More Grounding, Less Fukery

TToday’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon balancing your own self care with that of caring for others.

Although my personal self care is usually sacrificed under the altar of fiscal responsibility, this does come a close second for me.  Especially with those that I am close with like my sister, and… reluctantly, my mother.

I’m aware that I’ve fallen into a bit of a self-neglect mode the last few days…er, weeks. And that has started to awaken my self destruct tendencies.  SO I’m doing my best to try and force myself into doing the self-care things I need, whether I’m really up for it or not.

Essentially, that is what today’s meditation was about.  Taking care of yourself.  Making sure you’re okay so that you can help others be okay too.  Sort of like putting on your oxygen mask on a plane before you help others with putting on theirs.

Temperance - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Temperance card, which is traditionally a representation of themes concerning moderation and balance in all things.

As I’ve written recently in a previous post, balance requires constant adjustment, compensation, and compromise in order to make it work.  The imagery that stands out to me in this card is very much focused upon the two cups, but also the sparks of light that surround the angel. Sparks that appear to be made of the same essence of what is in the cups.

The message here is that yes, things feel like they are falling apart, and my scales of balance are way off kilter at the moment… but this is temporary.  Finding balance might take a bit of effort and careful experimentation, but I will find a way to keep the scales balanced if I work at it with patience and a calm, clear mind.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I distinguish between healthy enthusiasm and potentially destructive impulsivity?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation:  Lack of Impulse

Take Away:  There is no impulse in these cards.  There’s no pounce and GO to them.  Even in the page where things are new and enthusiastic, it is in the grounded and steady suit of Pentacles.   What I see here is that if I want to tell the difference between healthy enthusiasm and destructive impulse, it’s in that lack of impulsiveness.  It’s in having forethought and grounded enthusiasm combined with that inner compass of right and wrong.  It’s grounded and solid, not flighty and impetuous.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where do I need more support?

Janasa Jaus Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation:  Try again.  STOP being such a dick to yourself.  You’re tired and frustrated.  That’s okay, but it’s time to let go of the blame.

Take Away:  There is a need to bear down on practical actions in order to get myself through the “weeds” of the situation that I currently find myself in and not allow myself to fall into a place of self recriminations and self destruction.  Everyone is fucked right now. It’s not just me.  The economy and the health crisis, the whole thing. It’s a mess.  I didn’t cause it, I didn’t DO anything wrong.  There is absolutely nothing to beat myself up about.

These cards are telling me to not let that inner prick that likes to pick on myself take control even if it means enlisting the help of others to make that happen.  Stay grounded and keep moving forward.  You might not be able to see the end of the field through the tall grass, but it’s there… just make sure each step you take in getting there is based in the solid footing of practicality…. and for fuck sake, get yourself on a schedule already so you can move at a steady, dependable pace.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Activity
: Draw 1-3 cards. What symbols speak most strongly to you in today’s card(s)?

A Darisa Tarot: The Lomisht

Reading Summary:   What stands out to me in these cards most strongly is the blood in the first card and how it matches the hues of the last card, but how the color scheme of the first matches the scheme of the second.  There is also a personal draw to the rain represented in the middle card, which to me represents a kind of contentment that goes beyond having “everything” and into a pleasure you can only have when having nothing.  This creates an interesting connection between the cards that indicates the beginning of a relationship rather than coming to the end of a cycle as the center card would normally indicate.   The concrete tablet in the last card stands out to me as well, speaking of road blocks between the flames of one’s aspirations and themselves if the sacrifice hinted at by the blood of the first card is not met.

Message in the Cards:  Sometimes partnerships take a bit of sacrifice in order to make them flourish and come out with positive results in the end.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT: THE LOMISHT

 

Stop. Breathe. Indulge… Just a Little.

Today’s meditation was nonexistent.  Not because I didn’t have time but because I was lazy and enthused and just… unmotivated.  I didn’t do it.   My head is also killing me and has been for a couple of days now.  Although, that’s probably not an excuse because chances are that the meditation would help with my stress and anxiety levels.  As I’m writing this post a day late, I am not able to do it before bed, of course, because the day is now gone already.

The Empress - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is The Empress card, which is traditionally a representation of nurturing energy, mothering themes, and earthy abundance.

