five of Cups

The Illusive Silver Lining

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Today’s meditation was… well it was a bit different.  That would be because I tried to do my meditation in the bath this time. Since I was soaking in the tub, I thought I’d give it a go.  What actually happened, though, is that I started to doze off… twice.  So, that wasn’t a very good idea. I never settled in to meditate after I’d gotten out, either.  I’ll do it before sleep tonight.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Five of CupsToday’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of emotions that deal with disappointment, disillusionment, and pessimism.  Especially in cases where you are failing (or refusing) to see the whole picture.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the contrast between the graceful figure and the cold dark surroundings in which she stands.  It really makes the “pity party” going on in this card stand out.

The thing is?  When you’re focused solely on the pessimistic side of things?  You lose out on so much sometimes, but it’s really devastating when it’s the little things you lose out on.  In moments when everything feels like it’s gone to shit and you’re wading through the cold snow of disappointments and failures?  Not looking for that little nugget of positive that lives in those moments has the potential to just make everything worse… and make the bad linger and stretch on longer… the emotions involved experienced with more depth and for a longer period of time than might be healthy.

The message here is to look for that silver lining.  It might be small, it might seem like “nothing”… but sometimes that little bit of nothing can be everything.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I best harvest the energy available to me?

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

Reading Summary: Work at learning to be happy with what you have (King of Pentacles) and to foster and nurture that outlook it so that it grows (Queen of Pentacles)… It doesn’t all have to be about “more more more” all the time.

There is a link between the Queen of Pentacles and the Knave of Swords in the fact that the girl in the Knave looks like a younger version of the Queen, and wears the same dress beneath her jacket.   What I see from this is that growth is possible, but needs a bit of nurturing to get it there and to temper the impulsive urges that slow and steady growth can sometimes spur.

Take Away:  I push myself too damned hard and it’s not healthy.  I know that, and yet so very often, I can’t seem to help it. The encouragement here is that I need to stay focused on the present right now.  I need to nurture my growth and my inspiration, but only in ways that support slow growth instead of fast and hard spurts.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SWEET TWILIGHT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What needs my attention in the… past / present / future

Murder of Crows TarotWhat needs my attention in the past?
Knight of Swords – So much of my past has spent spent barrelling forward at full speed, pushing myself harder and harder as I work towards my ambitions. This pushing wasn’t about my passions or interests, it was about my ambitions. The things I felt I wanted in my life, or even felt were absolutely necessary.  And in pushing myself so hard, I have cycled through burnout after burnout, driven to always push harder and harder. It’s not healthy and I know that, and yet I cannot seem to help it. And when I do manage to back off on myself? Then I feel shame and self-recriminations concerning whatever it is that I’m not getting done.   This issue stems from my past and is something I need to work on addressing.

What needs my attention in the present?
The High Priestess  – This is an echo of what the cards told me in my self-care Saturday reading this weekend. It has to do with depending less strongly upon logic and thought, and leaning more heavily into intuition and the nudging of my moral compass.

What needs my attention in the future?
Ten of Pentacles – My goals, my loved ones, my home. Soon, I will be bumping my mortgage payments back up to double. I reduced my mortgage payments by half back in the spring when I lost the majority of my part time jobs.  After the holidays, I have every intention of returning my payments back to that larger payment again. This future goal will allow my mortgage to be paid off more quickly, creating a sense of stability (and the opportunity to slow down a bit) sooner.   I’m very much looking forward to that.

DECK USED:  MURDER OF CROWS TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: In what way does my spirit guide embody the _____ card?

Terrestrial Tarot

Spirit Guide Card – The Sun – A sign of hope and warmth and love. A sense of enthusiasm and enjoyment, of optimism and positivity.

In what way does my spirit guide embody the Sun card?
Air (Ace of Swords), Felicity (Nine of Cups), King of Swords

The spirit guide in question embodies the Sun card as they are in my life to help me find emotional fulfillment.  I’m very much a Swords person, as I lean heavily on intellect and logic in my day to day life and how I navigate the world.  But you cannot become the master of your ambitions and mind without reaching a level of emotional fulfillment along the way. This spirit guide is here to provide opportunities to find that fulfillment by finding ways of blending that logic and intellectual tendency I fall into with the emotional intelligence I need to develop along the way.

DECK USED:  TERRESTRIAL TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What does this time of year mean to me?

Dark Angels Tarot

Reading Summary: Gearing up for the busy season with no time to waste (Knight of Pentacles Rx). Change is building into the new reality for the next few months (Death). Struggling to spend as much time as possible with Gideon in preparation for the busy season officially starts (Two of Cups).

