Daily Focus

Finding Joy

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_4372Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I did a few minutes of deep breathing pranayama followed by a quiet, centered meditative state where I considered the question in this graphic that I came across in my feed on Instagram.

The question really struck a cord with me when I saw it, it really resonated and I feel like it needs more attention than just a passing thought.

There are a couple things that really came to mind for me when I thought over this question.   The first is… the sleep. Pre-pandemic, I was averaging about 3 hours of sleep at night, and then another 2-3 hours in the afternoon.   I have been sustaining this schedule (not without a bit of struggle) for…. ten… maybe fifteen years now.   The pandemic and loss of employment it caused opened up a number of hours to me that I would normally be working.  Hours that I filled (predominantly) with sleep.

It has been fucking glorious.  And, although I know when things get back to normal I will need to take those hours of sleep away and put them back to working?  I wish I could keep them. Just sayin’.

Second is the time I have been able to commit to my emotional growth and development.  This isn’t so much about extra time as it is about the ability to remain open for an extended periods without the need to protect myself or guard myself.   Because I am sensitive to energy, I (apparently, although I didn’t realize this until recently) usually run around in the world with a certain amount of energetic/mental/spiritual shielding in place.

During this time when I have been forced to let go of so much and remain away from most people more than usual, I’ve found that I’ve been able to ease those shields down a bit and this has had an interesting side effect of giving my emotions and inner self some “breathing room” much like someone taking off a body suit to run around nekkid instead gives the body/skin breathing room.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The ChariotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally interpreted as… well essentially it is the epitome of the Wands suit of the tarot, all rolled up into one and then spread out like peanut butter on toast throughout all of the different aspects of life.  This theme is one of control, willpower, and drive.  It’s about taking those horses by the reigns and pointing them toward the triumph you desire, and plowing forward with determination.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the expression of pure joy on the squirrel’s face as he drives the chariot forward.

The message here in today’s card is about enjoying what you do and not allowing yourself to fall into a mindset of seeing those things you do as a chore and an obligation rather than as a joy.

I struggle with this sometimes, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed.  I start to see the things that I usually take such pleasure and passion in as pain in the ass chores.  I have the blessing of being able to do something I truly love with my life, and being able to express the massive does of creativity I’ve been blessed with in a myriad of ways.  Today’s card is a reminder to take that creativity and enjoy it as I go about the day to day activities of my life.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: What aspect of myself am I keeping hidden that needs attention?

Mucha Tarot

Reading Summary: This spread is referring to my COTD message above. It has to do with limiting my  perspective (Hanged Man Rx) concerning my work (Eight of Pentacles) and ending up disappointed with the process as a result (Three of Swords).

Take Away:  The aspect of myself that is being kept hidden is the fact that I’m not allowing myself enough joy in my creative process to keep that spark of joy and interest alive in my work.   I need to work on focusing on the enjoyment of the process of creation and how good I feel in sending out my creations into the world to bring pleasure to others.   I’ve lost track of that a bit lately.

DECK USED:  TAROT MUCHA

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What secret do I need to let go of and set free?

The Fountain TarotReading Summary: This reading is also about that hidden discontent (Ten of Pentacles Rx) I’ve been feeling lately (mentioned in today’s COTD) concerning the menial and repetitive tasks of my work (Eight of Coins Rx).  The Empress speaks of a need to allow her kindness and nurturing to flow out from her (the green behind her and at her feet) and into these aspects where discontent has flourished (the green in the other two cards).

Take Away:  Instead of hiding how I’ve been feeling about my work concerning my home business, I need to let it out and treat it with kindness and understanding.  Consider how the items I create and send out into the world influences the lives of others, and allow that pleasure I give them to re-kindle my own joy in the process.

DECK USED:  THE FOUNTAIN TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What can I do to better cope with this time away from my ‘normal life’?

The Muse Tarot

Reading Summary:  It is a good time to work at bridging the gap (Muse of Materials) between the spark of ideas (Ace of Voices) and my intuition (The Priestess).

Take Away:  So often, the mind and intuition are at odds with each other.  Intuition whispers quietly, just barely able to be heard most of the time… while the mind shouts loudly and tries to run over everything with its voice.  

Spending time focusing on bridging that gap and allowing intuition to have its way (tip of the moon piercing the priestess’ palm… which bleeds light) will allow me to find a better balance and allow me to use my intuition and depths of inner knowledge to calm my brain down and keep it from overwhelming everything.

DECK USED:  THE MUSE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When I remain silent, what is blocking me from asking my partner for what I need?

Mythical Creatures Tarot by BabaStudios

Reading Summary:  The idea that if I let my freak flag fly (Hierophant Rx) that he will turn and walk away (Eight of Cups) and my bleeding heart will be my own doing (Justice).

Take Away:  This reading is referring to having hidden from you for so long just how much tarot and my spirituality was a part of my life.   It is about the fear I felt about losing you due to a lack of conventionality.   When I am silent, this is often the fear that holds me back.  That fear of you walking away and it being all my fault that it happened…. all my fault that my heart is bloody pulp on the floor.   Somehow, the fact that I am the one that destroys everything… just makes it all that much worse. 

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL CREATURE TAROT BY BABASTUDIOS

 

The Power of Optimism

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was attached to the end of my yoga / physio practice, as I was a little short on time today due to obligations to help an employer getting ready to re-open his business.

It was nice and relaxing, and honestly?  The yoga practice went a little more smoothly than I anticipated as well.  Usually I have a little bit more resistance in my hips and ribs when it comes to easing tension in the muscles.   Today, however, it seemed to ease smoothly in each position after just a deep breath or two.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - Ace of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ace of Pentacles, which is traditionally interpreted as an indication of new beginnings or new opportunities in the area of one’s finances, resources, manifestations, and the physical world.

This card is essentially the “seed” of the pentacles suit, and is all about potential, just as when you plant a seed within soil that practice is all about the potential that seed has within it.

So much stood out to me today in the imagery of this card, that I got a little overwhelmed with it all and it took me a bit to actually walk back and figure out what stood out to me first.  What first stood out to me in this card when I pulled it this morning was the fruit. Although the apples on this tree are not quite ripe yet, they are plentiful, and the symbolism of apples as a whole is one of abundance.

I see the message of this card to be one of optimism.   When you plant a seed, you never know what is going to happen.  You have to wait.   When you plant a tree from seed?  That wait can be a very, very long one and there are many stages of worry and concern involved from waiting for the sprout, and then caring for that sprout to make sure it survives.

Growing an apple tree from seed takes years and a good deal of care, and yet when it is finally established and matured enough to bear fruit, the prize is sweet.

So the message of optimism has to do with planting the seed… and keeping a positive outlook as you foster that seed into growth.  Whether that seed is better health, starting a savings account in the hopes of creating a substantial sense of security one day, or literally planting seeds to grow your own food. Stay positive, and that positivity will help that seed to become a seedling… and foster that seedling into growth.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better prioritize my needs without falling into guilt?

Mermaid Tarot

Reading Summary: Remember that everyone has needs, and that’s ok (Judgement). You’re human just like everyone else (Five of Pentacles) and you go through crappy situations, just like everyone else (The Tower).

Take Away:  The message here is that I’m not invincible, nor am I perfect.   I make mistakes like everyone else, and I struggle from time to time, just like everyone else.   It’s okay to need to take care of myself… because if I don’t take care of myself, then I’m of no use to myself, or anyone else either.   Our flaws and our vulnerabilities are a part of what make each and every one of us who and what we are… and along with everything else that makes us human comes the need for self care.

DECK USED:  MERMAID TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Philosophical Question – Is absolute freedom / free will possible?

Cosmos Tarot and OracleIntuitive Interpretation: Freedom is subjective (Sculptor) and is all about how you choose to perceive the world (Libra). A mentality of victimhood will never find freedom (Cepheus).

Take Away:  Wow.  Talk about just “dropping the bomb and walking away”.  *Chuckles*  This makes sense to me, though.  Everyone has a different definition of what “freedom” and/or “free will” actually is.

Those that focus upon the positive and choose a path of optimism are more likely to find their definition of freedom and be happy with it.  Meanwhile, those that choose to linger on the side of negativity and pessimism, on the other hand, will very rarely ever find freedom, because they will always be looking for something more or something different than what is right before them.

I write this as a pessimistic person myself, incidentally.   I work very, very hard for each and every one of my little nuggets of optimism.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What should I learn from this time away from my ‘normal life’?

Sun and Moon Tarot

Reading Summary:  How to reign myself in (Prince of Swords) while discarding what isn’t working for me (Eight of Cups) so that I can take better care of myself (Empress).

Take Away:  I’ve said this again and again… and the cards have said it to me again and again… but I push myself too hard.  I know it.  The cards know it.  Pretty much everyone knows it.

The lesson I should learn during this time when “normal life” is  a distant memory and not likely on the horizon for a bit of time to come is that I need to better organize and prioritize my responsibilities, and weed out those that aren’t working for me or no longer resonate with me. By doing this, I free up space in my schedule and my life to better care for myself physically, mentally, and spiritually.

DECK USED:  SUN AND MOON TAROT

 

Finding Meaning In The Ordinary

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was non-existent today because I spent some time in the hospital instead due to an allergic reaction from a bug bite.   I have no idea what kind of bug it is, but I had no idea that I was allergic to any types of bug.   Still, it was definitely an allergic reaction and… well yeah.  It took up a good portion of my day getting everything under control.  I tried to meditate while in the hospital but god that was just impossible.  At least not in the way that I usually do anyway.  I mean, yes, not all meditation is the same and you can meditate anywhere, but it just wasn’t as… refreshing as I’d have liked.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - The HierophantToday’s draw is the Hierophant card, which traditionally is a representation of tradition and spiritual wisdom shared with others.  It can also be an indication of institutions and conformity to expected norms.

It may be because the Hierophant card is my birth card, but I see the Hierophant a bit differently.  I don’t see institution or conformity. I see a teacher.  I see the energy of guidance and wisdom that is offered out to others.   This perception goes a long quite well with the aspects that stuck out to me in the imagery for this card today, as what really drew my eye today was the Viburnum carlesii in full bloom above, and the toad’s stately posture below.

Viburnum carlessi (Korean Spicebush) is a beautiful plant that is both fragrant and eye-catching.  It shares its celebration of spring with the world through the scent of its blooms, drawing attention to not just the beauty of spring but the freshness of the air and spring’s renewed spark of life upon the world.   The toad’s posture (as opposed to the toad itself) is what drew my eye to the toad.  It has a regal, posture of stillness and watchful patience that makes one think that he sees all and absorbs everything.

Both of these qualities combine to blend into a theme of taking in and absorbing the world around you, as well as finding hidden meaning in those observations.

When you do this, you then come to a place where you can share that meaning with others in a way that allows them to see what you see… and find meaning in the ordinary as well.   I take a great deal of joy in this process, and the message in today’s card is a reminder of just how much enjoyment I get not just from the teaching and guiding of others, but in the listening… seeking… and observing of the world around me, and discovering those hidden meanings for myself.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I use that success to remind myself of my strength?

Dixit v2 Quest Expansion Pack

Reading Summary:  I am protected (Left Card).  I am clever at avoiding obstacles (Center Card).  And I am grounded (Right Card).

Take Away:  I need to remember that in having pulled myself out of that place of destitution, imbalance, and struggle… I have gained the skills needed to help me avoid falling back into that situation again.

I have learned how to protect what is mine and create contingencies for when things go wrong.  I have learned how to think creatively in order to avoid mistakes and obstacles that could be fatal to my plans and goals.  And I have learned how create the solid footing in my finances and my life.

All of these skills are strengths that ensure that I will not fall back into that place of uncertainty again.

DECK USED:  DIXIT V2 QUEST EXPANSION PACK

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #3

Embroidered Forest TarotPositive Quality I Have That Others Admire: Introspection and the ability to remain unbiased and level headed.  Although my inner critic is vicious, people admire my ability to be honest with myself beyond just surface platitudes, and my ability to keep those judgements and criticisms self focused instead of turned outward upon the world or others.  My ability to remain unbiased and level headed fosters their trust.

Positive Quality I Wish I Had That I Admire in Others: The ability to be… satisfied, satiated, and feel genuine contentment even when things aren’t at 100%.  I spend so much time pushing myself to do more and do better that I find it extremely difficult to just “sit back” and be content.  This isn’t to say that I’m not grateful for what I have and appreciative of all the positive and wonderful aspects of my life…. only that I still feel the need to always push myself harder regardless.  I admire those that are able to step back and set that drive aside and covet that ability.

Steps I Can Take to Develop That Quality in Myself: It is a conscious choice that  requires letting go of disappointment in myself for doing less. It’s not enough to just “do less” and practice gratitude… but requires actually forgiving myself for being “lazy” and shutting down that inner critic that is the slave driver constantly pushing me in the direction of my ambitions.

Steps to Make My Current Positive Qualities Shine: Instead of creating a feeling of self-doubt and uncertainty within myself, accept that there are times when every positive quality is actually a negative… and every negative quality is actually a positive.  It is about how these qualities are perceived and used (or not used).

DECK USED:  EMBROIDERED FOREST TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question: What do I need to do to incorporate more positivity into my life?

I Tarocchi Visconti Sforza Piccolo

Reading Summary: Tools (Magician). Knowledge (Hierophant). Release (Three of Swords Rx)

Take Away:  Lean into providing guidance and knowledge for others and it increase your sense of satisfaction and optimism as a result.   Honestly?  Sinking into the role of guide for others has become extremely comfortable and pleasurable for me.

Once upon a time I used to do guided hikes in the rainforests near my home and teach others about the earth and the rainforest, the vegetation and the cycles of the forest.  When I lost my voice, this ended and there was a long period where the only sort of “guidance” I provided for others was through helping the farm I work for improve their land, providing advice for customers at the nursery I work(ed) for, and helping friends find a modicum of balance in life.

I mentored students in tarot here and there, but there was a long stretch where even that fell to the wayside.  Then more recently, I began to reach out through the internet into pagan communities and tarot communities.  I began providing perspectives, and at times guidance, for others… and I began teaching again.   Sharing the skills and knowledge that I have has given me so much pleasure…. and has unleashed from within me a sense of well-being that I had been lacking for some time.  The cards here are an indication that this path is a good one for instilling more positivity and optimism into my life on the whole.

DECK USED:  I TAROCCHI VISCONTI SFORZA PICCOLO

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I say no and be kind?

Light Visions Tarot

Reading Summary:  It’s like ripping off a band-aid (Eight of Wands)… just do it.  But, use patience when confronted with their reaction (Knight of Pentacles) and help guide them toward choosing (The Dancing Lovers) to see the positive side of the rejection (Five of Chalices Rx).

Take Away:  It’s not about saying no or doing it kindly. No is no…. and sugar coating it doesn’t protect anyone, it just waters down the message.  The key to saying no with kindness comes afterward and how you treat the person as they process the rejection.  To do this with kindness, it’s important to not leave them twisting in the wind, but encourage them to see how the rejection could be to their benefit.

DECK USED:  LIGHT VISIONS TAROT

 

Found the Ball, Now Get On It

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was… skipped.  Okay, so I know that it’s Self Care Saturday, but I totally skipped my meditation today. I have no excuse for skipping other than a lack of enthusiasm. I think it was a bad idea, though, as I’ve found myself dealing with being cranky and having a bit of anxiety all day long.  I will make sure to meditate when I go to bed, though.  I’ll probably fall asleep in the middle of it, but it’s better than nothing.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Five of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, and struggle in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, manifestations, and other aspects of the physical world.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the snow. The two critters move through not just heavy snowfall, but what looks to be a blinding blizzard.  Meanwhile, light glows from the window just behind them… but the question is, are they ignoring it?  Or is it possible that they just can’t see it at the moment?

The blizzard like conditions represented in this card speak to me of a need to look within for help rather than searching outside yourself.   If you simply can’t see the help available to you due to elements beyond your control, perhaps it’s time to do a little soul searching on how you can help yourself.

I need to get my taxes prepared and done.  I can’t take everything to the accountant until I do my part of things first.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: What obstacle have I overcome that deserves to be highlighted?

Tarot of the 78 Doors

Reading Summary: Finding a way to move forward and on to a better place in my life (Six of Swords) after changes came about (Death) that created a lack of security and feelings of instability (King of Pentacles Rx).

Take Away:  This is about moving out of my parents home. When I first emancipated from my parents home, the support system that I had used to get legal independence at such an early age fell through and I spent some time homeless and even more time living in a state of financial uncertainty that made everything I valued feel constantly at risk… including my life. I overcame that obstacle.  I finished school and put myself (almost) all the way through uni.  I worked hard and signed a mortgage and found a level of financial security and stability in my home.   This is a monumental feat that I really don’t give myself all that much credit for most of the time.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE 78 DOORS

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What am I ignoring that needs to be dealt with?

Mystical Manga TarotReading Summary:  I need to take control (King of Coins) and get my responsibilities balanced and organized (Ace of Coins under Two of Coins) so that I can better prepare for the continued ups and downs this year has in store for me (Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away:  My lack of stability and balance in my responsibilities is forcing me to miss out on positive opportunities.  It’s time to get my shit together and get done what needs done so the bit of extra space the cards have been telling me to make on my plate can be created. The Wheel of Fortune is my card for the year, and its presence here is both a representation of the ups and downs that have passed and are still before me… as well as the year as a whole.

DECK USED:  MYSTIC MANGA TAROT

 

Stay True To The Path

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes long and was attached to the end of my yoga/physiotherapy practice.   I went up north today to check the mail and I didn’t want to allow myself the chance of falling asleep during or after my meditation, so it was a better idea to incorporate it into my yoga practice instead of doing it on my own stretched out and folded up into a couple of stretches on the bed.   The floor is far less comfortable, after all, even with a yoga mat laid out.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - The EmperorToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally interpreted as a strong “father” energy or “boss” energy. This has to do with themes that involve being in a position of authority, or possessing a sense of stability, structure, and established control.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the banded agate rocks that the buck stands upon.  Banded agate has a lot of meanings and uses but it is most commonly known as a healing stone that reaches into the levels of the mind, body, and spirit to unify as it heals.  It is also a powerful against psychic attacks directed through harmful negative energy.

The traditional meaning of this card blended with the qualities of the banded agate provide me with a message about not allowing others to drag me down.  Keep my energy both positive and authoritative as I move through my day today and things will continue to go smoothly.  Step off this path… and you may fall into a tangled mess below.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I bring more alignment with self into my life?

Tarot Fauna

Reading Summary: Bring more restraint (Temperance) into both the juggling of my responsibilities (Two of Rocks) and allow for more acceptance (again, Temperance) of fickle nature of change (Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away:  The advice here is to add a little extra space to my plate… not to be filled up with things to do, but to leave a little bit of “wiggle room” in my schedule and in my pile of responsibilities so that when I need a little extra time and space, I have it on hand.  This is really good advice, and oddly similar to advice I gave in a reading to someone else earlier today with an entirely different question.

The truth is, though, that I do have a habit of piling so much on my plate that then, when I need a little space, I’m so overwhelmed with commitments and responsibilities that I can’t find it.   This starts a cycle of negative reactions and struggles that results in burnout (where I end up having to drop the ball on damned near everything) and then a recovery period after burnout.

DECK USED:  TAROT FAUNA

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Write something free-form inspired by the cards.

Stella's TarotThere was once a young fox who thought he had everything figured out.  He lived in a small forest filled with the security of family and friends, a plentiful amount of food (Ten of Disks).

So much so that the fox was able to be picky with his meals and often ignored the advice of his mother (Queen of Cups atop Four of Cups) to eat a diverse diet, instead choosing to eat his favorites again and again.

Over time, because the young fox had a sweet tooth that caused him to eat far too many berries and not enough meat, he became very sickly and unwell (Seven of Disks).

Then one day he saw his sister chasing after a rabbit. He was so fascinated by the joy she displayed as she ran and played (Knight of Wands), bounding after the bit of fluff this way and that, that he realized the error of his ways and was inspired to follow suit and learn from her how to take care of himself properly (Princess of Cups).

DECK USED:  STELLA’S TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What are my relationship deal breakers?

TaRat Rat Tarot

Reading Summary: Irresponsible with money (Page of Coins Rx). A bossy know it all (The Hierophant). Uncertainty and lack of direction (The Moon).

Take Away:  I’m actually surprised that stupidity isn’t up there. *Chuckles.*  Though, all of those things listed in these cards are definitely deal breakers for me.

1) I really can’t stand someone that is ultimately so irresponsible with their money that they can’t cover their responsibilities.  I see this behavior all the time and, while I don’t mind it in others as a whole? It’s not something I could ever saddle myself to, as I am far too focused on stability and security to tolerate that behavior when it might influence my own situation.

2) There is a big difference between someone who is dominant and wise…. and someone that’s just bossy and an ass.   I’ve found that although I thrive in relation to the first, and I would not be able to tolerate the latter. I’m too independent to allow someone with arbitrary demands have control over my life.

3) By the same turn, I am also too independent to tolerate being close with someone that has no clue what the fuck they think or feel or want.  This type of behavior drives me nuts, and it is something that I have often encouraged others to grow out of over time.

DECK USED:  TARAT RAT TAROT