Strength card

Finding Motivation thru Inspiration

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IMG_8067Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was another of the guided meditations (from the Calm app, which is where I get the little graphics pertaining to those guided meditations btw) combined with an interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about dealing with our personal inner dialogues and the habit of cruelty and lack of understanding that we direct inward towards ourselves rather than treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we give to others.

This is something that I personally struggle with, and I have been making a concerted effort this year to be kinder to myself and use positivity and optimism to help lift my inner dialogue out of the cruel and savage and into a gentler space.  That said, it is still a struggle after all this time, and I know that part of that is my struggle to let go of the past… and the voices of my past.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Queen of WandsToday’s draw is is the Queen of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s enthusiasm and drive, passions, willpower, determination, and inner spark.

I really like this deck… a lot.  The imagery is just so… f’ing gorgeous. Every card.  Even with the Jesus looking guy as the Magician card. (It very well may be a depiction of Jesus, as I haven’t read the guide book for this deck yet. Even if not? It sure as hell looks like the classic depictions of Jesus.)

Okay, so my fascination with the artwork aside, what really stood out to me today in this card was the flames at the queen’s feet, and the spread wings above her throne.

To me the flames feel like that fire within that figuratively “lights a fire under your ass” to get you moving. In the Queen, this translates to me as someone or something that lights that fire and encourages its burn.  The wings further this impression for me, as they speak about giving lift.  Encouragement.  Providing what is needed to inspire.  That energy, personality, or person being the “wind beneath” those wings, so to speak.

The message here is about inspiration.  it’s about finding inspiration and fostering it within that inner spark, feeding the fire and using it to keep moving forward.  Find strength and determination and willpower within the fanning of the flames, and use theses qualities to keep going despite the roadblocks and hurdles.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Draw a random card and use it to describe a quality about yourself that you love.

Hans Zatzka Dreamland Tarot - StrengthStrength – Deep within me beneath the layers of defense and determination. vulnerability and deflection… there is a core of strength.  This strength is what has allowed me to survive so much and continue on, to allow myself to be open and receptive to others even through the pain of what has happened in my past.  The  assaults, the cancer, the rape, the accidents, the abuse, and the betrayals.  All of it could have closed me down, closed me off, made me bitter, made me hard and hateful.  They could have broken me and made me a victim… or in many cases, could have (or almost did) kill me.

And yet I survive.  I am not a victim.  I am not broken.  I am not bitter or hateful. I choose to not allow these things from my past to destroy the person that I am, the person I want to be, and the person I wish to become.

Side note:  This deck’s cardstock is horrendous. It’s essentially unsealed textured printer paper with inkjet printing. I have plans to reproduce this deck for my own use at some point, with better cardstock (and no typos).

DECK USED:  HANS ZATZKA DREAMLAND TAROT

Find The Boon

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I’ve managed to fall behind yet again… and I can’t remember whether I meditated on the 23rd or not. So I’ll leave this empty this time around as I finish up these posts that got started… but never published on the blog.

Tarot of the Little Prince - StrengthToday’s draw is the Strength card, which traditionally is more about inner strength than physical strength, and is a representation of persuasion and influence, an inner core of compassion, and the ability to bend others to one’s will.

What stood out to me in this card today is the expressions on the faces of both the boy and the fox. The holiday rush is in full swing and the message here is that even though it’s going to be a hard and busy day, it’s important to make sure that I’m finding some joy in it as well.

Don’t sink so deep into the work that you turn into a robot.  Breathe deep and find the pleasure.  The comfort.  And the joy in what you do.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Pick a topic and pull a card for… Tomorrow / Next Week / Next Month
Topic: My financial health…

Mary El Tarot 1st EditionTomorrow – Death – In the present, my finances are in the process of going through a natural shift.  This is not news, as with the holiday rush upon me, the money is flowing in freely and (sometimes) feels like it’s sifting through my fingers like sand as I spend on postage and supplies almost as quickly as the money comes in.

Next Week – King of Cups – In the week ahead, you will find that you will come to a place of ease and security.  Knowing that the money is there, knowing that bills are being paid and things are going well will give you an emotional boost and confidence.

