Kaleidoscope (Part 1)


I’m going to ask you now, to yet again…tell me about the anger. Not just acknowledging it, but explaining it. Listing the reasons and expanding on them…digging into them. I need to know the depth of this anger, I need to know why it’s still there, why I can’t reach it to make it better. – Gideon 26Aug2017

My anger and pain are blended like a kaleidoscope, filled with a myriad of colors and shapes that run into each other like spilled paint.  Each needle-like jab of pain endured created a singeing sear of anger.  In some cases, the anger never burned itself out.  In other cases, the pain is still there, still feeding the burn.  It makes me wonder if it’s the anger that’s the issue… or the pain.  Maybe its both.

Regardless, the colors in my kaleidoscope include the following:

  • Abandonment
  • Taking Up the Reigns
  • Lack of Support
  • Baby the Babysitter
  • Drown and Drop Neglect
  • Reciprocation Issues
  • The Almighty Cling

Everything feels like too big of a project right now.   Starting a list, just on its own, felt like a monumental struggle.  So, I am going to expand on each of these a little at a time, chipping away at each and adding more if additional points come up along the way.