Vulnerability and Trust

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and… I did it twice.  I was actually trying to fall asleep, as for some reason I was having a lot of difficulty in that area this morning.  I didn’t manage to fall asleep during either of those meditations, although they were very relaxing.  And I did eventually manage to fall asleep for a few hours some time after that.  I’m still feeling a bit sleep deprived, but much better than earlier before the nap.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is The Magician card of the major arcana, which is traditionally interpreted as (essentially) “the man with all the tools”.   The card is about confidence and resourcefulness. The Magician is about having the tools necessary to do whatever needs done, and the skill to wield them as needed along the way.

I just have to say… I love this card’s imagery.  I love the Satyr helping the little lamb to get out of the tree’s branches.  It shows both gentleness and kinship, but also strength and surety.

The lamb, specifically, caught my eye today.  And the hands of the ram.  There is kindness and capability in those hands, and an aching vulnerability in the visage of the lamb.

The message in this card is to trust in the one you know can help you.  Trust in the one that has the strength and the gentleness and the loving care to help you.

Today’s message is about trust, and about putting yourself into the caring hands of the one you trust when you are feeling vulnerable.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m struggling to maintain motivation.
Question
:  What single, small change can I introduce into my routine that would most benefit my goals moving forward?

Star Seeker Tarot

Reading Summary: Despite my fears and anxieties (Nine of Swords) , continue to make a conscious daily choice (Two of Swords) to grow and move forward (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away: Sometimes it’s not about the things we do, but the thoughts we keep. When feeling vulnerable, it can be hard to stay open and continue to advance on one’s desires and goals. Sometimes the biggest and best thing we can do is make sure we are checking in with ourselves and making sure to stay open… make sure that walls are not coming up and closing you off. The message here is about mindfulness and self awareness.  It is a small change with a huge and important impact on the long term growth you seek.

DECK USED:  STAR SEEKER TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
Free Day!  Pick a spread you’ve been curious about and try it out.

The Fifth TarotWhat doubts need confronting?

I was raised to always seek perfectionism from myself.  To demand it.  Directing my energy into this idealism has become not just a habit, but a compulsion that creates self doubt concerning my skills and abilities.

What ideal needs releasing?

Let go of the expectations of what your mother could be or should be.  You want a new start and a relationship filled with love and support, but this is not who she is and it never will be.  Expecting this from her is futile.  Her heart is not open, nor is it the bud preparing to bloom… instead, it is the withered bud folding in on itself.

What do I need in order to accept my present self?

Patience, tranquility… and most of all, alone time. This isn’t about self reflection as it is about finding peace and allowing time for all that you have learned and discovered to sink in and settle into calm waters.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: 
invest:  time // money // love // patience

Wheel of the Year Tarot

Invest TimeAce of Wands – In developing new skills and passionate pursuits. I recently ended up putting the wood burning project I’d been practicing for on the back burner. Perhaps it’s time to pull it back out and play with it a bit more. Some more exploration and experimentation is in order and could be fun.

Invest MoneyQueen of Pentacles – Literally… invest money.  Tuck some of that cash that you’re making right now away to replenish what’s been used over the past few months.

Invest LoveThe Hierophant – Sometimes being a guide to others and teacher requires applying a bit of loving understanding. In this case, I need to take time to make sure I’m investing a bit more love and kindness than is my normal into my client readings.  Someone desperately needs to hear it.

Invest PatienceQueen of Cups – In yourself and others. Compassion is important, and a part of compassion is allowing space for people and providing them with room to speak their truth. Being a good listener is an extremely important part of interacting with others.

DECK USED:  WHEEL OF THE YEAR TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  How can I maintain my creative flow?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Give less weight to your mothers influence (Mother of Swords Rx), give more weight to Gideon’s influence (Father of Cups)… and have confidence in your hard won skills (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The crap blocks my creativity most strongly is the shrinking, constricting pain that happens in my stomach whenever my mother’s claws manage to tear a chunk out of my insides.  Your comfort… your influence… your love is the balm to that pain and those wounds.  You lift me up and remind me that I am good and capable and more than just meagerly talented but innovative and skilled in my craft.