Next Month – Five of Wands – By this time next month, you will be struggling with the slow down from the holiday rush.  Anxiety over the drop off of sales is natural, as is the struggle to push it forward and keep it going. Inner conflict and the need to push will be burning wild in your chest, conflicting with the slowdown and need to back off and ease up.

DECK USED:  MARY EL TAROT 1ST EDITION

The Strength of the Small

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IMG_3603Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long and was a body scan focused meditation that guided me through a scan of the body from head to toes, before it turned to the area of the heart and expanded outward to include the entire body.

The purpose of the meditation was to sink into the stillness and silence and that peace that you can find within when you find your quiet place within.  Unfortunately, I really struggled with staying on task as well as with finding that quiet space today, which was a bit frustrating.

I do accept, though, that meditation cannot go smoothly all the time.  Some days will be more of a struggle than others.

Strength Card - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is the Strength card of the Major Arcana, which generally represents  themes surrounding one’s inner strength and courage, perseverance, and also sometimes the elements of persuasion.

What I see in the imagery of today’s card is a sense of security.  A sense of safety among something much bigger and stronger than themselves.  This does not so much speak to me in the way that the strength card usually does, as I do not see the “weaker” acting upon the stronger/more fierce.   Instead… I see the larger and more fierce protecting the weaker.

This, in itself, is it’s own kind of strength.  It is the kind of strength that comes from having someone strong and fierce on your side.  It’s the kind of strength that comes with being a submissive in a D/s relationship.   Yes, the Dominant is the “big bad wolf” of the dynamic, but it is truly the submissive that holds all the power.   They set the limits.  They hold the safe word.  They have the last say.  This is the power of the “weak” that are really… not weak at all.

And that is the message in today’s card.  It’s okay to be small.  It’s okay to be vulnerable.  It’s okay to be the submissive party.   There is strength in these things… more strength than most even realize.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question: Current state of spirit.

Mibramig Magical Tarot

Reading Summary:  I am at a time of transition (Ten of Swords atop Nine of Cups) and in the process of developing a new type of stability (Ace of Pentacles) that includes my emotions in the mix rather than excluding them (King of Cups). This makes it feel like I’ve upset my apple cart (Nine of Cup under Ten of Swords). Be sure to focus on staying calm and centered (King of Cups) and allowing time for things to develop (Ace of Pentacles).

Take Away:   I’m pretty sure I could write an entire book on the layout and combination of these cards combined  with the imagery.   The short answer is that I’m in a place of transition right now where incorporating my emotions the inner workings of myself and my life has the potential of really freaking me out and its important to stay balanced and not let it become overwhelming.

DECK USED:  MIBRAMIG MAGICAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What does it mean to live a good life?

The Good Tarot

Reading Summary: Not allowing uncertainty to overpower (Moon) having an open mind (Messenger of Air) and a sense of adventure (Eight of Fire).

Take Away:  This deck is so f’ing beautiful.  Just sayin’.  The cards here are indicating that to live a good life I can’t allow times of uncertainty to derail me from those things I enjoy and find important.  I need that exploration of perspectives and the mind… I need new ideas.   I also need to feel that burning spark of enthusiasm that allows me to pounce forward into new projects and explore new passions.  Uncertainty can put a definite damper on these things if I let it… so to live a good life?  Don’t let it.

DECK USED:  THE GOOD TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What am I stressed about today?

Lili White Tarot

Reading Summary:  Work and orders and the “debt” involved in having slacked off over the past week on keeping up with things, resulting in a bit of negative thinking and serious self-judgement.

Take Away:  Ugh.   I fell behind a bit on orders this week and have struggled to catch up, then had an emergency that pulled me away and set me back even further.  It’s just something I’m going to have to work through, but it definitely has me stressed.

DECK USED:  LILI WHITE TAROT

#MidnightTarotChallenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with spirit (divinity)? How can I improve it?

IMG_3608Relationship with Spirit:  My connection to spirit is through my affinity the earth and the nurturing energies I experience through my bond with nature (Empress).

How to Improve:  Okay so… passion.  More passion.  POUR ON THE PASSION!   Honestly?  All three of these cards popped out individually from the deck at different times in my shuffle so the fact that they are all court cards of the Fire suit really speaks to the fact I need to really pour on some passion into my relationship with spirit.   Show a little enthusiasm.  Explore with confidence and vision is needed.  Step forward and get invested, just don’t let yourself end up impulsive and carried away (the knight is missing).

DECK USED:  THE GOOD TAROT

Comfort and Strength

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes, and the next installment of the ‘how to’ series that I’ve been working my way through.  The focus in today’s meditation was how to take your focus deeper into that “quiet place” of calm that can be found when you focus so strongly and so closely that everything else in the world fades away.

I have had this experience in our play, and in my work.  But I’ve never tried to accomplish it in my meditation before.   Although I could just lightly touch upon that mental space for a few fractions of a second at a time, I couldn’t sustain it, but I have a feeling that with practice I could.

Strength - Slow Tarot Today’s draw is the Strength card of the Major Arcana, which means that it is a “big picture” theme rather than any one specific aspect of the human condition.

When I saw this card this morning, I wasn’t sure how it would relate to my day, and a variety of possibilities for the positive message it could convey were running through my head.   As the evening has progressed, though, I have found where the inner strength that is represented in this card is needed, and with it the comforting that really struck me in the imagery itself.

It was really hard to come to the realization that I am still losing memories from the head injury I sustained fourteen years ago.  Over the past few years, there have been some really encouraging signs that indicate a recovery of some of the memories I’d lost, and I had not really noticed having lost anything important other than during my depressive episodes.

I discovered this evening that that is not so much the case, and that some of the memories that I have lost and not worried overly about are joined by memories that I don’t -want- to lose… but have.  These losses bring up within me a deep and somewhat terrifying sense of helplessness, and that is where the message in today’s card steps forward.  It is a reminder of my strength and that I am a survivor.  It is also a reminder that in times of distress, there are those that I love and that love me that I can reach out to for comfort and support.

Deck Used:  Slow Tarot

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: What can I do to better embrace change?

Manga TarotReading Summary:  Approach with an open mind and outlook of open curiosity and imagination (Page of Cups), accepting that cycles are a part of life and change is simply a part of our movement through these cycles (The World), and take time to plan and prepare for when the dust settles (Three of Wands).

Take Away: So often when change approaches, there is a tendency to close off and either ignore  what is happening as long as we can, or resist the change entirely.  Embracing change, though, requires a receptivity and acceptance to both the current change as well as the fact that change is an eventuality in life.  Instead of wasting energy on fighting against something that is going to happen whether you like it or not, take that energy and use it to plan for your next moves forward on your path so you are somewhat prepared for where your feet will land when the storm is over.

Deck Used:  Manga Tarot

Uncertainties in Self

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Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long, and was a quiet and peaceful meditation where she didn’t do a lot of talking.   I enjoy these primarily because I really like the background music playing in the app.  In fact, I think I’ve mentioned before that I would love the opportunity to buy the music.

Essentially, the music is individual notes played lightly (and slowly) on a keyboard to some very subtle, barely audible EMDR-type musical flow in the background.  It’s very relaxing, and my mind seems to visualize it into an open plane of water (the background noise) with occasional drips falling into the smooth expanse to cause ripples (the piano notes).

I might need to contact the app creator and see if they can provide me with some information that might help me track down the artist.  It’s worth a try.

Anyway, the talk at the end of the guided meditation focused primarily on using meditation to better condition ourselves to be present in the moment, rather than spending too much time reflecting on the past or focused on the “what ifs” of the future.

Today’s draw is the Strength card, which I seem to be seeing a lot lately in my readings.  The Strength card’s traditional representations involve inner strength, outer strength, courage, persuasion and coercion.  It can also indicate raw emotion, self doubt, and a lack of energy.

I feel that it is in those alternate meanings that I find the message of today’s card.   The Strength card is telling me that it’s okay to be tired and take a rest now and then.  It doesn’t make you weak to take care of yourself and, sometimes, that means allowing for that time of rest and time to deal with the hint of rawness that is going on with me right now.

I think that it also correlates to the drop and helping you through it.  I love you so much, and I don’t want to let you down.  I really hope that I’m not letting you down. (Points to the self doubt aspect.)

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

I did the #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  As mentioned before, I might try to do the bonus reading every day (or near to it) for this month.

Question: How can I better honor the divine feminine within me? (Note: The word honor is stressed to make sure I keep in mind the nature of the question through the reading of the cards and answers written here.)

Reading Summary: The Hermit card speaks of time alone and working on things on my own.  The Ace of Pentacles is a touch on manifestation and ‘new money’ and the Queen of Pentacles, juggling home life and work as well as giving myself time to self-nurture (which again ties around into the Hermit card).

Take Away:   Focus on my home business. My business is all about manifestation and creativity.  It involves a LOT of working on my own and I do a good deal of reflection during that time.  I find the creative process of manifesting ideas into a beautiful creation in reality to be soothing and invigorating, all at the same time.   The cards indicate if I want to honor my divine feminine side, this is the path to doing that.

Deck Used: Ludy Lescot Tarot

Choices and Hindsight

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and the majority of the guided meditation was a full body scan from head to toes.

I’ve mentioned this before, but this is one of my favorite types of meditation, as it allows me to do a check-in with myself and my body while I meditate.

That check-in helps me better figure out what needs tending as far as scarring, flexibility, and residual issues from injuries are concerned.

Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that they both came out together without a jumper.  I switched decks for the alternate to combine with the Halloween Tarot, as I feel that the one I was using has a bit more of a November feel, so it will make a reappearance next month.

The cards in today’s draw are the Strength card, and the Two of Swords.

When I look at these cards, what I see is the message that sometimes you have to make the hard choices, but that you are strong enough to do so, and have the inner strength to adapt to the results and consequences that come after these choices are made.

It is a message about standing by your choices once they are made, more than which choices to make along the way.  It is about standing by your decisions once these decisions have been made, and not just riding out the aftermath of what comes from those decisions but making the aftermath work for you.

I think that this is a really important message to take to heart.   Sometimes when we make decisions in life, we look back later and say “oh geez, I should have done this instead.”   But the fact is, that is in the past and the past isn’t what you have to deal with.   It’s the present that’s now at your feet and needs your time.

Traditional representations for the Strength card are inner strength, persuasion and/or coercion, compassionate influence over others, and courage.  As a Major Arcana card, this card deals with the “big picture” rather than any one aspect of the human condition.

The Two of Swords is traditionally a representation of duality, unions, division, and partnerships in the area of thought, intellect, logic, communication, and instinct.  This means that it deals with topics such as decision making and choices, as well as indecision and confusion.

Deck Used: The Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

I did the #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  I like them this month, and I have so many decks that are perfect for the month of October that I might try to do the bonus reading every day (or near to it) for this month.

Question: What can I do to better improve my relationship with my body?

Reading Summary: The Five of Wands speaks to me of needing more physical activity.  The Three of Cups means that I will do better along that path if I do it with a friend.  The Knight of Pentacles indicates I may need to spend a bit of money along the way, which to me reads as a gym membership component.

Take Away:   I need to start going to the gym with J again. Ok so… Although this is an answer that I knew already in the back of my mind, I didn’t expect it to be the answer that came up for some reason.   The truth is, though.   I do need to start going to the gym again.  Between the cancer, and other stresses that have come through my life since then, I never managed to gain back the weight I lost during my cancer treatments.  From experience, I know that I don’t do gym time well if I have to go it alone.  I need the distraction and motivation of having someone else there.   I also know through experience that if I don’t work out, I’ll never gain the weight back.  If I want it back, it has to be through muscle weight, because I don’t retain fat in a way that is conducive to weight gain.

Will I get a gym membership again and start going with J?  Very probably.  Although, probably not until after the holidays are over.  The busy time is creeping up fast, and I’m just not going to have the extra time once the bomb drops.

Deck Used: Trick-or-Tarot Deck