Take Away:  There are a lot of spiritual connotations that are a part of this time of year, but in truth?  What this season really means to me is that it’s a time of “changing gears”.  As much as I love the shift in weather, the opportunity to get out in nature more, the thinning of the liminal veil between spiritual planes, etc… what this time of year means more than anything?  Is that it’s time to prep for my busiest time of year, which looms in the near future like a giant trying to hide behind a tree and failing at it miserably.

DECK USED:  DARK ANGELS TAROT

Don’t Be a Sad Sack

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I took a break from… well, pretty much everything for a couple of days. So I have nothing to say here other than I’m getting back on track now (Sunday September 27th).   I -did- meditate yesterday… but honestly?  I can’t remember a thing about it other than the fact that I did it.

Botan Tarot - Five of CupsToday’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of disappointments, regrets, and all around an attitude of apathy and/or pessimism. 

Honestly?  Talk about calling my ass out right?  Because I’ve been a cranky ass sad sack motherf’k’r for the past few days.   I know it’s the drop and I get that, but jesus I’m just a mess and it’s definitely showing.

The message in today’s card is about looking beyond the crap that’s dragging you down. It’s about gratitude and appreciation for that beautiful stack of four unbroken cups behind the one broken one that has snagged your attention.

An echo from my earlier bonus reading this morning… today’s message is about not allowing yourself to sink into negative emotions and thoughts.  Feel them, and then move beyond them to appreciate what you have that is good and positive and makes you happy.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question: How to better connect with my intuition?

Tarot of Reincarnation

Reading Summary:  Decisive action to make things better (Eight of Hearts), trust in the tools at your disposal (Magician), and release of the certainties that are not serving me (Tower).

Take Away:  This is about the balance I seek between my emotional balance and my work balance for the busy season ahead.  The cards here are telling me to let go of the feelings and certainty I have about that I have to choose one or the other.  I have all of the tools at my disposal to allow myself to adapt and move forward into a better future. 

The reading here is about trust.  Trust that I’m on the right path.  Trust in my intuition and its messages.  It’s about not allowing my fears and uncertainties to cloud my intuition’s voice. 

DECK USED:  TAROT OF REINCARNATION

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is something new I should try?

Archeon TarotReading Summary: Stop being such a sad sack (Five of Cups).  Take control of your inner narrative (King of Swords) and turn that shit around into positive progress (Knight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  There is a reason that this is “something new” to try.  It’s because that negative depression and pessimistic voice in my head is familiar and… that familiarity is comfortable even if it is not good for me.  Familiarity and comfort, in this instance, is the opposite of good for me and thus, the “something new” to try is both good for me and uncomfortable… but needs to be done.

That something new?  Is taking control of my inner narrative rather than allowing myself to sink into it.  The Knight of Pentacles says that in this being something unfamiliar, it might take a little time and practice to get it right… but it’s still good progress, no matter how uncomfortable or how long it takes.

DECK USED:  ARCHEON TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question: How have those who I surround myself with by choice contributed to my personal journey and values?

Art Nouveau Tarot c. 1989

Reading Summary: They have taught me to be more careful in what I say and how I say it (Three of Swords atop King of Swords Rx) when in the middle of speaking on those things I believe in (Seven of Staves), which creates a far more stable and strong foundation with which to approach from (King of Staves).

Take Away:  One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from those that I choose to surround myself with is how to communicate better with others. Communication, for me, often feels like a field full of landmines that I need to cross to get to the other side. Each word a footstep with the potential to blow up in my face.

As I’ve gotten older, those around me have helped me in learning how to present and discuss things in ways that are less confrontational or aggressive, which helps a lot in my communication with others in all aspects of my life.

DECK USED:  ART NOUVEAU TAROT c. 1989

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I stop taking criticism personally?

Samiramay Tarot

Reading Summary: Take control of your reactions through willpower (The Chariot). Don’t be so quick to jump to a pessimistic interpretation (Five of Cups) that ends up hurting my feelings (Three of Swords).

Take Away:  This is about slowing down and making sure that I’m looking at things from a more impersonal “out of my own shoes” view.  I need to remember that criticism also has an opportunity within it for improvement in most cases.  So instead of allowing criticism to strike at my heart with words, I need to look instead at what benefits and positive messages I can take from the criticism being given.

DECK USED:  SAMIRAMAY TAROT

You Are Not Alone

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was another of the harp strings meditations.  It was relaxing and comfortable, and time flowed quickly as if it had no meaning at all.  The shift in time during those ten minutes is really remarkable, and I have been tempted to bump the meditation up to twelve or fifteen.

Japaridze Tarot - Five of Tides - Five of CupsToday’s draw is the Five of Tides (Five of Cups) which is traditionally a representation of stress, struggles, tests, and trials in the areas of one’s relationships, emotions, or intuition.  This often communicates itself through themes involving grief (depicted very eloquently in this card’s image), as well as themes to do with one’s failures and regrets or pessimistic views.

Two elements stand out strongest to me in the imagery of this card today.  The first is the baby bump the woman is sporting. This speaks to me of temporary grief.  The emotions represented here are deep, as communicated by the deep cobalt color of the woman’s dress, but life will move on past this moment and moments of joy still exist in the future.

The second element is about the emblems on the three caskets closest to the bottom of the card.  To me, the moon represents pagan/esoteric religions, while the Star of David is a representation of Judaic religions, and the cross a representation of Christian religions.  The three of these speak to me of diversity.  They indicate that the emotions and experiences depicted in this card are universal.  They are something everyone experiences in their life at one point or another… and when in these experiences, you are not alone.

The message in today’s card is about weathering emotional storms with grace by looking forward beyond the moment for hope, and remembering that you are not alone.  Some of my readings this month have warned of some emotional turmoil over the next month, this reminder is one of hope and comfort.

DECK USED:  JAPARIDZE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJun2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care for this full moon?

Tarot of the Animal LordsReading Summary: There is a clear depiction of movement in these cards based on the colors.  On the left there is a darkness that as you progress to the right becomes brighter and more vibrant, speaking of moving away from the left and heading to the right.

Use your inner strength (Strength) to take control and move away from (The Chariot) inner turmoil (Three of Swords). Take comfort in your loved ones and those that you love and trust (Two of Cups).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that my self care this month is going to require that I take steps to turn away from those things and situations that cause me inner turmoil.   This “turning away” from is going to require strength to accomplish, as well as a strong hand and careful control to keep myself on track on this other path.

This is about that “all work and no play” issue that I constantly have going on and the slip up into that mentality that I slid into over the past two weeks.  It’s time to get that back under control and my commitment to leaving room on my plate for the good things in life back on track.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE ANIMAL LORDS

#TheJuneTarot Challenge by Lionhart
Question: How am I asked to honor myself during this full moon?

Tarot of a Moon Garden

Reading Summary: Enjoy what you have (Nine of Cups) and take a rest (Four of Swords)  It’s okay to disconnect for a bit as long as you don’t linger there too long (The Star Rx).

Take Away:  This advice isn’t so much about self care as it is about honoring myself, and the ways I am being asked (by the universe) to honor myself at this time. By taking some time to focus on my gratitude for all that I have and all that I’ve earned, combined with a bit of time disconnecting from my responsibilities while I rest and recover, I honor not just myself but all that I have accomplished up to this point.

I need to remember that life isn’t always about pushing forward constantly, but about enjoying what you have in the present.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF A MOON GARDEN

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is my favorite memory?

Everyday Witch Tarot

Soon after I emancipated my from my parents, my mother took me out for a ride in her little red Corvette one day. She told me that if I ever needed anything that I should call her, and when I told her that father wouldn’t like that, her response was “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him”.

At the time it made me feel very supported and loved and cared for.  Even though I would never have taken her up on the offer, just the fact that she offered made me feel as if I could take on the world.

I know now that that’s not how it was meant, and that she was just looking for an “in” so she could get her hooks into me and use me later. But, that doesn’t change the warm and supported feeling that lives within that memory even now.

DECK USED:  EVERYDAY WITCH TAROT

 

History’s Quicksand

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Appreciation of Progress

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and twelve seconds, and focused on when we experience intense negative emotions and how to deal with them in a calm, meditative manner.  The practice explored in this guided meditation is Michael Stone’s SAIN.   This is an acronym of guidance to work through the emotion in a mindful way.

Stop and acknowledge that the intense emotion is present.
Allow space for the emotion instead of pushing the emotion away.
Investigate where it shows up physically within our bodies
Non-Identification is the practice of observing the emotion without engaging with it or letting yourself -become- that emotion.

It was an interesting meditation, primarily because I already do this practice, but I’d never heard of Michael Stone or SAIN.  Or, well… sometimes?  I’ve skipped the “Allow” part, I think, though.

Today’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is a representation of tests, trials, challenges, and “harshness” in the area of the emotions, creativity, and relationships.

The appearance of the Five of Cups today is a reminder of where I’ve been.

This is a very fitting message for today, because later today I have my bi-monthly appointment with my shrink. The last time I visited her office I was in the middle of my depression and struggling. She was the inspiration behind these daily draw posts I do here on this blog, which are used to help me in finding perspective and something positive to add to each day.

In fact, during my morning devotional, this is exactly what I asked for during the shuffle before my daily draw… A positive message to carry with me throughout my day and provide perspective.

Today’s positive message is to look at how far I’ve come and how well I am doing, and that it’s important I don’t forget the dark place that I came from or disregard the progress I’ve made.