DECK USED:  WILD UNKNOWN TAROT

Conservation Through Moderation

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and ended in a short nap, as many of my meditations seem to do these days.  It was one of the harp string meditations and I must have dozed off during the last position of my piriform stretching as I was shifted over onto my left side with my legs still tangled up when I woke up a bit later.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Earth (Seven of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of slow growth and gradual progress in the areas of one’s finances, resources, health, manifestations, and the physical world.

What stood out to me in the imagery of this card today is the acorns.  Specifically the fact that half of the acorn caps are empty, and yet you see no nuts anywhere, just acorn caps and full acorns.   To me this speaks of consumption, and specifically about regulating consumption.

When you are looking at long-term sustainable growth, it’s more than about patience.  Yes, patience is a good part of it, but so is moderation and restraint, because long term goals need to take in an element of conservation.  Continuous sustained growth in any area requires this because if you consume more quickly than you can reproduce what’s being used… you end up breaking down the cycle and everything falls apart.

The message in today’s card is about having the strength and wisdom (and this is where the meaning of the Oak comes into play for me today) to give that need for conservation it’s due.  Moderation is not easy… but it is necessary.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:
  I’m so overwhelmed.
Question: 
Why do I treat others as more entitled to my time than I am?

Tarot of the Journey to the Orient

Reading Summary: It’s a bad habit (The Devil) that I try to ignore instead of dealing with (Eight of Swords)… that is, making choices that I know are not good for me (The Lovers Rx), and that then lead to imbalance and uncertainty (The Moon).

Take Away:  Weighing other’s needs and wishes above my own is a part of a self-destructive pattern of behavior where I use bad choices in how I prioritize my time and energy to create within my life a situation of stress and uncertainty when things start to fall apart as a result.

Ooph… okay so that really hit home, and framed things in a way that I hadn’t really looked at or considered before.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE JOURNEY TO THE ORIENT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
:  Does learning inherently imply improvement?

New Palladini TarotReading Summary: We all come into this world with the capacity to love and thus emotional fulfillment is obtainable on its own (Ten of Cups).  Everything else takes work and the honing of skills (Eight of Pentacles) to achieve (Nine of Cups), and patience and moderation to master (Temperance).

Take Away:  Yes. Everything in these speaks of progression and improvement through experience and knowledge. Only emotional fulfillment can be achieved without this process, as we are all born with the capacity to love from the start.

DECK USED:  NEW PALLADINI TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:
  forgive // forget

Minchiate Etruria (Anima Antiqua)TemperanceForgive yourself for your shortcomings and have patience with yourself. As long as you are moving forward, it’s okay to move forward slowly.  Take into consideration the physical hurdles and handicaps you have to work with, work around, and contend with in order to reach your goal and cut yourself a little slack.

Ten of Swords Forget the damage done by others and life’s misfortunes. You have the physical scars you carry with you to remind you of the lessons learned along the way.  It’s okay to forget the pain and allow yourself to move on from it.

DECK USED:  MINCHIATE ETRURIA ANIMA ANTIQUA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  Pick a card for creative inspiration.

The Fifth TarotNow is a time of “percolation and planning”. Allow your creative juices to flow beneath the surface and don’t worry about output or time right now. In yesterday’s read there was a point about not being able to force creativity, and that is the message repeated here today.  You can’t force it… you have to let it rise to the surface, and just prepare to be ready for its arrival so that you can take advantage of its presence when the time comes.

When it’s time to move forward, you will feel that spark of fire within your gut that tells you its time to leap.  Right now is not yet that time.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

The Nature of Things

Today’s meditation was skipped.  This is because I pulled an all-nighter last night with L packaging orders to ship out today.  We didn’t finish until nearly six in the morning.  At which point I went to bed to sleep and woke up just in time to haul ass to go get the packages out in the mail before the last mail truck left.  So… I didn’t get to either my yoga/physiotherapy or my meditation today, and I’m sure to pay for it for a couple of days to come.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Eight of Air (Eight of Swords) which is traditionally a representation of… well essentially, being in your own way and/or blinding yourself to your own obstacles and as a result making things more difficult than they have to be.  It’s all about getting in your own way, and all of the ways in which that can play out.

This is not what I see in this card, though. At all. I’m actually a bit confused by my reaction to this card as I’m struggling with the color combinations, which I find a bit disorienting.

What I see in this card today is in the imagery of the fox and the goose.  It is a display of one’s inner nature, much like the old fable of the frog and the scorpion.  It feels like a warning, although I’m not entirely sure what the warning is about.

So I would say that the message in today’s card is about making sure you are paying attention to the world around you, and those that surround you.  If something seems off and out of place? Pay attention. Be aware when people’s actions are not matching the energy you feel coming from them.   Don’t discount it as a fluke or unimportant.  It’s not as inconsequential as you would like to believe.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m so overwhelmed.
Question:
What can I do to release my fear of saying no?

Midcenturian Tarot

Reading Summary: Embrace the natural cycles of life (Ten of Swords) instead of fearing them (The Moon). Focus on developing your skill at regulating output and practice some patience (Temperance).

Take Away:  I’ve had a bit of a stalker thing going on with the Temperance card lately, and I wonder if this is the message that the card is trying to convey.  It is a message about honing my regulating and moderation skills, and incorporating patience to do so.  This is especially important in the saying “no” to adding too much onto my plate at once.

Add to that the need to get a handle on the trepidation that I feel when it seems something might be coming to an end.  I try and sustain too much because I want to keep going what is before me and try new things and develop new possibilities.  The problem is, when you preserve one while still working on adding and growth at the same time?  Your plate fills up super fast.

Together these two messages indicate a need to learn how to decide on what “phase out” and what to keep going.

DECK USED:  MIDCENTURIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:
  Where do I need to focus on directing more gratitude?

The Fifth TarotReading Summary: When you’re feeling overwhelmed by choices (Seven of Shells), don’t just toss in the towel and walk away (Eight of Shells Rx).  Instead stick around and weather through the storm (Apprentice of Feathers), and allow Gideon to help support you through these times (Elementor of Shells).

Take Away:  The support that Gideon provides me in my day to day life is what I need to focus more gratitude toward at this time. He is there for me every day, and in any way that I need him.  All I ever need to do is reach out, and there he is, ready and not just willing to help, but eager to help. He is my comfort, my anchor, my rock… and he is the calm in the storm when I am feeling overwhelmed and struggling with my own inner demons… or the outer ones as well.

I feel that I often come off as ungrateful for all of these things.  Too wrapped up in my own shit, I forget to look up and look outward, and to acknowledge how much he loves me and how very invested he is in me.. in my life.  In anything and everything I need from him.  I am so very lucky.  And so very grateful.  I wish I was able to express it better, but I will continue to try to both notice these things more… and express my gratitude more clearly and more often.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: 
sharpen // soften

Student Tarot v4 Godard's BirdsSharpenPage of Wands – Now would be a good time to sharpen your focus upon those things that inspire you and create within you a spark of curiosity.  Experiment and explore the ideas that kindle your inner spark, and release those that can’t hold up to that sharper focus.

SoftenQueen of Swords and Eight of Pentacles – Stop judging yourself and your work so harshly.  Use your keen intellect to find potential outlets for your skills that will be of benefit instead of standing on the fence and waffling because your inner critic is having a heyday in your head.

DECK USED:  STUDENT TAROT v4 GODARD’S BIRDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  What do I feel when I work on something creative?

Psychopomp Tarot

Reading Summary: Release (Ten of Wands Rx and Three of Swords Rx) and the birth of positive emotion in its place (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  There is a release in being creative. When I have pent up creative energy, it becomes a burden of sorts.  A struggle of tamped down and clogged up energy that builds in pressure within me. When I create something new and allow my creative spark freedom to play, it releases this tension in my chest and it is like opening up a special part of my soul to breathe.

At the same time, this release can also be emotional, as when I create there is an element of emotion to it. A letting go of doubts and worries and inner judgements in order to instead wallow in potential and energies that feel positive and pleasing.

In both of these types of release, there is then an opening for something else to sweep in.  And when I am enjoying my creative process, what sweeps in to replace these unpleasant sensations, emotions, and energy… are feelings of positivity.  Emotional positivity that is new and bright and shiny, and not yet touched by or tarnished by the unpleasant effects of my inner critic’s negative dialogue.

DECK USED:  PSYCHOPOMP TAROT

Rolling Stones Standing Still

IMG_5153Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and a guided meditation that focused upon vulnerability and creativity.  There is vulnerability in creativity… as well as in all those other things mentioned in the Brene Brown quote on the right.   I’m not sure if I would consider vulnerability the birth place of these things…. but I think that it takes a certain level of vulnerability to allow them in and allow them to have influence over you.

All of those emotions leave you vulnerable to being hurt, and creativity does as well.  It takes bravery to create, to put what you have made out there in the world and allow people to see it.  Whether we want them to judge these creations or not?  They will.  And those judgements can hurt when they are not positive.

Herbcrafter's Tarot - The World - PachamamaToday’s draw is The World card, which is traditionally a representation of the fulfillment and achievement that can be obtained by reaching the end of a journey, transitioning through growth into a new journey, as well as the cycles of life and reincarnation.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the monarch butterfly.  A butterfly’s life is full of cycles.  The cycle from caterpillar to butterfly, the cycle of migration they go through each year, etc.   They are in constant flux of one sort or another, and never fully still or stagnant in life.  At the same time, the stones in the floral mandala also really catch my eye.  These stones are positioned to represent the four directions and thus, the four elements.

The combination of these two aspects are a message of encouragement concerning finding balance and direction. At the moment I am feeling a bit stagnant and struggling with direction, and I feel like the stones in the imagery and how they stand out to me today is an encouragement that taking this time off to just relax and de-stress is a good move.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question: 
When did I first start to lose my sense of worth?

New Palladini Tarot

Reading Summary: There were many times in my youth when uncertainty was an issue for me (The Moon) and yet I was left to deal with it on my own as everyone abandoned me during my times of need (Eight of Cups). I did the best that I could with what I had at the time to work with (Page of Rods), but I was judged harshly for the results regardless (The Last Judgement).

Take Away:  This type of behavior pattern from others during my developmental years created a sense of always needing to do better and the mentality that only perfection was acceptable from me. This is something I’ve carried into adulthood, and I’ve only started to recognize as a problem and work on over the last few years.

DECK USED:  NEW PALLADINI TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:
  How can I strengthen my relationship with my loved ones?

Tarotbot TarotReading Summary: Be generous (Six of Coins) in sharing your passions with others (King of Wands) and spread your enthusiasm and inspiration around and see what comes back to you in turn (Page of Wands).

Take Away:  By involving them more in those things that I enjoy and find inspiration in.  Most of my creative endeavors and passionate interests are solo activities, but many have the potential to be more by sharing these activities with others.  By doing this, I open myself up to let them in closer, and become closer to them in turn, which then strengthens those relationships.

DECK USED:  TAROTBOT TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:
  embrace // erase // face

The Fifth Tarot

EmperorEmbrace your power and accept the authority that you have over others, whether you really want it or not. Embrace your role in this family and among others, and your role as a leader. You are the stable protector and provider, the foundation, and that’s okay.

Judgement and Ten of SwordsErase self-doubt. The struggles that you have gone through do not need to be rehashed again and again in your mind, and evaluated over and over looking for flaws and mistakes. You’ve done the best you could so let these worries go and focus on moving forward.

Three of Lotus – Not even stone can withstand the flow of water, forever unchanged by its currents. Face the fact that you cannot stand stagnant and move forward at the same time. You have to be able to except that things are going to change in all aspects of your life as well as within you as you move along this path of growth you are on.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT