tarot self care

Morning Bonus Read – Would I Survive?

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Today’s bonus reading is just a  bit of fun and games. The Village Tarot Witch on Instagram tagged me in a challenge to do her spread and it looked like a lot of fun. As she did, I will list my personal pros and cons in this post, but unlike her I will do them at the end, after the cards.

Zombie Apocalypse Tarot SpreadMy Strengths for Surviving
The Stratagem (Emperor)

I am smart and clever and I have no problem putting aside my emotions in order to find the best path forward for myself and others. And when I mean best path?  I mean **the best** path forward. The safest path.  The path that will keep everyone (including myself) alive and well. I have absolutely no issue making decisions for the greater good, even if that means sometimes I’m disliked in the process. In a zombie apocalypse, the only priority more important than the greater good… is my own good.  And I’ll be damned well looking out for that too.

My Weaknesses (What’s going to get me eaten?)
The Suspended (Hanged Man)

In day to day life, my ability to pause and put myself in other’s shoes, see their perspectives as well as my own, and move forward with this knowledge is a huge asset.  In a zombie apocalypse, it would no longer be such a strength, though.  It would cause hesitation and, at times, cause moments of immobility which, in turn, could make me some zombie’s happy meal.

My Chances of Survival
Walker of Wands (Knight of Wands)

I would throw myself into the new life with gusto and make survival my passion and be proactive in finding a new life that would work.  As long as I kept in mind my own mortality and didn’t get too wrapped up in my enthusiasm in this matter, I will do well. There’s a fine line between enthusiastic pursuit of a desired outcome you’re passionate about… and reckless pursuit of an obsession. The problem would lie in making sure I balanced on the right side of that line and didn’t step over into an unhealthy perspective.

Personal (Realistic Based) Opinion On My Chances of Survival

PROS:  I’m clever.  I’m smart.  I know tons of random knowledge that would be helpful.  I’m excellent at wilderness survival and am familiar with traversing the back country. I’m adaptive and resourceful. I doubt I’d run into any emotional/psychological issues at all with taking down the infected.

CONS:   I require a minimum diet of 5000-6000 calories a day just to keep from dropping weight, which translates into a LOT of food, or I start wasting away and passing out.  Considering the extra physical activity that’s sure to come along with the proposed situation?  I’m going to need even more.

Also, my antidepressants play a key role in keeping me from constant suicidal ideation and sometimes uncontrollable suicidal urges.  I’d like to say that I could “muscle through” without them by determination alone, but I know for a fact it doesn’t work that way.

My cons far outweigh my pros, indicating that my chances of survival in this type of scenario, on the whole, are pretty slim.  BUT, that I probably won’t die by being eaten, but rather through starvation, hypoglycemic coma, or by offing myself.

DECK USED:  THE TAROT OF MANY DOORS

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Secret Tarot, Angelarium Year One and Year Two, Elemental Tarot

Earth – Six of Chalices atop Three of Wands, Zuriel – It is only through finding a balance between your experiences in the past and your plans for the future that you’ll find peace in the present.  It can often feel like the past and the future are opposing forces, one pulling away from you to the left, and one stretching out ahead into the future on the right. This perception leaves the present seemingly alone and as a result abandoned as we spend so much time touching one or the other on either side that we forget… it is mindfulness in the moment that can create the balance needed between the two. Get your ass back into meditating daily.  It is as essential as taking a leak first thing in the morning or taking your meds before you go to sleep at night, so stop skipping it.

Air – Ace of Swords atop Knave of Wands, Remiel – Pluck from the tangled pile of new ideas you have collected and find one that sparks your interest and allows you to learn something new to add to your repertoire of passions and skills. Note that this advice speaks of one… one idea.  One project.  One new thing.  Do not add many to your plate or it will be too much.  Just one.   Try exploring just this one thing for a while, allow it to flourish and have fun with it.  It has the potential to grow into something beautiful if you don’t smother by overcrowding it with too many  other things.

Water – Two of Wands, The Gate of Sahaqiel – It’s time to start focusing on connecting more strongly to your intuition.  Make sure that you are making space for spiritual pursuits and your connections therein.  Connecting to the divine is important, and sometimes that means you have to intentionally make plans for it in order to fit it in.  In the tail end of your recovery it’s especially important that you keep in mind that these things also need to be factored in or the end up left behind.

Fire – The Wheel, Knave of Chalices, Sandalphon – New beginnings are upon you right now as you find yourself in the last dregs of your depression’s recovery.  Acknowledge this new start for the opportunity it is to learn a new way of doing things moving forward and turning those things that have not worked for you around into something better. Sometimes your efforts may bite you on the ass, but we are given opportunities in order to take them and try… so don’t let this opportunity pass you by.  Use it to try something new and something better, resurrecting new life from the ashes of what you leave behind.

Waning – Cave (Protection) – Uncurl from your shell and stretch.  The time to hide yourself beneath the shell that protects you from the harm others can create when you are vulnerable is at an end.  You are close enough to the surface now to safely stretch your arms wide and greet the world on your own terms once more.

Waxing – North (Expansion) – Be true to yourself and the moral compass you know so well.  Be brave and be strong as you continue along your path and remember that it is not a single lesson we learn in life, but rather many over the course of our time.  Now is a time to explore and stretch your wings after so much time cramped in the dark.

Take Away – My recovery from depression is sliding into its last phase before solid ground is once more beneath my feet.  Now is a time to stretch and take in the sunlight and fresh air.  Pick a project that inspires and explore its potential, but be sure not to overwhelm myself with too much focus on the past or the future.  Put more focus into making sure I’m meditating each day and consciously taking the time and effort to stay connected to my spiritual path as I begin to “awaken” from the dark pit’s hold upon me.

DECKS USED:  SECRET TAROT, ANGELARIUM CARDS YEAR ONE AND YEAR TWO, ELEMENTAL ORACLE

Morning Bonus Read – Pending Shadows

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Do you know you have shadow work hanging around but also know that you don’t have the mental energy to tackle it all yet? Do some mental and emotional preparation with these.
Theme: Make myself aware of what things I’m going to need to deal with but can’t yet.”

Women Of History Playing Cards1.  What am I going to need to deal with soon, but right now I’m not ready yet?
Three of Diamonds atop King of Spades

Taxes.  Yes, I know the deadline is coming up, and I have quite a bit to get done in the interim between now and when I meet with my accountant again next month, but it’s one of those things that I need to work on one step at a time and I’m still not quite clear headed enough to manage it.  This might mean I need to file an extension this year.

Hopefully that will not be the case and with the help of L and Z as well as the accountant, I can get it done and checked and double checked in time.  I am aware that the depression cut into the time I would have normally spent on this over the past two months though, so it’s possible that extension might end up necessary whether I like it or not.

2.  Where did this come from?
Eight of Diamonds

Having a healthy and thriving business is something I’ve built up over time and as a result it seems the taxes involved become more of a pain in the ass with each passing year.  Fortunately, I have a good accountant on my side to help me get through  it.

3.  What steps should I healthily be taking now?
Five of Diamonds

Recognize that my feelings of scarcity are there to create a buffer of care and caution right now.  It allows me to step back and look at things with an unbiased and practical eye.  I recognize that these feelings of scarcity are false, but I can use them to better prepare and allow for a level of impartiality that would otherwise be difficult to accomplish.

4.  How will I know it’s time?
Eight of Spades

When I start feeling restless in my inaction, it will be time to finally use my skills and abilities to step forward and get moving on this.  Those steps can be small, just one small step in front of the other.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF HISTORY PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Mental Health Check In

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Mental Health Tarot Spread - Minute Lenormand

1. Card to represent my current mental health

Key – Empowered. I am feeling better and better with each day that passes, the dark shadows lifting their cloying grip from my climbing form, and I am starting to feel the light dappling over my skin. The climb has been slow, but each day I feel that I’m making it a bit higher up, and it is in my control to make it the rest of the way.

2. An emotion that’s clouding my perception of reality.

Man – Speaking of control… what is clouding my perception of reality at this time is the fact that I am too focused upon that control.  I need to remember that it’s important to let things go and allow them to move at their own pace.  Don’t push.

3a. How to improve my perception of reality.

Dog – Allow others that I love and trust to step in and help me, and make sure when I speak to my therapist next week that I am entirely honest both about what’s happened and where I am now.  I’m not upset about not having been able to get an appointment when I was in the deep darkness at the bottom of the pit, but that doesn’t mean I can just put this experience behind me and pretend it didn’t happen.  I still need to talk to her about it, even if it’s nearly at the end of that particular journey.

3b. How to gain clarity.

Mountain – Depression and the climb out of that deep dark pit is a challenge that takes time, effort, and a great deal of focus to accomplish. The depression clouds  judgement and shifts perceptions, which is a hurdle that will only lift as I get closer to the surface.  Keep climbing this particular mountain, be patient, and I’ll eventually find myself back on level ground again… and in a place of greater clarity as a result.

4. How to change circumstances around me to elevate my mood.

Child – I need to remember to savor the newness of finding the light again and the joy that comes with each new sensation as I emerge a little at a time out of the pit I’ve been lost in for so long. Take this newness as a new beginning and embrace that budding energy like a rebirth.

5. How I can be happier day-to-day.

Woman – Be kinder and more compassionate to myself and my needs.  Allow that softer side of myself more room to grow and flourish instead of muffling it and pushing it aside for the hard willed determination  to always push forward harder and harder.  Allow myself to walk a little slower and pause to smell the roses along the way.

6. How I can deepen my connection with myself.

Anchor – I need to make sure that I am grounding myself well and often. One of the key themes of the Anchor card is “mellowing out” or “settling down”, and the card in response to this question is telling me to stop worrying so damn much about where I’m going and pay more attention to where I am now.

DECK USED:  MINUTE LENORMAND

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Tarot of Many Doors, Earth Force Insight Cards, Morning Calm Oracle

Earth – Reader of Potions, Dance, Breath – This week needs to be about nurturing your health and finding balance through incorporation of your meditative practice and mindfulness. It’s easy to forget in the return to balance and seeking of the light, in the striving and struggle of everyday life, that your body needs love too.  Make sure that you fit in your meditation this week, get yourself out into the fresh air to enjoy the beauty and grounding comfort of nature, and give yourself the fuel and rest it craves rather than continuing bad habits.

Air – Ten of Dice, Hope, Seven Directions – Transformation and finding peace are strong motivators for you this week.  Allow yourself to stay at a slower pace, allow yourself to focus on  more than work.  In doing this you give your inner dialogue and mental health a chance to appreciate the light it’s moving towards, to savor your recovery, and enjoy more fully coming back into a place of comfort and security.

Water – Nine of Dice, Compassion, Transition – The theme of transition continues in the emotional waters of your life with a reminder to be compassionate to yourself and allow the changes that are developing to continue to flourish.  Practicing gratitude during this time can help this along, as it will bring what is positive in your life and your accomplishments along the way into focus, creating feel-good feelings that can help you in continuing in a forward trajectory.

Fire – Four of Dice, Gentle, Cycles – Slow and steady.  Make sure as you’re feeling better that you’re not piling too much on your plate at once.  Feeling better after feeling horrible for so long can make it feel like you can take in the world, but instead you need to take things slow and easy, and give yourself lots of security and stability with each step back toward “normal” you take.  Everything has it’s own time to shine and you don’t have to rush.  In fact, it’s better if you don’t.

Waning – Divine Love – Don’t dip too deeply into the spiritual connection stuff this week.  Getting to know your guides and that slow progress you’ve been making in this direction is great, but now isn’t the week to set your focus in that direction.  Avoid readings that will cast your gaze in that direction and instead just focus what’s right before you.

Waxing – Balance – Seek out where you feel imbalances taking root and work on setting them into balance this week. Finding that balance will allow you to retain your peace and obtain greater clarity.  Don’t allow yourself to sway too far one way or another, even when it feels that imbalance may be useful to you in the moment.

Take Away – The cards make it clear that this week needs to focus on the now.  Mindfulness and balance need to take priority over willfulness or other distractions.  You’re not out of the woods yet, but you’re approaching the edge of the pit.  Allow yourself time to feel good, to appreciate and enjoy feeling better.  That first kiss of sunlight is always the best.

DECKS USED:  TAROT OF MANY DOORS, EARTH FORCE INSIGHT CARDS, MORNING CALM ORACLE

Morning Bonus Read – The Guides

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1870 Cartes a Jouer du Belles Cartes LtdWhat are my guides most proud of me for at this time?
Seven of Hearts, Queen of Diamonds, Seven of Spades

They are proud of me for prioritizing finding a nurturing balance despite my constant struggle to downgrade how much responsibility I’m putting on my plate and my feeling as if I’m doing something wrong when I take time for self care and rest.

How can I continue to garner that pride?
Jack of Diamonds

Slow and steady but always forward.  It’s important to look for new ways to look at and put into action these new priorities.  Don’t just set them on the back burner or tuck them in a corner to think about or worry about later.  Keep them at the forefront even when progress is slow.

What advice do they have for me emotionally?
Two of Hearts

Connecting with others will help in continuing to lift me up and keep me balanced.  Don’t allow myself to close myself off to others and the emotional support that they have to offer.  Each of the people in your life that makes up your support system has their unique skills and influences that can benefit you just as yours benefit them in turn.

What advice do they have for me mentally?
Three of Spades

Don’t allow your depression to suck you backward. You’re making progress, moving away from the darkness and pain of the pit you’d slid into.  Don’t look back.

What advice do they have for me physically?
Ace of Spades

Be open to new ideas on how to incorporate activity into your life.  The whole knife-through-the-foot thing has slowed you down and will keep you from doing the harder trails and more intensive hiking you’re used to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out on easy paths and spend time communing with nature in these more “beginner” ways while you heal.

DECK USED:  1870 CARTES A JOUER DU BELLES CARTES LTD