daily draw

Yesterday’s Meditation and Draw

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OK… so yesterday was a bit of a clusterf’k and then I came home and you distracted me and I did NOT get to yesterday’s post. SO…. here it is, a day late.

Yesterday’s meditation was ten minutes (and a few seconds) long and focused on self-worth, not just in how we treat ourselves, but also in what we -allow- in our lives.

It was a good reminder to not allow other’s negativity to be absorbed and repeated through self abuse.

Yesterday’s draw was the Cheetah… aka, the Knight of Wands, which is a representation of an action based beta energy, person, or personality in the area of passions, drive, willpower, and ambitions. Knight cards are cards of action and forward movement.

The Cheetah on this card is described in the guidebook with the keywords of focus, power, conviction, awareness, passion, and courage.

Looking back on yesterday, I absolutely needed that “RAWR” energy of “plowing forward” towards my goals to make it through the day, and that is how I took the card when it was drawn in the morning (as a need for that sort of energy in my day ahead).

From the “Genius” Bar appointment… and I digress, but really. If you’re going to name yourself a GENIUS Bar, there should be f’king geniuses working there. Not idiots that don’t know how to do a damn thing and refuse to practice common decency, let alone good customer service.

Ok, from the “Genius” Bar, to the traffic, to the accidental falling asleep at the wheel, to the customs delays, to just…. everything yesterday while I was out and about. It was a damned mess. And without that passion and energy of the Knight of Wands at the forefront of my mind, the day would have been that much more difficult.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

The Dreamer’s Path

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on what they named the concept of “coming home”.   That is to say, that meditation is, in essence, the act of “coming home” to one’s body.  On focusing your energy inward and finding peace within for the length of your time in meditation.

I had a hard time with this one namely because of what they called it.   I understood and agreed with the concept, but every time the guided meditation spoke the term “coming home”, I was yanked from my meditation an brought back to memories of the past.

I’ve mentioned this before, but as a child, whenever my father’s negativity really brought me down and got me worked up to where I’d end up crying, I always retreated to somewhere small and private and repeated again and again in my head “I want to go home. I want to go home.”  Even now, those words illicit tears, and typing them made my eyes water up.

I don’t know where I got this from as a child. It just happened.   And it didn’t stop happening until I’d emancipated from my parent’s home and was out on my own.

So, today’s meditation was not all that relaxing, as you might imagine.   NOW in my life, I am home.  I am no longer that little boy searching for the safety and security of “home” that he didn’t have back then.   But for some reason, the phrase “coming home” caused me to revisit him again and again.   It was very uncomfortable, and I may try a different meditation later today.

 Today’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is a representation of progress, making choices, and the unknown, as well as looking outside the self, and the entrance of spirituality within the area of one’s emotions, creativity, intuition, and relationships. For example… being presented with choices and opportunities that have the potential to lead to progress.

The polar bear on today’s card is defined in the deck’s guidebook as representing fearlessness, independence, intuition, courage, patience, and balance.

What I see within this card today is daydreams and ideas that inspire creativity swirling in the sky, filled with possibility.   These possibilities require choices, but sometimes you have to take a moment to pause and listen to your gut to know which path to choose, and which choices are the best for you at this time, in this moment.

Today’s card is a reminder to pause and look over the choices instead of just going with whatever is the usual, habitual choice may be.  It’s a time for exploration of ideas, and seeking out what is calling out to me from within rather than with logic.

It’s a good message, and one I’m going to strive to incorporate into my day and today’s activities.

There is one decision that I have already made today, though, for my personal health and emotional well-being.  I’m going to stick with this deck, and put the Visions of Life Tarot away for now.  As much as I love the Visions of Life deck (and find it absolutely hilarious), the tongue in cheek humor is not speaking to me in the most positive of ways at the moment.  I may re-visit using it for daily draws in the future, but for now, I’m going to set it aside.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Scarcity Issues Redux

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on indecision, especially that which is spurred by fear of rejection.

I found the meditation itself very relaxing, but I didn’t really relate well to the topic of the day.  The only time I really feel indecision is when I’m in subdrop or feeling extremely vulnerable.  This means that my indecision is caused by something very specific, and is not due to some sort of fear or worry of rejection or the judgement from others.

I’m not sure how I developed this confidence, but I’ve never had an issue with judgement.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  There was a time when internally my soul bled due do the judgements pushed on me by my father, but even then… there was no indecision.  Not about my sexuality, not about what I felt was right or wrong, not about the things I liked, and the things I didn’t.  What my father contributed was to further teach me is the “what’s the worst that can happen” aspect (with reasonable common sense added in, of course).

You do what you want because…. what’s the worst that can happen?  Someone laughs at you?  So what?  Someone says no?   Well at least you asked and now you know.  Thinking of trying something new?  Yes, you might fail, but if you had fun along the way or learned something during the process (or from the results) then it wasn’t really a loss at all.

Today’s draw was yet again another double drop, with no jumper as they both came out together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Nine of Wands (Anxious) and the Five of Coins (Poverty).  I’m considering ceasing defining the cards for this deck, as I keep getting intuition hits before I reach for my knowledge of the suits in the tarot, or even read the key words on the cards..

This one was a no-brainer, and is pretty much the message that’s been coming through for a while now.  The repeat message is not a surprise, as it is a subject that I struggle with.

That is… scarcity issues.

More specifically, the obsession with ensuring I do not return to a place of poverty and desperation.

The cards today are reminding me that I am not poor.  I am not destitute.  Everything is okay and there is no need to be anxious.  That, in fact, the general anxiety I deal with may be a part of what keeps me in this mindset.

The repeating theme of this topic means it is something I need to look at deeper, and work on more diligently.  I think that this is not just a reminder, but an encouragement to take action and put some focus and work into finding ways to ease my anxiety in this area.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Its Better Together

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on the concept of gezellig, which is (apparently) a German adjective that means a kind of thing or activity that embodies a sense of joy or peace.

The guided meditation started out with a very broken down mindfulness technique or the breath that involves first focusing on the rise and fall of the belly, then the expansion and contraction of the ribs, then the rise and fall of the chest, before then focusing on how the breath moves like waves through each part. It was extremely relaxing.

After this, it spoke about the importance of adding activities into each day that help to restore the soul. These are things that bring you a sense of peace, joy, contentment, or fun. I think sometimes we all forget to do this, and forget to truly appreciate these things even when we do actually do them. I know that I am guilty of this.

Today’s draw is another double without a jumper. It is the 11th card in the Major Arcana, the Justice card (with chimpanzees), and the Two of Cups (with seals).

Today I’m not going to bother with traditional meanings because I got an intuitive hit (and currently riding in a car which means I’m flirting with getting car sick by working on this right now.

Today, the Justice card is telling me that we are going to get pulled over sometime today (or some other event that is going to deal with an authoritative figure and reckoning).

The Two of Cups is a reminder of emotional support. It says that I may either need it, or need to provide it, in relation to the above mentioned event. I’m traveling with J today, so we’ll just have to see how things go.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

What is Important

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty six seconds, and focused on finding that balance between hard focus and full release during a meditation practice.

This can be difficult in the best of times.  If you focus too hard on the breath or whatever you’ve chosen as your focus in the moment, then you are not reaping the benefits of your meditation’s relaxation… on the other hand, if you are too loose in your focus, your mind wanders and you do not experience the benefits of mindfulness during meditation.  In fact, if you are too lose in your focus, you may end up simply sitting and thinking quietly, or daydreaming, instead of meditating.

The guided meditation spoke on how the key is to adjust your levels of focus and relaxation much like a guitar player tunes their guitar before each time they play.

I really like the analogy, and the story that went along with it (which is where the analogy came from).  My meditation, over all, was quite relaxing, and I’m finding that my left hip is finally starting to loosen up a bit.

Today’s draw is the Six of Wands with the key word Triumph on the card. The Six of Wands is a representation of, yes, triumph, but also public and private achievements, progress, cooperation, and a sense of vitality in the area of one’s willpower, drive, passions, and ambition.

I often take a minute to read what is written in the Journey into the Hidden Realm (which is the guidebook for the Tarot of the Hidden Realm) even though that’s not the cards I’m working with.  The thing is that I love the little stories that are written about each card’s imagery, which are all very Human/Fae liminal space in their tone and earth based. In today’s, there was a line that really stuck out to me.

That line is… “This card promises not only that you will be successful but that you will utterly amaze yourself.”

I like that.

Many times the Six of Wands is seen as a card dealing with public accolades and accomplishments on a public scale, but for me that is not really the case.  I have no interest in any of that.  What I have an interest in is my own personal goals, my own personal sense of successes and failures.

The only time I really seek accolades is in the hope that the jewelry I create finds a home with someone that appreciates it.   Even then, that is not -why- I create, or why I sell.  I create for me, because I need that outlet.  It brings me joy and balance.   I sell my creations (aside from the finance aspect) because I want my creations to bring joy, comfort, or enjoyment to another and enhance their life in some way.

This is very important to me, and I think the inner examination in this post was the entire message of today’s draw of the Six of Wands.   A sort of…. getting in touch with what is important to me.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

History’s Quicksand

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot