proud and strong
full and weighted
by wet fluff
impervious
to the chill
Fenced in
but lush
they are
sentinals
in a world gone
baren
and cold

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Tea Time… Worldwide

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IMG_9537Today’s meditation was just under nineteen minutes long and was the next installment of the mantra meditation series that I have been following along with in the Oak app.

The meditation was very relaxing and I’m starting to suspect that the reason I’m struggling with my meditation so often in the past is because I’m not doing it for long enough.  Ten minutes might be more viable as far as time and scheduling goes, but I feel like I’m getting more out of the longer meditations that I’ve been doing over the past few days.  You wouldn’t think that the addition of just five or ten minutes would make that much of a difference, and yet it feels like there is a definite benefit and increase in quality to the longer meditations than my shorter ten minute ones.

Tarot of Mystical Moments and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, sharing, and leveling out the scales between the “haves” and the “have nots” through the process of giving and receiving.

For the longest time when I was young, I didn’t like tea. I didn’t drink it and I thought it was nasty. ALL tea. It didn’t matter if you added sugar, honey, sweetener, etc. And god forbid lemon (as I’m allergic to lemons). It didn’t matter if it was hot or cold, herbal or black. I didn’t like it.

This was long lamented by both of my parents, who said that everyone drinks tea… all around the world. When I see this card, I am reminded of my mother’s words as she insisted that tea is the common denominator between races and creeds. (Of course her words ended with, “so why should you, just a little boy, go against the world’s equality?”)

In a way, they were right. Although everyone around the world does not drink tea, there is a significant swath of those that do that go beyond countries and borders, continents and ideologies. There are tea drinkers in (nearly) every culture on earth and I would (without having any real research on this) be willing to venture that other than water, it’s the most consumed beverage in the world and has been for hundreds of years (or more).

In time (in my 20’s) I learned to enjoy tea, although I only drink herbal teas and avoid anything with caffeine. In fact, I drink tea every morning along with my first meal of the day. And what I see in the message of this card, combined with the Thera-Pets card for the day has to do with how long it took me to actually appreciate tea.

No matter how much pushing and shoving, begging or insisting my parents did? Back when I was a child I had absolutely no taste for it. I didn’t like it (or any hot beverage, for that matter). But in time, in the future, I eventually found my way to it at my own pace in my own way.

Don’t worry if you can’t get into whatever it is you (or others) think you should get into or get done today. If it’s meant to be? You’ll get it done when the time is right. It’s okay if it’s not right this moment.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF MYSTICAL MOMENTS AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can better I listen to my inner voice?

The Shimmering Veil Tarot

Reading Summary:  Painful moments (Three of Swords) are new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) just waiting for you to reach out and take advantage of them (Strength).

Take Away:  The thing about painful moments?  Is that it is in those moments that opportunities are born. The problem is that we’re so distracted by the pain that we miss the opportunity entirely.  Later on we may look back and go “damn, I wish I’d handled all that differently” but in the moment? It can be hard to see that we’re being handed an opportunity for something new to emerge in our lives.

To increase my intuitive abilities and begin to hear that inner voice more clearly, the cards indicate that I need to remember the above about those moments and begin looking for those opportunities.  Don’t get so focused on the pain that I end up forgetting to keep my eyes open and let an awareness of what is being offered pass me by.

DECK USED:  THE SHIMMERING VEIL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to encourage that arrival? (Built off of yesterday’s read.)

Tarot of Mystical MomentsReading Summary: Think over your options before you make a decision (Two of Swords). Take control of your motivation and your inspiration and use them to create forward motion (King of Wands). Lean into what’s familiar and allow it to not just guide you but lift you up when you need a little extra boost (Six of Cups).

Take Away: Yesterday’s reading was about making clever, intelligent, cunning, strategic, good choices that then create fertile soil for good things to grow from. The advice today on how to encourage this outcome is that I need to really take time to think through what I’m doing and stay focused on the direction I want things to go in while I do so.

There is a correlation between the first card and the third card through atmosphere and color that also speaks of needing to keep an optimistic outlook while I mull over these decisions, and allow what is familiar in my life (my values and moral compass) to guide me when I’m feeling torn or confused.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF MYSTICAL MOMENTS

Daily Self Kindness

I went back to the store a second time when I realized that I’d forgotten to buy Imodium.  I think this counts because I really didn’t want to go back and considered just saying “fuck it” and suffering with the stomach ache instead of returning to the store again.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Snow Covered PineI Climb

Fluffly tufts
of soft white
cling precariously
to delicate spines
like my fingernails
digging deep
into the walls
upon which I climb
searching
for the light
but only finding
a small glimmer
from time to time
to dazzle the eye

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Morning Bonus Read – Eclipse of the Heart

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Tarot Eclipse of the Heart Spread - Anino Lenormand

My Courage – House – In knowing where I belong and that I have somewhere to go, I find myself more able to tap into my courage in other areas of my life. It is through the security and stability that having a home provides that makes everything in life just a bit more grounded… a bit more safe… and right.

My Ownership – Coffin – I take responsibility for myself and the consequences that come from my actions.  This includes during times of depression, confusion, or when I am dealing with changes or endings that may cause a bit of a struggle. I own my pessimism, and the negative inner narrative that tries so hard to slide into over and over again, accepting that it is within my power to change these into something more positive.

My Forgiveness – Ring – I forgive myself for my tendency to over-commit and thus overburden myself. Instead of repeating this pattern again and again, I work to ease off on the number of my commitments and find a more manageable balance. (This is not forgiveness in the form of an offense needing forgiven, but rather in the the term “forgive” in the form of releasing.)

My Love – Fox – One of the things I love most about myself is my intelligence and cunning. These qualities allow me to find a path forward in the direction I wish to go in that aligns with my moral compass.  Sometimes these methods might be unorthodox or even seem outright crazy, but there is method behind the madness as the necessity to keep my moral compass happy means sometimes it’s only through thinking outside the box I find a path forward that will work for me.

My Shame – Whip – My greatest shame is my self flagellation and the fact that I know it is not right… but can’t seem to help myself.  That self destructive urge is a trickery that even when I watch out for it, manages to outsmart me and get the better of me again and again. I do not want to be this way or feel those urges… and yet they are inescapable.

My Guilt – Bouquet – The last time I felt guilty was at the grocery store a couple days ago. One of the stock guys was flirting with me and (unlike usually) I noticed.  It felt nice to be flirted with and that made me feel super guilty because I’m so lucky to have Gideon and I love him so fucking much.  It’s not as if I was even remotely tempted to “smell the flowers” of that offer, but the offer was still made and it… felt really good.

My Regret – Crossroads – I have very few regrets in life, but one of my biggest was in choosing to set aside my education and not get my degree. It’s not that this choice wasn’t understandable considering what happened in my life at the time and the recovery that had to come after.  I do use my education in some of my work, as well.  But, that doesn’t change the regret I feel now and then for the path I turned down back then.

My Fear – Woman – Turning into my mother is my greatest fear. She is so self serving.  So conniving.  So… focused on only her own goals, her own wants, her own desires, and her own rise in society that anything that does not serve those things for her is completely irrelevant to her, and anything that does is seen as something to control to her advantage like a chess piece.  I am like her in so many ways, and yet… I don’t want to become anything like her in this regard. Ever.

DECK USED:  ANINO LENORMAND

Equilibrium Adjustments

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Today’s meditation was just over eighteen minutes, and was another of the installments of the mantra meditations.  It was much the same as the others, but a bit longer.  At the end of it, it spoke on the different “stages” or “levels” you fall into when you meditate and I found this really interesting.  I think that the majority of my meditations are too short to experience much variety in this, but I have noticed that with these longer meditations I’m doing currently that they do seem to feel a bit different.

Architect's Tarot and Thera-Pet Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Death card which is traditionally a representation of organic changes that happen gradually over time.  This is not the “tear it down brick by brick in one destructive moment of chaos” that the Tower represents, but rather it’s about the gradual shifts that happen naturally in the world.

I really like the Eischer-esque feel of this card with the open walkway and the figure of a person sitting inverted upon it. It gives everything a slightly surreal quality that is a reflection of how odd things can feel when you realize a change has been coming and is now upon you.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that feeling out of place and uncomfortable is a part of change and not a sign that you’re screwing up.  Change can often be uncomfortable and awkward, it can often feel like a struggle to deal with and adjust to… these aren’t signs of your failure but rather they are “growing pains” as you adapt to a new reality different from the one that you’re used to.  These feelings are natural and fade as you become used to the changes and the newness of them wears off.

DECK USED:  ARCHITECT’S TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What energy am I invited to work with throughout March?

A Siren's Melody Tarot

 Reading Summary: Remember not to overwhelm yourself (Ten of Wands) with work and that perfectionist attitude of yours (Eight of Pentacles) when there are other better and healthier choices available to you (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:   Bad habits have a way of sneaking up and biting me in the ass when I try to shed them, and this is one that’s sure to take a bite more than once as I work through finding a better balance between work and self care. I am being invited to make sure I keep my eyes open for this to rise up over the next month, and be diligent (and wise) enough to catch it when it does and make healthier choices instead.

DECK USED:  A SIREN’S MELODY TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What good thing is ready to come into bloom in my life with the arrival of spring?

Architect's TarotReading Summary: If I’m clever with my time and efforts (Seven of Swords), I can tip the scales in my favor so that what I want to continue to grow will do so (Justice).  It might not be the speedy growth I crave, but slow growth is better than no growth at all (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away: The message here is that when you make good choices, good things will grow from those choices…. So make good choices. Clever, intelligent, cunning, strategic good choices.

This reading echoes back to the warning that was buried within my month’s end reading done earlier this morning.  That reading spoke of temptation to act out of character in order to get what I want, and thus triggering repercussions as a result.  Here we see that the prize for staying on track is making choices that are clever and beneficial, while remaining in line with my personal values, is slow but positive growth.

DECK USED:  ARCHITECT’S TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a break from work to chill in IMs with Gideon and watch him open his (belated) birthday gifts.