#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge

Self Care Is Important

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IMG_8874Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.   I can’t really remember what the guided meditation was about, even with the graphic prompt to the right.  It was about mindfulness obviously, and using it to break habits or be mindful of the things you do.  But honestly?  I just don’t remember.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Queen of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s home life, finances, the material world, resources, or health.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card is that the crone is tangled in thorns.  She’s clearly up to some sort of spellcraft, as she’s holding a chicken foot, but it’s the thorns that really catch my attention here today.

Those thorns bring me to thinking about a common pitfall that a lot of caretakers fall into over time, where they begin to focus so much on others and what others need that they begin to put off caring for themselves.  The excuse being that everyone else needs them, so they just don’t have the time or energy for their own needs.

It’s a flawed thinking, and dangerous as well.  How can you take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.  Without self care, there’s nothing left to give to others.   This is something I myself need to hear now and then, especially concerning my business and responsibilities. That reminder is what today’s card is about.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is a negative thing in your life that you don’t need to stress over?

Neon TarotReading Summary: The worry that fighting for what feels right , what you stand for, and what you believe in (Seven of Wands) is going to tear down everything around you (The Tower Rx) and leave you lost and alone (The Moon).

Take Away: This isn’t something that I worry about all the time, but more a worry that whispers in the back of my head now and then, especially when I step up and am in the thick of it.

It isn’t a fear that holds me back from standing up for what I believe in, but it is something I worry about.  Not everyone appreciates a healthy and strong standing moral compass or those with the strength of will to stand up for what they believe in after all.  And I do worry that some day I will be left… alone.   An old queer dude with no friends and no loved ones left, no family and no future generations either.  Will it happen?  I have no idea… but it is something I find myself concerned about now and then.

The cards here are saying it’s not something I need to stress over, and to let that fear go.

DECK USED:  NEON TAROT

Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
Two Cards: Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict? / Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?

Future Vision Gem Tarot

Where have I given my power away to avoid conflict?

Ten of Wands atop Four of Cups – I will hand my power, my responsibilities, and my control over to others that I trust when I am feeling overwhelmed and overburdened and it’s causing me to need to distance myself emotionally and step away.   In these times, I have no choice.  I need to let go in order to give myself time to breathe, center, ground, and find my balance again.

Where have I given my power away to avoid standing out?

The Hermit Rx – When I am in the middle of a self-destruct and I’m trying to retreat into myself and go into hiding.  When I’ve reached that place… that mentality? It’s either drop the ball, or hand that ball over to someone that can deal with it until I’m in a better place mentally.

DECK USED:  FUTURE VISION GEM TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today’s self kindness was in taking a moment to actually feel good and happy with the small chores I got done around the house instead of berating myself on all the things I haven’t gotten done.   It felt good to sit down and feel like I got a few small good things done today like filling the hand soaps in the bathrooms and kitchen, refilling the shower spray bottles, etc.

Plans and Circumstance

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Today’s meditation was skipped… because I was a lazy fucker and decided to sleep through it.  No, really. It wasn’t that I fell asleep in the middle.  Instead I laid down to meditate and it felt so good that I literally said “fuck it” and rolled over to burrow in and sleep instead.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Wheel of FortuneToday’s draw is the Wheel of Fortune, which is traditionally a representation of the ups and downs that life has to offer.  This is more than about good luck and bad luck, but about the “rollercoaster” of life and how things are never still or stagnant, but always moving and changing.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today has to do with the design of the wheel itself.  It looks like clockworks.  Like very precise, very well designed clockwork.  

What this means to me is that there’s a plan behind what happens in life, the good and the bad.  I’m not Christian and I don’t believe in God in the whole bible sort of way, but there is a truth in the words that “God” works in mysterious ways.    In my case, this is about the energies of creation, evolution, and balance…. the universe, yeah?   And that also works in mysterious ways. 

Some things that don’t look planned have an actual purpose… some things that look planed are utterly random.  The best any of us can do is to follow our moral compass and keep going, one step at a time upon our chosen path… and seek to be better people with each step than we were before. The rest?  It will sort itself out in the end all on its own.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What am I asked to cut away or let go of for a smooth 2021 journey?

