Tarot Self-Portrait

My Entry for the Your Tarot Self-Portrait Challenge.
Just sneaking under the cut-off with only two days left to enter!

001

I have to watch out for the Gloominous Doom
As he likes to visit with his pit of gloom
My nearest and dearest know what to do
I depend on them to steer me true
[Faeries Oracle – Gloominous Doom]
One of the biggest recurring challenges of my life has been my depression. I had my first Major Depressive Episode at the age of fourteen and have had a number of them since. When not in an episode I deal with long-term dysthymia. I depend on my loved ones, and especially Gideon, to help me in keeping track of my mood levels and helping me identify when I appear to be slipping into that pit of a depressive episode as well as help me in finding my way back out of it again.

A survivor, I am
I fight the good fight
There is no swerving from battles or strife
Determination
Is how I confront the struggles in life
[Stolen Child Tarot – Five of Wands]
I am strong and determined. I don’t allow others to push me around or allow them to sway me from what I know is right… and what I know is mine. This card’s imagery is about determination and empowerment to me, and it speaks to that strength within me that demands that I stand strong and demand the best from myself and that others “toe the line” where I am concerned or pay the consequences.

002

Grounded and sure footed
I am who I am
My moral compass and inner voice
Guide me true
Again and again
[Earth Power Oracle – Magnetic North Pole]
I live my life by the guidance given by my moral compass and my intuition. Both of these aspects work together and speak to me through an inner “voice” that is never wrong. I have spent my life learning to better trust myself and that voice, and in doing so have become more and more grounded, and more and more sure of who I am and comfortable within my own skin. I know my weaknesses and my strengths, and am happy to share the lessons I have learned to help others find their own direction as well.

Sometimes this means
Putting on a fierce face
and plowing through obstacles
no matter the pain or the pace
[Tarot of the Hidden Realm – Ten of Swords]
My history is filled with obstacles and accidents, painful moments and instances that could easily be considered moments of victimization. Instead of allowing these moments or the residual effects of those moments to drag me down, I face these experiences with a snarl of force and determination, knowing that each of these experiences are going to hurt… but if I face them head on I will make it to the other side, having survived and ready to move on.

003

I juggle a lot
and I’m busy as a bee
Responsibilities require balance
that I appear to manage with ease
[Hush Tarot – Two of Pentacles]
I started adulthood at 16 when I emancipated from my parents, and signed a mortgage at 19. I have spent the majority of my adult life juggling at least four part time jobs and a home business, as well as sustaining a healthy relationship with my twin sister, a long-distance high-demand relationship with my partner Gideon, and a close friendship with my best friend. There is also self care, of which there is an excessive amount because of the need for daily physical therapy and occasional recreation, my spiritual path and my tarot practice. Most people would never guess that I juggle so much, or carry so much responsibility. I shoulder it all. I balance it all. The key to balance in life? Is flexibility. Scales are not still and stagnant. They sway… and like those scales, in order to balance life’s responsibilities we too must sway and constantly adjust.

In truth, though,
Life’s not about balance or battles
Life is about adaptability
Perspectives
And learning from the trials
[Wayhome Tarot – The Hanged Man]
I see the struggle and strife and trials I have gone through, as well as those things I will go through in the future, as learning experiences. They have allowed me to see things differently, and changed my perspectives over time. Whether it is the chronic, constant pain or being the victim of a crime, there is a benefit and a lesson to each experience if I am open to seeking it out and taking that new, different perspective in. Every different perspective I find changes me in some small way, opening me up to something new and giving me more… more understanding… more empathy… and more knowledge with which to navigate the world and relate to those within it.

CHALLENGE HOSTED BY TAROTHOLICS ON DISCORD

 

Stepping Out of the Cycle

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on looking beyond the self.  In this case, it was about how we can at times get lost in our thoughts and allow them to create anxiety, discomfort, or negativity.

When you are lost in a thought and experiencing these things, sometimes it can help to take a step back emotionally and realize that they really are just thoughts. Often?  They are predictive thought that is baseless other than being created by riding on our worries or anxieties.

As our thoughts are often cyclical, once thoughts like this settle in, they begin to repeat and repeat, building on themselves again and again. In doing so, they can build on worries, stress, and anxiety as well, which can become overwhelming.  In stepping back and acknowledging that these thoughts are not reality but just thoughts, it allows us to set those thoughts aside, and eases those feelings of stress and negativity.

The Moon - Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is the Moon card, which is the eighteenth card of the Major Arcana, and deals with topics in in the areas of uncertainty and fear, anxieties and the unknown, the subconscious, and confusion.

The topic goes really well with today’s meditation. Sometimes uncertainty is a good thing because it gives you time to pause, think, and reassess.  Today’s meditation is about taking that pause, assessing what is real and what is just thoughts as a projection of what’s in your heart and head instead of reality, and reassessing the situation to find a better outlook.

I think that everyone falls into this habit of “doom day” type thought cycles now and then. I’m no different.  Today’s draw is a good reminder not to let myself get carried away by the unknown.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question:  What can I do to create better focus on the topic of yesterday’s read without overburdening myself?

Wayhome Tarot

Reading Summary:  To avoid burnout (Ten of Wands) I need to plot a course (Three of Wands) and stick to it (The Chariot) or I’ll have to pay the consequences (Justice).

Take Away:  (Just sayin’… but I really love this deck.)  Essentially if I don’t want to upset the apple cart and have my responsibilities and interests all come toppling into a mess on the floor, I need to make a plan on how I want to move forward.  One that will help me avoid giving myself burnout, which I am very good at doing.  And then, once that plan is made?  Stick to it.

DECK USED:  WAYHOME TAROT

 

Nosce Te Ipsum

Today’s meditation has not yet happened yet, as I overslept and had to pop out of bed and get my ass moving this morning when the housekeeper showed up.   I will do it before bed, but I really need to start doing it in the morning rather than putting it off.  I just feel like I’m getting more out of the process when I do the meditation in the morning as a part of starting my day.

The Sun - Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is The Sun card, which is a representation of fun, positivity, and the inner child.  But honestly, that is not what I see when I look at The Sun card in this deck.

What I pick up from today’s card is a message about individuality and strength.  It’s about being genuine.  Being yourself.  And standing up for what you feel is right and your own personal values.   That is what I saw this morning, and it turned out to be a theme in my day as well.

I am well aware that my own personal moral compass and ethics are not entirely on line with those of the world around me.  I get that.  I don’t like favoritism.  For me, it smacks of lack of fairness and creates imbalance.   And for me, much of life is all about balance.  I feel it is important to look at situations from an unbiased perspective.  I feel it’s important to strive to be fair in all things, even when that fairness may not be to your own advantage or the advantage of your own personal opinions and goals (thus the importance of being able to look at things from an unbiased perspective).

The feeling I got from today’s card is that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have no interest in conforming.  It’s okay to march to your own drum, and it’s okay to see things differently than others as long as you’re willing to entertain their perspectives.  Know yourself.  Be yourself.  Stand tall.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: Something that I was right to let go of this year.

Wayhome Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being so quick to judge myself (The Chariot) by my father’s standards (Father of Swords) instead of celebrating who I am (Daughter of Wands).

Take Away: My father was an extremely harsh man who spent the entirety of my youth making sure that I was fully aware of just how much of a disappointment I was to him, and just how much of an embarrassment I was to my family, due primarily to my sexual preferences and lack of interest in most “traditionally male” pursuits.  Although I never felt the least bit of an urge to conform to his standards, I did spend a good deal of my time mimicking his tone in my own self talk.  This year I have been diligently working on being kinder to myself and letting go of that asshole in my head that judges everything I do so harshly.

DECK USED:  WAYHOME TAROT

 

December Story Time (Part 1)

Just a little creative writing and story telling exercise.  I will be starting something like this with you once your basic lessons are done with the tarot suits.

Parameters for Part 1:  Draw (at least) five cards. Use one card per sentence to tell us a fun fictional tale.

Wayhome Tarot

The Adventure Begins

There was once a young man at the end of his rope stuck upon a path that split in two different directions (Two of Swords).  He stood at the head of the path in indecision, unsure which way to go and seeking insight from his surroundings to give him a direction (Hanged Man).

One path lead to stability and responsibility, but would take a good deal of effort and balance to make work (Two of Pentacles).   The other path lead to adventure that would require a great deal of bravery and resistance (Nine of Wands).

What he really wants is success and accolades, though, and the path that contains adventure appeals to him the most because of this (Six of Wands).  Thus this is the path he chooses as he steps from the cross roads to seek the spark, gathering his energy and strength in close as he prepares to step into the unknown with the open receptivity for what is to come, but the stability of good sense to assist him in keeping him on his path (Mother of Swords).

DECK USED:  WAYHOME TAROT