tarot self care

Morning Bonus Read – Responsibilities

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, check in with your divination tools about what burdens you might be carrying or things you believe are your responsibility, that you should not be—and what things you aren’t carrying or aren’t recognizing as responsibilities that you should be.”

Birds Oracle Deck

Left Three:
What do I take responsibility for that I should not?

Grackle – You don’t have to “show up” for everything or be a part of everything.

Black Capped Chickadee – It’s your ego that drives you to take on too much. You need to feel like you’re doing enough, and you overfill your plate in an effort to fulfill that need.

Kiwi – Pick your battles and pick your projects, and let the rest go.

Take Away: Taking on too much is an addiction that needs breaking.  Stop seeing it as an admirable quality and be more reasonable with what you can handle.

Right Three:
What is my responsibility that I have not claimed?

Ruby Throated Hummingbird – Taking advantage of a situation to get something you want rather than leaning towards conservation.

Zebra Finch – Find the grounding roots you need rather than allowing yourself to drift in limbo.

Flamingo – You are not taking care of yourself physically.

Take Away: Self care includes more than just dealing with internal demons and fostering inner growth.  You have to take care of your body as well.  It’s time to stop using your “change in situation” from the pandemic as an excuse for not exercising or eating properly.

Center Card:
How can I correct the imbalance between these two?

Ivory Billed Woodpecker – It’s important to look for the ways that letting go of overburdening yourself and taking better care of your body can improve your future.  Don’t get so wrapped up in the now but look forward and look for the small opportunities that can build over time into large results.

DECK USED: BIRDS ORACLE DECK AND BIRDS ORACLE DECK 2

Seasoning the Food

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Today’s meditation was probably about five minutes long, but I ended up falling asleep in the middle of it so I’m not entirely sure just how long it lasted.  I’ve been really tired today and even after two naps, I’m still feeling a bit groggy and fuzzy.   This is something you have definitely noticed and I just want to say it again… it isn’t anything to do with you. That’s all.   I’ve not missed any dosages of my meds and you haven’t done anything that would cause me to avoid you. I’m spacey and fuzzy brained.

I will give meditation another try before bed tonight, although I will probably fall asleep during that one too.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Ten of Earth (Ten of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of completion and fulfillment in the areas of one’s finances, resources, health, and the physical world.

Two things stand out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card today.  The first is the fact that she has one of her eyes bandaged.  This speaks to me of the nature of perfection. In my experience, perfection cannot exist without the existence of a flaw of some sort.  As this card is a representation of completion and fulfillment, it feels only right that there should be a “fly in the ointment” to create that perfect finish.

The second thing that drew my attention in this card today is the glowing cross in the angel’s hands. This cross is stunted in its length, which in turn reminds me more of the circle of the elements and seasons.  The lines of the cross in this incarnation indicates the four directions, and the spaces between each of these lines represent the seasons.  In this way, the cross in this card feels today as if it represents the “everything” concept, bringing in all things and all time together as one.

The message here is in accepting the flaws that make a life perfect.  Perfection exists, but only in the fact that it is the imperfections that make perfection what it is.  When looking at your life, do not focus only on the struggles and strife, but consider them the sprinkling of pepper that seasons the delicious dish that is your life as a whole.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:  What is inherently toxic about the way I currently evaluate my worth?

Tarot of the Journey to The Orient

Reading Summary: There’s no patience or understanding (Temperance Rx) and no joy (The Sun Rx), only a clusterfuck of bad choices (imagery in the Seven of Chalices) and the constant push for more (imagery in the Three of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The toxicity in how I evaluate my worth has to do with the fact that instead of being kind and understanding with myself, whenever I make a mistake or a bad choice my inner critic jumps at the chance to rip me a new one and tear me down.   This combined with that constant pushing for more and better combine to create an extremely toxic inner dialogue.   The cards indicate this could be turned around by allowing more kindness and patience into the equation, and more positivity into that inner dialogue.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE JOURNEY TO THE ORIENT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Current Challenge / Potential Resolution

The Animism TarotCurrent Challenge – Nine of Swords – Negative self talk and a destructive inner dialogue are causing a bit of overwhelm.  This is part of the reason I decided to take some time off.  Yes, this creates a different type of criticism to take place as guilt over taking time for myself screws with my head a bit… but at the same time?  I can feel the relief that allow myself some time away from the pressure has already given me.  I don’t have to go back to work until Wednesday, and it’s a wonderful bit of a break.

Potential Resolution – The Empress and Ace of Wands – Take this time to pamper yourself and give yourself some nurturing and comfort while you explore creative ideas and interests.  There’s a lot of fun to be had in that exploration if you let yourself just enjoy it and treat yourself with nurturing understanding instead of that normal slave driver mentality you usually approach yourself with. 

DECK USED:  ANIMISM TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  you // me // us

Numinous Tarot

You – The World – The end all, be all of everything. You are the end of the road and culmination of all that has come before, as well as the future that is spread out before me.

Me – Mystic of Candles – I light the fire of passion and am the driving force. I kindle the spark of passion and interest and even obsession between us, and you are the moth to my flame.

Us – The Sun – Pure joy and happiness.

DECK USED:  NUMINOUS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  From where do I get my best ideas?

Albano Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: Times of struggle and strife, defeat and destruction (Ten of Swords and The Tower) drive me forward and kindle my inner spark where my creativity lives, while the need to share with the world (as well as be seen as) more than these things emboldens me to take these ideas forward and share them with others (Six of Wands).

Take Away: The cards here indicate that my best creative ideas are sourced by a combination of the kindled spark of “fight” within me created by the struggles I’ve gone through, and the need to share something beautiful with the world so that others do not look at live (or me) through eyes that see only the struggles dealt.  I want others to see and experience beauty and good things… I want to share that with them, and have that beauty I share, in turn, associated with me.

DECK USED:  ALBANO WAITE TAROT

Rolling Stones Standing Still

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IMG_5153Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and a guided meditation that focused upon vulnerability and creativity.  There is vulnerability in creativity… as well as in all those other things mentioned in the Brene Brown quote on the right.   I’m not sure if I would consider vulnerability the birth place of these things…. but I think that it takes a certain level of vulnerability to allow them in and allow them to have influence over you.

All of those emotions leave you vulnerable to being hurt, and creativity does as well.  It takes bravery to create, to put what you have made out there in the world and allow people to see it.  Whether we want them to judge these creations or not?  They will.  And those judgements can hurt when they are not positive.

Herbcrafter's Tarot - The World - PachamamaToday’s draw is The World card, which is traditionally a representation of the fulfillment and achievement that can be obtained by reaching the end of a journey, transitioning through growth into a new journey, as well as the cycles of life and reincarnation.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the monarch butterfly.  A butterfly’s life is full of cycles.  The cycle from caterpillar to butterfly, the cycle of migration they go through each year, etc.   They are in constant flux of one sort or another, and never fully still or stagnant in life.  At the same time, the stones in the floral mandala also really catch my eye.  These stones are positioned to represent the four directions and thus, the four elements.

The combination of these two aspects are a message of encouragement concerning finding balance and direction. At the moment I am feeling a bit stagnant and struggling with direction, and I feel like the stones in the imagery and how they stand out to me today is an encouragement that taking this time off to just relax and de-stress is a good move.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:  When did I first start to lose my sense of worth?

New Palladini Tarot

Reading Summary: There were many times in my youth when uncertainty was an issue for me (The Moon) and yet I was left to deal with it on my own as everyone abandoned me during my times of need (Eight of Cups). I did the best that I could with what I had at the time to work with (Page of Rods), but I was judged harshly for the results regardless (The Last Judgement).

Take Away:  This type of behavior pattern from others during my developmental years created a sense of always needing to do better and the mentality that only perfection was acceptable from me. This is something I’ve carried into adulthood, and I’ve only started to recognize as a problem and work on over the last few years.

DECK USED:  NEW PALLADINI TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I strengthen my relationship with my loved ones?

Tarotbot TarotReading Summary: Be generous (Six of Coins) in sharing your passions with others (King of Wands) and spread your enthusiasm and inspiration around and see what comes back to you in turn (Page of Wands).

Take Away:  By involving them more in those things that I enjoy and find inspiration in.  Most of my creative endeavors and passionate interests are solo activities, but many have the potential to be more by sharing these activities with others.  By doing this, I open myself up to let them in closer, and become closer to them in turn, which then strengthens those relationships.

DECK USED:  TAROTBOT TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  embrace // erase // face

The Fifth Tarot

Emperor – Embrace your power and accept the authority that you have over others, whether you really want it or not. Embrace your role in this family and among others, and your role as a leader. You are the stable protector and provider, the foundation, and that’s okay.

Judgement and Ten of Swords – Erase self-doubt. The struggles that you have gone through do not need to be rehashed again and again in your mind, and evaluated over and over looking for flaws and mistakes. You’ve done the best you could so let these worries go and focus on moving forward.

Three of Lotus – Not even stone can withstand the flow of water, forever unchanged by its currents. Face the fact that you cannot stand stagnant and move forward at the same time. You have to be able to except that things are going to change in all aspects of your life as well as within you as you move along this path of growth you are on.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

Choosing Freedom

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I chose to oversleep and then had to scramble to get my ass up and moving in order to get everything done that I need to get done today.  I will try to do it before bed tonight, and then get back on track with morning meditations starting tomorrow.

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle - Ten of FireToday’s draw is the Ten of Fire (Ten of Wands) which is traditionally a representation of burden and overwhelm of responsibilities or obligations.   It is a card filled with feelings of hard work that have turned into drudgery.

I actually do not see any of that in this card’s imagery, or really in the key words either, for that matter.  In fact, what I see in the imagery of this card has more to do with release and freedom. This is depicted twofold in this card’s imagery.   First, through the releasing of the birds to find their flight and freedom in the sky.  And second, in releasing the birds, the woman in the card is also released from the responsibility of caring for them and thus free of her burden of responsibility.

The message in this card is an encouragement to release some of my own burdens, and this is something that I’ve actually made the decision to do and, in fact, have already put in motion the process of doing.   I’m taking a week off from the business.  I’ll still be working at the farm and the salon, but I will not allow either of them to increase my hours during this week either.     I need to step back and take some breaths of fresh air away from the constant cycle of work that the business creates.

I need a break, and I’m going to allow myself to take it.

DECK USED:  COSMIC TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question: Do my issues with self-worth require professional attention? How can I set my shame or guilt aside enough to more easily approach these issues with my therapist?

Midcenturian Tarot

Do my issues with self-worth require professional attention? – Three of Wands beneath The Chariot – You’re already on this path. You have direction and control in this moment over these issues and your therapist has given you the tools needed to prepare you as you move forward along your path.

How can I set my shame or guilt aside enough to more easily approach these issues with my therapist? – Two of Pentacles and Two of Swords – When you have need of your therapist’s help, you need to weigh your options and make a choice to do something about it instead of hanging back and waffling.

Take Away: Yes. Sometimes I need help with my self esteem issues.

Depression, which is my mental health issue predilection, is said to be hatred turned upon the self, and this is true in my personal experience.  Not that self hatred turned on the self creates depression, but that depression creates the cycle that turns hatred inward on yourself. At these times, I do need professional help.

Sometimes?  The depression sneaks up on me at a slow creep, and while I have an inkling of an idea that it’s coming or even has arrived, I waffle on getting help too long and slide into a deep pit of a depressive episode as a result.   A better choice is to not waffle, but call right away as soon as the first hint of what’s coming is noticed.

DECK USED:  MIDCENTURIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Act on This / Let this Rest

Veleda Woods TarotAct On This – Five of Cups – Work at letting go of your apathy and inner dissonance. Do not allow yourself to sink into these feelings, as they are not good for you and will hinder your path forward.  Instead, focus on rising above and finding the “sunlight through the clouds”.  There’s just as much good in the world as there is bad, so turn your attention from the “broken stems” in life and look for the good instead.

Let This Rest – Harvester of Swords Rx and The Devil – It’s time to lay off  a bit on shopping for your addiction. You have lots of preorders and kickstarters coming over the next few months, as well as orders that have not yet come in due to shipping delays. This does not necessarily mean cutting yourself off entirely as that would create a sense of deprivation and resentment, but it’s time to ease back for a bit.

DECK USED:  VELEDA WOODS TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  within // without

Student Tarot 4 Godard's BirdsWithin – Wheel of Fortune – You need to focus on being centered and more adaptable.  Don’t allow inner chaos to take hold and run rampant.  Do what you need to in order to keep yourself balanced and centered.

Without – Empress and The Lovers – Take time to appreciate all of the nurturing and love that you receive from others, and most especially from Gideon.  There is a great deal of love in your life, directed at you every single day in so many different ways.  Don’t take this for granted, but instead accept that love and nurturing care, and enjoy it rather than ignoring it or disregarding.

DECK USED:  STUDENT TAROT v4 GODARD’S BIRDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What moment from today do I feel is memorable?

Women of Science Tarot

Reading Summary: My decision (Five of Micro) to do something different (The World) and prioritize my inner knowledge and needs above my outer ones (The High Priestess).

Side Note:  The interpretation of these three cards is based off the imagery on the cards rather than their tarot meanings. In some cases, there is some overlap, especially in the third card… I just wanted to point out that in this case I wasn’t paying attention to the suits and traditional meanings.

Take Away:  I mentioned this in my COTD analysis, but I made the decision today that even though I’m not going anywhere, I’m going to put my shops / business on hold for a week and just take some time away from it to get a little distance and perspective. This is an extremely difficult decision for me, but I’ve already put everything in place and my “vacation” will start tomorrow after I’ve dropped off all my packages at the post office.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF SCIENCE TAROT

Stay Positive

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and very, very distracted. I did make a good effort at it though, but there was lots of mental push-ups involved as my attention was drawn to the absolutely mouthwatering smells that were wafting my way and back to center again and again.   That smell, incidentally, was Z making brownies.  Oh…my… God.  You have no f’ing idea just how good that woman’s brownies are.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Star card, which is traditionally a representation of hope, as well as the interconnectedness between us, our environment, and the spirit world.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery on this card today is the background.  That beautiful mas of stars and planets that make up the universe is a huge and mind boggling thing filled with diversity and possibility.

Blended into this imagery is also the representation of Cottonwood, which has a very close relationship with the star including in some Native American legends that teach that the cottonwood tree gave birth to the first stars by holding the seeds within its branches.   I didn’t know about the legend until tonight when doing a little research on different  representations of the Cottonwood, but I was aware that it represented times of hope and healing, as well as times of transformation.

The thing is that the Star comes after the Tower in the tarot, and there’s good reason for that, as it is after times of destruction when we need that shining light of hope to help lead us forward into something better, and that’s what the Star card is all about.

The message for me in today’s card has to do with my own personal transformations that I’m working through.  It is a reminder to stay positive, and keep my head up.  Don’t let frustration or fear close me off or keep me from following through.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  Are all emotions irrational?

Dixit Cards v 4 Origins Expansion PackReading Summary:   There is a connection between the three cards in the shades of green that blend between them. This connection brings together the three cards meanings, threading their stories together.

The first card’s story is one of flights of fancy and the flowing freedom that emotions possess (the flow of glowing animal shapes escaping from the creature).

The story in the second card is one of impulse, where the glowing saw blindly  cuts through the trunk of a tree that holds the lives of many in its branches.

In the third card, the story here presents the presence of primates reacting to the appearance of something completely outside their normal environment.  Where one reacts with curiosity and pokes at the television in the water, the other hides in the tree in fear.

In none of these three cards is there any representation of logic or reason.  Only reaction.

Take Away:  Emotions are not rational… period.  We interject logic and reason into how we process our emotions, but the emotions themselves are not dictated by these qualities at all.

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS V.4 ORIGINS EXPANSION PACK

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: uproot // replant // nourish

Aquarian Tarot

Uproot – Eight of Swords and Two of Rods – Self doubt concerning my direction. As I try to change the way I do things and how I handle my responsibilities, I am plagued constantly by self doubt.  It’s not blatant, but subtle and insidious, trying to sneak in under the radar and whisper in my ear.

Replant – The Tower – My commitment to make this change even if it means chaos and restructuring. I want to shirk from the Tower, even though I know that it is necessary to tear things down in order to build something better.  I need to remember that the commitment to continue on with my efforts will be worth it in the end. This reminder needs repeating again and again (as so many of the reminders that comes out in the cards need to be)… because otherwise I forget.

Nourish – The Fool – My sense of adventure and enthusiasm. Those qualities can help me get through this time of change and transition with more ease. It is important to stay upbeat and look at this as an opportunity and an adventure.  Once it becomes a responsibility… it then also becomes a chore.

DECK USED:  AQUARIAN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What do I love to do? Why?

The Hanson Roberts Tarot

Love To Do – Strength and Nine of Rods – Using my inner strength and qualities of persuasion to help others in defending those things that are important to them.

Why? – Knight of Swords, The Moon, The Magician – I enjoy the challenge. And I enjoy the sense of accomplishment I get through lead others from their place of uncertainty and into a place of growth where they can develop the skills and “tools” they need to move forward on their own.

DECK USED:  HANSON ROBERTS TAROT

 

Reactionary Resistance

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Today’s meditation was put off until the end of the day as I had a really long drive to do today and wanted to get on the road. I did take a few minutes to breathe and calm after the incident earlier today when the guy spit in my face… but it wasn’t a full meditation.  I’m honestly so tired that I’m not sure I will get it in today, but I’ll try to do it before bed.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Neptune card.  This deck is a combination of a full tarot deck and oracle deck in one.   This particular card is a part of the oracle side of the deck and represents the Greek god Neptune, who ruled over dreams and intuition, as well as introspection, perception, and psychic ability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is how well the depiction of Neptune blends into his surroundings.  His coloring is a smooth blend to sea and sky, his hair swept with the clouds.  This speaks to me of  the ability we have to blend into our own surroundings and use that connection to better understand others and the world around us.

The message today is about listening.  It’s about paying attention and watching, and striving for understanding of other people and the world around us.

When I received this message, I thought it was a good one, but didn’t think there was anything specific in reference to it… and then I went to the post office and got up very close and personal with racism.  Now, I understand this card’s message much more.  It’s about stepping outside yourself in order to find some sort of understanding or peace with the incomprehensible.

It’s about taking yourself out of the personal chaos to connect with something bigger, and in doing so finding a way past the intensity of your initial reactions so that you can deal with the situation in a calm and competent way.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m struggling to find my purpose.
Question:  How can I improve upon the limits I’ve placed on myself concerning my desires?

Way of the Panda Tarot

Reading Summary: Sometimes obtaining what you want takes time (Ace of Pentacles under Seven of Pentacles). Don’t worry so much (Nine of Swords) or allow yourself to feel heartache or disappointment (Three of Swords) just because you can’t have something right away.

Take Away:  I’m doing just fine concerning my limits and going after what I desire.  Where I need to direct my focus and my efforts is on controlling my impatience and allowing things to develop at their own pace.  Sometimes obtaining your desires takes time and I struggle with that.  The cards indicate I need to make sure I stay positive during those moments of impatience.

DECK USED:  WAY OF THE PANDA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I bring more joy into my life at this time?

Lumina TarotReading Summary: Generosity (Six of Pentacles) of mind and self control (King of Swords) instead of listening to your inner critic (The Devil).

Take Away:  Because of my self-destructive urges, listening to my inner critic is not just something I do out of habit, but also out of a sort of vicious cycle of self harm.

Since I’ve been on medication that actually works, I rarely have suicidal thoughts or urges, and my self harming behavior has become far, far more subtle.  But, those self harm urges are still there. If I want to introduce more joy into my life, I need to make a concerted effort to be kinder to myself… as well as making more a conscious effort at increasing my control over the tone of my internal dialogue.

DECK USED:  LUMINA TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  cleanse // clear // renew

Animism Tarot

Cleanse – Nine of Pentacles – Clean out your closets.

Literally.   This isn’t a metaphor.  I had a plan to clean out two of the closets in my condo this summer, and I haven’t touched either of them yet.

Clear – Five of Swords – Let go of your angst.

After what happened today outside the post office, this makes perfect sense, but I think that this is about more than that.  I’ve been a bit short and cranky the past week or so compared to usual.  I’m not entirely sure where those feelings have been coming from, but I think you’re on to something about the extra emotions adding a level of abrasion that isn’t usually present. 

Renew – The Hermit – Take some time to yourself to do some soul searching.

It’s still extremely difficult for me to get some decent alone time.  There is always people at home and when I go out into the woods I have to do it “on a schedule” rather than just going out and letting myself forget about time and responsibilities as I used to.  I need to make a more concerted effort to give myself some alone time that is quality time.

DECK USED:  ANIMISM TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What advice do I need to give myself and take to heart?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Take some damn time for yourself or else.

Take Away:  This is a warning that if I do not put in some actual quality alone time with myself I’m going to be sorry.   That sense of overwhelm and chaotic mess that I become when things get out of control internally is coming and if I don’t find a way to “steal away” the quality alone time for myself  that I need, that chaotic internal mess is going to become the center of my world.

DECK USED:  WILD UNKNOWN TAROT