daily draw

Write It Down

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9197Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching.  I’ve also added back in some of the forearm flexor stretches because things have been feeling like they’re tightening up there.

The focus of today’s meditation was about dealing with conflict, and I learned something new in the middle of it all.  I did not know that, after the adrenaline inducing incident has ended, it takes the body at least 20 minutes to purge that adrenaline back out of your system.

Anyway.  The conflict resolution thing was mostly about how sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and walk away, calm down, then come back in a more calm and rational mindset…. rather than speaking in the moment and saying something you will regret.   It included a quote that I enjoyed within the guidance that said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret,” by from Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce.

Fifth Spirit Tarot - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of the new seeds of ideas, intellectual interests, and communication.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the feathers.  Thoughts, in my opinion, are a lot of times much like feathers.  Float around you and flit through the air but are impossible to catch while in motion.

That’s why it’s important when pertinent thoughts, new ideas, etc come up that you write them down.  Write. Them. DOWN. For fuck sake write them down.

You  know… capture the feathers before the winds of distraction blow them away.

Sometime in the past couple of months I stopped this practice, and today’s card is a reminder of the value of writing these new thoughts, ideas, and valuable new perspectives down so that I can visit them a bit later and explore them more in depth.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Love language
Question: How can I better be open to and absorb love and kindness from others?

Existential Tarot

Reading Summary: Stop allowing your stubbornness and insistence that you can do everything yourself (Will 10) to slow down your acceptance and growth (Page of Action). It’s making you fight an unnecessary battle that belongs to your father and his judgments (Seven of Wands Rx).

Take Away: I was taught that it was not okay to lean on others and should be able to handle all of my responsibilities on my own, no matter what.  This was drilled into me throughout my life growing up and something I then repeatedly drilled into myself as an adult.   It can be hard to hand over control and allow others to help me and take over for a bit.  In order to be more receptive to love, I need to let go of that control and allow others to help me when I need it.  It’s not a weakness, no matter how deeply ingrained the lesson that it is has been taught.

DECK USED:  EXISTENTIAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Do Spread 1

Fifth Spirit TarotSigns for February – The King of Cups is an encouragement to lean into those that I depend on right now for support and comfort. This sign is about what I need and more about setting plans aside in order to recover and find my footing than executing anything in particular I might have had plans to move forward on. I suppose you could say that the action plan involved with this sign is to connect with my emotions and take this time with him and the support he gives to grow instead of falling back on old habits and closing myself off.

Signs for March – The World is about watching for renewal and the feeling that I am stepping out of one journey and into the next.  Although I do not want my depression to last this long, there is a good possibility the sign we see here is the major life change that comes with being free of the pit once more.  That sense of finally finding the edge and pulling myself out, and finding life on the other side ready and waiting for me.

Signs for April – The Ace of Wands is about feeling inspiration and that spark that keeps me trying new things. Right now in this moment I have absolutely none.  But, when I am not in this dark pit of depression my inspiration and creative spark are nearly constant and even quite hard to keep up with. The sign of these returning to me in April is a good one… and something to look forward to.  When the time comes, I need to make sure that I am allowing myself to explore (and, as my COTD mentioned for today, writing down the ones I don’t explore immediately so that I can explore them later).

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I’m having a hard time thinking of something that I did that was nice for me today, then I remembered this morning when you told me to eat and then come nap with you.  And I did, even though there were other things I probably should have been doing, I had a really nice nap.

Knowing When To Say No

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9180Today’s meditation was just under nineteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches (which, yes, are still being a painful pain in the ass).

The focus of today’s meditation was about the reverence we feel for that which is beyond our reach and our ken.  I said something about this earlier today in a chat when speaking about “how tarot works” and where the messages come from.  It’s important to keep in mind that there is far more in this world that we don’t grasp or understand than there is that we do. This doesn’t mean that everything we don’t understand is magic or metaphysical or even spiritual… but it means that we need to respect that the potential for what is out there is vast and appreciate that potential of possibilities.

Moondust Tarot - Six of SwordsToday’s draw is the Six of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of letting go and moving on from conflict and rough waters into something calmer and smoother.

It is the hand (big surprise here) that stands out to me in the imagery on this card today and it speaks to me of saying “stop”.  Of having an awareness of yourself and what you are willing to put up with (the eye in the center of the palm) and being able, when things go beyond that point, to put a halt to them and move on to something better.

The message in today’s card is about diligence.  It’s about watching out for yourself and making sure that you remain in a place where you can be yourself and be true to yourself… and stand up for yourself by saying “no” when something doesn’t follow along those lines for you.

Right now, what I want to say no to is the depression that is weighing me down and dragging at my insides like barb-filled black tar.  I want to turn away from it and push it away… but it is not one of those things that I have a choice in.  But what I can do is continue to work at being authentic to myself, true to my values and beliefs, and patient as the world inside my brain begins to shift and right itself again… eventually.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Abundance
Question: How can I better recognize and appreciate the abundance in my life?

Destiny Deck

Reading Summary:  Remember that you are strong and capable and have the ability to take control of a situation, turn it into something you believe in and are willing to fight for, and balance that into your life.

Take Away:  This is about autonomy and the ability to build and manifest what I desire in life without “upsetting the apple cart” of my life balance in the process.  It’s important, especially right now while I’m struggling with my depression, to remember that I am still in control on what I do, where I go, what I stand for, and what I manifest in my life.

DECK USED:  DESTINY DECK

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What in my life makes me feel the most thankful that’s in need of acknowledgement?

Moondust TarotReading Summary: That I have the ability to be decisive (Seven of Pentacles Rx)) when presented with choices (Seven of Cups) so that I don’t overwhelm myself anymore than necessary (Ten of Wands Rx).

Take Away: No hemming and hawing, no waiting for later. I rarely need to “sit on it” when needing to make a decision.  I know what is right for me and I reach for it, and am able to allow the other choices that are not as fitting to fall away. I see a lot of people that aren’t able to do this and when they are confronted with a  number of choices before them, they stall out with an inability to decide and become overwhelmed by those choices.

This is something that I very rarely have to worry about, as the majority of the time I know what is right for me and am decisive in reaching for it.  The thing is?  I rarely acknowledge this in myself or even think about it… until I see those others out there that struggle under the need to make choices.  I am very grateful I don’t spend a lot of time stewing in my choices.  Very thankful.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I spent time organizing my decks today.  I’ve been feeling frustrated by the lack of space and how I struggle to find the decks I need sometimes. It’s been bugging me a lot lately and eating at me. I can’t really do anything about the lack of shelf space right now, but I was able to get my “floating” decks (decks that don’t currently have a home on a shelf or in a trunk) into a semblance of order that will hopefully make things easier.

Don’t Wallow

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9165Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. And, it’s very clear that I’ve been skipping far too often, because my right hip is stiff as hell and it was nearly impossible to do the stretching as I normally would.  So… a few days of skipping will lead to about two months of time to regain the flexibility I’d been maintaining.  Still, it’s definitely got my attention.

The focus of today’s meditation was clearly about living in the present instead of ruminating on the past or being too focused on the future.  The thing is, though?  I say “clearly” because I don’t remember what was said in the meditation at all, but the graphic kind of speaks for itself.  I know I listened to it at the time, or at least I think that I did, but I think the depression is at a point now where I’m struggling with remembering even what happened a few hours ago with any clarity.

Tarot Skrytych Svetu - The HermitToday’s draw is the Hermit card, which is traditionally a representation of inner reflection and healthy alone time when one retreats to deal with and explore the self.

There are two things that stand out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today, which is the hag stone that the Hermit stands upon, and the geese.

The geese in this card’s imagery insinuate that the Hermit is high in the sky. Far above where geese fly in their migratory trek. This is about lift rising above, and it speaks to me (along with the light that shins so brightly) of the solitary being a healthy and healing experience.

The hag stone that the Hermit stands upon speaks to me of secrets. Hidden secrets that can only be accessed by honing in one’s view and dipping into a side of things that you don’t examine in the day to day.

The message in today’s card is reminder that alone time needs to be healthy alone time.  Just retreating to wallow in your own misery is not okay and not healthy.  If you’re going to spend alone time, make sure that it is in the pursuit of inner reflection and growth, not to allow yourself to sink into unhealthy habits and thoughts.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTYCH SVETU

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What brings my heart joy?

Paulina Tarot

King of Pentacles – Stability and security. When I have that feeling of security that everything is as it should be and all is stable, I then feel free to explore my pleasures and indulge in my joys.

Ten of Swords – Knowing that even the most difficult journey comes to an end eventually. Sometimes bad shit happens.  Sometimes it happens and keeps happening and feels like it will last forever.  But the truth is?  Bad shit eventually ends, and in that moment we have the opportunity to birth a new thread.. a new journey.  It brings my heart hope, and thus joy, to know this.

Justice – That life can be fair, even if you have to work at it. I very much feel a deep seated need for balance in life… for fairness in life.  I can’t help this.  When things feel balanced and fair, even if that fairness takes from my pocket to even things out with another less fortunate, I feel good and pleased and happy.   Fairness and balance are important, and finding as well as fostering these things in life brings me joy.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What personal energy will best facilitate conversation with others today?

Tarot Skrytych SvetuReading Summary: You may still be learning your way (Page of Cups), but you still need to allow your emotions to flow easily and share them with others (Ten of Cups).  There’s no use in tangling yourself up in them while trying to hide from them or avoid them (Eight of Swords).

Take Away: At the moment I am struggling with a major depressive episode and I’m struggling under it’s grip.  The emotions I’m feeling need to be expressed and communicated.  My gratitude and my love need to be expressed and communicated as well. 

My natural inclination is to hide from my emotions, especially right now when I’m vacillating between a painful numbness and extreme bouts of dark emotions. Don’t hold it in.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTYCH SVETU

Daily Self Kindness

I gave myself permission to cry today, and have done so multiple times today.  I’ve napped and tried to treat myself kindly, even setting aside some of my responsibilities of the day to allow more room for myself to feel less choked up and constrained.

Try To Make It Fun

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was skipped.  I’m finishing this post up a few days late, so I’m not sure what it was that caused me to skip it but I think I might have fallen asleep.

Silhouettes Tarot - Queen of WandsToday’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of an alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s inspiration, drive, will power, and inner spark. One way of interpreting this is as a person of authority or strength, that uses that authority and strength to listen to the desires of others (or their inner self) and help them in getting involved in those things that they are inspired by, or need an extra boost of willpower in order to follow through on.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the colors.  It’s the glow of bright yellow from the center of the card behind the queen, radiant and bright as she holds both the thorny vine as well as the beautiful sunflower.

The message that I see in this card is that you may have to be the boss today, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it… or at least try to.

DECK USED:  SILHOUETTES TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Loving myself
Question: What self-love do I need right now to help me through this dark time of pervasive depression?

Nano Starseeds Tarot

Reading Summary: You need to work at balancing (Two of Pentacles) that feeling of life’s unpredictability and instability (The Wheel of Fortune) with the solid security of Gideon’s support and love (King of Cups).

Take Away:  You need him.  You need his support and the security that he provides.  You need him to help balance out the chaos of uncertainty that you’re feeling right now.  It’s okay to need him to help you in finding that balance.  Don’t forget that he’s there for you.

DECK USED:  NANO STARSEEDS TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Ask the cards for a positive message to carry with you throughout the day.

Silhouettes TarotReading Summary: Indecision (Six of Cups) causes setbacks (Knight of Swords Rx). So take the reins and push through on what needs to be done (The Chariot). Be the boss (The Emperor).

Take Away: It’s orders day and I have to work whether I want to or not. I have to get shit done, whether I want to or not.  I have to make sure that things are still moving… whether I want to or not.  All I honestly want to do is curl up in bed and never come out.  Not to eat.  Not to work. Not to do anything.  Just burrow into the fragrant softness and let it wrap me up and drown out the rest of the world with that small amount of comfort.

But I can’t.   So sack it up and get your shit done.

DECK USED:  SILHOUETTES TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I… have no idea what I did today that would be considered  a self kindness.  Not any idea at all.

Choppy Waters

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9037Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and was another of the guided meditations from the Calm app with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The focus of today’s meditation was something that really resonated for me.  What it said was, “It’s easy to get used to things not going our way. When we’re met with challenge after challenge, we may start to believe that life is unfair, or that we’re undeserving, or that our circumstances may never change.  But then, when good things do happen, we may be so conditioned by our pessimistic filter that we won’t even see them.  Through mindfulness we can challenge this condition. When we notice that we are perceiving life through a negative lens we can recognize that this is our habit and we can step back to view things more objectively.  And we can remind ourselves of the universal law of impermanence, that things are always changing. We can embrace this principle, releasing misconceptions that we’re undeserving, and embracing goodness when it arrives.”

Ad Orbita Tarot - Ace of CupsToday’s draw is the Ace of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of new emotions, new relationships, and new connections with our creativity and intuition.  It’s all about that seed of newness and the watery element of the emotional realm.

What really catches my attention in this card’s imagery today is the choppiness of the water below.

Sometimes, newness inherently involves a bit of a rocky start.  That turbulence comes from the aspect of change and the time it takes us to grow and adapt to that change.

Today’s card is a reminder that even when something new feels like a rocky start, it can evolve into something as dazzling and spectacular as shooting stars in a night sky.

DECK USED:  AD ORBITA TAROT

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I best work with the energy of Mercury Rx this month?

The Byzantine Tarot

Patriarch atop Five of Cups Rx – Learn to practice self forgiveness.  Not everything has to be perfect all the time.  Sometimes learning is messy… sometimes life is messy.  And remember that the path to self forgiveness and a healthier relationship with occasional setbacks may boil down to long known tried and true methods.  We’re not talking about new concepts or methods here… and it’s not rocket science.

Count of Swords atop Death Rx – Don’t allow yourself to stall out or stagnate.  Self discipline is important, especially in times when you’re stuck in that “don’t feel like it right now” mindset.  Lean into what you know is going to work.  Keep moving.  Now is not the time to dig in your heels.

Four of Swords – Get some rest, but make sure it’s of the healthy variety.  No burrowing under the covers to hide, but you need to make sure you’re getting the rest you need.

DECK USED:  BYZANTINE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Do the Imbolc Spread

Ad Orbita TarotWhat seeds need planted in my life right now?

The High Priestess – It’s time to start getting in touch with your feelings, intuition, and inner knowing. Sometimes during a depression this can be difficult to tap into as cleanly and clearly as you’d like, but the depression won’t last forever and if you foster the seeds of beginning in that connection now, the strength of it and future growth will recover and continue far more smoothly than letting things sit and stagnate.

What preparations do I need to begin making to prepare for this growth?

Knight of Pentacles Rx – Let go of your issues concerning feeling restless with slow going progress. Beware that if you go too fast or let these feelings take control, you’re going to spill everything on the floor and make a damned mess.  There’s a fine line between slow but steady growth, and not moving at all.  It’s a fine line with a very big difference.

What in my life is beginning a phase of reawakening and renewal?

King of Wands Rx – A time of releasing responsibilities.  Set down the big plate full of crap that you need to do and pick up a smaller plate that will leave room for more extraneous, pleasurable things.  You can be responsible and still support and foster the growth of your business and goals, while carrying a bit less on your shoulders.

How can I best foster that awakening?

Two of Cups – Allow others to support me in my journey.  Delegate and work together with these others so that what was once a solitary endeavor becomes a balance of like minds that care about the same things, the same results, as well as each other.

DECK USED:  AD ORBITA TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a few breaks today during the process of getting my orders ready to go.  I can’t say that I didn’t feel restless and a bit guilty during these breaks… but I did take them anyway.

Finding What Works

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9019Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and was a guided meditation via the Calm app with an added interval timer for my piriformis stretches. I nearly skipped again, but I managed to fight off the temptation and actually do the meditation instead.

The focus of today’s meditation was about perspective, and how important it is to listen to others and gain their input.  Sometimes when you are sure that your way is the right way, it’s difficult to remember that it may not be the only right way.  At times like that, it can be difficult to reach out for other’s input and perspectives, and yet with every time we do just that… we ourselves grow and become more than we were before. We learn and become better as a result.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of new ideas, new perspectives, and new ways of communicating with others.

This card is one of the cards in the deck that actually convinced me I had to have this deck.  I was one of those that didn’t manage to pick up the deck through kickstarter, but rather much later down the line when they were briefly (for a few hours) available through the creator’s Etsy shop. This was the first card I saw of this deck, and I was so enamored that I just had to have it.

The feathered quill here speaks of both the air element, which is the element of the Swords suit, but also of the themes that have to do with intellect and communication. The message I see in this card today is about finding new methods of communication, and is a topic that I am very familiar with.

When I was rendered mute, I had to seek out and experiment with many different new methods of communication.   Here online, not much changed.  I was able to communicate as normal and no one even realized anything had changed.  It was like “coming home” to return back to old and comfortable methods each day when the rest of my day was filled with the struggle of maneuvering the world by new and different ways of communicating.

That’s what this card made me think of today.  Sometimes?  We have to try something new whether we really want to or not. The point of doing this is to find what works for us… and discover what doesn’t. Experimentation and trying something new is not about succeeding or failing.  It’s about finding the shoes that fit best and are the most comfortable to wear.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Questions:  I. II. and III.

Dark Days Tarot

I. What is the main theme of this Mercury Retrograde for me?

Page of Wands atop Two of Wands – This Mercury Rx for me will be about finding new ways to look at my plans and goals.  This could involve a new perspective in how I deal with planning things out, but will have an impact on how I do things in the future, and allow for me to learn a better method of working out those details.

II. How am I asked to honor my feelings or the current Rx vibes?

King of Pentacles Rx atop Two of Swords – Your vulnerable undersides are showing. Make sure that you’re not acting hastily and causing more damage as a result.  Sometimes, standing still and allowing the world to turn around you is a better choice than stepping blindly forward onto the ice and having it crack beneath your feet.

III. What am I asked to reflect on throughout Mercury Retrograde?

Knight of Wands atop The Chariot – Why are you rushing?  Why is it so important that you get things done at inhuman speeds?  Why do you force yourself into the stress of unreasonable deadlines when you are the one setting these deadlines in the first place?

DECK USED:  DARK DAYS TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 4 

5 Cent TarotHow do you most commonly misinterpret reading the cards for yourself?

Justice – I often judge myself too harshly and my feelings on needing to be punished for these things I am judging myself about sometimes comes out in my readings.   At these times (and when reading on these topics), my reading accuracy is often hindered by the fact that I see repercussions being dealt out to me that are unnecessary and never come to pass as a result.

How do you most commonly misinterpret reading the cards for others?

Ten of Wands – The answer is at the top of the card.  It has to do with failing to see the accomplishment within the message.  My focus during a reading is often honed in on what needs to be done, what needs to change, what needs fixing or adjusting or what help is needed.  This proactive approach often neglects to also take in what has been done or fixed or adjusted.

How can you improve at reading the cards so that it doesn’t keep happening?

Nine of Cups – Include more positivity in the readings. Empowerment is already there but there also needs to be an emotional connection.  Something that connects the emotions to positive feelings and a feeling of accomplishment instead of it all being about what’s needed or not been done or the more unpleasant aspects of the situation.

DECK USED:  5 CENT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I’ve started using the MyNetDiary app on my phone again to keep track of my blood sugar readings, and I’m doing a bit of tracking of my sugar levels before and after eating as an update since I haven’t done this in a while.