Although a lot of my emotions are buffered right now, (tucked beneath a layer of quieting cotton, out of view and muffled), the anger is there. I can’t feel it’s full strength, and yet there’s no denying its presence.
It eats away like a low grade acid within my gut, a mere whisper of an uncomfortable burning, always present and yet easy to ignore. I know you don’t want me to ignore it, but at the same time, I don’t know how to dig it out and let it burn freely. I acknowledge that it’s there. Im trying to get in touch with it. I know you need it to resolve the hurt and bridge the gap.
I’m trying.
Twisting the Leaf 
This is why I asked you to start this journal…to help you get in touch with those emotions. To let you write them out and be able to see them, examine them…maybe connect to them again so that we can start working on how to heal them.
So that I can see them and examine them and be accountable for the pain that I’ve caused you and -hopefully- find a way to make things right again.
I am in love with you, man. I have never, not once had a single moment of hesitation when it comes to who I want, what I want…my love for you doesn’t come with conditions. I just do.
I do have regrets though…I regret that I let myself slide into that darkness. I regret that I took so long to drag myself out of it. I regret that I caused you pain, that I made you afraid to trust me, to trust IN me. Since I first met you, I’ve wanted nothing but to prove to you each and every day how beautiful you are, how cherished you are…somewhere along the line I failed in that, and for that, I am so fucking sorry man.
I want to make it better. And in an attempt to do that, I’m going to ask you now, to yet again…tell me about the anger. Not just acknowledging it, but explaining it. Listing the reasons and expanding on them…digging into them. I need to know the depth of this anger, I need to know why it’s still there, why I can’t reach it to make it better.
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