Vulnerability and Trust

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and… I did it twice.  I was actually trying to fall asleep, as for some reason I was having a lot of difficulty in that area this morning.  I didn’t manage to fall asleep during either of those meditations, although they were very relaxing.  And I did eventually manage to fall asleep for a few hours some time after that.  I’m still feeling a bit sleep deprived, but much better than earlier before the nap.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is The Magician card of the major arcana, which is traditionally interpreted as (essentially) “the man with all the tools”.   The card is about confidence and resourcefulness. The Magician is about having the tools necessary to do whatever needs done, and the skill to wield them as needed along the way.

I just have to say… I love this card’s imagery.  I love the Satyr helping the little lamb to get out of the tree’s branches.  It shows both gentleness and kinship, but also strength and surety.

The lamb, specifically, caught my eye today.  And the hands of the ram.  There is kindness and capability in those hands, and an aching vulnerability in the visage of the lamb.

The message in this card is to trust in the one you know can help you.  Trust in the one that has the strength and the gentleness and the loving care to help you.

Today’s message is about trust, and about putting yourself into the caring hands of the one you trust when you are feeling vulnerable.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
I’m struggling to maintain motivation.
:  What single, small change can I introduce into my routine that would most benefit my goals moving forward?

Star Seeker Tarot

Reading Summary: Despite my fears and anxieties (Nine of Swords) , continue to make a conscious daily choice (Two of Swords) to grow and move forward (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away: Sometimes it’s not about the things we do, but the thoughts we keep. When feeling vulnerable, it can be hard to stay open and continue to advance on one’s desires and goals. Sometimes the biggest and best thing we can do is make sure we are checking in with ourselves and making sure to stay open… make sure that walls are not coming up and closing you off. The message here is about mindfulness and self awareness.  It is a small change with a huge and important impact on the long term growth you seek.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Free Day!  Pick a spread you’ve been curious about and try it out.

The Fifth TarotWhat doubts need confronting?

I was raised to always seek perfectionism from myself.  To demand it.  Directing my energy into this idealism has become not just a habit, but a compulsion that creates self doubt concerning my skills and abilities.

What ideal needs releasing?

Let go of the expectations of what your mother could be or should be.  You want a new start and a relationship filled with love and support, but this is not who she is and it never will be.  Expecting this from her is futile.  Her heart is not open, nor is it the bud preparing to bloom… instead, it is the withered bud folding in on itself.

What do I need in order to accept my present self?

Patience, tranquility… and most of all, alone time. This isn’t about self reflection as it is about finding peace and allowing time for all that you have learned and discovered to sink in and settle into calm waters.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
invest:  time // money // love // patience

Wheel of the Year Tarot

Invest TimeAce of Wands – In developing new skills and passionate pursuits. I recently ended up putting the wood burning project I’d been practicing for on the back burner. Perhaps it’s time to pull it back out and play with it a bit more. Some more exploration and experimentation is in order and could be fun.

Invest MoneyQueen of Pentacles – Literally… invest money.  Tuck some of that cash that you’re making right now away to replenish what’s been used over the past few months.

Invest LoveThe Hierophant – Sometimes being a guide to others and teacher requires applying a bit of loving understanding. In this case, I need to take time to make sure I’m investing a bit more love and kindness than is my normal into my client readings.  Someone desperately needs to hear it.

Invest PatienceQueen of Cups – In yourself and others. Compassion is important, and a part of compassion is allowing space for people and providing them with room to speak their truth. Being a good listener is an extremely important part of interacting with others.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  How can I maintain my creative flow?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Give less weight to your mothers influence (Mother of Swords Rx), give more weight to Gideon’s influence (Father of Cups)… and have confidence in your hard won skills (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The crap blocks my creativity most strongly is the shrinking, constricting pain that happens in my stomach whenever my mother’s claws manage to tear a chunk out of my insides.  Your comfort… your influence… your love is the balm to that pain and those wounds.  You lift me up and remind me that I am good and capable and more than just meagerly talented but innovative and skilled in my craft.


Gratitude Is An Offering

Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and attached to the end of my extended yoga / physio practice that I did this morning.  It was a good idea to give it a day between sessions of the new routine in order to let my muscles ease a bit.  I’ll continue the on-again off-again schedule for the next few weeks.   I don’t plan on making the added routine permanent, but I think that until I can get back to the chiropractor on a regular schedule it’d be a good idea to continue on with it.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Madre of Earth (Queen of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, manifestations, and the physical world. This often translates into a theme of nurturing energy that is both strong and supportive.

I know that in the guidebook for this deck, it says that the hands holding the bowl are making an offering to deity, but when I look at the imagery on this card today, I do not see an offering…. I see an expression of gratitude as those hands accept a gift from nature.

Larrea tridentata (Creosote bush) is definitely one of those things to be grateful for in nature.  It is an extremely useful plant that survives in places and climates that most plants can’t.  It is antimicrobial, fever reducing, and useful in treating a vast array of different physical ills from diarrhea and sinusitis, to general pain complaints and arthritis, anemia, and even stomach cramps.

The message in today’s card is about gratitude and respect.  You don’t take what is not sustainable, and you always show gratitude for what is given and used. This form of respect is something that seems to be lost by so many these days, and forgotten by society at large.  The message here today is to not allow yourself to be one of those that forget. Practice gratitude, be mindful of what you take and what you use, and always show respect for what has been given and where it comes from.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
I’m struggling to maintain motivation.
:  How can I accept that willpower is a limited resource?

Dixit Cards v4 Origins Expansion Pack

Reading Summary: Remember all the times that you have intrepidly move yourself forward (Left Card) even when you were out of your comfort zone (Center Card), and how it is so anxiety ridden to be there (Big Eye… Worried Fish). And how refreshed you feel after taking a rest and some time in Gideon’s care (Right Card).

Take Away:  This is about knowing when to yield.  You can push on and push and push and push yourself until you’re a mess of anxiety and tied up in knots, but sooner or later you -have to- let go.  That makes willpower not a personality trait, but a skill or ability.  And like all skills and abilities?  They require times of rest and recharging.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Tarot MaddonniThere was once a young king named Keern, who ran his kingdom with great love (King of Cups). Sometimes he felt overburdened (Ten of Wands), but he chose to push through these feelings and direct them into providing strength (La Force) to his kingdom by protecting all within his realm (Nine of Wands).

And yet even then, he felt disenchanted (Four of Cups) and alone (Nine of Coins)

Although he was a very picky man (Judgement), he decided it was time to take a wife. And so King Keern began to seek out someone with similar ideals to his own they could help him foster and nurture his people (The Empress).

He met with many women, and there were so many more to choose from! There were so many, in fact, that his search became a burden in and of itself (Seven of Cups).

Then one day on his search, Keern met a poor man down on his luck (Five of Coins) named Heste, who encouraged him to sit down and discuss his problems. The king had love in his heart for all his subjects, and did so.  At the end of the discussion this man helped him to see that he was going after what was expected of him rather than what he really wanted (The Pope).

This conversation helped the king to realize that the heart wants what the heart wants… no matter what others think. Seeing things from this new perspective, Keern then changed his tactics and purpose (Hanged Man).   He opened himself up to more options, and in the end he found his true love among not the women of his kingdom at all.   Instead, it was the wise peasant with whom he’d spoken to that day he found his mind and heart drawn to, and so Keern brought Heste home to the castle to take on their future… together (The Lovers).


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
dream // plan // manifest

Women of Science Tarot

DreamTen of Nano – Emotional fulfillment is something that I can’t even imagine, but I do hope for.  I think that perhaps once I have gotten to a point where I’m more comfortable with my emotions that this dream will be more easily realized… rather than a concept that “sounds good”.

PlanKnight of Nano – Moving forward emotionally is often just like moving forward in any capacity.  Sometimes?  You have to factor in a bit of planning.  I’m in the process of finding “comfortable” with the new emotional levels I’ve grown into over the past few months.  Having a plan in place to allow that growth to settle in might be a good idea to consider.

ManifestTwo of Macro and Eight of Astro – Allow yourself to see the blockages that are self created and standing in the way to getting your new balance of responsibilities set into place.  If you want to make this new balance a reality, you need to be open to those self restricting beliefs and behaviors that are still holding you back.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  How will I know if I have achieved my creative calling?

Psychopomp Tarot

Reading Summary: Elements that will be present include inspiration to move forward (Two of Wands), a sense of connectivity with myself and the universe (The Star) and  And a feeling of balance and rightness in my direction (Justice).

Take Away:  When it all comes together and feels right?  That’s when you’re in your element and have hit that mark.  This is about how it feels in the moment and like the two hands that paint each other in the Two of Wands card, this calling is not stagnant or permanent, but ever changing and cyclical. What is my creative calling ten years ago may not be my creative calling ten years from now… and that’s okay.  As long as it feels right.


Reigning in Distractions

Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long, and came after the second prolonged yoga/physio routine.  It was another of the harp strings with interval timers, but as with last time, I added in some extra stretching to help ease some of the tension of the new yoga work I’m doing.  I didn’t do the extra work yesterday, and I won’t tomorrow. I want to ease into it so I’m doing it every other day for the time being.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is Four of Water (Four of Cups) which is traditionally a representation of emotional reevaluation of a situation, meditative contemplation, or withdrawal which on an emotional level  can turn into an apathetic outlook.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card is all the motion and movement.   This is not something that I really associate with the fours of… well, any suit, really.   Fours, to me, are about stability and so all of the movement seems a bit counter-intuitive to the traditional meaning of this card.

The other thing that stands out to me in this card, though, is that the dogs on this card are wearing collars.

The movement combined with the collars brings my mind to the swirling of thoughts that go through one’s head when they can’t settle. And so maybe this does tie back to the traditional meaning after all, because what I see here in this card is the constant attempts of the mind trying to interrupt times of meditation. This is something that happens to everyone, and when we catch ourselves in the middle of meditation that is being interrupted by stray thoughts or emotions, we grab on to the “collar” of those thoughts and tug them back in line.   And yet, they always start running around again soon enough.

The message in today’s card is about accepting that this happens, and that it’s normal that this happens. It’s okay that the mind wanders during meditation as long as you catch yourself and bring your attention back to center again… no matter how many times it takes.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m struggling to maintain motivation.
What aspects of my current routine might be helpful in achieving my goals?

New Palladini Tarot

Reading Summary: My self-defeating behaviors (Five of Swords) are actually a powerful tool (The Magician) in fostering hope and spiritual awareness (The Star).

Take Away:  This is a reminder that not all of my goals are centered around financial stability and security.  Growth in those areas is great, but my distractions and self-defeating behavior (such as slacking off, sometimes falling behind, etc) in these areas also opens myself up to those other types of growth that need to take place. 


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:
  Is morality relative?

Tarotbot TarotReading Summary: Some things are constant no matter where you are or who you are (The Sun).

On the other hand, some things are more about inner perceptions (Four of Wands) and experiences (Ten of Swords). These things are relative.

Take Away:  Like the sun in the sky and the need for life on our planet to be nurtured by it, some things are universal and that includes some aspects of morality.  On the other hand, there is a great deal of morality that is based upon perception and experience, either through individuals or through societal experience.

The cards indicate that morality is not a whole, but rather is a conglomeration of pieces that are brought together through both universal values and personal/societal experiences.  So it is both relative in some areas… and not in others.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
absolute truth // opinion // misconception // lesson

Midcenturian Tarot

Absolute TruthThe World and Wheel of Fortune – All life moves in cycles.

OpinionTemperance and Eight of Cups – Walking away from something is the same as peaceful restraint.

MisconceptionKnight of Cups – Emotions don’t have to be full on all the time.

Don’t forget that the experience of one’s emotions is subjective to the person experiencing them and the memory of those emotions is influenced by what comes out of them.

