cartomancy reading

Morning Bonus Read – Would I Survive?

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Today’s bonus reading is just a  bit of fun and games. The Village Tarot Witch on Instagram tagged me in a challenge to do her spread and it looked like a lot of fun. As she did, I will list my personal pros and cons in this post, but unlike her I will do them at the end, after the cards.

Zombie Apocalypse Tarot SpreadMy Strengths for Surviving
The Stratagem (Emperor)

I am smart and clever and I have no problem putting aside my emotions in order to find the best path forward for myself and others. And when I mean best path?  I mean **the best** path forward. The safest path.  The path that will keep everyone (including myself) alive and well. I have absolutely no issue making decisions for the greater good, even if that means sometimes I’m disliked in the process. In a zombie apocalypse, the only priority more important than the greater good… is my own good.  And I’ll be damned well looking out for that too.

My Weaknesses (What’s going to get me eaten?)
The Suspended (Hanged Man)

In day to day life, my ability to pause and put myself in other’s shoes, see their perspectives as well as my own, and move forward with this knowledge is a huge asset.  In a zombie apocalypse, it would no longer be such a strength, though.  It would cause hesitation and, at times, cause moments of immobility which, in turn, could make me some zombie’s happy meal.

My Chances of Survival
Walker of Wands (Knight of Wands)

I would throw myself into the new life with gusto and make survival my passion and be proactive in finding a new life that would work.  As long as I kept in mind my own mortality and didn’t get too wrapped up in my enthusiasm in this matter, I will do well. There’s a fine line between enthusiastic pursuit of a desired outcome you’re passionate about… and reckless pursuit of an obsession. The problem would lie in making sure I balanced on the right side of that line and didn’t step over into an unhealthy perspective.

Personal (Realistic Based) Opinion On My Chances of Survival

PROS:  I’m clever.  I’m smart.  I know tons of random knowledge that would be helpful.  I’m excellent at wilderness survival and am familiar with traversing the back country. I’m adaptive and resourceful. I doubt I’d run into any emotional/psychological issues at all with taking down the infected.

CONS:   I require a minimum diet of 5000-6000 calories a day just to keep from dropping weight, which translates into a LOT of food, or I start wasting away and passing out.  Considering the extra physical activity that’s sure to come along with the proposed situation?  I’m going to need even more.

Also, my antidepressants play a key role in keeping me from constant suicidal ideation and sometimes uncontrollable suicidal urges.  I’d like to say that I could “muscle through” without them by determination alone, but I know for a fact it doesn’t work that way.

My cons far outweigh my pros, indicating that my chances of survival in this type of scenario, on the whole, are pretty slim.  BUT, that I probably won’t die by being eaten, but rather through starvation, hypoglycemic coma, or by offing myself.

DECK USED:  THE TAROT OF MANY DOORS

Morning Bonus Read – Pending Shadows

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Do you know you have shadow work hanging around but also know that you don’t have the mental energy to tackle it all yet? Do some mental and emotional preparation with these.
Theme: Make myself aware of what things I’m going to need to deal with but can’t yet.”

Women Of History Playing Cards1.  What am I going to need to deal with soon, but right now I’m not ready yet?
Three of Diamonds atop King of Spades

Taxes.  Yes, I know the deadline is coming up, and I have quite a bit to get done in the interim between now and when I meet with my accountant again next month, but it’s one of those things that I need to work on one step at a time and I’m still not quite clear headed enough to manage it.  This might mean I need to file an extension this year.

Hopefully that will not be the case and with the help of L and Z as well as the accountant, I can get it done and checked and double checked in time.  I am aware that the depression cut into the time I would have normally spent on this over the past two months though, so it’s possible that extension might end up necessary whether I like it or not.

2.  Where did this come from?
Eight of Diamonds

Having a healthy and thriving business is something I’ve built up over time and as a result it seems the taxes involved become more of a pain in the ass with each passing year.  Fortunately, I have a good accountant on my side to help me get through  it.

3.  What steps should I healthily be taking now?
Five of Diamonds

Recognize that my feelings of scarcity are there to create a buffer of care and caution right now.  It allows me to step back and look at things with an unbiased and practical eye.  I recognize that these feelings of scarcity are false, but I can use them to better prepare and allow for a level of impartiality that would otherwise be difficult to accomplish.

4.  How will I know it’s time?
Eight of Spades

When I start feeling restless in my inaction, it will be time to finally use my skills and abilities to step forward and get moving on this.  Those steps can be small, just one small step in front of the other.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF HISTORY PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Mental Health Check In

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Mental Health Tarot Spread - Minute Lenormand

1. Card to represent my current mental health

Key – Empowered. I am feeling better and better with each day that passes, the dark shadows lifting their cloying grip from my climbing form, and I am starting to feel the light dappling over my skin. The climb has been slow, but each day I feel that I’m making it a bit higher up, and it is in my control to make it the rest of the way.

2. An emotion that’s clouding my perception of reality.

Man – Speaking of control… what is clouding my perception of reality at this time is the fact that I am too focused upon that control.  I need to remember that it’s important to let things go and allow them to move at their own pace.  Don’t push.

3a. How to improve my perception of reality.

Dog – Allow others that I love and trust to step in and help me, and make sure when I speak to my therapist next week that I am entirely honest both about what’s happened and where I am now.  I’m not upset about not having been able to get an appointment when I was in the deep darkness at the bottom of the pit, but that doesn’t mean I can just put this experience behind me and pretend it didn’t happen.  I still need to talk to her about it, even if it’s nearly at the end of that particular journey.

3b. How to gain clarity.

Mountain – Depression and the climb out of that deep dark pit is a challenge that takes time, effort, and a great deal of focus to accomplish. The depression clouds  judgement and shifts perceptions, which is a hurdle that will only lift as I get closer to the surface.  Keep climbing this particular mountain, be patient, and I’ll eventually find myself back on level ground again… and in a place of greater clarity as a result.

4. How to change circumstances around me to elevate my mood.

Child – I need to remember to savor the newness of finding the light again and the joy that comes with each new sensation as I emerge a little at a time out of the pit I’ve been lost in for so long. Take this newness as a new beginning and embrace that budding energy like a rebirth.

5. How I can be happier day-to-day.

Woman – Be kinder and more compassionate to myself and my needs.  Allow that softer side of myself more room to grow and flourish instead of muffling it and pushing it aside for the hard willed determination  to always push forward harder and harder.  Allow myself to walk a little slower and pause to smell the roses along the way.

6. How I can deepen my connection with myself.

Anchor – I need to make sure that I am grounding myself well and often. One of the key themes of the Anchor card is “mellowing out” or “settling down”, and the card in response to this question is telling me to stop worrying so damn much about where I’m going and pay more attention to where I am now.

DECK USED:  MINUTE LENORMAND

Morning Bonus Read – The Guides

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1870 Cartes a Jouer du Belles Cartes LtdWhat are my guides most proud of me for at this time?
Seven of Hearts, Queen of Diamonds, Seven of Spades

They are proud of me for prioritizing finding a nurturing balance despite my constant struggle to downgrade how much responsibility I’m putting on my plate and my feeling as if I’m doing something wrong when I take time for self care and rest.

How can I continue to garner that pride?
Jack of Diamonds

Slow and steady but always forward.  It’s important to look for new ways to look at and put into action these new priorities.  Don’t just set them on the back burner or tuck them in a corner to think about or worry about later.  Keep them at the forefront even when progress is slow.

What advice do they have for me emotionally?
Two of Hearts

Connecting with others will help in continuing to lift me up and keep me balanced.  Don’t allow myself to close myself off to others and the emotional support that they have to offer.  Each of the people in your life that makes up your support system has their unique skills and influences that can benefit you just as yours benefit them in turn.

What advice do they have for me mentally?
Three of Spades

Don’t allow your depression to suck you backward. You’re making progress, moving away from the darkness and pain of the pit you’d slid into.  Don’t look back.

What advice do they have for me physically?
Ace of Spades

Be open to new ideas on how to incorporate activity into your life.  The whole knife-through-the-foot thing has slowed you down and will keep you from doing the harder trails and more intensive hiking you’re used to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out on easy paths and spend time communing with nature in these more “beginner” ways while you heal.

DECK USED:  1870 CARTES A JOUER DU BELLES CARTES LTD

Morning Bonus Read – Monthly Key Spread

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Monthly Key Spread - Little Lulu's Lucky Lenormand

Key to Your Heart: What will Guide you to make decisions that are aligned with your heart and your truths this month?

Lily – Maturity.  Make sure that you are thinking through your decisions and not just leaving things up to chance or personal whims.  Be especially thoughtful, responsible, and mature in considering what you need to do and how you need to go about doing it this month.

Anchor: What will ground you in the face of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and existential dread in general?

Clover – Luck and optimism. It’s far too easy to let your worries and fears sneak in and start screwing with you, but keep in mind that just because you worry about something doesn’t make it into reality.  By leaning into a bit of faith concerning luck and encouraging yourself to keep an optimistic mindset, you can circumvent fears and keep them from becoming self fulfilling prophesy.

Star Wand: What accelerates your magic, creativity, and manifestation powers?

Tree – Spiritual connections and longevity of practice.  Lean into the things that work for you spiritually and reconnect with your path and practice.  When you are more deeply connected to your spiritual path and your practice, your  magic, creativity, and manifestation powers flourish.  Throughout this month, as you pull out of the pit of your depression and rediscover your equilibrium, it is important to make sure you connect back into your path and practice instead of setting these things on the back burner.

Blessings from the Stars: The Universe has got your back – how will you be supported this month?

House – You are blessed with the security and stability of a home, and roof, and support of those that live there with you.  In the chaos that the world can sometimes throw your way, this is where you need to return to recover and retreat to find peace. 

One Trick Up Your Sleeve: A life saving idea or inspiration for any unexpected challenge or difficult moments?

Stars – Again we find the advice is to lean into your optimism and allow hope to thrive. Allow moments of inspiration and intuition to help guide you, and keep your perspective uplifted and bright as you work through challenges and difficulties.  Positivity is your friend this month, so lean into it and let it help you get through these moments.

Emergence Pt 1: What is emerging within you / within your reality right now?

Rider – As you climb further up the walls of depression’s pit and find the light, vitality and a renewed energy will continue to grow within you. You will see the light more clearly, feel it more distinctly, and be able to take from it what’s needed to rekindle your passions toward your purpose. 

Emergence Pt 2: What are you expanding towards?

Coffin – There is a warning here that without the armament of positivity and optimism you risk moving in the wrong direction and sliding back toward depression and negativity.  You have a chance to adjust this trajectory, but it will take  connecting to the elements mentioned above that include a conscious effort towards optimism, a reconnection with your spiritual path and practices, and allowing hope to have a place within your life and outlook while grounding yourself in measured and mature decision making practices.

DECK USED:  LITTLE LULU’S LUCKY LENORMAND

Morning Bonus Read – Eclipse of the Heart

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Tarot Eclipse of the Heart Spread - Anino Lenormand

My Courage – House – In knowing where I belong and that I have somewhere to go, I find myself more able to tap into my courage in other areas of my life. It is through the security and stability that having a home provides that makes everything in life just a bit more grounded… a bit more safe… and right.

My Ownership – Coffin – I take responsibility for myself and the consequences that come from my actions.  This includes during times of depression, confusion, or when I am dealing with changes or endings that may cause a bit of a struggle. I own my pessimism, and the negative inner narrative that tries so hard to slide into over and over again, accepting that it is within my power to change these into something more positive.

My Forgiveness – Ring – I forgive myself for my tendency to over-commit and thus overburden myself. Instead of repeating this pattern again and again, I work to ease off on the number of my commitments and find a more manageable balance. (This is not forgiveness in the form of an offense needing forgiven, but rather in the the term “forgive” in the form of releasing.)

My Love – Fox – One of the things I love most about myself is my intelligence and cunning. These qualities allow me to find a path forward in the direction I wish to go in that aligns with my moral compass.  Sometimes these methods might be unorthodox or even seem outright crazy, but there is method behind the madness as the necessity to keep my moral compass happy means sometimes it’s only through thinking outside the box I find a path forward that will work for me.

My Shame – Whip – My greatest shame is my self flagellation and the fact that I know it is not right… but can’t seem to help myself.  That self destructive urge is a trickery that even when I watch out for it, manages to outsmart me and get the better of me again and again. I do not want to be this way or feel those urges… and yet they are inescapable.

My Guilt – Bouquet – The last time I felt guilty was at the grocery store a couple days ago. One of the stock guys was flirting with me and (unlike usually) I noticed.  It felt nice to be flirted with and that made me feel super guilty because I’m so lucky to have Gideon and I love him so fucking much.  It’s not as if I was even remotely tempted to “smell the flowers” of that offer, but the offer was still made and it… felt really good.

My Regret – Crossroads – I have very few regrets in life, but one of my biggest was in choosing to set aside my education and not get my degree. It’s not that this choice wasn’t understandable considering what happened in my life at the time and the recovery that had to come after.  I do use my education in some of my work, as well.  But, that doesn’t change the regret I feel now and then for the path I turned down back then.

My Fear – Woman – Turning into my mother is my greatest fear. She is so self serving.  So conniving.  So… focused on only her own goals, her own wants, her own desires, and her own rise in society that anything that does not serve those things for her is completely irrelevant to her, and anything that does is seen as something to control to her advantage like a chess piece.  I am like her in so many ways, and yet… I don’t want to become anything like her in this regard. Ever.

DECK USED:  ANINO LENORMAND