communication

Hello Again, My Queen

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on “holding space” for others as a way to support them during times of struggle.  It was about how sometimes, people don’t need you to fix things in their life, they just need you to be there with them.  To share space with them in a quiet way that shows support either by listening, or just by the reassurance of your presence, without “butting in” on their problems.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is a representation of a “feminine” alpha energy in the area of thoughts, reason, instinct, and communication.  The card embodies the tenants of truth seeking, independence, unbiased consideration, and clear communication.

I haven’t seen the Queen of Swords in a couple weeks, and was starting to think perhaps I had managed to somehow unwittingly absorb the message she has been trying so hard to teach me for the past year and a half, but… here she is once more, regal and beautiful and daring me to seek and speak the truth in all things.

During the depression, and during the time a few years ago when we “switched places” for a while, I stumble a bit in being honest with myself.  Not just with the expectations that I put on myself, but even with looking at -how- I’m doing.

I bundle myself up into this little ball of awareness, that is so focused on the day to day that I miss the bigger picture.

This activity on the blog here, my daily meditation (that I am still doing religiously every day), and my recent return to a more active path in my spirituality has, in a lot of ways, opened my eyes and my mind to how much of myself has been closed off, one little bit at a time.

Thank you for taking this journey with me, man.  I love you.

Hello Stalker Card – The Queen of Swords

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Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 26 seconds, and focused on fostering patients and acceptance while tending to your chosen path. It discussed the importance of checking in with yourself regularly along the paths that you’ve chosen to take in life, in order to tend to your needs and ensure healthy growth.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which appears to be the lingering stalker card that followed me out of 2018 and into 2019. I see her often, not just in my daily draws, but also in my spreads, and even my random pulls when in the process of studying different decks. When I slip in the middle of a shuffle? She is the card that falls out of the deck to land face up on the table.

The Queen of Swords is a matriarchal-type authority figure, personality, or energy in the areas of thoughts, logic, communication, and intuition. She represents independence and truth, with a receptivity that indicates a seeking of (and discerning of) truth through a willingness to entertain the influence of added perspectives and a wider view that will then allow for cutting through the bullshit.

I have a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty when it comes to my skills of communication. Not just face to face, but just in general. Whether it’s in person or online, I seem to have an excessive amount of instances where things I say are taken the “wrong way” or twisted to mean something they did not.

Because of this, I’ve hurt people. I’ve been attacked by people. I’ve lost friends and made enemies. It happens, but it seems to -always- be because of my communication skills. And, over the years, I’ve withdrawn more and more over time from communicating with others. When I -do- communicate, it’s careful. It’s…. ugh, it’s like adding a bunch of fluff to the outside of a ball to make it softer for the other person’s hands to catch? I hope that made sense.

The repeated appearance of the Queen of Swords is telling me to knock it off. Cut the fluff and be the blunt communicator that I’ve always been. Those that know me know I’m not attacking them, just being blunt and to the point. What does it really matter what others think as long as I can communicate and be myself with the ones I care about?

Seeding the Garden of New Ideas

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Like yesterday, my morning was a bit hectic and inconvenient today. So, I drew my card first thing when I got up to give myself focus and food for thought throughout my day, but didn’t have time to meditate until this evening.

Today’s meditation was fifteen minutes and forty-nine seconds, and focused on letting go. Whether that be negative feelings, or thoughts that keep one up at night, etc.

I didn’t think this one applied to me very much, but now that it’s over I feel… better. I’m not sure what I let go exactly, but I definitely feel lighter.

The woman’s voice on the guided meditation was so soothing that I caught myself dozing off a few times. I definitely need a nap.

Today’s draw is the Ace of Swords. In the suit of intellect, communication, and logic, the Ace represents new beginnings, fresh insights, and the discovery of new truths. It can also be a powerful encouragement concerning new intellectual endeavors, projects concerning communication, etc.

I can’t help but see a strong correlation between the appearance of this card and this new project we’ve embarked on with this blog.

I know you are seeing benefits from what I’ve begun here, and I think that I see some of them as well. I’m more aware of myself and my inner dialogue throughout the day than I was before. And, I truly believe that this project made a profound impact on how I surfaced from my depression this time around.

I feel more… hopeful, too. And there’s no denying the benefits to our relationship, as it has opened up channels of communication that, following a depression, are usually much more difficult, awkward, and uncomfortable to get opened back up. Not to mention usually taking quite a bit more time? I’m pretty sure that’s also the case, because although I don’t really remember that part of things (or at least not much of it), this time feels… accelerated. And yet not in an overwhelming way.

SO… wandering thoughts aside, I feel like this card is a reminder that this blog and what I’m doing here is a good thing. The card was also a bit of a prompt to really look at the benefits mentioned above as well.