LessonFive of Cups Rx – Letting go of pessimism and that inner narrative of negativity in order to choose a lighter path.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  What am I being called to create now?

Evolution Tarot

Reading Summary:  You can create balance in your relationship with your responsibilities (Two of Coins) if you’re willing to practice patience and allow for your growth to continue at a slow pace (Seven of Coins). Enjoy your time with those nearest and dearest to you (Two of Potions), and give yourself space to grow (Page of Coins).

Take Away:  What I am being called to create right now isn’t about manifesting a physical item in the world, but rather I am being called to create space within my life for growth, and patience to allow that growth to take place by spending time building my relationships with those I love rather than focusing on pushing forward and rushing things.


The Dip in the Cycle

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was one of the harp strings meditations with interval timers.  I was right yesterday, when I said that I would be more sore today than usual after I upped my yoga/physio practice and extra stretching.  I think it was a good choice, though.  My body had become used to the normal routine, so it’s good to mix it up just a bit.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is The Fool card, which is traditionally interpreted as a representation of innocence and carefree enthusiasm.

The Fool is all about new beginnings, and what better symbol to use for The Fool that the Dandelion.  This is an herb that crops up seemingly on its own, and crops up… and crops up… and crops up.  It multiplies like crazy, flourishes again and again and has a life cycle that returns to be renewed over and over.

Metaphysically, the dandelion is about surviving through challenges and difficulties by rising above through the power of warmth, positivity and hope.

The message in today’s card is to reach for that positivity… reach for the optimism and the hope.  Remember that the subdrop, like all unpleasant moments of emotional upheaval, is just a phase in a cycle that is mostly good.  Almost all good.  But every cycle has to have a dip somewhere along the path.  It’s temporary, and you’ll be rolling back around to somewhere more positive soon enough.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Take For Myself / Give To Others

Aquarian TarotTake For MyselfNine of Pentacles – You need alone time in which to enjoy the fruits of your labors without others around to distract or otherwise detract from the experience. There’s nothing wrong with this, so take that time when you need it.

Give to OthersThree of Cups Rx –  This fits in with the “take for myself” part of the reading, as it speaks of allowing others to go have their fun without me. You don’t need to be there for everything and you don’t really want to be even if you could.   So let go of the feeling of “slacking off” or “neglect” that comes up whenever you leave everyone to their own devices and go off on your own.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
  practice // practice // practice

Minchiate Etruria Anima Antiqua

Aquarius and Three of Cups RxPractice at optimism. In the Minchiate Etruria, the Three of Cups is about a favorable turn of events, or an unusual and unexpected circumstance. The Aquarius is about having an open mind and open heart. Together, these two cards are an encouragement towards optimism, and making sure that you look for the positive opportunities presented through unexpected events.

Four of Staves Practice at attuning to the “harmonious” coming together of different energies and forces.  Sometimes when things come together, they do so like pieces of a puzzle falling into place. Don’t take these moments for granted or let them to pass you by. Instead, pay attention and learn how to better identify when opportunities are presented through this union of harmonious energies.

House of the Devil (The Tower)Practice trusting in things to balance themselves out when in the middle of chaos.  Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and all the cacophony of sudden change.  It’s important during these times to remember that this shit is temporary.  It’s a shift.  Like an earthquake shifts the earth, and then the earth settles into a new configuration afterward.  So too does the calamity and chaos of change settle into a new configuration of reality.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  When am I most creatively confident?

Student Tarot v4 Godard's Birds

Reading Summary:  When I actually make the choice (Two of Swords) to make the time for creative writing (imagery in the Six of Cups) with Gideon (The Lovers and The Empress).

Take Away: Gideon is expressed here by both the Lovers and the Empress, because he represents both of these themes to me at once.  He is my love, my choice, and my committment.  He is also my comfort and my encouragement.  He provide me these things along with his love and his support, while still fostering my own strength at the same time.

It makes sense, then, that when I am creating with him, it would be one of the times when I am at my most creative.  We create worlds together, lives together, stories together. We bounce ideas off of each other, and weave those ideas and our mutual creativity together into wondrous expressions of our emotions, our dedication, our passions, our desires, and our love for each other again and again.


Another Way

Today’s meditation was a bit longer than normal at fifteen minutes, as I added on a few extra stretches to my piriformis stretching.   It was just a quiet meditation, and I had a bit of trouble focusing, which is fine.  I’ve picked up my yoga practice a bit, so the piriformis stretches are a part of that .  I expect to be a bit sore over the next few days.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Mercury card, which is a part of the oracle cards that are included in this deck. Although I am not really strong in astrology, I do know that Mercury rules over communication which is why when Mercury goes into retrograde so many people freak out and so much seems to go awry… once communication goes off the tracks? Everything else soon follows.

When I look at this card, I get very confused. Somehow skulls and face with one eye and a smile and a hand and snakes and ribbons and long tongues and…. it all gets messed up in my head when I look at the imagery on this card.  It’s a fucking clusterfuck mess, and i can’t seem to ever piece out the imagery to make sense of what I’m seeing.

In fact, what I see in this card’s imagery today is… not really there at all. Because when I look at this card, I see a nude figure curled into itself made out of the hand in the upper right hand corner, and the curvature of a bare spine from shoulders to hips out of the lower left skull.

What I see in these things that are not really there is vulnerability and a need to retreat from chaos.  Today’s card is a reminder of this.  Of the fact that when I feel vulnerable that I have a tendency to try and curl into myself and away from the chaos.  It is a reminder that that is the old way of doing things… and I’m learning another way.  A better and healthier way.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
  I’m so burnt out all the time.
How can I rest more effectively?

Tarot of the Journey to the Orient

Reading Summary: Learn from the new knowledge that you’re gaining emotionally to guide you (Knave of Chalices) instead of falling back on the fire that is sparked through conflict (Five of Wands) and charging ahead (The Chariot).

Take Away:  This is about managing my energy in a more resourceful way.  Instead of spilling my energy all over the place and using the flash fire of passions to drive me forward, I need to seek a gentler way of motivating myself so that it is easier to unwind from that motivation to rest more easily.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
How can I become more sure of myself?

Karma TarotReading Summary: Move away (Eight of Cups) from the belief that you have to be the end-all be-all and be able to do everything all the time (The World). Take some self reflection and allow those things that really aren’t any of your responsibility to fall away (The Hermit).

Take Away:  This message has to do with more than just my actions and physically taking on too much, but also my sense of inner responsibility. I need to remember that I am ultimately only responsible for myself.  This is because when I take on more than I can handle, or responsibilities that are not mine to take on, when I then fail, stagger, or struggle… my inner critic uses this as fodder to tear myself down through it’s negative inner dialogue.  That inner dialogue is all about being a failure, and I shouldn’t be taking that on for things that aren’t my responsibility in the first place.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
hold your ground // step aside // share the path

Slavic Tarot

Hold Your GroundFive of Cups – Against your depression and pessimism.

Step AsideTen of Coins – From the responsibility of balancing everything on your shoulders… sometimes they’ll flourish just fine on their own without your stressing over them.

Share The RoadTwo of Swords – With the fact that sometimes you do have to make difficult decisions even when you don’t want to. That’s OK. Just be well informed first.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  When am I least creatively confident?

Albano Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: When joyous fun (The Sun) is torn down by selfish words (Queen of Swords Rx) by someone that should be a nurturing figure in my life (The Empress).

Take Away:  When I’m having my fun and/or expectations crushed by my mother.


Looking Out the Windows

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was another of the harps strings meditations with interval timer of chimes to help me through the stretching part of the process. It was very relaxing, and as often seems to happen these days when I meditate, I ended up in a bit of a nap afterward. Just saying? But having fruit in the house was a real motivator to get me going as well surprisingly. I was very eager to make myself my berry smoothie, so when I woke up there was no dawdling at all.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Four of Earth (Four of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of stability in hearth and home, finances and resources, as well as one’s health and manifestation goals.  This can also easily turn into a negative card if one takes that stability too far and becomes miserly or overly focused.

Although basket weaving is in the forefront and represents home and hearth to me as well as taking care of those you love, what really stood out to me today is the willow in the background. Medically speaking, its properties include use as an astringent and fever reducer, and the salicin in its bark is the active ingredient in aspirin.   Metaphysically, this tree is considered a sheltering protector and is associated with immortality through it’s reproductive abilities.

What I see as the message in today’s card is a combination of what sits in the foreground, and the willow that drew my eye to the background.  The willow is a protective tree.  It shelters many secrets within its shady embrace and protects them from discovery and harm.  So too does the Four of Earth offer protection through the sheltering protection of stability.

Just don’t get so focused upon that shelter that you forget to look beyond it.


#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
  I’m so burnt out all the time.
What can I do to remind myself that rest is important before I’m in desperate need of it?

Star Seeker Tarot

Reading Summary: Learn to recognize the signs (Page of Swords), and then seize steady and rooted control (King of Pentacles) to keep things balanced by using the tools at your disposal (The Magician).

Take Away: To make sure that I’m staying on top of when I need rest and when it is most important to my health and well being, I need to pay attention to the signs and not ignore them as I usually do.  Instead, I need to take them seriously and use them as a trigger to bring my responsible self forward and do what needs done to solve the problem before it becomes detrimental to me.


#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
  Do Spread #2
How can I make sure that I don’t backslide in my emotional growth from this year?

Dixit Cards v4 Origins Expansion PackReading Summary: The combination of colors that coincide with each other in the second and third cards, connect these cards together, whereas the complete difference in colors and shapes through the first card in relation to the other two mark it as an outlier.

In the first two cards we have a crazily swirling sea with lots of unknown monsters in the dark, and yet the child sleeps and the sailor continues to row his boat.  This indicates a need to accept that uncertainty happens.  The world within the spin of a roulette like wheel then continues that theme, saying that that the presence of uncertainty in life is a part how the world works.

The outlier card, stands alone, separate from the other two by form and shape, subject matter and colors. The figures are packed and moving on…. and this indicates that the uncertainty indicated in the other two cards does not mean that you can just pack up and walk away.

Take Away: The cards here indicate that my biggest hurdle to trigger backsliding is emotional turbulence and uncertainty.  My natural response to these things is to close up and turn inward, retreating from others and the world in order to pull up my “walls” and hide behind them.   In order to keep from backsliding in my emotional growth, I need to accept that uncertainty is a part of life and that retreating from it solves nothing.  Don’t run away, stay and see things through instead.


#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
what you project // what you take in // what lies deep within

Animism Tarot

What I ProjectThe High Priestess – Mystery in the knowledge of secrets. I found this card to be an interesting response to this question, but at the same time, it also makes sense considering my background and knowledge garnered from being a life-long pagan, fortune teller, and witch.  I think it’s more the “secret” part of the answer that gave me pause, as I’m always so willing to be open about my history and my knowledge, should anyone want to ask.

What I Take InNine of Wands – Energy.  I take in the energy of others, which is often defensive.  I didn’t realize this until recently when Kev did my Human Design System reading. A good deal of the reading rang true, and that included the part about my struggle to connect with others. When I rub people the wrong way, I feel that deeply as it is reflected back to me.  I’ve considered restructuring my shielding to deflect this, but I find the input helpful.

What Lies Deep WithinFive of Pentacles – Depression and pessimism.  As I mentioned in yesterday’s reading, I’m upfront about the fact that I deal with depression and have done so throughout my life… and yet when a depressive episode comes upon me, I work to hide it both from others as well as myself.  My pessimism is something I also try to hide, although it more often becomes apparent during times when I’m feeling especially grouchy.  These things live deep within me, and although I struggle with them and try to fight against them when they rise up?  I don’t think they can really be abolished so much as… managed.