Dark Days Tarot

 Reading Summary:  Impatience (Knight of Pentacles Rx) and stagnancy (Three of Wands Rx). You’ve got this (The Magician).

Take Away:  In order to move forward into the year with the best chance possible of making it a smooth journey, I need to let go of the need to be impatient and push forward for hard and fast progress.  At the same time, I need to make sure that I don’t stall out.  It’s a balance between the two… a balance I have a hard time finding after spending the majority of my life pushing so hard that I’m forced to then crash and recover before starting over again.   The Magician card in this reading is an encouragement to remind me that I can let go of these things and find a new way… I have everything I need at my disposal to do this.

DECK USED:  DARK DAYS TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Is it true that pleasure is the root of all true evil?

Occult TarotReading Summary:  When you lose control over yourself and others (The Emperor Rx) there are times when the results turn out positive… but just as many times when the results turn out negative (Wheel of Fortune).  It’s a crap shoot that creates the need for making decisions that aren’t always fun or pleasant (Two of Swords).

Keep in mind that generosity and kindness (Six of Pentacles) does not always equate with being more evolved.

Take Away: I’m surprised by this answer because I was expecting it to be a yes… but instead the answer is No.   Not all evil is rooted in pleasure.  Sometimes it is rooted in circumstance and our reactions to those circumstances.  Sometimes it is about perspective of what true evil really is.  Sometimes, it’s about seeking an escape from repercussions.  Sometimes… the road to hell is paved in good intentions.

DECK USED:  OCCULT TAROT

Universal Kindness and Respect

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IMG_8835Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation in the Calm app with the addition of an interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The topic of today’s meditation was twofold.  It began with a slow, full body scan that started at the top of the head and ended at the tips of the toes, with slow breaths throughout the process to breathe relaxation and release tension in each body part you’re focusing on at a time.

The second part of the meditation was a discussion on compassion, and how being compassionate includes not just how  you treat others but also how you treat yourself.  This is something that I personally struggle with and although I fully agree… I still struggle with.   But, I’m working on it.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The EmperorToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of being “the boss”, authority, and themes concerning structure, responsibility, and “the greater good”.

Okay so, what stands out to me in the imagery of this card is the two figures in the card.  I say this because they oddly echoed back in my mind to the show I’ve been watching on Netflix recently and how Eun-Hyuk used Hyun Cha to go get things for him and protect the people of the Green Roof Apartments.

Hyuk stands back through so much of the series and rarely puts himself in any kind of danger, but sends Hyun in again and again, sometimes for important things… but often just for trivial shit.

The reminder in these cards is to make sure that you are treating others fairly and kindly, no matter how above them you are.  They may be there to help, they may be there to protect you… they may be there to serve in some way.  But they are still human and just as deserving of respect and kindness as you are.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What concession can you make to provide for yesterday’s inner child craving?

Wayward Dark TarotReading Summary: Work on changing (Death) how you look at stability and success (Nine of Pentacles), and you will find better balance and harmony with your inner child (Two of Cups).

Take Away: The thing is, that it isn’t so much about that there is or isn’t stability and success in my life but my perception of that stability and success.

Convincing that inner child that it is safe and secure will require taking a look at how I see these values and what they really mean, and redefining that into something more attainable than the expectations my father beat and berated into me throughout the majority of my life both as a child and as an adult.

DECK USED:  WAYWARD DARK TAROT

Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I increase my power in the most ethical & aligned way?

Atomic Tarot

Reading Summary:  Focus on learning (Heart of Stars) how to take only what you need (Seven of Stars) and leave the rest behind (Ten of Stars).

Take Away: Moderation is not my strong suit, but I am working on it in certain areas of my life. These cards indicate that it is through clearing out those things I no longer need and taking with me only that which I do, I can increase my power as a result.  I like this idea and I’ve actually been feeling the urge to purge in a number of areas lately.  In fact, I’ve sent a number of bags of crap to Goodwill this week, and a number of them out into recycle bins as well.  I have no doubt that if the urge continues, so too will that trend.

DECK USED:  ATOMIC TAROT

New Horizons to Explore

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  Not for any particular reason but mostly just because… well, I didn’t feel like it. I know it’s not a good excuse, but it’s what happened.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of the seed like beginnings of new ideas, new ambitions, new knowledge, or new communication.  The key here is in the fact that it’s the sword suit, which deals with intellect, logic, communication, and ambitions… and an Ace, which is about the seeds of something new.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the moss-like drape of vegetation from the sides of the crown.  The book calls these “laurels”, although… they don’t look like laurel to me.

The reading that I did earlier this morning was about alone time, and making sure that I seek out alone time for myself even when it feels like a waste of time or some sort of frivolousness.   This drape of mossy “laurel” is a reminder to me of that healthy alone time that I need to make sure I’m getting enough of.

The seed of the ace is there to encourage me to look for new ways to get that alone time, new places to go and things to see, new trails to hike and locations to visit so that I continue to stay interested and eager to seek out that needed alone time whenever I’m able instead of losing interest and procrastinating on it.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What does your inner child crave that you’ve been ignoring?

Earth Bones TarotReading Summary:  You’re paying too much attention to feelings of scarcity (Five of Jars atop Ten of Petals Rx). Step up and take control (The Emperor) instead of doubting your intuition and emotional growth (Page of Jars Rx).

Take Away: Stability and validation concerning my emotions is what my inner child craves that I have been ignoring.  The thing is?  I honestly ignore my inner child as much as possible.  Maybe because it’s called my inner “child” yeah?  I don’t relate well to children and have a hard time relating to that term as I was never really much of a “child” even when I was one. 

That, of course, means that my “inner child” is quite repressed and neglected.  I only let it out to “play” when I’m feeling good, and considering how much time I spend in the slippery slide of depression, crawling out of that dark pit, or hovering right on the cusp of the pit at risk of falling in?  That’s not a lot of freedom for my inner child to get some air.   Right now (not surprising as I’m sliding down that slope of the pit) my inner child is feeling vulnerable and unsure of itself and, due to my trying to ignore the encroaching depression… invalidated.

DECK USED:  EARTH BONES TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I stop procrastinating?

5 Cent Tarot

Reading Summary: Take charge (The Emperor) and do one small little thing at a time (Temperance), and you will feel more nurtured and able as a result (The Empress).

Take Away:  Maybe it’s time to start doing a few orders a day, one cleaning task a day, take chores and things that need to be done in bite sized pieces… rather than putting them off to do in large chunks because it just feels like “too much trouble” or overwhelming.  That’s the major excuses that I have for procrastinating most of the time after all…. that it feels like “too much” or “too much trouble” or is just overwhelming for some reason..

DECK USED:  5 CENT TAROT

Balance Adjustments

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IMG_8801Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The topic of today’s meditation was about how to deal with intrusive thoughts during your meditation practice.  The thing is, everyone has that “problem” and it doesn’t at all mean that you’re not good at meditation just because you have trouble getting your mind to stay still.

The interruption of thought during meditation is natural, and when they happen, that is when the true “work out” of meditation begins as that is when you begin to train your brain to learn something new.  In this meditation, the method for dealing with those thoughts is not to push them away, nor fall down the rabbit hole they create.  But rather to acknowledge it happened with a “That’s nice, but not now” and then set them aside.  Of course, they might come back, but that’s when you rinse and repeat.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - JusticeToday’s draw is the Justice card, which is traditionally about give and take, cause and effect, and finding balance in moments of imbalance.  It can also at times be an indication of legal matters or the legal/justice system.

What stood out to me the strongest to me in the imagery of this card today is the woman on the right with the bow and arrow.  In fact, she stood out so strongly to me that I barely even noticed her counterpart standing behind her.

She stands strong and ready, looking outward and alert.  Sometimes, it is like the woman on the left… a time to look inward and allow vulnerability to thrive.   And sometimes, it is like the woman on the right… a time to stand tall and be ready for anything.

The woman on the right is who I want to be, and who I gravitate towards.  The problem is that now is a time of vulnerability for me as I struggle with this new rise of depression and seek to find my footing on uneven ground.  The Justice card is about balance, and is here to make a promise.  It promises that everything comes back around again in time.  The depression… and the good times as well.  Like scales set up outdoors will swing and shift, tip and dance in even the slightest breeze, so too does balance shift and tip with the goings on of life.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread 3

Paracelsus Dreams TarotSomething Important in Your Life

The Hermit – Healthy alone time.  This isn’t the “retreat to lick your wounds” time or the unhealthy alone time that gives inner negative thoughts time to pick away at you, but rather the healthy alone time you need to stay balanced and happy.

The Influence of Fire Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time

Page of Wands – Seek out new ways to make the healthy alone time that you need happen. It’s important to pour some of your attention and interest into this endeavor instead of trying to ignore these needs, or half-assing at fulfilling them.

The Influence of Earth Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time

Knight of Coins – Patience and determination are important. You’re going to slip up sometimes but you need to make sure that you’re still going for it.  Instead of using slip-ups to turn your inner thoughts unhealthy, accept that you’re human and everything takes time.  Instant gratification is not your friend and it’s better to take bite sized efforts along the way than it is to barrel head long in and then starve for long stretches between.

The Influence of Water Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time

Four of Cups – You judge yourself too harshly for taking this needed time. It’s important to view that need for healthy alone time more as a need, and view it less as a frivolous action.  You’re not “wasting time”, regardless of if it feels that way.  That is your past talking.  That is your inner negative narrative whispering in your ear.  Be grateful and understand that healthy alone time is necessary… and not some disposable silly “fun time” that’s a waste of time or resources.

The Influence of Air Energy upon my Healthy Alone Time

Three of Swords – Don’t allow the air suit to cause you to ignore your need for healthy alone time. It’s not a luxury… even if it sometimes feels like it. You have to fight back against that slave driver in your head.  You have to fight back and reclaim this personal time as yours rather than something you’re stealing from somewhere else. Don’t allow your head to play games with you that make you ashamed of your needs and what’s healthy for you.

DECK USED:  PARACELSUS’ DREAMS TAROT

Inspiring Changes

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IMG_8792Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timing for my piriformis stretches.    The topic of today’s guided meditation was about envy.

I don’t really remember much of the actual guided meditation. I just remember that  it was about looking beyond what people have to the people themselves. Life isn’t about things, but about people after all.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - The TowerToday’s draw is the Tower card, which is traditionally a representation of sudden and sometimes violent change.  This isn’t the calm and steady organic change that comes with the Death card, but rather it is sudden and without warning.

When I drew this card this morning, I had thought the message was about tearing down old to make room for new, and perhaps it still means that… although considering what went on today and the racial slurs that are currently spray painted all over my car?  I’m thinking this could very well have been a warning, regardless of the fact that the question was about being provided with a positive message to provide perspective.

Perhaps… the perspective here is that we need to do some renovations on our security in the building so things like this are less likely to happen. I’ve spent time speaking with the police, and going through security cameras, etc.  Maybe once things have settled down it’s time to call a security meeting and look at making some changes for the better.

Sometimes crap ass shit has to happen in order to light a fire under the ass of change.  That’s today’s message.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Something I should know about my current passions/desires.

Magical Nordic Tarot

 Reading Summary: You’re going to have to move forward with patience (Knight of Pentacles) because you have a lot of conflict (Five of Wands) surrounding your feelings about the past (Six of Cups). Collaborative help from others (Three of Pentacles) will keep you moving forward and in control of your direction (The Chariot).

Take Away: This message is an echo of this morning’s bonus read.  It speaks of making sure I’m moving in the right direction by working with those I love and that want to support me.  It’s about allowing them to step in and keep me afloat when the influences of my past slip in to start screwing with my head and my heart. If I want to stay on track with my passions and desires, I can’t go it alone. I need the help of others to help keep me on track and healthy while I move forward at a slow and steady pace.

DECK USED:  MAGICAL NORDIC TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you bring more of what you want into your world?

Tarot of the DivineReading Summary: Be clever and “beg borrow and steal” (Seven of Swords) all the positivity and fun you can get (The Sun). It’s about going after what inspires you (Knight of Wands) with forethought and strategy at your back (Page of Swords).

Take Away: Go after the fun.  Focus on those things that really “light my fire” and get me going.  Use my mind, my wit, and the full force of my skills, abilities, and faculties to go after those things that have the potential to bring positivity and fun into my life.

The key here is twofold.  First, that I put myself “all in” to going after these things.  And second, that I focus on those things that truly foster my happiness and positivity.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DIVINE