I really love the imagery of this card with the beautiful vulnerability of the woman’s nude form before the mirror and the abundance of earthy green hair full of flowers, to the enraptured little elf peering down from above.  What really stands out to me in this card today, though, is her hand upon the mirror.

This speaks to me not so much about the need to nurture others, but to create some nurturing kindness for myself.  This is something I’m not particularly skilled at, but that is important… maybe even more important now when my anxiety and stress is so high and everything is up in the air.   Today’s card is a reminder of this need, and an encouragement to make time for myself and that need for a little extra self care and indulgence.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I best feed that flame? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

A Darisa Tarot: The Lomisht

Interpretation:  Remember where you want to go and that sometimes things have to end in order to start anew with something better.  Embody ownership of your emotions and go after what you want with this new start.  Now is the chance to build a new foundation and reorganize upon it a new way of doing things going forward.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT: THE LOMISHT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where am I spiritually at this time?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Interpretation:  I am struggling with the transition from how things were to how they are now.  It feels like it all happened to fast and has left me reeling. Because of that I am feeling a sense of uncertainty that spreads into my spiritual self.   Not that my faith is lacking, but it is as if the uncertainty of everything else has polluted even this, where that uncertainty is rooted in how quickly things can change and fall apart.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: What does it feel like to know something for sure?

Celtic Dragon Tarot

Reading Summary: A sense of ownership and capability (The Magician) even when something is new (Page of Pentacles). When that “something” rests within my wheelhouse. (Three of Pentacles)

Take Away:  What this boils down to is a combination of certainty rooted in my skills and abilities and the ownership of those skills and abilities in a way that keeps me feeling on solid footing to a point that there is no longer any doubt.

DECK USED:  CELTIC DRAGON TAROT

 

Open Mind, Open Heart… No Walls

1EXqUjKyraQ3_bjXxPF4-dLhWWNpAE1bbD8QjOBu9ThecPKKYXPrbC9fRUC7p3hi9SPGTgbR9Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and focused on fostering trust in yourself,  your decisions, and your intuition.   We all have moments of self doubt, but some more than others.  And the more you devalue yourself, the harder it is to find that trust.

The guided meditation spoke on how sometimes, when you are feeling it that difficult to connect and trust your perceptions or your judgement, it’s okay.  To build that trust back up, that first step can be as simple as accepting that things could be worse.  Whatever choices you have made helped you avoid those scenarios that could be worse than the one you are now in.   So take a breath and be kind to yourself, and give yourself a little credit.

Seven of Cups - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is traditionally a card that is a representation of being overwhelmed by choices, or having so many options that you need to take a moment to make the best decision available to you.

The cards in this deck seem to do this to me a lot, but what I see most in this card has more to do with the open mouth of the fish at the woman’s feet than with the cups or the traditional meaning.   The strength of the draw to that open mouth speaks very strongly to me, and has its own voice that blends with that of the card’s more common interpretation.   That is to say, the message that I see conveyed in this card today is that sometimes the obvious answer is not the right answer.

I don’t think that this is in reference to any one aspect of my life in the moment, but I do see a great deal of value in the reminder.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in habits and routine that we forget to look around and see if there’s a better way.  Perhaps it’s time that I do just that.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What might that readjustment look like in action? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

A Darisa Tarot, The Lomisht

Reading Summary: To connect more strongly with my emotional side to the point where I can more easily communicate what’s going on, I need to do what I do in order to connect with my intuition (Eight of Wind), and ensure that even when I am feeling at my worst I am reaching for the sun (The Sun over Ten of Wind).  This will foster a stabilization and clarity of thought that will make room for me to build that stronger connection (Liege of Wind).

Take Away:  Lots of swords here… the cards are an indication that a lot of what’s holding me back from connecting and communicating my more emotional self is the overbearing demands of my mind.   Much like with when people struggle connecting to their intuition, I am letting my mind overpower and essentially “speak over” my emotional voice.  In order to be able to better connect with an express my emotions therefore, I need to harness the mind and force it to step back.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT – THE LOMISHT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What area of my life needs some extra attention?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Reading Summary: These cards are referencing hidden emotions that are preparing to spill over (Ace of Cups), because I haven’t taken enough time looking ahead and planning (Three of Wands) which is going to end up feeling like I shot myself in the foot (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  Yeah…. I’m going to have to do some digging on this.  Preferably before I get to the shooting myself in the foot part of the equation.  I think the lack of foresight is going to be about the upcoming issues caused by the current health scare going on.  It’s going to screw me over (just like so many others) when I can’t make income and that is sure to effect me pretty negatively on an emotional level.   I’d like to address the emotional side of things before the cup actually tips over and everything spills out in a mess, I’m just not sure if that’s going to be possible.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: Ask the high priestess card “How can I listen to my intuition more?”

Luna Sol Tarot

Reading Summary: Work at not falling into bad habits that promote the blocking my intuition… things like anxiety (Nine of Swords) and hiding behind inner walls of apathy (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  Those inner walls have slowly been coming down over time as you dig and play sledgehammer at them over the past twelve years.   Over the last few years, it’s become very apparent that those walls had muffled more than just my emotions, but also my intuition to an extent.     Anxiety is one of the triggers that makes me try to erect those walls and hide behind them, because I feel the need to appear calm, even when I am anything but.   The advice of the High Priestess is to not retreat. Do not resurrect those walls.  Do not hide behind those walls that remain.

DECK USED:  LUNA SOL TAROT

 

Everyday Isn’t Today

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and took place in the car while J was driving.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t particularly relaxing or rejuvenating.  I’ll have to give it another shot before bed tonight.

Ten of Cups - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally read as an indication of completion past contentment in the area of one’s emotions, creativity, relationships, and intuition.  This often translates into themes that deal with relationship bliss, harmony with others, an alignment of values, and an even flow of abundance in the meeting of everyone’s emotional needs.

What I see here is reassurance, though.   Today has been a slow crawl through the cloying sludgy quagmire of existential quicksand. Every fucking thing I’ve tried to do today has taken three times as long as it should have.  Packaging orders, drawing my cards, taking a shower… even making a sandwich.   I don’t know how or why this has been the case.  If I didn’t know better?  I’d think I had missed my meds, but I just checked last night and I have not missed any.

The appearance of the Ten of Cups in today’s draw is a reassurance that it’s not always like this.  It’s just not.   Today was an aberrant fluke, and not the norm.  So take a deep breath and remember that things usually go much smoother and are much more harmonious.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How is the growing lunar energy manifesting in my life?

Reigning Rouge Tarot

Reading Summary:  I’m beginning to see the light (Four of Wands) at the end of the long trek through this winter’s fog (Five of Cups) and just need to remain patient with the process (Temperance).

Take Away:  Lots of reminders this week to foster patience with myself.  It’s a good reminder, though, and one that I need pretty regularly, so I suppose it’s not that big of a surprise.  After so long in the fog and in the effort to find a path out of it and back to a better place mentally and emotionally, I’ve recently begun to identify some progress.  Small at it is, it’s encouraging, and the growing lunar energy will assist in this effort and my progress, as long as I remember to not push.

DECK USED:  REIGNING ROUGE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What would be a better option or path? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

Law of Attraction Tarot

Reading Summary:  Accept that I have the tools (Magician) I need to protect what’s important to me (Four of Coins) without going overboard. It’s okay to take some time for self reflection (Hermit), but don’t lose sight of what you’re truly after (Judgement).

Take Away:  When I’m feeling vulnerable, I have a habit of erecting barriers and perpetuating self abuse (not physical but mental/emotional).  There are better ways to accept that I need to take things slow, including accepting I’m capable and making sure I stay in touch with myself and my goals.

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How am I blocking my intuition?

Animal Totem Tarot

Reading Summary: I want to go go go (Three of Wands) when instead I need to be seeking a more stable pragmatic approach (Queen of Swords) and grounded energy for myself (Four of Pentacles).  Only with a good foundation can you successfully charge forward toward your dreams (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  So… yeah.  This is yet another reminder about where I am in emerging from the fog I’ve been dealing with over the last few months. As I emerge my intuition will grow and flex, stretching out of that fog along with the rest of me.  But if I allow my tendency to push and rush, this isn’t going to work and it will hinder my progress rather than help.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT