daily positivity

I Was a Jerk

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was non-existent.  As anticipated, I pulled an all-nighter last night to get through my orders and get them out to be shipped today.  I then made the trip up north to check my mail and… god it was a long drive.  Even with J along to drive part of the way.

Getting home, even if I shaved a good hour off the trip by driving like a nutcase, all I could think about was sleep. So… yeah.  I slept.  A lot.  And there was no meditation.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the King of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of today’s card is the expression on the woman’s face in the picture, and the lotus that she cups in her hands. She’s seen it all, she’s been beaten down and yet still has the strength to keep going, and the compassion to hold space and gentleness for the delicate lotus.

There is empathy here, and that is something that I really lacked today.  I’m so sorry about being a dick and making you cry. I love you so fucking much and just because I was tired and riding a bit of an anxiety wave is no excuse for treating you badly or being a jerk. I love you.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What can I do to meet that need revealed in yesterday’s cards?

Monstarot

Reading Summary:  Own what you have done (King of Pentacles) with understanding (The Luminary) so that you can move forward (The World).

Take Away:  The need revealed in yesterday’s cards was about accepting the part that the past plays on our present and future instead of struggling against it.  Acceptance of this isn’t easy for me, but to meet that need head on I need to own my part in things and treat what has happened in the past with loving understanding and an open heart.  By not closing myself off to the influences of the past, I allow myself to move forward more smoothly into the future, and not end up stuck and stagnant.

DECK USED:  MONSTAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best advance on what was revealed in yesterday’s cards?

Big Things In Small Packages TarotReading Summary: Allow others to help you in getting things done (Three of Pentacles) so you don’t end up stuck in place (Four of Pentacles). Their help will create the motivation you need (Knight of Wands) while taking off some of the pressure you’re putting yourself under (hot tub imagery in the Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  Sometimes, even the smallest of things can feel like it’s just too much.  That overwhelm can create stagnancy as you hesitate to move forward under the pressure that is real regardless of being all in your mind.  By inviting others in to help, it takes some of that pressure off of you, and allows things to move forward more smoothly, creating momentum in the process.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Fire, when I am ready and willing to create, where do I begin?

Luminous Void Tarot

Reading Summary:  Make the choice (The Lovers) to go with what is familiar and what you are well versed in (King of Swords).  When you conquer these things (Five of Swords), it will give you confidence and success (Nine of Discs), as well as freedom to enjoy life rather than feeling under constant pressure (imagery in the Nine of Discs).

Take Away:  Although new ideas and projects are always shiny and tempting, sometimes when you start on a creative path, it’s the familiar things you do well that are more in need of your attention and more beneficial to your goals.  These familiar tasks are the path to success, even if you have to go to battle to get there.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What inspires me?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Collaboration in that I need someone to tell me when something is a bad idea (Three of Pentacles) so that my creative juices flow towards (Six of Cups) opening up to better methods (Nine of Wands Rx).

Take Away: I’m inspired by roadblocks.  I’m inspired by those that give me constructive feedback that allows me to search for answers and grow instead of shut me down.  Being open and not defensive with those that help provide me with this type of feedback stoke the creative fire within me that allows me to stretch my creativity and abilities.

DECK USED:  HILDA TAROT

A Sense of Community

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long and was very restless and uncomfortable.  It wasn’t pain that was causing it, but the fact that I knew I had a lot of work to get done and just could not manage to put it out of my mind long enough to get in a peaceful ten minutes.  Hopefully I won’t be pulling an all nighter tonight, and will have a chance to do a do-over before bed.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the Three of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of collaborative efforts in the areas of finances, resources, home life, health, and  manifestations.

This card’s imagery takes this from the scope of small groups collaborating with each other as is often where the mind first goes when seeing the traditional imagery for the Three of Pentacles, and opens it up into a community scope, which I really like.  It allows for a larger perspective, and encourages one to look beyond more minimal interpretations that you usually see come from the Three of Pentacles.

What I feel is the message of this card today is that it takes a community to create a community.  It takes people willing to come together to support a singular goal.  And, I think that this is something I want to discuss with L, because I feel like I want to encourage her to volunteer to be a part of our building’s council.

There’s been a lot of distance and lack of communication lately where the building is concerned, and I have a feeling she’d be a good addition and terrific at helping in getting the building back to feeling like a community again.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What pressing need of mine am I overlooking?

Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary:  Both slow growth (Seven of Pentacles) and eventual success (Nine of Pentacles both require A certain amount of controlled finesse.

The yellow combined in the second and third card creates a connection there that indicates we often need to look back at the past in order to build towards the future, and once success is obtained you need to continue to have an awareness of the past, but juggle it with future vision.

Take Away:  This is a direct response to my rant yesterday about the influence of parents on your foundation. The cards here are indicating that no matter how much you grow or how far you move forward in life towards something better, those things that made you bleed from your past are still going to be an influence and continue to be relevant.

DECK USED:  STUNNING TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Retreat / Hold Ground / Advance

Encore TarotRetreat – Three of Swords – Retreat from the pessimism and negativity that have the ability to draw me down into the pit of despair and depression.

Hold Ground – Page of Cups – Hold my ground with my creative endeavors. Explore and have fun with it and don’t allow it to become too staid and serious.

Advance – Knight of Cups – Advance in my emotional growth. Pay attention to those things that make me feel good and create a positive emotional response… and go after them instead of disregarding them as frivolous.

DECK USED:  ENCORE TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: How can the element of Fire boost my (creative) energy?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: Allows me to identify my hearts desires (King of Cups), and use both my heart and gut (imagery in the Nine of Pentacles), to go after what I want and achieve my goals (Ten of Pentacles).

Take Away: Fire allows me to identify what my heart and soul wants. Rather than getting wrapped up in the mind and logic, the fire in my soul gives me the spark to go after those things and manifest them into reality.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What drains my energy?

Alan Tarot

Reading Summary: Impatience (Eight of Clubs) concerning my creative endeavors and explorations (Page of Hearts). I’m not giving myself enough nurturing rest (The Empress).

Take Away:  What is currently draining my energies is twofold.  First and foremost, is the lack of rest and nurturing care directed toward myself.  Added to this is the fact I’m pushing too hard.  I need to spread out my efforts over a longer period of time instead of cramming them into a single day twice a week and pushing myself on those days until they turn into an all-day-and-all-nighter.

DECK USED:  ALAN TAROT

Paws Off The Mixing Bowl and Whisk

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was… extended into an impromptu bathtub nap.  I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but it happened and I woke up in cold water, so I was asleep for at least a half an hour or more.   Fortunately I did not end up snorting water, and I clearly also did not drown. Both very good news.   I also realized part of the reason that I don’t soak in the tub more often.  It’s because I hate getting out.  I absolutely love being in the water and seriously?  My skin is super soft afterward… but I hate getting out.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is the Maker Ten (Ten of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of completion, fulfillment, and “spreading the wealth” of your accomplishments among others close to you in the areas of finance, resources, home and health, and manifestations.

The imagery in this card reminds me far more of a King of Pentacles than the Ten of Pentacles, primarily because what stands out to me in this card is that everyone appears to be bringing offerings to the Fae on the throne in the process of being crowned.

When I think of the Ten of Pentacles, I think of a more “share and share alike” atmosphere, although I see the message clearly in having changed the imagery up like this.   At least the message that is there for me today, at any rate.

The message here is that I’ve made it to a good place and it’s okay to feel comfortable and fulfilled.  It’s also okay to be in that place and let people do for me now and then.  I don’t have to have my fingers in every pot.  I’m so uncomfortable with letting other people do things for me that sometimes I forget I don’t need to take it all upon myself.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: How does devaluing my needs harm those around me?

Odd Hand Tarot

Reading Summary: If I’m spending so much time focusing on the distraction tactics (The Devil), then I’m not moving forward with my goals (Knight of Wands)… not even at a slow pace (Knight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Yesterday’s reading established that my method of devaluing my needs is by misdirection through use of addictions and bad habits.  By doing this, I don’t just slow down my progress, but halt it entirely.   When this happens it hurts more than just me, but those that depend on me to lead the charge as well as keep things stable and moving.

DECK USED:  ODD HAND TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
 Why is it so hard for me to not procrastinate on even the simplest of self-care activities?

El Gran Tarot EsotericoReading Summary: Emotional cracks in the bedrock stemming from childhood experiences create an opening for roots that dig deep (Ace of Cups Rx and Six of Pentacles).  These roots give life to an apathetic lack of enthusiasm (roots in the Six of Pentacles giving life to the flowers in the Five of Cups) and a self destructive desire to turn away from those self care activities (The Hermit Rx).

Take Away:  So essentially… self destructive apathy stemming from daddy issue related self loathing.  I have a bit of an issue with how so much shit seems to fall back to childhood trauma and parental crap.  I get it.  I understand it.  I fully grasp the concept that what happens in your formative years becomes a big part of your personal foundation, therefore affecting everything from personality to reactionary responses, to how we act, etc.

The thing is though?  I want to feel I have more autonomy than that.  I want to feel I have more control than that.   I understand that the control I want in these areas can only be won through self reflection and inner healing… I guess I just wish… I dunno.  I appear to be trundling my way into a round of shadow work that I just do not have the capacity to deal with right now nor in the near future. 

DECK USED:  EL GRAN TAROT ESOTERICO

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Where can I unburden myself to support my inner fire?

Pride Tarot

Reading Summary: You’re allowed to have some time to yourself (The Hermit). Don’t worry so much (Nine of Swords) about having to babysit every move everyone makes (The Emperor). You’re fooling yourself (Eight of Swords) if you think that they can’t do it themselves without your supervision.

Take Away:  I have a huge “mother hen” complex when it comes to the business and delegating work to others.  Even when others are doing the work, I worry and stress and feel the need to check on the progress and the quality again and again.  The cards are making it clear that this hyper-diligence is not necessary and I can let it go in preference for giving myself a bit more alone time and self care.

DECK USED:  PRIDE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What makes me happy?

The Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary: When I’m feeling self-assured in my creativity (Queen of Wands). When I take charge of collaborations with others and they run smoothly (The Chariot and Three of Pentacles). When I get new perspectives that allow for an expanded view (The Hanged Man).

There is a connection (via color) between The Hanged Man and The Chariot indicating that although I like to take charge, I find it essential for others to contribute their opinions and ideas to the task at hand.

There is also a color connection between The Chariot and the Queen of Wands indicating that I like a good deal of control and a bit of smooth sailing in my creative endeavors… not to mention success (Queen).

There’s a third color connection present between the roots of the tree in The Hanged Man and the Queen of Wands alongside The Chariot, which indicates that in my driven endeavors, I require a bit of stability.

Take Away:  Success, taking charge, and true collaboration between myself and others.   Both control and stability are extremely important in these matters, which extend beyond my business and into a variety of different endeavors that kindle my inner spark to flare up brightly.

DECK USED:  THE STUNNING TAROT

Hyunta… Yeah, You Heard Me

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and one of the harp strings meditations.  I had a bit of a problem getting still and staying that way.  I’m not sure why I was all fidgety today, but I just really struggled with staying still.  Not just in meditation either, but through my card drawing time, as well as the first hour or so once I finally sat down at the computer.

Next World TarotToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances and resources, home life, health, and manifestations.

This card screams hyunta to me. You’ve worked hard and  finally gotten what you so dearly have strive for and wanted, and now you’re stuck wondering… That was it? Is this it?  That’s all?  It’s a blend of both satisfaction, and keen disappointment.  (Actually, the term originates from that post masturbation glow of having stroked one out and achieved your pleasure but then being on the other side of it you find yourself feeling like something’s missing…. but the sense of accomplishment and disappointment is very similar.)

The message here in this card for today is that goals are something to aim for, but not something to kill yourself over as you try to get hit them. Because once you get there, then you have nowhere further to go.

This is why it is so often said that life is about the journey, and not a destination.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: How does devaluing my needs harm myself?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary:  It’s self limiting (Eight of Swords) to my ability to get a fresh start in going after my dreams (Page of Wands), taking control out of my hands  so that I lose my way (The Chariot) along life’s path (The World).

Take Away:  Devaluing my needs creates a cycle of destruction that is directed at my autonomy. It influences both my ability to see clearly and make good decisions concerning the direction I want to go in, as well as my ability to actually control my trajectory as a whole on my life’s path. 

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Weed Out / Replace With

Tabula Mundi in Minima TarotWeed Out – Six of Cups Rx – I need to let go of my fear that continuing in the path of allowing myself to have more rest and less burden is going to fuck up everything I’ve worked towards.  This fear is irrational and is not based in reality, yet my fear of shifting away from that mentality of being overburdened equals accomplishment and getting things done is holding me back from fully embracing my new path.

Replace With – Princess of Disks Rx – Continue to work at embracing a releasing of “industry”.  It’s okay to take some time for yourself, and it’s okay to enjoy that time.  Own your ability to relax and acknowledge that the world isn’t going to fall apart if you’re a bit selfish with your time and attention by directing it towards the self and self care rather than the business or the greater good.

DECK USED:  TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: What am I asked to create for myself starting this week?

Big Things In Small Packages Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get your shit together (Nine of Cups) and put your thinking hat on (The High Priestess) so that you can seize the reigns (The Chariot) and get moving at going after that new vision of the same dream (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  The new vision of the same dream mentioned here is about my business, and about how I have been trying to restructure how I do things so that I’m not so overwhelmed and overburdened all the time. In order to accomplish this new version of the same dream, though, there’s still some work that needs to be done.  Especially as we now head toward the end of summer and slip into the time to prep for the holiday rush.

This prepping process requires planning, but it also requires a lot of doing… and it’s that dynamic that needs to be picked up and run with this week.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is working for me right now?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: Taking things slow (Eight of Wands Rx) and letting my new emotional growth (Ace of Cups) have the time and space it needs to reconcile with my past and find the value in what has happened in my history (Ten of Swords).

Side Note: This is really interesting imagery for the Eight of Wands.  I understand the representation in the imagery, though.  The fact that sometimes?  Things just move too fast.

Take Away:  Although I fully accept the experiences I have been through, the new emotional depth I’m experiencing due to the growth I’ve been exploring this spring and summer has needed a bit of a reconciliation with those experiences. Because I closed all of these emotions off during those events in my past, I did not really emotionally process these things.  I understand that and the cards indicating that this process is both healthy and ongoing.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Morning Bonus Read – New Season, New Focus

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Welcome to Fall! (At least, according to some). This week, ask your divination tools about how you should be preparing for the Dark Half of the year, which starts at the next Sabbat.”

Pipmen Playing Cards

In what area of my life should I be preparing for rest?
Five of Diamonds

I am currently bereft of the physical supplies I need to make it through the holiday rush that will soon enough be upon me.  Now is the time to resolve this issue and start the long and tedious process of restocking those supplies that I can make ahead of time and have ready for the orders that will begin rolling in once we say goodbye to the harvest season.  For me, harvesting for the winter months is all about getting those things ready that I can stock up on prior to getting to that time of year where  being too busy keeps me from being able to up otherwise.

If I do not have these things in place in time, I will have no time to rest at all once the winter months arrive.   By getting these things ready now I open up my future self to a modicum of rest in the future that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to have.

In what area of my life should I be preparing to keep working?
Four of Spades, Five of Hearts

If I want to keep working, I need to respect the fact that I have to rest as well.  Not just in the future, but in the now.  It’s all well and good to get a jump on the stuff that needs to be prepped for the rush to come.  But it’s also necessary to take time for myself and allow myself the rest I need.  Overworking now will set me up for failure later when I need all the extra oomph and energy I can get.

This is the time of the year to start foraging. Where should I look in my life for an unexpected harvest?
Ace of Diamonds

This is about going through my supplies room and getting things put away.  I have more of the supplies that I need than I realize.  I’ve been slacking off on putting everything away in its proper place, and as a result I’ve lost track of stock on a few things.  The Ace of Diamonds in response to this question tells me I need to make sure I don’t order more until I’ve made sure that I need to.

DECK USED: PIPMEN PLAYING CARD

Conquering Pessimism

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was forgone for sleep.  A lot of sleep.  Like… way more sleep than I usually get or need.  Between pulling an all nighter last night and then sleeping away a good part of the day… and then taking a nap later in the evening that slept away a lot more of my day, I didn’t have a lot of time for much else and meditation did not make the list when weighed against food, pulling my daily cards, and spending some time with you before sleep once again took over. So… no meditation today and I’m not even going to try and fool myself into thinking I’m going to try at bed time because I’m tired and it’s not going to happen.

The ChariotToday’s draw is The Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as being all about controlled progress and triumph.  When I say “controlled progress” I mean that it is not about just control or just progress, but about the combination of both.  It’s about moving forward with your hands firmly on the reigns.

That said, what stands out to me in this card is the position of the Fae on the back of the pegasus.  Arms outstretched, head thrown back, to me this card speaks more about the triumph aspect of The Chariot than it does about the strength of one’s control or willpower along the path.

I see abandon here and the “Fuck YES!” of exultation.

The message in today’s card is to turn my attention to my accomplishments and take pride in those things.  Too often I find myself focused on my failings and struggles, but the truth is that I have just as many accomplishments as I do failings, and just as many things I do well and excel at as I do struggles.  It’s time to take a bit more control of my pessimism and negative self talk by turning my focus in a more positive direction.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with boundaries in my relationships.
Question: What role does guilt play in my struggle to create and enforce boundaries?

Hero Analysis for the Future #79 MHA Tarot

Reading Summary:  Theft of what doesn’t belong to me (Seven of Swords) leading to others feeling without what they want or need (Page of Swords Rx) and turning to me with judging eyes (Six of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  Sometimes when I create and enforce the needed boundaries that are healthy for me, I feel like I’m stealing away time or space that belongs to someone else, leaving them feeling bereft which I then worry will turn into judgement directed my way.  So really, the influence here is twofold.  It’s about the guilt of taking from someone else, and the insecurity of having their feelings about that turn people against me.

DECK USED:  HERO ANALYSIS FOR THE FUTURE #79 MHA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to work through my frustrations at this time?

MonstarotReading Summary:  Delve into my creative curiosity (Page of Cups) and allow it to carry me away (The Star) rather than focusing on only (Eight of Swords) the negative aspects and pessimistic views of what I don’t have or that isn’t working (Five of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It’s okay to have a little bit of pessimism, but not when it blinds you to all the good stuff and holds you back from connecting with your imagination and creative spirit. The thing is that pessimism is like a parasite.  The longer it’s allowed to survive and thrive, the more it grows, until it permeates your life and influences everything within it, creating blinders as it goes, so that the longer it thrives the narrower your view becomes.   Escaping that grip takes conscious choices and determination to embrace the more positive and lighthearted aspects of life.

DECK USED:  MONSTAROT TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Earth, how can I further support my personal well-being?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary:  The balancing of your obligations and responsibilities (Two of Coins) requires the help of others (Three of Coins).  Be the boss rather than the slave (The Emperor).

Take Away:  This is all about taking charge and delegating.  Don’t just allow things to build and pile up, delegate some responsibility to others to make sure that you aren’t left doing everything yourself.  It’s your nature to take on all the weight, but it’s not all yours to bear.  Take charge and show how you want things done, how you want them to go, and then hand over the task to others to complete for you.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I be more grateful?

Magic Tarot

Reading Summary:You need to look at uncertainty (The Moon) from a different perspective (The Hanged Man) that involves you in a place of balanced security (Four of Wands).

Take Away: So a lot of times when I (or anyone really) looks at their insecurities and uncertainties, instead of looking at them from “the outside” in a place of safety, we try to look at these things from inside the chaos and uncertainty.   This then tinges our perspectives.   If you can take a moment to pause, and step outside of the situation, it’s often much easier to see what’s going on more clearly.   This clarity allows for you to not just understand what’s going on, but identify the good and be grateful for it.

DECK USED:  MAGIC TAROT